by L A Cotton
Sitting there on the hard floor, I learned something new about football players—they liked to take their damn time in the showers. Thirty-five minutes after the stadium emptied, the players finally began to trickle out, hardly paying me any attention, too focused on whatever party they were heading to, no doubt. But when Asher and Jason appeared, I jumped to my feet and stepped forward.
“Hails, what a surprise.” Ash gave me an easy smile, but I didn’t miss the tightness around his eyes.
“I, hmm...” This wasn’t awkward at all. “I came to see if—”
“He’s gone.” Jase’s voice was cold, his eyes hard as they studied me. But surprisingly, for once, I didn’t feel like his contempt was aimed at me.
“Gone?” I choked out.
But I’d been waiting here above forty minutes. Unless... crap. Cameron must have come back here, grabbed his things, and left the stadium immediately. In which case, I’d just missed him.
My stomach sank.
“So I’ll let you guys talk.” Asher gave me a nod before throwing his bag over his shoulder and addressing Jason. “Call me later if you want to hang.” He took off down the long hall, and Jason let out a heavy sigh, moving to lean against the wall beside the door right opposite me.
“I never thought I’d be here.” He broke the silence.
“You and me both.” One of my shoulders lifted in a small shrug as I kicked my foot against the floor.
“I’ve never seen him like that, not in all the years I’ve known him. It’s like he wasn’t even on the field...”
“I think something is wrong.”
“Wrong?”
“Yeah.” I gulped wondering how much I should tell him. “With his mom.”
“She has depression or some shit. I think having Xander screwed her up.”
“Jason,” I scolded, wishing I knew what had happened to him to make him so mean. “It’s more than that. Maybe if you weren’t so...” I let the words die on my tongue. I wasn’t here to argue with him. I just wanted to be there for Cameron.
“Go on, say it. You think I’m too invested in football to see what’s really going on here.”
“Aren’t you?” I clipped out.
“I... fuck.” Jason’s expression hardened but then softened when he let out an exasperated breath. “Something is really happening with his mom?”
I nodded. “I think so. He told me some things.”
“What things?” That got his attention.
I pressed my lips together in defiance. It wasn’t for me to reveal Cameron’s secrets.
“He never said anything to me,” Jason added when I didn’t offer an explanation.
“Are you sure? Maybe he was trying to tell you all along and you just weren’t listening?” My voice rose, the tension between us rising with it.
He dragged a hand through his unruly brown hair, his eyes darkening. “You should go after him.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t think this means I’m cool with the two of you. I’m not. But if what you say is true, Chase needs someone right now, and I’m probably the last person he wants to see.”
“Jason,” I sighed. “You’re his best friend.”
“A pretty shit one at that,” he grumbled.
I was stunned speechless. Never once, had I heard Jason own up to his shortcomings. He was always so arrogant and cold. Infallible. Yet, he looked completely lost tonight; the fire in his eyes extinguished to nothing more than a dying flame.
“He’ll come around,” I said without doubt. Because the bond between the three of them exceeded right and wrong, good and bad. They were brothers. Bound together by invisible threads I would never truly understand.
“Just tell him I’m sorry,” he said, and something passed between us. A mutual understanding I never thought we’d have. “Can you do that for me?”
Too choked to reply, I nodded.
“And Hailee?” He wasn’t done. “What Thatcher did; it went too far, and for that, I am sorry.”
I gaped at him unsure I was hearing correctly. This would forever go down as one of the most surreal moments of my life.
But I’d take it.
If it finally meant not being on the opposite side of the line from Jason, I’d take it.
Flick agreed to drop me off at Cameron’s house. The ride over was quiet. I was too lost in my thoughts to really answer any of her questions. And there were many. I was thinking about the strange conversation with Jason. Distracted by the apprehension churning through my stomach.
Eventually though, she’d shut up and accepted silence as the soundtrack for the short journey.
“Are you sure about this?” Flick finally said as we pulled up outside his house.
“No, but I have a really bad feeling.” Players didn’t just storm off the field without good reason, not Raiders. And especially not star wide receivers.
“Should I wait...”
“No,” I said. “I’ve got this.” Besides, if the worst-case scenario became reality, and Cameron slammed the door in my face, I wouldn’t want anyone to witness it.
“Okay, then, go get ‘em, tiger.” Flick reached over and squeezed my hand, offering me a reassuring smile. I climbed out and walked up to the Chases’ door. The house was blanketed in darkness, no sign of life. Cameron’s truck was parked in the driveway, but his dad’s car was missing. I didn’t know whether that was a good sign or not.
Taking a deep breath, I glanced back at Flick who gave me a thumbs up before pulling off and disappearing into the inky night.
“You can do this,” I whispered to myself. But as I went to knock, I realized the door was ajar. “Cameron?” Ducking inside, I was greeted with silence.
“Cameron?” Blood pounded between my ears. It was quiet, the place steeped in darkness. But the door had been open. “Hello?” I called out again only to be greeted with sound of my own heart beating wildly against my chest.
Slipping my hand into my pocket, I clutched my cell phone, just in case, as I moved further into the house. “Cameron?” It was a whisper-hiss this time. But the place seemed deserted. And then I heard it. A gentle murmur. Racing down the hallway, I burst into the kitchen and skidded to a halt. “Cameron?”
He was crumpled on the floor against one of the counters, his face buried in his hands. Slowly he lifted his eyes to me and what I saw there in his gray-blue eyes broke my heart. Cameron Chase, wide receiver for the Raiders, was in pieces. His eyes were red and swollen, void of their usual sparkle, and his fists were bloody and bruised.
“Cameron.” I dropped to my knees and scooted closer to him, taking his hands in mine, inspecting his injuries. “What did you do?”
“It doesn’t matter,” his voice cracked as he dropped his head back against the cabinet.
“These need cleaning, do you have a first aid kit?”
His eyes shuttered as he drew in a ragged breath that I felt all the way down to my soul. I wanted to comfort him, to wrap my arms around him and ask him what was wrong, but something held me back.
“Cameron, a first aid kit?” I said, distracting him, and myself.
“I, uh, yeah, there’s one in the cabinet over there.” He flicked his head, his eyes locking on mine. The intensity in his gaze almost too much to bear.
I found the first aid kit and hurried back to him, kneeling between his outstretched legs. “This might sting.” He hissed as I wiped the blood from his knuckles, the skin angry and shredded. “I hope the other guy came out worse.”
“I’m pretty sure the wall won,” he said flatly, and my stomach dipped.
“Okay, next one.” Silence descended over us as I continued to clean his wounds. Cameron didn’t speak; he didn’t need to—his pain swirled around us like an angry storm. When I was done, I set aside the first aid kit and gently brushed his jaw with my fingers. “Want to talk about it?” I asked quietly, letting my words settle between us.
“Talk?” he scoffed. “I’m not sure there’s anything to say
anymore, Hailee.”
My chest constricted. “Try me,” I said with an air of defiance. Because right now, Cameron needed someone. And I wanted to be that person for him.
I wanted to take away his pain and make it my own.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Cameron
“What are you doing here, Hailee?” It was a shitty thing to say when she’d come after me, cleaned my busted knuckles and asked for nothing in return. But now she was asking, and I wasn’t sure I had answers.
Everything was falling apart around me. All week, I’d barely managed to stay afloat, to keep my head above water. And then tonight, on the field, something had snapped.
I’d snapped.
“I...” She wrung her hands together, her eyes darting everywhere but at me. She was nervous, it oozed from her, hitting me like a brick wall. “I was worried about you.” It came out softly as she finally settled her eyes on me. “You got hit and I didn’t know if... and then I saw you storm out of there and I realized I never asked you how your mom was, and I thought—”
“She has a brain tumor.” My chest tightened, the truth squeezing my heart like a vise. I sucked in, trying to get more air into my lungs. I hadn’t meant to spew the words but seeing Hailee rush into the kitchen, the concern shining in her eyes, it broke something in me. Or maybe it fixed something.
I didn’t know anything anymore.
“A brain tumor?” She paled. “Cameron, I’m so sorry.” Throwing her arms around me, Hailee pulled me into her embrace, and I went. I went so fucking easily I knew if anyone could see me they would think ‘what a pussy’. But I didn’t care. Ever since sitting opposite Mom and Dad five nights ago, as they tried to explain to me what was happening, I’d been walking around in a daze. Unable to process the truth, my new reality.
Mom wasn’t depressed, she had a tumor. For four years, we’d watch her lose herself to the mood swings, the highs and lows, and crippling lethargy. But it wasn’t her mind at all. It was some invader, a four-inch tumor compressing her frontal lobe.
Hailee’s hands rubbed my back as I clung to her, fighting the tears that had been stuck in my throat since Saturday. “Cameron,” her voice was quiet. “Look at me.” She gently pushed me away, holding me at arm’s length. “I’m here. Tell me what you need. Tell me what I can do.”
The relief was immediate, crashing over me like an unstoppable tidal wave. All week I’d wanted to talk to Hailee, to confide in her. To just be with her. It had been like wading through quicksand every day being pulled further and further under, threatening to be drowned in my anger and grief and confusion.
I shouldn’t have been at school and I definitely shouldn’t have been on that football field tonight. But Mom and Dad had made me promise I would carry on as normal.
Normal.
That was a fucking joke if I ever heard one.
They wanted me to be strong, to carry the burden and not crumple. But I wasn’t strong; I was breaking at the seams. Slowly coming undone. And wrapped in the arms of the girl who had owned my heart for longer than I cared to admit, I finally let myself fall apart.
“Be with me, Hailee,” I choked out the words from a throat that was raw from all the tears I’d cried. “Just be with me.”
“I can do that.” She gave me an uncertain smile, but it was enough.
In that moment, it was everything.
With no more words, I stood up, pulling Hailee with me and led her up to my room. Mom and Dad were on a rare night out. Doctor Kravis had arranged her surgery for next week, so Dad was insistent they spend some time together. Just in case.
Just in case.
Fuck.
“Cameron?” Hailee asked, as I froze up.
“Sorry, I’m—”
“Hey, it’s okay.” She squeezed my hand before moving ahead of me, pulling me gently toward my room. When we reached the door, Hailee didn’t hesitate to go inside. The air was thick around us, the events of the last couple of weeks weighing heavily on us both.
“Cameron,” she said releasing my hand and turning to me. “I—”
“Come here.” I snagged her hand, tugging her into me until I was staring down into her honey-brown eyes which glittered with nothing but compassion and understanding. “You have no idea what you being here means to me.”
“I went to the locker room,” she admitted. “Right after you left the field. I went to find you. But you’d already left.”
“I needed space. When that blocker tackled me, it was like everything slammed into me. Mom. This thing with you and Thatcher. Xander. It sounds dumb but my life flashed before my eyes and I...” I swallowed. It sounded crazy. But Hailee didn’t look freaked out.
Not even a little bit.
“It’s not dumb,” she said. “You were hurt and given the circumstances... it’s understandable, Cameron. You’re under a lot of pressure and—”
“But that’s just it.” I ran a brisk hand over my head. “I’m under pressure because of football, because of the team. Even with everything that’s going on, my mom and dad were so insistent I keep playing, that I go on like nothing has changed when, really, everything has changed. My mom needs surgery, she could...” Pain overwhelmed me and my eyes shuttered. Hailee’s fingers twisted into my polo shirt as she leaned closer.
“Die,” I forced out the word. “She could die, Hailee.” My head dropped to hers, the weight of the truth almost breaking me.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” she repeated over and over, her face brushing mine as she gently kissed the corner of my mouth. She couldn’t fix this, no one could. We had to hand that responsibility over to the doctors at Rixon General and hope to God—pray—they could remove the tumor and give us back Mom in one piece.
I didn’t realize I was crying again until Hailee kissed my cheeks. Fuck, I didn’t cry. I was Cameron Chase, one of the best wide receivers in the state. I went up against some of the biggest, toughest defensive players in the country. But Hailee understood; on some level she got it. And I hadn’t realized how badly I needed someone until this moment.
“Ssh,” she whispered, her voice a gentle caress. “I’m here, Cameron. I’m right here.” Hailee traced my lips with her fingers, chasing them with her mouth until we were kissing. Small uncertain kisses. My hands slid into her hair so I could tilt her face, deepening the kiss, sliding my tongue against hers, needing to be closer.
Needing more.
She kissed me fiercely, demanding the same back, pulling me closer, fitting our bodies together until we were a tangle of kisses and limbs, sighs and touches. I still felt hollow, the agony of what was to come heavy in the pit of my stomach, but Hailee filled some of the void. Each stroke of her tongue a patch on the hole in my heart; each touch of her lips a band aid for my grief.
“Is this okay?” she murmured against my lips, her hands dipping under my t-shirt and running over my warm skin. I nodded, too worked up to talk. I needed this.
I needed her.
More than I would have ever thought possible.
Hailee painted lazy patterns over my skin, taking her time to trace my abs. It was like the first time touching her again; my head clouded with too many emotions, too many thoughts. My body wanted her, my dick straining painfully against my jeans, but she deserved me to be one hundred percent in the moment. “Hailee, wait...” I couldn’t believe I was saying the words.
She eased back, staring up at me, and her expression softened. “It’s okay.”
Taking my hand in hers, she tugged me over to the bed and shoved me down gently. I landed with a thud, falling back on my elbows. Hailee stripped slowly out of her clothes. Her sweater went first, revealing an expanse of creamy skin, followed by her jeans.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” I whispered, tracing my eyes over every inch of her. She dropped to her knees and reached for the button of my jeans, before tugging them down my legs, nudging me to lift my feet so she could remove them completely.
My eyes drank her in, the
soft curve of her lips, the flush to her skin, as she realized I was commando.
“Do you have a condom?” she asked, and I nodded to the nightstand, my throat dry and my skin hot. Hailee got up and went over to the drawer, retrieving a foil packet, while I yanked off my t-shirt. Then she unhooked her bra and let it drop to the floor, before slipping her fingers into her panties and pushing them over her hips.
“Come here,” I said, unable to disguise the sheer lust in my voice. She came willingly, climbing over my legs so she was straddling me. With one hand pressed into the small of her back, I buried the other one deep in her hair, angling her face to mine as I captured her lips. Hot, wet, desperate kisses. Hailee moaned my name and my dick twitched. I wanted to worship her, to spend my time acquainting myself with every dip and curve of her amazing body. But I couldn’t wait. Not tonight. Not now.
“I need you,” I whispered against her lips.
“So take me,” she replied, gazing at me with lust and love.
Love?
The emotion slammed into me, taking my breath away.
Did Hailee really love me?
Shit, it wasn’t possible.
Was it?
More importantly, did I love her?
Who the fuck was I kidding, I didn’t love her.
So why the hell was my throat dry and my heart beating so hard I thought it might burst from my chest?
Hailee leaned back slightly, tearing the wrapper and rolling the condom over me. My head dropped back on a groan. Fuck, her touch was like kryptonite. But it was nothing compared to the way she felt sinking down on me.
“Cam,” she breathed out, her body a quivering mess.
“I know, baby, I know.” I curled my hand around the back of her neck gathering her hair in my fist, holding her still, needing to savor the moment. The feel of her tight around me, her skin against mine, her curves molded around my hard lines. But Hailee was impatient, rocking against me, the intensity of the position making us both groan.
“I need to move,” she cried, her eyes glazed, skin flushed.
My hand dug into the swell of her hip as she began ride me, working me over and over, pushing away all the darkness until there was nothing but us. The sounds of our bodies moving against one another, our harsh breaths and quiet moans.