by S. A. Ichigo
Days are passing by way too fast, and I wish I could spend them at home with Lara and Kai instead of attending appointments and preparing for surgery. I’m having my doubts and the closer to the date, the more stressed and scared I am, I’m scared of leaving them behind. I’m scared something will go wrong.
Kai is strong for both of us, but I see he suffers when he thinks I’m not looking. These past few days he’s been putting his happy mask on, comforting me and being my rock every step of the way. I wouldn’t be able to do it without him. He gave me hope. He gave me a reason to fight. And I won’t give up on us, even if it won’t be easy. I know he’s waiting there for me to come back home.
We sit on the couch, covered with a huge blanket, watching Lara sleep peacefully in her crib. It’s raining outside and I can hear a thunderstorm approaching. It’s the most relaxed night since our daughter was born and our last night together before the surgery.
Kai is rubbing my arms gently, stroking my skin with his hands as I rest my head on his chest, listening to the calm beating of his heart. I know how much it means for him to stay here forever with me. I want to assure him everything will be all right. I want to tell him we’ll grow old together. But it’s all one big unknown. So I stay silent, afraid to tell him, everything will be all right, in case something goes wrong. I don’t want to feed him up with beautiful lies, even if it’s the wise thing to do. I want to remember this moment and I want him to remember that whatever happens, he’s the love of my life.
I entangle my hand with his and rub his knuckles.
“You are my everything,” he says.
“Kai...” my voice breaks.
“Hush, baby,” he whispers. “I need to say this. So keep your mouth shut and let me speak.”
He lifts my chin up and stares right into my eyes.
“Your place is by my side,” he says. “I knew it from the very first moment I looked into your eyes. You’ll never be alone with me.” He swallows hard. “So when you go there tomorrow, be strong. For me. For us.” He wipes a tear from my cheek. “I want to look into those beautiful eyes of yours and tell you how much I love you. I want to kiss those perfect lips of yours and hear you calling my name over and over again. I want to be next to you wherever you are. You are my end and my beginning. I want to love you for the rest of our lives.” He pulls me closer.
He kisses me like the world depends on it. I needed this. I needed reassurance that I’m his everything just like he’s mine. I love him. So as our tongues dance together I forget for a moment of the fear. I sit on his lap without breaking the kiss, discovering his face with my fingers all over again. I want to remember every detail. His beautiful eyes, his pointy nose, his full mouth. I breathe his scent like it’s the best drug.
I laugh and cry as I grab his face in my hands.
“I’ll get through this,” I say. “I promise.”
I kiss him again.
“I love you,” I say.
“And I love you,” he pulls me closer. “Promise me forever,” he whispers.
“I promise,” I say as a single tear rolls down my temple.
Dear Reader,
To fully experience the last chapter listen to the covers by Alexandra Porat:
* Jealous (Labirinth)
* You are my reason (Calum Scott)
Thank you for taking this journey with me,
Kisses,
S.A. Ichigo
Epilogue
Kai
Present
She’s gone and the last glimpse of hope I’ve been holding onto died with her. I knew this day may come, but I never imagined losing her so soon. I had to be ready for the possibility of losing her, but it doesn’t make it any easier. The pain is even stronger. I’m broken. Crashed into tiny pieces. She was my last hope and now... she’s gone.
My heart stopped beating. I collapsed and went to the darkest place of all – I went to hell. I’d do anything to turn back the time. I would give up my life to save her. And yet here I am instead of her. Here I am, wishing I’d died. Here I am, cursing myself for not being able to save her.
She promised she’ll get through this – and she did. She woke up after the surgery with a smile and greeted me with a sassy comment. “Didn’t expect to see your sexy butt over here, Mr. Russel”. Her words still ring in my head.
I was so happy. We both were. She was holding Lara and singing for her “colors of the wind”, as our daughter squeezed her finger with her tiny hand. I never heard her singing before and it’s been the most beautiful voice I ever heard. Subtle, loving and full of hope – just like her. I never knew she loved this song so much. There were so many things I didn’t know about her – things I will never find out.
She started her radiation sessions and everything was okay. She smiled, laughed. She was so strong. Every single day – she was the strong one. She was the one telling me it’s going to be okay. She was the one telling me we’ll get through this. She lifted me up when I was down. When it should’ve been me lifting her up. Our happily ever after was at our fingertips. Our forever was finally happening. Then everything’s changed.
One phone call changed my life.
Looking back, I should’ve seen something was wrong. I should have seen the symptoms. I should have known. But I was too blind to see. She could still be alive if I acted fast enough. She should be here. If only I checked up on her more often. If only I told the doctors, I have some concerns. Maybe... maybe she could still be here.
That night before she died. That night I heard her saying, “I love you.” for the very last time. She wasn’t feeling well. She’s had all the symptoms and yet nobody noticed it until it was too late. Fever and chills, low body temperature, rapid pulse and breathing, vomiting. The doctors said it’s the way some people reacted to radiotherapy. So I didn’t ask questions even if I should.
I remember squeezing her hand tightly. I remember saying “See you tomorrow.” when I left her room in the evening. I remember kissing her goodnight.
I remember a phone call a few hours later.
And a pain that tore my heart.
Pain that will never go away.
She’s gone. My last ray of sunshine. My last hope. All gone. I lost her because of one mistake. The mistake I will never forgive myself for. The mistake that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I should have known. I should have done something, but I was too overjoyed by the fact that she was alive. I was too distracted to see the symptoms of the disease.
Sepsis.
“I hate that I love you,” I whisper as I stare at her grave. “I hate that you left me,” I cry. “I hate that I’m so broken without you.”
It’s been a year since Mia passed away. Already a year and it feels like it was yesterday. Pain is just as strong, longing even stronger. I wake up every day to an empty bed hoping to hear her laugh – hoping to see her. Just one last time. Hoping I could say goodbye.
“Come on, brother. It’s time to go,” says Caleb.
The lump in my throat is so big I can’t say a word. I just stand here, staring at her grave, wishing I was the one inside. I promised her I’ll be strong. I promised I will take care of our daughter. I promised I won’t give up. And the only thing that’s keeping me from falling apart completely is that vow. The only thing that keeps me going is the pledge I made.
Caleb is there for me every step of the way. My parents are being the most supportive people I know. Yet it’s not enough. Neither of them can understand the pain I’m going through. Neither of them can understand no words will ease my sorrow or bring Mia back.
I’m in a dark place. A point of no return. And if it wasn’t for Lara, I would not be alive. She’s the only thing keeping me here. She lost her mother and it would be the most selfish thing to do, to take away her father as well. Even though every breath I take makes me want to die – I’m holding on. For that little creature waking me up every morning. Lara. A mirror reflection of the love of my life. That smile I fell in love with. Her
mother’s smile.
A few months back I packed my bags and moved as far from Jackson as I could. This town brought me nothing more but pain. There are too many memories and I can’t stand the fact that everything reminds me of her. I sold the bar, our house and everything I could – excluding company. Ashley is running it and I couldn’t let all of Mia’s work fall apart, by selling it to someone. The only thing I need to do now as an owner is to sign important papers.
I lay a fresh bouquet on Mia’s grave and I turn around to face my brother.
“Mia asked me to give this to you.” He hands me an envelope.
I look at him shocked.
“She said it will help you move on,” he adds. “She said to give you some time to grieve, but then you need to hear it.”
Move on.
I’m about to scream at him for not giving me this earlier, but I restrain myself from doing it. Even if he would hand me this envelope before, I wouldn’t open it. She knew it way too well. She knew I won’t be able to hear her out right after her death. She knew I won’t listen to what she wanted to say. She knew I needed time.
“Thank you,” I say with a sad voice.
“Kai?” he back out a little. “Don’t throw it away.”
I nod.
I would never throw it away. For the past year, I wished I could hear her voice one more time. I wished I could see her and even though it’s not the way I wanted to do it – now I have the chance. I have the chance to say goodbye.
Caleb offered to take Lara to his place so I could watch the tape with no distractions.
I open the laptop and insert a small flash drive inside. I’m all shaken up and my heart is beating like crazy. The mixture of sorrow and happiness I feel right now is overwhelming. The window clicks open and I can see there’s only one file on the drive.
’To the love of my life.’
I click on it.
And then I see her. She was around seven months pregnant when she made this recording. Her tummy is already big. She’s wearing one of my black T-shirts that now looks like two sizes too small, her hair is a mess. She’s smiling, though her eyes are sad. I turn up the volume.
“Kai. I wasn’t going to start with if you’re watching this that means that...” her voice breaks. “That means I’m dead.” she looks straight at the camera.
Her eyes glimmer with tears and my heart breaks again.
“But if Caleb handed over this tape to you, that means I am gone,” she continues. “I knew I might not get the chance to say goodbye. Cancer is a tricky disease, so I wanted to make sure you hear me out somehow.”
If only she knew back then, that cancer won’t be the cause of her death.
“I love you. From the very first moment to the very last.,” she smiles. “Remember me, but don’t stop living. Don’t lock yourself in that bubble of sorrow. Don’t run away from the pain. Don’t shut everyone out,” she says with a shaky voice. “I may not be there, but you are. So I need you to promise me...” she sobs, trying to hold back the tears. “I need you to promise me you’ll do everything in your power to make the best out of this life. Do it for me. Do it for our daughter.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and stop the video for a moment to compose myself. This is harder than I thought. Seeing her. Listening to her voice. It hurts so damn much to know, to feel the pain she’d felt. All along, she considered she might not make it out alive. Despite she was the strong one.
“Do all the things we wanted to do. Do all the things you promised me. Just do them without me,” her voice breaks. “Promise me you will move on. Promise me you will be strong,” she takes a deep breath. “I’m not asking you to let me go. I’m not asking you to forget about me. I’m asking you to live your life as best as you can. Do all the things we couldn’t do. No regrets.”
She looks right into the camera like she wants to look into my eyes.
“I love you. And as long as you live, I’ll love you. I’ll always be there, every step of the way. Just cause you can’t see me, doesn’t mean I’m not by your side,” she says. “It all happened way too fast for either of us to grasp it. But you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and the only thing I regret is not meeting you sooner.” She rubs her tummy gently. “Take care of our daughter. Give her all your love and be there for her.”
Tears are streaming down her face. Her voice is shaky and she sobs loudly.
“One moment in time we’ll meet again,” she whispers. “Until then, live. As best as you can. Live to the fullest. Never forget that I love you.” She smiles again. “I love you with all heart.” she takes a deep breath. “Goodbye.”
The end
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves the memory no one can steal."
Anonymous
Acknowledgments
Dear Reader,
Thank you for choosing “Stolen Time”. I just want you to know - it means the world to me. It is my debut novel, so I hope I will meet your expectations. If you liked the story of Mia and Kai, follow me on Instagram @saichigowrites to get more info on my upcoming projects. I would be grateful if you could leave a review on my Amazon page, whether it’s going to be good or bad I value every opinion very much - it helps me develop.
Kisses, S. A. Ichigo
I would like to thank everyone who supported me during this long, demanding journey. It’s been a rollercoaster full of surprises.
I would like to thank my fiancé for believing in me and lifting me up when I was down. You are my world and I love you to the moon and back. Thank you for helping me reach my biggest dream.
I would like to thank my digital artist, Joe
www.instagram.com/thecoverart.co/?fbclid
www.thecoverart.co/?fbclid who did an amazing job with the book cover. Relying on you was the best decision I made.
Thank you to an amazing Foysal Rumman
www.fiverr.com/foysalrumman/do-book-formatting-for-amazon-kdp-or-other-platforms
www.facebook.com/foysal.rumman11
www.instagram.com/foysal.rumman/ for formatting my book.
Big thank you to the amazing BETA and ARC readers for your support and tips. I am grateful to have you in my corner; you are all stars. Thank you:
Sam (Instagram @s.srichardsbooks),
Lym (Instagram @lym_cruz),
Anupama (Instagram @bybookorbycook),
Julie (Instagram @mlbroomeauteur),
Britney (Instagram @_britneys.romance.library_)
Narissa (Instagram @pretty_book_whore),
Claire (Instagram @queenofbooks88)
There is one special person I owe my life to. Thank you, mom, for raising me and giving me all your love. (Dziękuję za to że jesteś, że mnie wychowałaś i dałaś mi całą swoją miłość. Za wsparcie i za porządnego kopniaka, kiedy go potrzebowałam. Dziękuję za to, że zawsze mogłam na Ciebie liczyć. Mam nadzieję, że byłaś ze mnie dumna. Kocham Cię z całego serducha.)
I wouldn’t be here without you all guys. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and devotion. Thank you for helping me reach my biggest dream of all. Thank you for being my rock and the best friends I could ever ask for. Thank you for taking this journey with me.
Happy Birthday!
To my soul sister, Sam. You are the most amazing human being I ever met, my best friend, a partner in crime. Thank you for all your support, kindness, and love. Thank you for being there for me, for having my back and reassuring me that everything’s going to be okay. Thank you for kicking my butt when I needed it, for saying ‘you can do it’. Thank you for being YOU. I wouldn’t be able to do this without you in my corner.
So on your birthday, cuz you are the godmother of my babybook :) I want to wish you many years spent on writing, reading and celebrating life. Lots of joy and love. Never change, cause, you my dear friend, are the most amazing woman alive. Love you lots and thank you for being the best friend I could wish for.
Table of Contents
Mia
Present
Chapter Two
Mia
Past
Chapter Three
Mia
Present
Chapter Four
Mia
Past
Chapter Five
Kai
Present
Chapter Six
Mia
Present
Chapter Seven
Mia
Past
Chapter Eight
Kai
Present
Chapter Nine
Mia
Present
Chapter Ten
Kai
Present
Chapter Eleven
Mia
Present
Chapter Twelve
Kai
Present
Chapter Thirteen
Mia
Present
Chapter Fourteen
Mia
Present
Chapter Fifteen
Kai
Present
Chapter Sixteen
Mia
Present
Chapter Seventeen
Kai
Present
Chapter Eighteen
Mia
Present
Chapter Nineteen
Kai
Present
Chapter Twenty
Mia
Present
Chapter Twenty One
Kai
Present
Chapter Twenty Two
Mia
Present
Epilogue
Kai
Present
Acknowledgments
Happy Birthday!