by Leila Lucas
“Stop what?”
“Everything, Chloe. Stop picking up broken glass. Stop asking me what I want to eat or drink. Stop reminding me when to take my meds. Stop writing here. Stop sleeping here.” He lowers his voice. “Stop coming here.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll stop hovering over you. I’m just trying to help.” I’m fully aware I’ve become pushy with him. Patience starts to wear thin after months of his stubborn ass refusing to do a single thing to help himself.
“You helped enough. I don’t need any more help.”
“Yes, you do. I know you hate it, but you do. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m happy to be here and help you with anything you need.”
“You really can’t be by yourself, can you?”
“What?”
“You are happy to help a guy who doesn’t want your help, who doesn’t want you here. You’re so incapable of being alone that you’d just take whatever shit I throw at you so you’re not on your own. We don’t talk, we don’t hang out, we literally don’t do anything together anymore. At this point you’re basically my brother’s friend who opens jars for me. It’s sad, Chloe. Find someone to love and be loved. Not just for the sake of being lonely.” It feels as if the room got one hundred degrees hotter. My heart is beating so fast its terrifying and I can’t do anything to stop my hands from shaking.
“I… I have too much going on now for this.” He motions between us. “Take home what you can and I’ll get Ben to bring the rest to you tonight.” And just like that he walks back into his bedroom and shuts the door. Like he didn’t just smash my heart into a million pieces. I don’t have the energy to run after him and beg him to change his mind. I’m too tired and too angry.
I take one of Ben’s duffle bags and stuff all the clothes I can fit. Everything else I throw in my big tote bag that looks like it’s about to burst at the seams. If anything at least Dylan’s timing with dumping me is convenient because Ben is due to come home soon, so I don’t have to stay in the apartment any longer.
All I want to do is go home. A home that doesn’t even belong to me anymore. In one week I lost everything I had here.
I make it to the parking lot before everything I’ve been holding in for the past four months just comes out. Since there’s nobody around I sit on the edge and cry it all out before I start driving.
“Did Dylan kick you out and leave you homeless?” Ben says, laughing at himself. I spaced out and didn’t hear his car pull into the parking spot at all. I have no time to wipe my eyes and get my shit together because he’s already right next to me and saw me crying.
“Oh shit. What happened, Chlo? You okay?” He sits next to me on the sidewalk and hugs me, which just makes me cry harder.
“Sorry.” I wipe my eyes. “I don’t know what to do anymore. Vikki is moving to New York with her boyfriend and the lease to the apartment is almost up and I haven’t had time to find something else. I don’t know if I should stay here or go back to L.A.”
“Chlo, you can live with us for as long as you need. You shouldn’t even question that. Did you tell Dylan? He didn’t tell you to stay with us?” He looks at me with a confused look on his face.
“I didn’t tell him. We…” I take a deep breath so I don’t cry again. “We broke up. He doesn’t want to be with me anymore.”
“WHAT?” He glares up at their apartment window.
“It’s what he wants.” I shrug. “My hovering got to him.”
“Please don’t put a single bit of blame on yourself. You did more than anyone could have asked of you, and he… he’s just not in a good place. He’s so lucky to have you and he’ll remember that again, hopefully before it’s too late.” He squeezes my hand. “And just because you two aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean we’re not friends, okay? If you need a place to stay, you’ll stay with us. We’re still going out for Friday night drinks, still hanging out like we used to. Just because Dylan is stupid enough to let you go, doesn’t mean that we are too.”
“Thank you.” I wipe my tears. “I really didn’t want to lose you guys too. Jackson and Chester… meh, but I’ve grown to like you,” I joke.
“Well, I don’t blame you. I’m fucking lovable.”
“So you guys are leaving soon?” I change the subject so I can stop crying.
“Three days.” He sighs. “I don’t know what to do, Chlo.”
“What kind of heartless assholes put you in a position like that after your brother just had an accident? Surely they could have waited a little bit.”
“That’s the music industry for you.” He shrugs.
“Did you tell them he’ll get better?” I can’t imagine being in the position Ben is in right now. Having to choose between his brother and a career he’s been working on for so long.
“If they sign us they want to record as soon as all the paperwork is done, which means they need him to play. They said they don’t need him. We’ve been doing this since we were kids. I’m not leaving him behind. But who knows if anything will happen. They might not even be interested. We could just end up being a supporting act for someone and nobody will hear from us again. He’s telling me that it’s fine and to sign the contract if it comes to that… it just feels wrong without him.”
“If he told you to do it, then do it. Dylan’s mobility will get better one day. He’ll go back to his old self in no time. By then you’ll be a rock star and you can just add him back into the band like he never left. Not like any of the girls will complain about another hot guy in the band.”
“You really think I’d be able to do that?”
“Yeah, why not? I’m sure if One Direction added another—” I say just to annoy him.
“Oh hell no! You did not just compare us to One Direction!” He points his finger at me and for the first time in a long time I genuinely laugh. “In situations like this I always go to Dyl, but… Dylan is just not Dylan right now.”
“But he will be,” I say although I’m not sure if I believe it myself.
“I miss the idiot.” He shakes his head.
“Me too.” I get up as Ben picks up my two bags and follows me to my car. He puts them in the back seat and gives me a quick hug.
“You know, when I was younger I was always grateful that I didn’t have a sister… annoying girl germs and all that. But now I really hope you and Dylan work it out, because if I have to have one sister I’d want it to be you.”
And I’m crying again.
DYLAN
“You’re a stubborn asshole.” He takes the car keys out of my hand.
“They’re my fucking keys.”
“I don’t care. You can’t drive for another month.”
“My headaches stopped,” I lie. Technically they aren’t constant, but they’re too random and painful for me to drive, but I have to get out of here.
“Congatu-fucking-lations.” He claps, the sound echoing off the empty walls. “But you haven’t been cleared so, no.”
“Give. Me. My. Fucking. Keys.”
“No can do,” he sing-songs. This is just hilarious for him.
“Fuck this.” I dial for a taxi.
“For fuck’s sake, Dylan!” He takes my phone out of my hand and hangs up. “You need to stop being a fucking asshole to everyone.”
“I just want out of the house.” I push him, trying to distract him enough to grab the keys out of his hand.
“What the fuck is your problem?” He pushes me back against the door.
“What’s my problem? Are you fucking kidding me? My girlfriend hovers over me like I’m a child. My own brother kicks me out of the band we created because my fucking piece of shit hand won’t heal. I feel like someone is repeatedly stabbing my head if I watch TV for longer than half an hour. I can’t drive, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t fucking do anything. And you can’t even push me into a door like a man because Princess Dylan is so fragile now. I’m a useless hostage in my own house because of a stupid teenage girl who couldn’t put her
phone down.” I feel my eyes pooling. I calm my voice down, realizing I screamed at him the entire time. “You have no idea what it’s like.”
“No, I don’t know what it’s like. This is the first time you talked about it,” he says calmly.
“I don’t need a pity party. You’re all hovering over me like I’m disabled. I’m twenty-three years old and have my mom asking me if I need help in the shower.”
“Because you couldn’t turn the handle,” he adds.
“Not the point. This is going to be my life now. Chloe finally came to her senses and left and you kicked me out of the band so you can—”
“Don’t start that shit, Dylan. I talked to you about this. I didn’t fucking kick you out. I’m trying my hardest to get us a contract and when you can play the guitar again then I’ll make sure you’re back in the band. You told me to do this.”
For the first time in months I can see the pain in his eyes. He already feels guilty and I just made it worse. I know I told him to go ahead. He would have told me the same things if the roles were reversed.
“And as for Chloe, fuck.” He sighs. “I’m going to be real with you, and you will listen. Then I will drive you wherever it is that you want to go.” He motions for me to go to the kitchen.
I don’t give a shit what he has to stay. I just need to get out of the house and be alone without any babysitters.
“What?”
“You’re a nightmare.”
I stand up. “Okay, thanks. I’m out now.”
“The deal was that you listen. I’m far from finished.”
I sit back down.
“What you went through is fucked up and you spent five months in this house being miserable. I get that. We all get that. You’ve done nothing but be a fuckhead to all of us. I can take it for the most part, so I don’t care. But Mom, Dad, and Chloe have put up with so much and never retaliated. The amount of times I’ve had to tell Ma to go to sleep, she was barely keeping her eyes open during the day because she was up all night making sure she was there if you needed anything. Or having to tell Dad to stop talking to colleagues about your symptoms, or the amount of times I’ve had to pretend not to notice Chloe’s crying while folding laundry or washing the dishes.” He pauses. “Everyone’s been there for you, man. For five long days we thought we were going to lose you. You almost fucking died, Dylan. I almost lost my brother. Even though you’re being the biggest pain in the ass right now, we’re all glad you’re still here. ” I can hear the pain in his voice now.
The silence lingers in the room. I don’t know what to say, so I wait for him to continue.
“I replay that day over and over in my head.” He bites the side of his lip and closes his eyes for a second. “I got the phone call nobody wants to get, then had to make the same call to our parents that nobody ever wants to do. I drove right past the accident scene on my way to the hospital. When I saw the car, or what was left of it just sitting there, I prepared myself to say goodbye to you that night. So I might not understand what it’s like to not have control over my hand, or have those headaches, but you will never understand what we all went through that week.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to stop the tears from coming out. I feel like an asshole. Not for one second did I think about anyone else but myself. Everyone was hiding their own pain from me while I unleashed my anger on them.
“I wish you could have seen Chloe run down the hallway in the hospital. That tiny girl basically knocked everyone over that was in her way. She stood by you every night at the hospital and took care of Mom and Dad like they were her own parents. You have no idea how much she loves you. She put up with so much of your shit because she was just grateful that you’re okay. But you’re an idiot and treated her like shit so she’d walk out and leave you alone.”
“She didn’t sign up for the nurse role to her boyfriend her whole life. She’s too nice to break it off with me, so I did her a favor,” I say without looking at him.
“I saw Chloe break down outside last week. She cried for ten minutes straight before she could get any words out. It fucking broke my heart.” He rubs his hands across his face. “She told me that Victoria left to live in New York, that the lease was up, and she was in the process of moving. On top of that she had to extend her deadline for her book twice now and they’re not too happy with her. While she was here for you, for all of us, nobody was there for her. And through all that and your bullshit she stayed. She stayed until she broke down and gave you what you wanted. But this is what you wanted, right?”
I shamefully have nothing to say, so I walk back to my bedroom and close the door. I wanted him to drive me to see Chloe, but I don’t think I deserve her anymore.
Chapter Twenty-One
DYLAN
“SIT. NOW. BOTH OF YOU,” Mom yells. It doesn’t matter how old you are, your mom yelling is the scariest sound in the world.
“I’ve had enough of watching my sons argue. This has gone on for way too long. You will sort this out right here and you won’t leave until it’s done.”
“I have to leave in an hour,” Ben says, looking at me.
“Yeah, Mom, Ben has to go to California to impress a major label.”
He stays silent and I feel like a bit of an ass for saying that. I wanted him to argue with me, but his silence just makes me feel worse.
“Dylan, do you not want Ben and the boys to do this?” Dad asks.
“He doesn’t,” Ben responds for me.
“I told you it was fine.”
“FINE?” He gets up. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve done nothing but make me feel like fucking shit for agreeing to do this. You’ve always had one foot out the door…” He sits back down and we sit in silence. He’s right. I was always in it for fun, but I was still in the band. I saved money from my first job to get a guitar because Ben wanted me to learn how to play it. I’ve gone to all the rehearsals and wrote songs for the band. I guess I was in it for Ben.
“I don’t want to do this without you. None of us do.” He continues. “You write all the songs. Without them we would be nothing. Whether or not you’re in the band physically you’re still the main member. That’s never going to change.”
“So you’re supposed to be this big shot while I stay alone in Nashville and write songs for you?” That’s even if I can write anymore. I haven’t written a single word since the accident.
“Who said you weren’t coming to Cali with us?”
“There’s no difference between me being here and there. Either way I’ll be sitting alone in an apartment writing songs for you.”
“True.” He nods. “Either way you’ll be a sad case who won’t help himself get better, who will be alone forever because he treated his girlfriend so bad she’ll never forgive him. Well done. What a life you’re making for yourself.”
“Fuck you.” He’s right and I have nothing else to say. Clearly he has nothing else to say either because he says goodbye to our parents and walks out. I walk upstairs to my room and sit on the window seat. Memories of being here with Chloe over Christmas rush through my head. I miss her. A lot.
“Dylan?” Mom peeks into the room. “Are you okay, honey?”
I nod, hoping she’ll go back downstairs, but she walks over to me and sits next to me.
“Sorry this make-up session didn’t turn out the way you wanted.”
“That’s all right. I’d rather you both get it out of your system.”
“I don’t know if we’ll ever be fine.”
“You will. You boys hardly ever fight, so this is new to you, but you will be okay. This will probably happen many times as you get older, but you will absolutely always be fine.”
“I don’t know. I fucked up pretty bad.” I admit. Having Ben make fun of the fact Chloe isn’t even around just hit a bad spot. I pushed them away but expected them to stay. I know it makes no sense yet I still thought it’d work out that way.
“Nothing that can’t be fixed.”
“Oh, honey.” She pulls me in for a hug and I rest my head on her shoulder. “I know it’s frustrating. You have to believe it’ll get better and do what the doctors say. It’s all you can do. There’s no point being bitter and pushing people away. You know Ben only went because he was one hundred percent guaranteed you will be the one writing all the songs. He loves you and he would never leave you behind for no reason. And Chloe is an amazing girl, so you better grovel as much as you have to in order to get her back. If you don’t we might just have to adopt her.” She kisses my forehead. I laugh and sit up straight. My parents never really disliked any of our girlfriends, but they took a liking to Chloe immediately. Aside from being physically beautiful, there’s a natural charm that draws you to her right away and makes you want to be around her all the time. She’s so unaware of how amazing she is, and I want to be there to remind her every single day.
“I don’t know if she’ll take me back. I was such an ass to her, Mom.” I wince at the thought of my behavior toward her.
“Well, you’ll never know if you just sit here. Work on yourself and be the man she fell in love with.” She gets up and passes me a box of Kleenex. “That girl loves you and I have no doubt in my mind that she will forgive you. Although, if I were you I’d include chocolate, flowers, and a lot of groveling. It helps.” She kisses the top of my head and goes back downstairs.
Moving in with my parents for a while wasn’t ideal, but I had no other choice. The guys left for L.A. and Chloe saved herself from years and years of misery. It’s as if everyone’s life is moving forward but mine.