Lois smiled back at her. ‘I have some special memories.’
Melissa carried on. ‘Barney isn’t married, he never had kids of his own. But you should know that he looked out for me and a close friend, Harvey, like we were his. And for Harvey it was especially important, he had a rotten childhood. Barney was always there for us when we needed him.’
‘I don’t know whether that makes me sad or happy,’ Lois admitted.
Melissa reached out and took Lois’s hand in hers. ‘Let it make you happy, it really should, he’s a wonderful man.’ She gave Lois a moment to gather herself. She filled the kettle and made them both a cup of camomile tea, the steam from the liquid curling into the air.
Lois took a couple of sips even though it was almost too hot to do so. ‘May I ask how you knew about me, Melissa? You say Barney didn’t tell you much when you asked, so I’m wondering how you knew anything at all.’
Melissa felt guilty admitting they’d been snooping. ‘There’s a dress,’ she began, ‘a wedding dress. Harvey found it hanging in the wardrobe recently and when he asked Barney about it, he bit his head off. It got me thinking though. I’d seen it once before, years ago, and forgotten about it but I started to think about the way Barney reacted then, and now, and I wondered what he was keeping from Harvey, me, and everyone else who cares so much about him. I began to wonder why he ran the Wedding Dress Ball every year, why he supported that particular charity, why the dress with a chunk cut out at the bottom was still in the wardrobe and why he’d never mentioned that he’d once been married.’
Lois’s hand covered her mouth, tears prickling her eyes.
‘I’m upsetting you,’ Melissa panicked. ‘It wasn’t my intention, I’m sorry.’
‘The dress is mine,’ said Lois.
Softly, Melissa told her, ‘I guessed it was. There was a letter with it too, a goodbye letter, from you.’
When Lois gasped Melissa wasn’t even sure whether Lois realised she’d made a sound. ‘I hurt him badly.’ She spoke as though she was at last admitting it to herself. ‘For him to keep the dress and the letter all these years…’
Melissa waited patiently, she wasn’t going to rush this, although she did check the time to make sure she wasn’t yet late for Barney and lunch. If she was late, he’d call, and she didn’t want to be sitting here with Lois when he did.
Tissue now sodden and disintegrating between Lois’s fingers, she looked at Melissa. ‘Harry was our baby boy. He was ten months old when we lost him.’
A lump caught in Melissa’s throat. She and Harvey had already worked it out but it was still a shock to hear they were right. Her own grief welled up inside, reminding her she wasn’t the only person to ever have loved and lost and all this time Barney had been in his own private pain, not sharing it with a soul. ‘He never said a word,’ she told Lois, her voice steady even though she wanted to burst into tears.
Lois’s hand shook as she lifted her cup of tea but then changed her mind and set it down again. ‘I’m afraid I didn’t cope too well when Harry died. And I didn’t let Barney step in and help either, I turned to my aunt and uncle because I couldn’t cope with Barney’s pain as well as my own. The dress, with the chunk cut out of it? I used the material to make a burial dress for Harry. I wanted to make an outfit with my own hands, the wedding dress was material for my little angel, it was a part of Barney and a part of me. Harry was conceived on our wedding night.’ She let out a laugh, half in relief Melissa suspected. ‘Sorry, is that too much information?’
‘It’s fine, I don’t mind.’
‘Barney and I didn’t have much money back then. Joan and Roger, my aunt and uncle, they were my guardians after my parents died and they were always there trying to contribute but Barney was adamant they kept their distance from us, particularly after Harry died. He was so proud, he never liked them much and the feeling was mutual, they thought I could do better – it wasn’t about who I loved, it was about my future and stability. All three of them clashed in a way I’d not seen coming. I’d thought it would be better once we were married, that Joan and Roger would accept Barney, but they didn’t. Things were bad before I had Harry, and afterwards they just got worse. They argued all the time, I was stuck in the middle. My aunt and uncle didn’t see the hard-working man who adored me, they saw a lad who was too young to marry and have a child, they saw a boy who had more of an interest in messing around with boats than anything else. He took a boat without permission one day, which I think was the last straw.
‘I’m ashamed to say I distanced myself from Barney when we lost Harry. I loved him, but loving him was a reminder of what we’d lost. My aunt and uncle made the decision to sell the business, they said it would be good for all of us to leave Leafbourne, and I saw the light at the end of a very dark tunnel, because it was my escape, a way to run from the pain. Barney and I divorced without ever seeing one another again and I moved on. It was the only way I could function without falling apart. And if ever I thought about Barney I tried to tell myself we were better off apart, that we would be bad for each other, that being together would stop either of us getting past our pain.’
‘I understand that more than you know, Lois,’ said Melissa. ‘Thank you for telling me, I know it can’t be easy.’ She watched Lois, hurting all over again, her hand shaking as this time she drank some of her tea when she lifted the cup. ‘I must admit we were wondering about the dress. Harvey was speculating that Barney had done away with his bride and kept the dress as a souvenir.’
Lois laughed as though talking about all this had been a form of catharsis as well as being intolerably painful. ‘Barney must’ve had his hands full with you two in his life.’
‘We kept him on his toes,’ Melissa admitted.
‘There’s something else too.’
‘You can tell me anything,’ Melissa encouraged, ‘honestly, I won’t judge.’
‘The final thing that convinced me that leaving Barney and Leafbourne was the right thing was when Roger came home from the marina and told me Barney had been hanging around there again – it wasn’t unusual, a whole group of them were regular customers, who mostly paid good money apart from the time Barney had indulged in the joyriding. But Roger told me he’d seen Barney with another woman, he made out that Barney was having an affair.’
‘And was he?’
‘I’m ashamed to say I didn’t even bother asking Barney about it. I doubt it was true, but it was the final excuse I needed to walk away. Every time I looked into Barney’s eyes I saw Harry. I saw our beautiful baby, and I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t escape the pain and I couldn’t face up to it either. I felt trapped. I had to run. And so I left Barney the letter, with my wedding dress. Up until then I hadn’t thrown out the gown even though it was effectively ruined because it hadn’t felt like the right thing to do after using the material in such a significant way. And so I left it for him to deal with.’
‘I don’t think he ever did,’ said Melissa. And now she knew that the dress had been the least of the worries he’d had to deal with on his own. ‘I think his way of coping was to eventually leave Leafbourne and come down here, settle somewhere nobody knew him. Not long after, he must have thrown himself into the organising of the Wedding Dress Ball and raising money for White Clover.’ She smiled across at Lois. ‘I understand why now, and maybe without anyone knowing what had happened, that was what saved him.’
‘Barney had always wanted a family,’ said Lois. ‘Perhaps it was you and your friend Harvey who saved him.’
‘I really hope so. And until this fall of his I’d say he’s been happy. He’s a well-loved, respected pillar of the community. Oh dear, I sound like I’m trying to sell him to you.’
‘Oh no, please…’ Lois reached out and squeezed Melissa’s hand to urge her to continue. ‘I want to hear all about him, please tell me. I want to know so much more.’
Now this, Melissa could do. She talked all about her days as a kid from the moment she befriended the man in the house with the
big barn by taking over a basket of eggs. She told Lois all about the apple trees she and Harvey had climbed, how they’d played in the barn after school, and about the times they’d watched the Wedding Dress Ball from the high-up beams until they were told to get down. She rambled on about Barney’s need to get everyone who lived in the Cove involved, how he spent most of his days cruising The Street and talking to people, how he’d supported her decision to leave the village when she so desperately needed to. And she told Lois more about the fall, how Barney wasn’t himself, his talk of a retirement home and giving up running the event he loved every year.
‘Thank you, Melissa, thank you for telling me Barney has had a good life. I always feared he’d never find himself after what happened.’
‘Did you find yourself when you left Leafbourne and Barney behind?’ She knew deep down that the question was partly about Lois and Barney, but also about herself.
‘You don’t get over the loss of a child but you learn a way of coping and moving forwards. I remarried, had two more children, I’ve been happy, I found a kind of peace. Sadly my husband passed away a while ago but my kids and grandkids are my joy.’
‘Wow, grandkids.’
‘They’re hard work but a lot of fun when I have the energy.’
When Melissa’s phone pinged with a message from Barney reminding her of the time for lunch, she quickly messaged him back to ensure him she’d be there. Some days she wondered if he panicked that she’d run again without telling him. She wouldn’t, and she hated the thought that he might be worried she would.
With her phone still in her hand she asked, ‘Would you like to see a picture of Barney?’
Smiling, Lois replied that she would, and she tentatively took the phone once Melissa had settled on one of the photographs she had on there. A couple of days ago, when Melissa was at Barney’s, they’d been mid card game and he was in the kitchen cutting slices of the chocolate and orange upside-down cake Celeste had delivered from the bakery. Melissa had managed to capture the Barney of old with a huge smile and laughter in his eyes as he teased her about the next game he was going to beat her at.
Eyes misted, unable to fully suppress the surge of emotions, Lois said, ‘I’d really like to go and see him in person.’
Melissa’s heart soared. ‘I was hoping you’d say that. Would you like me to talk to him first?’
‘I think I’ve stayed away long enough, it’s time. Although I do realise he may well tell me to bugger off.’
Melissa laughed. ‘I guess we won’t know until we try. Come on.’
And with a nervous Lois, it was time to find out whether her appearance could be the missing ingredient to bring back the man Barney had been before the fall, to make him see he wasn’t all that different, to get him to face his own pain so he too could move forwards.
Chapter Fourteen
Harvey parked his pickup in the courtyard at Barney’s. He was early for lunch but when he wandered inside and found no sign of Barney he went back through the gap in the trees and over to the barn. The door was ajar, he hadn’t noticed before, but he pulled the wooden panel open to find Barney inside, sitting on a hay bale, head leaning back against the wall behind.
‘What are you up to?’ Harvey asked.
‘I wanted to see the place, that’s all.’ He got up and shuffled slowly over to the walking frame and without another word made his way out of the barn. Harvey followed on after but it was a slow journey across to the house.
‘You sit in the chair, let me get you some water,’ said Harvey once they were inside. Barney didn’t argue. At least going outside and over to the barn that was still done up ready for the ball suggested a vague interest in the upcoming event. ‘Are you still happy with the way we’ve done the inside?’ Harvey asked him.
‘You’ve done a wonderful job, the both of you.’
‘Melissa has been bossing everyone around, we’re almost ready.’ Although she’d been keeping a low profile the last few days, avoiding him since they’d begun to get closer again. She’d called earlier but he’d hesitated to answer, he wasn’t sure whether he wouldn’t end up telling her exactly how he felt.
‘Glad to hear it, she won’t let anyone make a mess of it.’
‘Neither would I, Barney, neither would I.’
‘Talking of Melissa…’ Barney glanced at the clock. Sitting back in the chair, at least he had a bit more colour to his cheeks. ‘Where is she? Not like her to be late.’
Harvey wondered whether that was why she’d called him, was she making her excuses not to come? He looked around. ‘I thought we were having lunch.’
‘We are,’ Barney grinned. ‘Benjamin is bringing it over. I thought as it might be my last summer here in the house, I’d entertain properly, look after my two favourite people.’
‘Stop talking about it being your last summer, honestly, I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous.’
‘I’m getting old, no denying it.’
‘What’s Benjamin bringing?’ Best to change the subject, but he didn’t get far in his line of questioning because Melissa’s voice carried through from the back of the house.
‘Barney, it’s me,’ she trilled, coming into the lounge, her beaming smile raising Barney’s suspicions immediately.
‘What are you up to?’ was Barney’s first question.
‘I’m glad you’re sitting down.’ Melissa’s smile had faded a little as she went over to him and crouched down, putting her hand over his as he sat in his favourite chair. ‘I have someone here to see you.’
‘It’s not that blessed reporter from the gazette is it, fussing about photo shots on the night of the ball? I told him he could take as many as he wanted.’
‘It’s not the photographer, no.’ Melissa looked to Harvey and then back at Barney, and they all turned when another voice floated through the back door, calling out a hello.
Harvey looked up to see a woman about Barney’s age with bobbed pewter hair. She had a bag looped over her wrist, her hands clasped together in a way that suggested she was extremely nervous. And it was within seconds he realised who it was. He looked at Melissa, he looked at Barney. And he looked at Lois.
‘Come in,’ Melissa urged Lois, who was hovering, unsure what to do. Barney, uncharacteristically silent, didn’t move a muscle.
Lois took a few steps closer to Barney. How had Melissa managed this? And was Barney going to thank them for their interference or kill them with his bare hands?
When Barney still couldn’t find his voice Harvey found his own instead and introduced himself to their overwhelmed visitor. ‘It’s lovely to meet you, Lois.’
‘Likewise.’ But she was focused on Barney, nobody else, and he was still in his chair staring at her in disbelief, blinking now and again as though this apparition may vanish if he wasn’t careful.
Barney looked across at Lois. ‘You’re here,’ was all he said.
‘I’m here,’ she smiled, bravely sitting on the sofa opposite.
Harvey heard Melissa’s sharp intake of air and he cocked his head to indicate they go outside and leave Barney and Lois to talk.
‘Did you know she was coming?’ he asked the second they were out in the fresh air.
Melissa briefly explained Ashley’s summons to White Clover, meeting Lois for the first time, the story Lois had shared with her. ‘I tried calling you earlier, I wasn’t sure how to handle it.’
He sat next to her on the big tree stump that was wide enough for two. ‘Barney and Lois went through hell,’ he said with a shake of his head. ‘No wonder they both buckled under the strain.’
‘It would’ve been a dreadful time.’ She swished a persistent fly away from her arm. ‘I still can’t quite believe she’s here. I wonder if Barney’s found his tongue yet.’
‘Never seen him so quiet,’ Harvey grinned.
Barney and Lois’s situation might be very different to his and Melissa’s, it may have spanned decades rather than five years, but even he could see the si
milarities. Lois had left Barney, Melissa had left him; Lois and Barney had shared pain and dealt with it alone, he and Melissa weren’t so different.
They stayed outside enjoying the sunshine as they talked more about what Lois had told Melissa. And just when they were contemplating going to the convenience store for a cold drink and some food because they could hardly wander inside, Barney and Lois appeared in the courtyard.
‘The food is heating up in the oven,’ Barney said as though this were a day like any other.
Harvey went straight over because Barney wasn’t using his walking frame. He was linking Lois’s arm but she was slight-framed, everything about her was delicate, and Harvey didn’t want Barney to lean his weight on the woman and send her flying.
‘You’re fussing again.’ But at least Barney was smiling when he delivered the remark. ‘I can move just fine.’
‘But you’ve needed your frame up until now,’ Melissa pointed out, ‘and you’ve barely moved since you got out of hospital. You’ll put yourself right back there if you’re not careful.’
Barney and Lois looked at one another, the decades seemingly falling away. Barney kept his eyes on Lois when he said, ‘I’m fine, it’ll take a lot to break me. I wanted to show Lois the barn and then we’ll eat the pasta bake Benjamin made. He even delivered a container of fresh salad when he came by a moment ago.’
Harvey realised he and Melissa must’ve been so heavily engrossed in one another that they hadn’t heard anyone else arrive at the house.
‘I’m surprised he’s managing so well,’ Harvey whispered to Melissa as they followed Barney and Lois towards the barn. Harvey pulled both doors fully open, fixing them back with the hooks, and sunlight flooded into the interior, casting a glow on the stage, the golden hay bales, the barrels they’d brought in, the photograph display wall.
‘Nothing like love in the air to make you stronger,’ Melissa whispered to him when Barney and Lois went inside, their bodies close, hands joined.
It almost felt as though they were intruding. ‘At least now we don’t have to venture out for a drink. I’ll go and grab us something.’ While Melissa waited outside in the courtyard he fetched two glasses of apple juice. His didn’t last the journey outside, he was so thirsty.
Coming Home to Heritage Cove Page 24