by M. Katherton
“Wow!” She exclaimed, tucking her dark hair back behind her ears. “I’m glad you were safe. How was it?”
“Good. Mostly just glad the first time’s out of the way.”
She picked up her wine glass and held it up in the air. “Well, cheers to growing up.”
I clinked my glass against hers then took a slug. It was sweet enough that I was able to swallow it unlike some more bitter wines I had taken sips of before.
“Did he bring the condoms? I keep forgetting to buy them for you.”
“Yeah, he had one. It’s okay.”
“Good. I just want you to be safe. You’re one of the best things that ever happened to me but I wouldn’t wish being a teen mom on anybody.”
“I’ll be safe.” I promised, not in any shape to be a parent right now. Looking after Macy and Spencer when Mom and Ross weren’t home was hard enough.
Mom and I spent the rest of the evening hanging out and watching TV. Since Ross and my siblings came along, the time we got to spend just the two of us was few and far between. Though she didn’t know I had been in contact with him, I felt like she and I hadn’t connected as much since I started talking to my dad. Perhaps that was just perceived on my end but having a whole part of my life she didn’t know about was hard. I wished I could tell her. I wished I could be as open with her about meeting my dad and I was about having sex with Ryan. I could never tell her though. She would never forgive me if she knew.
Thursday, March 14th, 2019
I got tasked with looking after Macy and Spencer Thursday and Friday when Ross had to go back to work after their camping trip. The kids were worn out and though I thought it would be an easy day of babysitting in front of the TV, Spencer begged me to take him to McDonald’s. I tried to persuade him to stay home with offers to take them out for ice cream or mini-golfing tomorrow but Spencer was relentless. Not up for arguing with a seven-year-old, I caved.
My bad mood intensified when I could hardly find a parking space because seemingly every child in town had begged their caregiver to come to McDonald’s for spring break. We waited nearly ten minutes to order then another ten to receive our food. The only table open in the play area was sticky with soda and had spilled fries underneath it but Macy and Spencer were not as bothered by the mess as I was. Spencer gobbled down his nuggets before running off to play. Macy tried to pretend she was too cool for the playscape but when a girl she knew from school approached and asked her to play, she agreed, leaving me alone at the table.
I scrolled through social media on my phone, trying to tune out the chatter and screaming in the play area. Instagram was filled with fun spring break pictures from people from my school. Paige went to Florida with her family, Venus Benson from my history class was in Seattle, and Kendra, who I had neglected to unfollow since our falling out, posted a picture yesterday of her, Lana, and Valerie at the amusement park. Everyone seemed to be having a fun time while I sat in a germy McDonald’s play area, dictated by my seven-year-old-brother.
“Jessica?” A voice interrupted my wistful thoughts. I cut my eyes away from my phone to see Kendra standing before me. She had her blonde hair in two braids and wore a blue and red striped crop top and cut off shorts like she was going to a pool party instead of McDonald’s.
“What are you doing here?” I questioned, automatically defensive. She didn’t have any younger siblings and I feared maybe she had followed me. I hadn’t posted my whereabouts on social media but perhaps she saw my car in the parking lot sandwiched between two minivans.
“Lana’s babysitting some kids.” She pointed to some redheaded kids around Spencer’s age playing on the plastic crocodiles. I then spotted Lana sitting at a table by the windows on her phone, looking like she wished she was anywhere but here.
“Oh. I brought my siblings.” I replied as though she had accused me of hanging out at McDonald’s play areas for my own enjoyment.
“Yeah, I saw Spencer come down the slide.” She admitted then took a seat at my table in front of Spencer’s empty chicken nugget box. “Can we talk?”
“I really need to keep an eye on Macy and Spencer. Mom will kill me if either of them get hurt.” I silently willed one of my siblings to come up to me and tell me they were ready to go to get me out of this uncomfortable situation but they both played happy, oblivious to the awkwardness I felt in the presence of my ex-best friend.
Kendra rolled her eyes as if the safety of my siblings meant nothing to her. “I don’t know what your deal is, Jessica. I don’t know what made you suddenly turn on me. Is it your boyfriend? Does he not like me or something?”
“Ryan doesn’t have a problem with you. He only met you one time.”
“Then what is it? Why won’t you talk to me? Yeah, I snapped at you that one day but I apologized. You’re overreacting.”
I considered throwing out the it’s not you, it’s me card but knew she wouldn’t buy that and even if she did, I didn’t want to give her the impression that her constant manipulative and selfish behavior was okay. I was tired of playing by her rules and walking on eggshells around her. Nothing was ever good enough for Kendra and listening to her repeatedly bitch about everything was exhausting. I wasn’t about to have a confrontation in the McDonald’s play area in front of a bunch of kids and their parents. Therefore, I just sat in silence.
“A girl gets a boyfriend and suddenly her friends don’t matter to her anymore.” She snarked. “I hope you and Ryan are very happy together. I hope it was worth it. I hope whatever bitch is standing next to you at your wedding as the maid of honor isn’t as shitty as you think I am.”
A mom with bleach blonde hair, boobs that likely were not real, and four kids at the next table overheard Kendra say bitch and gave her a death stare like the insult had been directed at her personally. Kendra got up from the table and stormed off when I didn’t fight back with her, yielding yet another dirty look from Barbie Mom. I wished I could climb into the playscape and hide like Spencer often did whenever Mom or Ross told him it was time to go. Macy must have seen the altercation because she came over the table, eyes widened like she just witnessed a murder.
“What happened?”
“Don’t worry about it. Just go get Spencer and tell him it’s time to go.”
She ambled back into the playscape and returned with an unamused Spencer a minute later. He would probably throw a tantrum and beg for five more minutes but I wouldn’t put up with it. I already regretted giving into his begging earlier.
“Jess! I’m not ready to go! My new friends Zach and Colton were gonna race with me on the slide!” He whined. Spencer never met a stranger and would make new friends next time he came to McDonald’s, hopefully with Mom or Ross and not me.
“It’s time to go.” I insisted, channeling Mom’s stern tone.
“But!”
“It’s time to go!” I repeated, raising my voice a little, catching both my siblings off guard.
“Okay.” Spencer conceded, his head hanging a little.
I didn’t look in the direction of Kendra and Lana’s table as we left but I was certain Kendra had watched me leave, probably with a smirk on her face. I never wanted to speak to her again.
Friday, March 15th, 2019
I still went to the bowling alley to see my dad even though Ryan was in Maryland. Since Mom knew he was out of town, I lied to her and told her I was going bowling with friends from school. She bought it, unaware I was essentially friendless.
One of Dad’s teammates was out of town so he tried to convince me to fill in but I hadn’t bowled in years and didn’t want to embarrass myself. Therefore, I sat alone and watched, Ryan’s absence feeling bigger than ever. Everyone else in the bowling alley seemed upbeat, cheering each other on, drinking pitchers of beer like it was nothing, but I just felt hallow. After a few frames, as I contemplated on telling Dad I was tired and going to call it night early, someone filled the empty seat beside me. I turned to give a polite smile to who I thought would be a strange
r but instead it was Emelia, red and white paper basket of chili cheese fries sitting before her.
“What’s up?” She greeted, sticking a gooey fry into her mouth of perfectly straight, whitened teeth.
“Don’t you have to work?” I asked, my voice sharper than I intended. After yesterday’s McDonald’s incident with Kendra, the last thing I wanted was to have a confrontation with Emelia in the bowling alley.
“I’m on break.” She slid the basket of cheese fries towards me. “Chili cheese fry?”
As much as I wanted to decline the gesture, the chili cheese fries smelled delicious. Besides, if she was eating them then they clearly weren’t poisoned. I took one, the cheesy goodness exploding in my mouth.
“How long have you worked here?” I questioned, no longer feeling like I could push her away after accepting her food.
“Since the summer. After…” She hesitated then looked down at the fries instead of at me. “After my dad lost his job and I had to start paying for all my own stuff.”
This was news to me. When Emelia and I were friends, her dad Travis was a successful banker. They lived in a nice house, went on vacation every year, and Emelia always seemed to get everything she wanted for Christmas and her birthday. Travis losing his job must have triggered a huge life change for them all.
“My mom’s been substitute teaching and babysitting our neighbor’s kids quite a bit. And I started working here. My dad’s a cashier at Home Depot. We’re surviving, but it’s not what we’re used to. It’s been rough.”
“I’m really sorry.” I offered, not sure what else to say. My mom had some financial trouble before she married Ross but I was little and didn’t know any different. I couldn’t imagine being used to a cozy upper-middle class life then having it suddenly ripped away.
Emelia shrugged. “It is what it is. How’s your family?”
“They’re good. Mom’s still in real estate, working a ton. Ross is still an engineer. Macy and Spencer are good, growing up fast.” Then I pointed to my dad, up to bowl as though this whole conversation had been scripted for a movie. “And that’s my dad…my biological dad. We just started talking a couple months ago. That’s why I’m always hanging out at the bowling alley.”
Emelia’s jaw dropped as if I had announced I was pregnant. We were friends for long enough that she knew Mom would never allow me to see, contact, or even talk about my father. “Oh shit! Did Vanessa change her mind?”
I shook my head no, starting to fear I had made a mistake and that Emelia would rat me out if she ever ran into my mom somewhere.
“Wow. Jess, that’s crazy! But clearly he isn’t too bad if you come to watch him bowl every week.”
I let the fact that she had used my nickname despite not talking to me for two years roll off my back. “He’s great. Way better than I could’ve imagined. Two sides to every story I guess.”
“That’s great. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks. Please don’t tell my mom. If you ever see her in public or something.”
“I won’t.” She promised. “But on the subject of not telling people things, not a lot of people at school know I work here, so if you could keep that on the down low, I’d really appreciate it.”
“I won’t tell anyone.” I replied, wondering what excuse she gave her popular cheerleader friends for never being able to hang out on Friday nights.
She finished her chili cheese fries then had to go back to work. I didn’t know what possessed her to come hang out with me during her break but with Ryan absent, I was a little grateful for her company. I didn’t know if Emelia was trying to worm her way back into my life or if she was also just bored or lonely. Perhaps being a snack counter employee at the bowling alley had humbled her a little. She used to look the other way whenever we passed in the hallway so the fact that she approached me spoke volumes. I didn’t know if we could ever be friends again, but maybe not being enemies anymore was okay.
Monday, March 18th, 2019
Paige sat chipperly in her seat behind me as I stumbled into first period English class about two minutes before the tardy bell, sleep deprived after straying from my normal sleep schedule during break. I wondered how many espresso shots Paige had in her iced coffee in order to be so energetic in the morning.
“Hi, Jessica!” She chirped.
“Hey. How was Florida?” I asked, though from the pictures on social media and her skin being three shades tanner, I figured it was good.
“Good. How was your break?”
“Alright. Nothing special.” I replied despite losing my virginity and my weird encounters with Kendra and Emelia. I hoped this would dead-end the conversation because it was too early for Paige’s enthusiasm but I wasn’t that lucky.
“Did you hear about Kendra?”
My heart sank. Perhaps she had killed herself after our McDonald’s encounter to try to make me feel guilty or maybe she had been in an accident of some sort.
“What happened?!” I insisted, Paige’s momentary pause feeling eight years long.
“She transferred to Lakewood, where her stepsister goes.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I could live with that. Kendra was still alive and in good health. She just wasn’t a student at Seaview anymore.
“Did she say why?” I fished though I figured we both knew.
“I haven’t talked to her. Just went by the theatre room this morning and Mr. Todd said she wasn’t on the role anymore and then Haley said she saw on Twitter that Kendra was going to Lakewood now. Haven’t seen the tweets myself but apparently she wrote a whole novel about it. You know how she is.”
I had a Twitter account but hadn’t checked it in at least a year. I would not put it past Kendra to slander me in the process of announcing her transfer. Maybe it would be the whole Emelia situation all over again, a friendship ending explosively for the whole internet to see. Though I cared less about what people said or thought about me now than I did in ninth grade, being called out on social media was not an experience I wanted to relive.
I didn’t get an opportunity to log into my Twitter account until fourth period when my home economics teacher Mrs. Thompson went off on a tangent about bad restaurant service she had experienced with her family during spring break. Her lectures were regularly filled with annoying personal stories that wouldn’t be on the test so I often tuned out or used my phone, using Brandon Farley, the bulky wrestler that sat in front of me as a shield. I hadn’t been on Twitter in over a year. My last tweet was from December 2017, a complaint about how tired I was of studying for finals. My feed was full of tweets from both public figures and people I knew in real life but it didn’t take long for me to scroll down to Kendra’s tweets from last night. Her username was still the same, @butterfliezforever67, which she told me she created in seventh grade and never bothered to change. Her profile picture was a picture of her holding Lana’s giant fluffy orange cat named Milo. I clicked on the first tweet in the thread, preparing myself for the worst.
@butterfliezforever67: Just thought everyone should know that tomorrow I’m starting my first day at @LakewoodHS. Ready for a new chapter. This one’s gotten old.
There were replies from a few accounts I recognized asking why, including Haley Gonzales who Paige claimed was her source of information about Kendra’s transfer. She didn’t answer any of the tweets directly but followed up with a whole thread explaining her decision.
@butterfliezforever67: You think you know people. You think they’re your friend. Then they give up on you over something small. I’m tired. I’m done.
@butterfliezforever67: Gonna make some real friends for the rest of high school. For senior year. Tired of letting others drag me down.
@butterfliezforever67: @LanatheLioness03 offered to show me around and help me get involved in theatre. My sis is the best.
@butterfliezforever67: And Lakewood is closer to my house anyway. I can walk with Lana and @Valerie2609 every day. It’s gonna be great.
@butter
fliezforever67: It’s been real, Seaview High. It’s been real, JL.
At least she didn’t put my full name. Though anyone who knew Kendra and that we had been friends for the past two years likely knew that JL stood for Jessica Landreth, at least she hadn’t tagged me. Part of me felt bad. Just because we were no longer friends didn’t mean she needed to transfer schools. The other part of me was relieved. We could now both move forward without awkwardly running into each other in the halls or randomly ending up in classes together next year. After trying to get through to me for weeks, she finally surrendered. Today wasn’t just her new beginning. It was mine too.
Wednesday, March 20th, 2019
Something had been off with Ryan since he returned from Maryland. At first I thought he was tired from his trip and readjusting to the hour time difference but when he was still aloof by Wednesday, I questioned him about it.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged when I asked if everything was okay as he unwrapped her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “I guess going to Maryland made me a little homesick.”
“Are you gonna go back after graduation? Permanently?”
He shrugged but I didn’t know if he actually hadn’t decided or if he didn’t want to tell me he had decided. I would miss him if he moved but I didn’t want him to stay just because of me. I couldn’t imagine living across the country from my mother. I didn’t blame him for wanting to go back.
“You should go back if that’s what you really want.” I suggested, my subtle way of letting him know I wasn’t going to try to stop him.
“I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?” He snapped then bit into his sandwich, staring down at the table as if I wasn’t even there.
We spent the rest of the lunch period in silence, staring at our phones instead of talking to each other. I didn’t know what I had done. The last we saw each other before Maryland was when we had sex. It was great. At least I thought it was. Maybe I was too inexperienced for his liking or maybe he thought I wasn’t good enough or attractive enough. Maybe he had reunited with Laurel when he was in Maryland and was still in love with her. I’d never seen a picture of her but maybe she was prettier than me and obviously she was more sexually experienced. I didn’t know what I did wrong.