by Jessica Park
“I think that’s a terrible plan. Celeste will never go for it,” he said. Matt turned up the hard rock station so that Julie would practically have to yell to be heard.
She stared out the window. “She might,” Julie said hopefully. The sky had clouded over, and the energy she’d had this morning was beginning to fade. She turned down the radio “Really. She might.”
“No.” Despite his unflinching expression, Julie could hear the fear in his voice. “She’s too fragile.”
“She’s fragile because you let her be fragile.”
“Julie, you have no idea what you’re talking about.” He was angry now. “You can’t begin to understand what she’s going through.”
“Then tell me,” Julie spat back.
“No. Some things are private.”
“God, what is wrong with you people? Don’t you want to help her?”
“Julie, stop. Now.”
“Why? Why won’t anybody talk about this? Even Finn won’t tell me.”
“Finn again, huh?”
“What the hell does that mean?” Julie folded her arms and continued to look away.
“You’ve been talking about him all week like he’s some kind of gift to humanity. Pretty soon you’ll have your own Flat Finn to cart around, right? You and Celeste will have a Finn fan club, with membership dues and monthly newsletters detailing how fantastic he is.”
“What exactly is your problem?”
“Nothing,” Matt muttered. “You should probably stay out of this.”
“How am I supposed to stay out of this? I’m with Celeste more than anyone. She needs someone to help her.”
“I know.” Matt cranked the music back up. “I know she does.”
Chapter 17
When they got home, Julie jumped on Facebook and saw that Finn was offline. She sent him a message asking if he was around and then stayed fixed on her inbox, hoping to hear back. After only a few minutes he replied.
Julie-
I’m here. Can’t connect to chat right now for some reason. Facebook is acting up. What’s going on?
-Finn
Julie wanted to feel out Finn and see what he thought about her plan for Celeste. She wrote him back, explaining her idea.
Julie-
It’s risky. I’m not sure what to say. Go easy, though. Celeste has been through a lot.
-Finn
Finn-
So everyone keeps saying. Celeste’s school is threatening to kick her out if they don’t see her improve socially, etc. I’m trying to do what I can, but none of you will give me any information. I’m at a loss, and so this is what I’ve come up with. Either get your butt back here and give me some insight, or at least show some enthusiasm for my plan.
-Julie
Julie-
OK. Easy, girl.
It’s not something we really talk about much. Or at all, to be honest.
This is a one-time-only deal, here, OK? Then we’re not talking about this again. Ugh, here are the basics: A while ago, Mom went through a rough time. A major depression that was bad. Really bad. And left her not terribly functional. There’s a longer history that I don’t know much about, but a few years ago she went off her meds and crashed really hard. I guess that’s when Celeste got so attached to me. Dad was busy dealing with Mom, Matt was being Matt, and so Celeste saw me as her savior, I guess.
A shrink could probably give you a better picture, but there’s a lot that comes along with this stuff. My father travels as much as he can, so he doesn’t have to deal with this, and my mother has never exactly been the most involved mother even when stable. (Have you not noticed this yet? It’s a joy.) So when I left, I guess it hit my sister hard. Mom is back on her meds now, and so you probably can’t pick up on the underlying depression. Please don’t bring this up with anyone else… it’ll just rock the boat.
Flat Finn is about old wounds that are healing. About her attachment to me, and about crazy, unavailable parents.
Enough said on that matter. For real.
What are you wearing? J
-Finn
Finn-
Thank you. I know this wasn’t easy to tell me, and it means a lot that you did. And it explains things a bit. I never would have guessed your mom has had such a difficult time. She seems so totally together. I’m sorry to hear about this, though. It must have been really hard on all of you.
Your mom forgot about a meeting at Celeste’s school today, so Matt and I went in her place. The school is worried about Celeste, so I’m hoping to… Well, I don’t know what I’m hoping to do. Get Celeste into the real world? I’ll let you know how it goes. Maybe you could send her something for Christmas, especially if you’re not going to make it home? Something more portable than Flat Finn that she can keep with her? Of course, don’t let this discourage you from coming home…
I’m wearing six turtlenecks, sweatpants over jeans, three pairs of tube socks, and a golf hat.
-Julie
Julie-
When Mom is on her medications, you can’t tell. And she works very hard to hide her depression from everyone.
I’ll get something to Celeste. Promise. I’ll be in Tahiti in a few days, and I’ll find a good gift there.
God, I wish I could see you in that outfit. It sounds so sexy.
Gotta run. Might be around tonight to chat later if I can get online. Eleven your time?
-Finn
Finn-
Thought you were going to South America after the Cook Islands? I can’t keep up with you!
I’ll be around tonight.
-Julie
She was going out for a late dinner with Seth and knew she’d be home by ten at the latest. So much for going to bed at a reasonable hour. But she didn’t care if she was up until dawn, because messaging with Finn was worth the sleep deprivation. He was entertaining and a nice distraction from her impending finals. Plus, he was now the only one giving her any information on Celeste, even if it was sparse.
**********
The roads were clear enough that Julie felt fine driving to the hardware store on her own. Even though she generally loathed navigating snow and ice, she certainly wasn’t about to ask Matt to drive her after he’d unleashed his obnoxious attitude all over the place. Granted, he was probably upset about Celeste, but it didn’t mean that he had to be such a pill. He couldn’t even have a conversation about his sister without getting all weird; either he was rude or mean, or else he deflected all over the place until she just gave up asking.
Julie headed for the stairs. “I’m going to the hardware store. Back in a bit,” she called in the direction of Matt’s room. “Not that you care,” she added under her breath.
She got to the front door before she heard Matt’s footsteps clamoring out of his room and down to the first floor. “Wait! Julie, you’re going now? I didn’t know you were doing this… this thing today.”
“Stop spazzing,” she said calmly. “I’m just buying supplies. Nobody else is doing anything, so I’m going to.”
“That’s not fair. We’re trying.”
“No, you’re all stagnant. And where the hell was your mother today, huh? This was a big deal.”
“I know.”
“How could she have forgotten?”
Matt stood silently for a moment. “I don’t think she forgot,” he said slowly. “She probably didn’t want to go.”
“Oh, well that’s a good excuse!”
“I’m not saying it is. It’s just the way things are.”
“Another great excuse!”
“Julie?” Matt caught the door as she swung it open.
She whipped around. “What? What is it, Matt?” she snapped. “If you have something to say, then say it. If you want to help, help. If not, stay out of it.”
“I just wanted to say thank you,” he said softly.
“Oh.” He wasn’t being horrible right now. “Don’t thank me yet.”
“Thank you for trying.”
Jul
ie looked up at him. “Sure thing.”
“Do you want me to drive? The roads aren’t great,” he offered.
“Are you going to behave yourself, or are you going to pitch a fit every time I put something in the shopping cart.”
Matt smirked. “I will make a concerted effort to behave. Will that do?”
“No grumbling, no frowning, no disapproving gestures or words of any kind. In fact, no talking at all.”
“Do you know how many times you’ve told me to stop talking today?”
“Do you know how many more times I could have told you that?”
“Do you want me to drive or not?”
“I do. I’m a big wimp. You be in charge of driving, and I’ll be in charge of shopping.”
“Blech. What stereotyped gender roles we’ve fallen into,” Matt said, feigning horror. “The man drives, and the woman—”
“Have you already forgotten the no-talking rule?” Julie marched down the steps. “Let’s go, smartass.”
Matt bowed formally and waved her through the door. She could tell it was killing him, but he kept his mouth shut the entire ride. He didn’t cringe once while she shopped, and he even bagged the items at the self-checkout.
It had started to snow a bit by the time they left, and Julie shivered as she waited for Matt to unlock the door. It took a few tries to start the car, and then they sat for a few minutes, waiting for the heat system to kick in.
Julie took a deep breath. “Why didn’t you tell me about Erin?”
Matt fumbled with the radio. “Tell you what?”
“About her depression. Finn told me.”
Matt winced. “Look, I don’t want to do this now.” He turned the dial quickly, filling the car with static noise and commercial clips.
“Matt.”
“Julie, not now.”
“OK.” She leaned back into the headrest and pulled her coat in tightly around her body. “Maybe sometime?”
“You can’t let anything go, can you?”
“Come on! It’d be great.” She slapped his arm lightly. “We could sit around and have a long, drawn-out conversation about your mother and the impact her depression had on the dynamics of the family. Then you can pour your heart out about your angst-ridden childhood, and we’d analyze every minute nuance of your personality.”
At least he was smiling now. “That sounds like torture.”
“Really? You don’t want to bare your soul to me? Cry a little? Catharsis at its finest?”
“Intro to Psych has gotten out of hand, I see.”
“I need to practice. You don’t want me to fail my class, do you?”
“If it means avoiding that nauseating conversation, then, yes. I’ll tolerate your failing a class.”
Julie slapped his arm again. “Jerk.”
Chapter 18
Matthew Watkins is brought to you today by the Second Law of Thermodynamics and the letter Qua.
Finn is God I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. It's the way I take them OFF that makes me better than you.
Julie Seagle Why is luge a sport? You dress up like a giant sperm and go sledding really fast. That’s hardly athletic. Phallic and sexy, yes. But hardly athletic.
“Julie! Julie!” Celeste’s voice carried from the second floor down to the kitchen.
Julie calmly took another bite of cereal and set her phone on the table. She was exhausted, having stayed up until nearly three in the morning IMing with Finn, but she’d gone ahead with her plan for the day anyway. There was no sense in waiting any longer.
“Julie!” Celeste stomped down the stairs, and Julie tried not to flinch as she heard her enter the room.
“Yes? What is it?” She kept her eyes on the newsprint.
“I do not find this amusing.”
“You don’t find what amusing? The fact that you avoid using contractions when you get worked up?”
“Julie, I would like you to take this seriously. I have concerns about your flippant tone. Your behavior is unnerving.”
Julie finally looked up. Celeste stood beside Flat Finn, and while his expression hadn’t changed, she wore a decidedly irked expression. “Which behavior would that be?”
“You’ve affixed this unfunny note to Flat Finn’s mouth. As though he is expressing a thought.”
“He thinks it’s funny.”
“He is not a cartoon, and we find it disrespectful.”
“He doesn’t find it disrespectful.”
“How do you know what Flat Finn thinks?” Celeste demanded.
“I spend quite a bit of time with him, in case you hadn’t noticed. I can sense these things.”
Celeste frowned and examined the bubble-style note written on bright yellow paper that was stuck by Flat Finn’s mouth. “I do not even understand what this note is supposed to mean. I seek a flexibility transformation!!!”
“He’s rather stiff, don’t you think? I suspect Flat Finn would appreciate not having his head smacked against the trunk of the car every time he has to go in or out. And perhaps he’d like to sit in a chair properly without having to lean at sharp angles.” Julie shrugged and looked back at her newspaper. “He’s crying out for help, and I think we should give it to him. He’s been suffering in silence for too long now, aching to be bendy and to conform to standard furniture. Plus, I think he wants to take a Pilates class.”
“There is that flippant tone again,” Celeste said. “Although you might have a point. However, you could have conveyed your enthusiasm for this idea with the use of only one exclamation point. Three is overkill. What would this flexibility transformation involve?”
As Julie outlined the idea, Celeste stared back, expressionless.
“I will consider this option and get back to you.” Celeste proudly raised Flat Finn off the floor and marched out of the room.
“Take your time,” Julie murmured. “There’s only a lifetime of good mental health at stake here.”
**********
Julie pushed out the blade from the utility knife and repositioned Flat Finn on the thick towel that she’d spread out on the kitchen floor. “Inhale and exhale, Celeste. Inhale and exhale.”
“Flat Finn is having second thoughts! Flat Finn is having second thoughts!”
“Flat Finn is not having second thoughts.”
“You are going to cut him into two pieces,” Celeste said in a severely accusing tone. “That is a rather monumental injury.”
“It’s not an injury. It’s a modification. I agree that it’ll be pretty creepy for a few moments. He will indeed be in two pieces. But I swear to God that I’m going to put him back together.” Julie held up the hardware that she’d bought the day before. “See these hinges? They’ll hold him together, just like we talked about. Then he can bend at the waist. He can even fold in half, which is a damn good party trick if you ask me.”
“Flat Finn does not attend parties.”
“He might after this.” Julie pushed the metal ruler against the cardboard and checked the cutting line again. She poised the blade at the edge of the cutout. “You ready?”
Celeste moved away from Julie. “I think that I will stay on this side of the room and turn my back to you.”
“Fine,” Julie agreed. “Why don’t you talk to him while I work.”
“Talk to him about what exactly?”
“Reassure him. Tell him everything will be peachy. That he’ll be happier in the long run. Stuff like that. OK, here I go.” Julie pressed the knife into Flat Finn’s waistline and etched a cut across the width. “Start talking, Celeste!” She began to retrace the line, sinking the blade deeper into the cardboard.
“This is a great day to increase limberness!” Celeste yelled unconvincingly. “Think of all of the things you will be able to achieve, Flat Finn!”
“He’s doing great. Keep going,” Julie encouraged.
“Um… It was stupid Julie’s idea, and so you will hold her responsible if this surgery ends in tragedy!”
“Very funny. Try again. Tell him that this is an important and necessary step in his development. That he will thank you for helping him fit in with others. This is a challenging time, but you are here for him and will get him through this.” Julie finished the cut and separated Flat Finn into two parts. OK, even she had to admit that this was pretty freaky. “There!”
“You did it? He has been divided?” Celeste’s voice trembled. “Hurry. Julie, hurry. Please!”
“I am. Don’t look.” She grabbed the screwdriver and a set of hinges. “Your boy here needs to know that you support this step, Celeste.”
“OK, OK… Flat Finn? I support this modification?”
Julie could hear Celeste pacing at the other end of the room. “With a little more conviction, please.”
“I support this modification!”
“You will be his pillar of strength!” Julie prompted.
“That is a vile cliché, and I will not say that.”
“Then come up with your own phrases,” Julie said as she continued screwing in the silver hinges.
“This is difficult. I cannot think of the appropriate thing to say.” Celeste let out a frustrated, guttural sound that made Julie flinch. “Help me. You talk to him.”
“Oh, Flat Finn, my dear. This is nothing to get all stressed out about. I realize that you’re having an understandably nervous reaction to this simple procedure. Just because you want this, doesn’t mean it’s easy. You’re doing very well. Much less complaining than most flat people. Really. I’m quite impressed.”
“Julie, hurry up. You have to hurry up.”
“Almost done, kiddo. Just one more minute, and… Ta da!” Julie rolled back on her knees and examined her work. Not bad for someone who could barely identify most tools. “Want to see him?” She lifted Flat Finn to a standing position and turned the small semi-circle dial that she had put on the back to prevent him from collapsing in half at inappropriate times.
Celeste turned around and eyed Flat Finn warily. After a few moments, her face softened. “Actually, I quite like his appearance. It’s as though he’s wearing a belt buckle. You might have selected gold, but the silver isn’t terrible.”