by London Casey
“This is a joke,” I said. “Showing up like this. Getting drunk like this. The position you put Emily in.”
“Position?” Miranda asked. “Oh, are you going to tell me I can’t be friends with her? Huh?”
“No. I’m talking about everything you’ve done to her. How many times you’ve screwed her over. And then you throw her into our wedding plans…”
Miranda let out a pppssss sound and shook her head.
She wasn’t listening.
And I was defending Emily way too much.
I moved toward Miranda. “We’re out of here. We’re going home.”
“Oh, we have a home? I thought by now you would have a new place.”
I ground my teeth. “Miranda…”
“Just tell me why you didn’t come for me,” she said. “That’s what I want to know right now. You didn’t come to Boston. I sent the ring back and you still didn’t come. You left me.”
“You left me,” I said. “You went to Boston. You had every intention of…”
It wasn’t worth arguing with her.
I swallowed the rest of the words.
“I didn’t come to Boston because we were done,” I said. “We agreed upon that on the phone, Miranda. You weren’t going to come here to talk to me face to face. I wasn’t going to Boston to do it. We were both wrong for the way we handled it. But it was done. We both knew it was done. And we both know now it’s over. Look at me, Miranda…”
She looked at me.
Her eyes were in all directions.
“Miranda, it’s over,” I whispered.
“I know,” she said. “I want answers.”
“When you’re sober. Tomorrow morning. We have to leave.”
“Oh, you don’t want Emily to see us like this? Huh? Did you have fun pretending to be engaged to someone else? You know, she’s just as bad. Not even calling me. And you ran to her and told her we had broken up?”
“She was helping with the wedding plans,” I said. “Like you asked her to do. I don’t want to talk about this, Miranda.”
Miranda all but collapsed into my arms and I had to carry her out of the apartment.
After I closed the door, I looked down the hallway.
Emily was nowhere to be seen.
She was up on the roof.
And all I wanted to know is if she was crying.
Alone.
“Take me home and have your way with me, Liam,” Miranda slurred. “Do it hard… hate fuck me…”
I didn’t say a word.
Miranda needed to sleep and get sober.
Then we could finish ripping each other’s hearts apart.
I didn’t sleep.
I sat on the couch and watched the hours tick away.
My phone on the table.
A quick text sent to Emily.
Back at my place. Sorry about tonight. I love you, Em. Nothing is going to change that. I promise.
No reply from Emily.
I would never hold that against her.
I couldn’t imagine what she must have been thinking or feeling.
Getting ready to go out with me and having Mirada show up to complain about me.
I was an asshole for putting everyone in that position.
I was greedy. A greedy prick. So focused on getting Emily that I lost sight of everything else around the situation.
When I saw the first flicker of daylight, I got up off the couch and made coffee.
Then I waited.
I waited as long as I could.
Miranda could sleep for twelve hours and not think twice about it.
Especially if she had a day off and she was sleeping off a night of drinking.
I made her a cup of coffee, along with one for myself, then I went to the bedroom.
Of all the feelings to feel, it felt wrong entering the bedroom.
My own bedroom.
The one I shared with Miranda for how long?
I felt like I was doing something wrong behind Emily’s back.
The whole situation was that fucked up.
I put Miranda’s coffee down on the nightstand and watched her sleeping.
The last thing I wanted to do was give her the wrong impression.
I was fully dressed.
I poked her with my pointer finger, on her shoulder.I poked her and rocked her.
She finally groaned.
“Miranda, wake up,” I said.
She opened her eyes, then shut them.
“Did we have sex?” Miranda asked.
“All night long.”
“What?” she asked as she sat up.
“I’m kidding,” I said. “Sorry. Bad joke again.”
“Again?”
“Nothing. Do you remember last night?”
“Parts,” she said. She reached for the coffee.
In that moment she was the Miranda I first met.
I didn’t feel anything for her though.
I knew what I wanted.
“We have to do this,” I said. “Right now. This entire thing is just out of control, Miranda. I need to tell you everything.”
“I need to tell you everything,” Miranda said. “I get to talk now.”
“You did last night.”
“I’m talking again. You never came for me, Liam. You lost your chance. And that’s it. I’m moving to Boston. I have job offers waiting. I have men who look at me the way I deserved to be looked at.”
“Right,” I said. “It’s all about you.”
“Why did you even propose to me?”
“I don’t even know,” I said. “I’ve blocked that all out.”
“I want to know.”
“Can we not talk about the past right now?” I asked. “We need to talk about what’s happening at this moment.”
“Right now I’m going to have coffee, find something for my headache, and then I’m going to plan out what’s next. Alone. Without you.”
“I didn’t come after you because I didn’t want to,” I said. “I didn’t want to be with you.”
“Good to know,” she said. “I’m in bed, in the morning, sipping coffee, looking like dream sex, and you just feel nothing.”
“That’s right. And everything I said on the phone was true. And it’s true now. You’re not a good person, Miranda. I tried hard to look beyond the rough edges and flaws.”
“No, you don’t get to do that,” she said. “You’re not going to rip me apart.”
“Why not? You want to talk about the past. Let’s talk about it.”
She laughed. “There he is. There’s Liam. Passive. Blaming everyone else.”
“I’m trying to talk to you right now,” I said. “I want you to know everything.”
Miranda threw the covers off her body. “I don’t care anymore, Liam. I’m actually going to take this coffee and enjoy a hot shower. Alone. Please leave. Go to Jackson’s place. I’m sure you two have been having a great time at my expense.”
“We haven’t,” I said. “I’m trying to tell you-”
“What? Is there someone else? So soon? Please, Liam. Just leave me alone. I came back from Boston to see what was here. I see it clearly. Now I need to clean up and go back. I’m just curious… are you going to keep planning a wedding that will never happen?”
Miranda offered her vicious, bitch smile.
My blood ran cold.
She strutted to the bathroom and slammed the door.
I grabbed a bag and packed up some clothes and called Cole to ask if I could crash at his place for a few days.
He told me it was no problem.
I left the apartment.
With one bag.
I looked at the text I sent to Emily again.
If she decided not to text me back… and this whole thing was for nothing…
I really had no plan at all for what was going to come next.
Chapter Forty
Emily
I jammed a spoon into a pint of ice cream and put it on the table
.
Even ice cream didn’t taste good.
Back at my place. Sorry about tonight. I love you, Em. Nothing is going to change that. I promise.
I kept thinking about Liam’s text.
And I kept reading it.
I had no idea what to do.
How to reply. What to say.
I felt as though my feet were on the edge of a steep cliff.
One more step…
I wasn’t sure what that step was.
Calling Liam? Not calling Liam?
Calling Miranda?
I had forgotten about her.
She had been in Boston, while Liam and I had been the way we once were and life felt good.
I knew he needed to take her home.
Home.
They had a home together. An apartment. A place they shared.
I should have known this was going to happen.
Worse yet, I felt alone.
I wasn’t going to call Elise.
Hell no.
She would just rip into me.
I could hear her voice already.
I told you! I was right…
My phone buzzed with a text message from Carla.
I ignored it.
Just like the last few.
Faye too.
There was only one person I wanted to talk to and it was up to me to text him back.
Until then, I crashed down to the couch and pulled the covers over my head.
I wanted to go to sleep but I was wide awake.
So I just stayed there.
And did nothing.
The ice cream melted.
My stomach hurt.
Not as bad as my heart.
I told myself I wasn’t going to ever move off the couch again.
But I had no choice when I heard banging on my apartment door.
When I opened the door, Carla jumped at me to hug me.
It was a quick hug because when she stopped, she pushed me.
“What’s your deal?” she yelled.
She and Faye came into the apartment.
“Yeah, come on in,” I said.
“Are you sick?” Faye asked.
“No,” I said.
“Then what the fuck?” Carla asked. “You were supposed to meet us.”
“I know.”
“So you didn’t forget?” Faye asked.
I shook my head.
“You just didn’t show?” Carla asked.
“Yeah.”
“Oh, Carla, look at this,” Faye said. “Ice cream everywhere…”
That pint of ice cream I had been eating was the last of many.
All of which were on the table in the living room.
“That’s breakup food,” Carla said. She grabbed my arms. “What happened with Liam? Did he hurt you? I swear, I’ll find him and cut his dick off.”
“She’s not kidding,” Faye said.
“It’s not that simple. This is my fault.”
“Your fault? How?”
I backed away from Carla and shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t,” Faye said. “We’re not leaving here until we know what’s going on. We’re your friends, Emily.”
“I appreciate that,” I said. “Look, the music thing was fun. I liked it. I can’t commit to that. That’s not me. That was me being someone else and it ended up getting everyone hurt.”
“We’re pissed at you,” Faye said. “A story might help.”
“You two are amazing,” I said. “You don’t need me.”
“We want you though,” Carla said.
They both sat down on the couch.
They really weren’t going to leave.
Lucy and Ember were easy to handle. I just told them to leave me alone and they listened. I hung up on them. I told them if they didn’t want to run the bakery then just close it. Fuck it.
Carla and Faye were different.
They were real friends to me.
Friends I had because of Liam.
Because I rekindled my love for music. But that revolved around him. It was stained with him.
“You look like hell,” Carla said. “Want me to brush your hair?”
“No,” I said as I touched my hair.
“She likes the breakup look,” Faye said.
“She won’t get any rebound dick that way though.”
“I don’t want any rebound dick,” I said.
“You say that now,” Faye said. “But you need to do it.”
“I don’t know what’s actually going on,” I said. “With Liam and I.”
“How so?”
I took a deep breath.
And I spilled my guts.
When I finished, Carla and Faye ended up arguing over the ice cream.
“I’m stressed out,” Carla said.
“I want to fight Miranda,” Faye said. “Like full on punches.”
“She should have stayed in Boston,” Carla said. “Bitch.”
“She’s…”
“A horrible human,” Faye said. “And I never took you to be like that, Emily.”
“The kind of person who steals their best friend’s fiancé?” I asked.
“No,” Faye said. “You were so good to her. And such a pushover. We met you and you were a badass.”
“That’s the point I’m making,” I said. “I changed who I was. And everything exploded.”
“I don’t think you changed at all,” Carla said. “I think you just became yourself again. You were ripped apart by your family and by this Miranda bitch. You knew all along you loved Liam. I think you knew he loved you too. And you both tried to do the right thing. Hey, that’s all fine and dandy, but sometimes life requires you to take a stand.”
“And this is my stand?” I asked.
“Why not?” Faye asked. “You love music. You’re good at it. You found a man you love. You two get to write your own love story. Screw the rest of the world and anything they think.”
“Let me ask you this, Emily,” Carla said. “You forget about Liam. You forget about us. Then what? You said your bakery probably won’t survive no matter what you do. You know that Miranda will keep fucking you over. What’s the plan? When do you get something for yourself?”
Faye stood up and walked to my guitar case and took the guitar out.
“This, Emily,” she said. “This is your true voice. And the way you were with Liam, that was true too.”
“And if I tell him everything I’m feeling and he doesn’t want the same thing?” I asked.
“Then Carla will cut off his dick,” Faye said.
“Chop, chop, asshole,” Carla said as she made a scissors gesture with her right hand.
She scooped a big spoonful of ice cream and stuffed it into her mouth.
She cringed from the brain freeze.
I turned and walked to the window.
“I have to go talk to Ernie,” Carla said. “Smooth things over with him.”
“On your knees?” Faye asked.
“Sorry for messing up our gig,” I said.
It was dark out.
I was supposed to be on stage.
“Don’t worry about it,” Carla said. “You belong on that stage. Ernie still wants you to sing a set on your own.”
“We do too,” Faye said.
I nodded. “Thank you. I have a lot to think about.”
“We can spend the night,” Carla said. “Let’s get drunk and strip down to our panties and have a pillow fight. We can take pictures and send them to guys we like and tease them.”
I laughed. “You’re crazy.”
“That’s tame for her,” Faye said.
“Thank you both. I’ve known Liam for so long… I don’t know if I can handle losing him again and then seeing him. It’s a lot.”
“Don’t lose him then,” Carla said. “Either way, we’re here for you. Remember… chop, chop.”
“Chop, chop,” I said back with a smile.
“Come on,�
� Faye said to Carla said. “Let’s go find that bright red lipstick Ernie likes so much on you.”
“I think if I’m naked, he doesn’t care what color my lipstick is,” Carla said.
They started to argue as they left the apartment.
A minute later, I heard knocking again.
“Back so soon?” I called out. “It’s unlocked!”
I was smiling as the door opened.
When I saw Miranda, the smile faded.
The look in her eyes…
She knew everything.
“That’s why you didn’t call me?”
“Miranda, stop,” I said. “I’m not in the mood.”
“For what? For fucking my fiancé?”
“He wasn’t your fiancé,” I said. “You were broken up.”
“After all I’ve done for you. You backstabbing whore.”
That step I was worried about taking?
I took it.
The wires were cut.
All hell broke loose in my head.
I was ready to burst into tears but didn’t.
“So you’re going to be silent?” Miranda asked. “Was this your plan? To sneak your way in? You fucked with my wedding…”
“You had no wedding,” I said. “You had nothing. You didn’t want to marry him. You did it for your own look. To give the appearance of being a professional. To help yourself. You wanted someone to come home to and nothing else. You dumped it all on him. And you forced me into helping.”
“Forced?”
“That’s right. Forced. And that ends right now. I’m drawing the line, Miranda.”
“You couldn’t have drawn that line before sleeping with him?”
“It’s not like that,” I said. “When we were younger-”
“Oh, of course. The old high school love. You’re pathetic. You can’t do anything on your own, can you? Can’t open a business, so you suck off your grandmother’s and ruin it. Can’t find a man…”
“You’re a bitch,” I said. “You deserve everything you feel right now, Miranda. You’re not going to break me any more than I already am. Get the fuck out of my apartment or else I’ll make you.”
“How are you going to do that?”
Without hesitation, I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.
Was it extreme?
Yup.
But it felt good.
“Do I need to say it again?” I asked.
“You’re crazy, Emily. You’re going to regret this.”