‘You think too much about it, Ralph. My benevolence stems from the necessity of a horse for our journey later to the convent.’ Even to her own ears her voice sounded breathless.
‘Naturally.’ He nipped her delicate skin. ‘And with what, may I ask, did you manage to acquire my necessary horse?’
Ralph ran his fingers through her hair, twisting a tendril around his fingers before letting it fall away.
‘I exchanged my parchment scrolls.’
He snapped his head up. ‘You did what?’ The shock in Ralph’s face was palpable, his hand flexing around hers.
‘The knight in question, Sir Geoffrey de Clun, admired them greatly and agreed to the transaction.’
‘Oh, my God, Gwen.’ He searched her face for answers. ‘Tell me you did not resort to that?’
Gwen’s brows pinched in the middle. ‘I do not understand your reaction, Ralph. I thought you would be pleased to have your horse back.’
‘Oh, I am.’ He nodded. ‘Believe me, I am. This is an incredibly considerate thing that you have done. I am indeed a lucky man to have such a benefactor, but at what cost, Gwen?’ He raised her hand and pressed his lips to each finger. ‘Your painstakingly beautiful work on the parchment. You gave them up like that?’ He clicked his fingers.
‘You make too much of this. Really, it was nothing.’ Her voice sounded husky even to her own ears.
‘I beg to differ, my lady.’ One of his hands moved around to cradle her head, while the other stroked her cheekbones and her neck before moving to brush her bottom lip. ‘It is everything.’
Gwen’s lips parted as her tongue tentatively touched the back of his thumb. She heard him draw a hissed breath in through his teeth before swiftly bending his head and covering her mouth with his. This kiss started in the same way as the slow, languorous one they shared that night in the moonlight, but swiftly changed and became more probing, seeking and demanding. It questioned her about things she would rather forget even for a short time.
It was all at once heated, wet and breathless. All at once ravenous and consuming. Oh, but it wasn’t nearly enough, not nearly close enough. Gwen wanted so much more of him. She was shocked at the expedient way things had suddenly shifted between them.
But it had been this way between them from the first moment Gwen had glimpsed his dark, shadowy silhouette in the woods. The moment when she had been made aware that he had lived. That he had survived.
At the time the physical changes to Ralph had not only stunned her, but scared her a little. Her own visceral reaction to this altered version of Ralph, who was taller, larger, leaner and stronger than ever before, frightened and confused her. All his sinewy hardness left no room for any soft edges and he was very much a man. A man in his prime.
Gwen had initially believed that the reasons to being afraid were these raw masculine changes in Ralph but, no...that was a lie she had told herself. She knew that now. It was her own reaction to him that she had been afraid of from that very first night when she had seen him again. This frisson that swept through both of them, pushing them together, even if it was for just one night.
This night.
Because that was all it could ever be.
God, but she had almost lost him again. It had been far too close.
She clung to him and kissed him back, with such a need to taste him. To slide and tangle her tongue with his.
‘Easy, sweetheart.’ He smiled against her lips.
But Gwen took no heed, her urgency for him grew and soared. Her hands visibly shook as she slipped them under Ralph’s tunic, yearning to touch the smoothness of his skin. The hard, rippling contours and planes of his chest and stomach muscles. Her fingers grazed the light dusting of hair on his chest that ran down in a line below his hose. A nervous laugh tore from her lips as she helped him tug the tunic up and over his head. A lock of his dark hair fell over Ralph’s forehead as they both stood staring at one another. The tension dragged for a long, quiet moment. Her breathing was ragged, had quickened, punctuated by the thrum of her own heartbeat. She watched in fascination as the wide expanse of his bare chest rose and fell rapidly.
Yet it was when Gwen lifted her head that she almost swooned. His eyes held an unfettered desire that glittered in their very depths, a surge of emotion smouldering with so much longing and need. She reached out and slid her hands up his chest and around his shoulders. And then it happened. She was pulled into his arms, her breasts flattened against his rock-hard chest, his mouth crashing on to hers. His hands dug through her hair, gripping her on either side of her head as he deepened his assault on her mouth. She met him with every measure, following his every move.
Lord above, what on earth was happening to her? She was pinned to the spot, a small flame igniting from deep within and spreading throughout her whole body. Her legs were unsteady, wobbly, incapable of supporting her. Everything seemed to turn and shift, making Gwen feel as though she were about to stumble and fall.
Ralph’s hands dropped to her waist, his fingers circling around, giving her a slight squeeze. She gasped into the heat of his mouth as he lifted her off her feet and carried her to the bed, without breaking the kiss. He lay down beside her before his hands, lips, teeth and tongue explored her mouth, her jaw, down the slope of her neck and along the swoop of her collarbone. He ran a finger down the throbbing vein and sucked her quivering pulse, his other hand gliding down her body, exploring her every curve. Gwen’s whole body was now alight with wonderment and need. Ralph tugged her bottom lip with his teeth, sucking it before his kisses softened. He pulled away on a shudder.
‘Tell me to stop, Gwen, and I will.’
‘I cannot seem to,’ she panted.
‘We must, otherwise it shall become too late.’
She turned her head and nipped the taut skin along his neck. ‘What if we don’t want to stop?’ she murmured.
‘Do you know even what you’re saying, sweetheart?’
‘Yes.’ She frowned, opening her eyes. ‘Of course I do.’
‘So, you know what this would mean?’
She reached out and touched his jaw, feeling the hard muscle under the stubble and skin. ‘Must I derive meaning from what we are doing?’
‘Yes,’ he hissed, turning his head to kiss her palm. ‘We would be bound together otherwise. Would you have me take that choice away from you?’
‘No, Ralph.’ She drew his hair back with her fingers. ‘You would not be taking that from me.’
‘Think what you are saying, Gwenllian.’
‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘I am asking you to stay with me here tonight.’
It was neither by design nor by fault that they had ended at this precipice, when she had acquired Fortis for Ralph. They had always been hurtling towards this bittersweet moment from that first moment.
‘Is this truly what you want?’
Gwen lifted her head and pulled his lips gently between her teeth. ‘Yes...oh, yes.’
She loved him, that was the truth. Gwen loved him with every part of her being, but she would not share her life with Ralph de Kinnerton. This she knew with clarity. Yet she would have this moment with him. Yes, this she could take.
Then she would let him go. And keep the night close to her heart.
‘Kiss me, Ralph.’
And he did more ardently, with more intensity than she could ever have imagined. God, but he made her feel boneless. She lay beside him with her hands on his shoulders, sliding them around his neck, pulling him close. They continued to stroke and touch him all around his back, before dipping around the curve of his back and on to his firm round buttocks, still covered by his hose.
Oh, yes, she wanted him even though Ralph would never truly be hers. Gwen was resigned to that. But mayhap she could show him the constancy of her love, since she could not put these feelings to words. How thoughtless would that be to both
of them, otherwise. No, she would let only this night guide her emotions, however sinful it might seem.
Soon this part of her life would be all but over and she would have nothing left other than the empty shell of her heart. But what happened between them, she would remember for the rest of her days.
Oh, yes, she could show him on this night what she truly felt about him. She would bare her soul to him. Only for tonight.
Somehow, as they tumbled and touched, learning the secrets of one another, they had managed to divest every layer of clothing. They lay in each other’s arms with the novelty of having skin to skin, flesh to flesh. Was it her heart pounding against her ribs or his?
Ralph shifted his body on top of her, nudging her legs apart and settling within. He lifted one leg and lightly kissed his way up, using his lips, the slide of his tongue and lightly nipping her with his teeth. He wrapped one leg around his body before touching and kissing her other leg, his fingers trailing over her sensitive skin. His large hands moved to her neck, grazing across her chest and along the slope of her breasts, moving lower and lower, circling over her stomach. Heavens above, Gwen didn’t know whether she could take much more as he flicked his tongue over her nipple, drawing one into his mouth and sucking lightly, before turning his attention on her other breast, his heavy hooded eyes fixed on to hers. His scent—a mix of soap, herbs and musk—was intoxicating.
Something was unfolding and pooling within her core.
‘This may hurt a little,’ Ralph whispered, his lips against her skin.
‘Don’t stop.’ Gwen’s eyes flew open. ‘Please do not stop.’
The light in the sconce and from the fire in the hearth flickered over their entwined bodies, adding its own luminous glow. She arched her back as he entered her body, stretching and filling her. Gwen felt a tug and pull and sharp burst of pain before it was replaced by another, altogether different sensation.
‘Gwen?’ Ralph stilled as he lifted himself up and watched her for a moment. ‘Are you...is everything well?’
She opened her mouth, but the words dried on her lips. Instead, she smiled and nodded her head, her eyes filling with tears. They were joined as one, how could she not be? Yes, she was very well indeed.
‘Look at me.’ She felt Ralph’s hand caress her cheek. ‘I want to see you.’ Her eyes fluttered open to find that he was smiling at her with so much tenderness that it made her heart squeeze. ‘I love you, Gwenllian ferch Hywel.’
‘And I you.’
‘Yet there are tears?’
She nodded. ‘Of joy.’
‘I feel the same.’ He leant forward and kissed her softly on her lips. ‘Are you in pain?’
‘No...no, I promise you I am well.’ Any lingering discomfort was slowly subsiding as she became more used to the feel of him.
‘I am glad to hear that.’ He kissed her neck, sliding his tongue along the length and nipping her earlobe. ‘Shall we resume?’
‘There’s more?’
‘Oh, yes, sweetheart.’ He lifted his head and grinned at her. ‘A lot more.’
Chapter Seventeen
Ralph started to move inside her, covering her lips with his in a long sensual kiss. Her legs wrapped around him as he increased the pace. Soon they were finding their own way through the ebb and flow of the hazy, lush wonderment of their heightened passion. This giving and receiving of pleasure. They laced their fingers together, clinging on to one another. The fervour of their rapturous elation reached an unexpected height, a single, pure moment of ecstasy.
Gwen had believed that tiny pieces of her soul were left in the decorative parchments and woven fabrics she created, but they were nothing quite like this—for she had exchanged a much larger part of herself tonight.
Could Gwen ever have imagined that this—what she had just experienced on this bed—would turn out this way? No, how could she know? It was something that she only ever believed could be used to manipulate and control. To hurt and dominate.
But not this. Never with Ralph. Not after what had passed between them, these feelings that centred around something so strong and so potent it blew everything else away, leaving only the most powerful and perfect canon of emotion. Love... And God above knew how much she loved the man who was holding her now so gently, kissing her damp forehead.
‘Saints above, but I have no words to describe what just happened.’
‘Nor I.’ She could feel him smile against her skin. He rolled over, twisting his head around to look at her, his fingers threading through her hair.
‘You are a beautiful woman, Gwen.’ He gathered her in his arms. ‘And I hope you appreciate how much this unexpected night together means to me.’
‘For me, too, Ralph.’ She flushed, leaning on her elbow as she touched and traced the fullness of his lips. ‘Our time together... I shall never forget it.’
‘I am glad to hear it, my lady.’ He caught her finger lightly between his teeth and winked, before swinging his long limbs around the bed. ‘Stay abed while I attend you, Gwen. You must be sore after what just happened.’
He flashed her a quick, sheepish smile and walked towards the tall wooden coffer. He rung out a cloth from the large washing bowl filled with water and brought it back to her.
‘My thanks, Ralph. I shall take that.’ Gwen bit her lip as she sat up, her long hair tumbling around her. She pulled the coverlet higher to cover her nakedness and pressed the damp cloth along her thighs and between her legs where she did indeed ache.
‘This interlude this eventide has, I hope you appreciate, changed everything.’
‘I think not. I love you, Ralph, with every breath I have in my body. I want you to know that,’ she murmured as she reached out and cupped the scarred skin of his jaw, feeling the uneven, rough surface of his skin. ‘But my plans for the future remain unaltered.’
He sat on the bed beside her, seemingly bewildered. ‘Even after what has just passed between us?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘Even after that.’
And just like that the harsh realities of finally succumbing to her desires for Ralph came to the fore. Even before the residual warmth from her body was only just receding. Too soon. It was far too soon for her to confront and face the decisions she had made.
She looked up and caught him staring at her for a moment. A muscle twitched in his jaw.
‘I see.’ He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. ‘You are determined on your course then. To be alone?’
‘There is nothing else for it. Nothing that I can do.’
‘You can marry me as we both once wanted. We can bind our lives together as your father and mine had always planned. Hell’s teeth, Gwen, it’s what I had hoped you still wanted now that we have been reunited. And what I want more than anything in return.’
There might have been a time when she had wanted the same, but not any longer. It could not be. She had reconciled herself to the fact it was impossible for them to be together. Their show of love tonight was something she would never forget, but it was not enough to erase the shame that she had felt for allowing Stephen le Gros the liberties that he had taken with her. What that man stole from her from that bleak time could never be replaced or recovered. It would crawl and spread inside her like a dark humour, eating away at her. And it would eventually emerge, seeping out in all its contorted ugliness, and come between her and Ralph. And Gwen would not do that to him. She could not tie herself to Ralph, just to trap both of them in a marriage that would inevitably become a dreadful nightmare.
‘No, I... I no longer want that with you, or anyone else for that matter.’
His eyebrows furrowed in the middle before he gave his head a shake. He stood up and began to dress. ‘You sat beside me, mopping my brow after what happened at the mêlée, you bought my horse back, you take me to your bed and you say you love me, Gwen. Yet you claim that you cannot mar
ry me.’
‘No, that I cannot do,’ she whispered as she exhaled a shaky breath. ‘Let me say that I would do all of that again if I had to. And, yes, I do love you and always will, Ralph de Kinnerton.’
‘Forgive me then, my lady, for I do not understand you.’ He dragged his tunic over his head and picked up his sword belt, tying it around his waist. ‘I do not comprehend what this night was about.’
‘It was about giving in to our carnal desires, our wants and needs.’
‘And nothing more than that?’ He crossed his arms across his chest. His eyes fixed on to hers. ‘Remember it is me you are talking to, Gwenllian ferch Hywel.’
‘I do not know what you want me to tell you.’
He spoke after a long moment of silence. ‘The truth, Gwen. Surely you owe me that.’
She lifted her head. ‘I have been nothing but honest with you.’
‘Are you certain about that, my lady?’
‘Yes.’ How in heavens had this evening descended to this quarrel? ‘I really do not comprehend what you mean.’
‘Do you not? God’s breath, Gwen, look at you.’ He stepped forward, standing in front of her. ‘You are the most beautiful, generous, intelligent, loyal woman I know. Your goodness knows no bounds, my lady, but let me speak freely here and say that you are not, nor have you ever been, meant for a life behind the walls of a convent.’
‘You do not know that, Ralph.’ Her head dropped low as a single tear fell to her cheek. She quickly brushed it away, annoyed with herself. ‘You know nothing of my life these past six years.’
He got on his knees on the floor in front of her, lacing his fingers through hers, the pad of his thumb gently grazing her knuckles.
‘I do realise that, and I wish to learn more about you and the time we were parted, Gwen, in the hope that I can understand what made you change the direction of your life so drastically,’ he whispered softly. ‘It is this that I cannot understand. And now after what has unfolded between us tonight, I am even more convinced that you have not been forthright with me. For some reason you are convinced that you have no other option available to you then to take the veil and I am asking you to tell me why that is.’
The Return of Her Lost Knight Page 18