by Emery Jacobs
Layla giggles and turns toward me on the barstool where she’s sitting. “I didn’t forget, but I was thinking that even though it really wasn’t a scare to you, it was to Jack. You said y’all have never discussed having kids or what would happen if you accidentally got pregnant, right?”
I nod as I scoot in closer to her. I’m done with everyone in this room hearing all about my problems. “I’ve always been on the pill, and he knows that, so we’ve never had a reason to talk about it.”
She leans in and then covers my hand, which is resting on the countertop with hers. “Jack loves you, and I promise all of this will work itself out. You’re both under a lot of stress.” She lifts her lips, giving me a small smile. “You’ve been crazy busy with finals, and he’s been working more, so it’s understandable for y’all to be a little off right now.”
“I don’t want to be off. I want everything to be the way it’s been forever. It’s not like I’ve never had finals before. I’ve been in school since we started dating.” I slip my hand from underneath hers, grab my Diet Coke, and take a long pull from the straw. The cool liquid slides down my throat, but it doesn’t give me what I need. What I need is about four shots of tequila and a gallon of ice cream, but that’s a no-go because I try not to day drink, and also, my ass wouldn’t appreciate the calories that would come with the false sense of comfort I’d get from the sugary rush of my favorite rocky road treat.
I set my drink down and suck in a deep breath. “And it’s not like this is the first time Jack’s had to work more hours. I mean, any time one of the guys or Annie takes a vacation, he almost always volunteers to work.” I rest my elbow on the ledge of the bar as I move in even closer to my friend. “It’s just that nothing has ever interfered with our sex life. I mean nothing, and it’s scaring me.”
“I don’t think Jack would ever—”
“Don’t even say it.” I cut her off because we are not going down that road. Jack is not a cheater, and I will not allow her to even say the words out loud. My motto is to never verbalize something terrible because then it puts it out there in the world to possibly happen.
“How do you know what I was going to say?” Her perfectly shaped eyebrows scrunch together. “I could’ve been going to say I don’t think Jack would ever go an entire month without having sex. For Christ’s sake, Jovie, it’s only been two weeks. Don’t always assume the worst.” She wiggles on her stool before taking another sip of her drink.
“I call bullshit. You know that’s not what you were going to say.” I know and she knows she was going to hint that maybe Jack’s doing something he shouldn’t, like seeing someone else or hooking up with random girls. Dammit! This is what I don’t want. I don’t want to think about the idea of him doing anything that would involve cheating because he wouldn’t, and I know it. That said, I’m worried Layla may not be as confident about it as I am. Hell, she’s marrying a guy who’s in a rock band and never worries. Why can’t I be the type of person who never worries? Because your anxiety won’t allow it.
“How do you know? Geez, sometimes I think you enjoy worrying about shit that’s out of your control.”
“Out of my control, huh? We’ll have to see about that.” I grin smugly.
Layla hops off her barstool and stands directly in front of me before raising an eyebrow. “I know that look, Jovie Blake. You’re up to something.”
“I’m not up to anything.” She knows me too well. She’s right, I am up to something, but dammit, I don’t have a choice. Either I worry myself into a panic attack or I nip this little problem in the bud.
“I’m your best friend, so there’s no need to bullshit me. Spill.”
I grab her wrists and pull her in a bit closer, and the smile on her face grows.
“I scheduled an appointment for a tattoo,” I say with a little apprehension, because let’s face it—how hard up do you have to be to schedule an appointment to see your boyfriend?
“Another tattoo? When did you decide to do that? And why haven’t you mentioned it?”
I release her wrists and she steps away from me. “Hello! I’m not really getting a tattoo. I scheduled the appointment so I could spend an hour or so with Jack.”
“Oh… I think that’s a great idea.” She waggles her eyebrows and smiles.
“Really? Because I was a little worried about the whole idea of tricking him into spending time with me.” I hate that my voice sounds so insecure, but a part of me feels like an idiot to have done this—although another part of me feels like it’s the best idea ever.
“Absolutely. You’ll have an hour alone with him inside his station with the door shut and locked. I’d make the most of that time—if you know what I mean.” Her smile transforms into a smirk.
My original plan was to take my scheduled appointment time and spend it hanging out and talking, just basically having some us time, something we both need desperately. I wasn’t planning to lock him in a room and screw his brains out for an hour, but now that she suggests it….
“Are you proposing that I lock my boyfriend in his station and then seduce him?” My teeth pull at my bottom lip as my mind runs a million miles a minute considering all the possibilities.
Layla leans against the bar and crosses her ankles. “Who said anything about seduce? You’re past that point in the relationship. You need to walk into his station, close and lock the door, and then take back what’s yours.” Her eyes widen and grow bright. “Wow, that sounded really hot, huh?”
I nod. “Yep, and I’m not going to sit around and watch our relationship deteriorate. It’s time for me to make something happen instead of waiting on him.”
“That’s my girl.” She chuckles. “You go take your man back, and then we’ve got a wedding to plan.” She winks and gives me a quick hug. Layla grabs her phone from the bar, looks down at the screen, and tenses. “Speaking of weddings, I’ve got to run. I have a meeting with the florist in ten minutes.”
“Go, go!” I say as she rushes toward the exit.
“We’ll talk about this later, and I want all the details!” she shouts as she disappears out the door.
5
Jovie
Two weeks before Christmas
I pull open the door to Southern Stain with a shaky hand. I’ve yet to understand why I’m so nervous. I’ve been here to visit Jack a hundred times over the last few years. I’ve even hung out with him for hours while he worked alone, helping him answer the phone and wait on customers while he was busy creating his art in the back. For some reason, though, today feels different, like I’m doing something wrong.
I step inside the building, take a deep breath, and then slowly release it. Then I run my sweating palms over the short pleated skirt I’m wearing. I glance down at my red Mary Janes and black socks that are a little longer than knee-highs but don’t quite reach my thighs. This is not my typical daily attire, but it’s one of Jack’s favorites—even though I can’t remember the last time I wore it during the day.
“Jovie, hey.” Annie’s voice floats across the room as she makes her way to me. Annie is Jack’s best friend. They grew up together in Dallas and moved to Houston after high school. When Jack and I first started dating, it seemed weird for him to have a female best friend, but it didn’t take me long to realize their relationship was just like mine and Layla’s. Their friendship has never caused any problems for us, and actually, Annie and I have become really close too.
“Hi. Is Jack busy?” I ask, knowing if he is then he should be finishing up because my appointment is at two o’clock and it’s currently five minutes till.
“Hmm….” She looks over her shoulder down the long hallway toward his station. “I’m not sure. Did he know you were coming?” She walks across the lobby, eating up the distance between us.
I’m kind of at a loss for words because I’m embarrassed to tell her I made an appointment, but I don’t want to lie and let her assume he knew I was coming because he didn’t or doesn’t. Shit, now my stomac
h is in knots and my knees are wobbly. I just need to see Jack, and then I’ll feel better; plus I’m sure he has no clue I’m even on his schedule unless he checked it, which I know he never checks his daily itinerary.
“No, he’s not expecting me, but….” Deep laughter cuts me off before my gaze moves from Annie to the long hallway leading to my boyfriend’s station.
Jack. I’d recognize his voice anywhere. A light airy tone follows his as Jack and a tall blonde step out of his station. The blonde touches his arm before saying something that’s obviously funny because their laughter continues as they move toward the lobby. I understand what my boyfriend does for a living. He creates art on the bodies of both men and women. Sometimes it’s in a place where everyone can see, and sometimes it’s not. He’s seen tits in every size, butt cheeks, and even skin that is usually covered by panties. I pride myself on not being a jealous girlfriend. This is his job. I trust him completely, but today it feels like something different.
The blonde is wearing tight skinny jeans with heels, and her legs go on forever. I swear they’re twice as long as mine. Her tank is red and fits snuggly across her chest—her very large chest. As she gets closer, I notice the writing on it says Southern Stain. Wait a second… I glance over at Annie, and she forces a smile onto her face. My eyes move to her T-shirt, which has the same Southern Stain logo as the one gracing the tank. I’m kind of confused as to who this woman is. She’s definitely a woman, most likely late twenties or early thirties—closer to Jack’s age than mine.
Jack continues to make his way to the lobby while chatting with the blonde. He still hasn’t seen me, and it’s probably because the counter is blocking his vision. I’m certain it’s not because he’s so engrossed in conversation that he doesn’t realize there are other people in the shop.
Annie’s eyes flit from me to Jack and then back to me. “He’s been training the new girl,” she whispers, so softly I’m certain no one else heard her.
The new girl? What new girl? Jack has never said anything about a new girl. My mind’s racing, and my breaths are short and choppy. Oh shit. I squeeze my eyes closed and focus on my breathing in an attempt to stop the anxiety attack before it hits. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t, but I’m going to try my hardest not to let this conversation throw me into a full-blown meltdown. I refuse to have a panic attack over something I’ve manifested in my mind. Jack hasn’t touched me in weeks. The fake pregnancy scare. He’s never home. Stop doing this to yourself. Your mind is your worst enemy.
“Are you okay?” Annie’s voice is still soft, but she’s closer. Luckily, she pulls me away from my thoughts for a few seconds.
I slowly open my eyes and focus on her worried face. “Yes.” No. I want to run away or maybe curl up in a corner somewhere, hiding from everyone and everything because of the embarrassment that follows losing control of my sanity.
“Jovie?” Jack’s questioning voice draws near, and my eyes immediately travel to him. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. I swallow hard around the lump in my throat as I try to fight the tingling moving up my arms and neck, settling on my left cheek. “Are you okay?” I nod because right now that’s all I can manage to do.
“I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” The voice is the same airy tone from before, and I know it belongs to the blonde. Jack nods in her direction without speaking.
My gaze shifts from Jack to the woman as she walks out the door.
A wave of nausea hits my belly as the clammy feeling I know all too well settles over me.
“You’re pale. When’s the last time you had something to eat?” Annie’s soft voice resonates from beside me.
“I’m fine, really. I just need to sit down for a minute,” I lie. What I need to do is get back in my car and drive home, crawl up in bed, and forget I made a fool out of myself.
“Jovie,” Jack whispers as he reaches for my arm. “Jovie,” he repeats, pulling me into his chest. He knows what’s happening, and I love him so much for trying to help me. He hates it as much as I do that this anxiety demon has so much control of my life.
I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my cheek against his chest just as the tingling starts in my fingers and moves up my arms until a twitch takes over my right eye. “It’s happening, Jack, and I can’t stop it,” I mumble against his T-shirt.
Even though Jack saw me have an attack when I first moved to town almost four years ago, it still doesn’t make me feel any better about him watching me fall apart. I squeeze my eyes closed and take deep breaths, slowly counting to ten. Jack kisses the top of my head and rubs the back of my neck gently. “It’s okay, babe, just breathe. Just breathe,” he says.
I’m okay. It’s just anxiety. I take in a deep breath. “One. Two. Three,” I mumble against Jack’s hard chest. I release the breath and do it again. “One. Two. Three.” And release. I feel better already. I don’t know if it’s my breathing exercises or because Jack’s holding me; it’s probably a combination of both. I slowly open my eyes, tilt my head back, and look at him. Worry is etched all over his face, and I feel like an idiot.
My plan was to wear his favorite outfit, flirt a bit, and have him fuck me against the wall in his station. But in the end, I walked in here looking like a child next to the woman he’s “training,” and then to top it all off, I had a freaking panic attack.
“Sorry, I don’t know what happened. One minute I was fine and the next I couldn’t breathe.” I release my hold from around his waist, but my eyes never leave his.
“Damn, baby,” he mumbles quietly as he covers his face with his hands. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry, I wanted to surprise you and—” I hesitate for a beat. “Instead I ruined everything.” I shake my head and look away for a couple of seconds. Why can’t life go back to the way it was two months ago? What changed? Whatever it is, it’s made me someone I don’t want to be—insecure, needy, lonesome.
“You haven’t ruined anything. I am surprised.” He smirks and reaches for my hand. “Come on. Let’s go talk until my next appointment shows up.” He winks and tugs me down the hallway toward his station.
6
Jovie
“I am your next appointment,” I tell Jack with an unsteady voice as the door to his station closes behind us.
“What do you mean you’re my next appointment?” He lets out a soft chuckle, like he thinks I’m joking, before reaching around me and securing the lock.
My insides tremble as I wrestle with how I’m going to explain how I wanted to surprise him so I just basically took money out of his pocket because I blocked off his book for the next hour.
“I went online and scheduled an appointment with you today.” My gaze meets his.
He shakes his head and squints slightly. “I don’t understand why you would do that unless you really want another tattoo, and even then, you should have told me so we could have done this on one of my days off.” He looks puzzled, almost confused. It’s obvious he’s not as okay with this idea as I thought he would be when I planned it. “Do you want one… a tattoo?” He grips my wrist and moves me across the small room toward the dark leather couch in the back.
I stop walking. “No, but I also didn’t mean for everything to play out the way it has since I walked through the door today.”
Jack hesitates and turns to face me. “What happened out there?” He motions toward the closed door. “Did something trigger the attack?” He takes a step toward me.
“Nothing triggered it. I just suddenly started feeling overwhelmed and then… well, you know the way it works.” Lies. Lies. Lies. There is no way in hell I’m telling him that seeing him being so friendly with the “new girl” sent me spiraling into a panic attack. I bite my lower lip and shift my eyes downward, looking at the floor. “I hate that I can’t control my anxiety, Jack. Do you know how embarrassing it is?”
“Come here, baby.” He pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me tightly. I want to scream. I
want to cry. I want to be normal and live without fear of freaking out and falling apart at any given minute.
“I’m sorry about today. I’ve just….” I hesitate a beat and pull away from him so I can look at his face.
“You’ve what?” he asks, cupping my face.
“I’ve missed you.” There, I said it, and it’s the truth. I’ve missed him terribly. I’ve missed the way we were until a few short weeks ago. I want it back, and I’m willing to fight for it.
“I’m right here. I haven’t been anywhere, and I’m not going anywhere.” He leans in and presses his warm mouth against my cheek, brushing it lightly. A shiver races through me, hitting every single nerve ending in my entire body. It seems like it’s been so long without his touch that any attention he gives me sets me on fire. “What do you want, Jovie? Just tell me and I promise I’ll make it happen,” he whispers against my lips.
A soft moan escapes my chest as he kisses me harder. His hands slide down my arms, leaving a trail of goose bumps. I bite and suck on his lower lip as my gaze meets his. Burning desire is all I see in his dark eyes. “Touch me,” I whisper.
“Here?” He tugs at the hem of my shirt as his fingers graze my stomach. “Or here?” He lifts my skirt and toys with the elastic band of my panties. A shudder races up my spine, and the greedy side of me wants to scream “Both. Take it all!” But I don’t. Instead I gather all my restraint and force myself not to rip off his clothes and just take what I want from him. I slow my breathing as I wait, playing the game with him, hoping it won’t be too much longer before he can’t take the torture and gives me what I came here for.