by Dan Davis
“You've accepted it fully? How wonderful. You are quite right. Yes, that's the spirit, son. You could not be more right. And keep up the good work,” the Director said. “Thank you for taking the time to stop by and see me today. I will let you have your weekly meeting with Milena now.”
When Ram and Milena were in the corridor and the Director's door slid shut, Ram mumbled to her. “What was the point of that little audience?”
“Come on,” Milena said.
They walked in silence through the white-tiled corridors until they got to Milena's counseling room and Ram took his usual, oversized chair across from her normal one. It was nice to sit down in comfort and he stretched out his legs and reached up. He was hungry and aching all over. He felt quite good.
“Seriously, what was all that about? Why did Director Zuma bother to ask me to go see her today?”
“Perhaps she is worried about you.” Milena seemed distracted.
“Didn't seem like it. She told me she thought I was doing great.”
“You may have noticed that what people say does not necessarily tell you what they are thinking. Zuma tells you that she will always tell you the truth and then proceeds to do nothing but lie to you.”
Ram sat up straighter. He had never seen Milena express such bitterness before. Not so explicitly.
“What’s she lying about?”
Milena looked around the empty room. “Nothing. She is simply concerned about you and your endless questions. And how they distract you from your true purpose here.”
“What endless questions?”
Milena sighed. “You know what questions. About why you were left unconscious for months before being woken up. About why you were really chosen. About how many people are onboard the ship, its exact dimensions and capabilities, how many marines we have onboard and what armament they bear. What our course is, how many ships are we building back on Earth, what communications and automated weapons platforms are there in deep space. You can understand why these sorts of questions make a soldier like Director Zuma nervous, right?”
“No, I don’t understand. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t have any way of communicating with Earth and telling the world all your secrets. And I wouldn’t do it anyway.”
“You wouldn’t?” Milena tilted her head. “Do you not consider it an ethical duty to inform the people of the world of our impending destruction?”
“Well, yeah I guess I do,” Ram admitted. “I think we should tell them. But information about the Orb is already out there and no one cares. There’s no point me doing it by myself, who am I? No one knows me, I’d be ignored.”
Milena smiled. “Admitting you would break our rules if only it could be successful is the kind of thing Zuma is concerned about.”
“Fine, don’t tell me about all the big secrets, whatever. But you can tell me about myself, can’t you, at least? Tell me exactly what was done to me and I’ll stop asking. You claim to subscribe to this whole honesty policy but your get out is that you can withhold information if it negatively impacts the mission. Not telling me means either your whole policy is bullshit or that the truth is somehow totally devastating. Or maybe both. Why not just lie? Just tell me anything, bullshit me convincingly and I’ll just stop asking.”
“I’m afraid we just don't do that, Ram.”
“You know what I think it might be? What you're doing is a way of modifying my behavior so that I commit more fully to abandoning what's left of my own desires, my own freedom and self-determination. You obviously know that withholding information makes the subjects paranoid. You’re driving Alina crazy with all the secrets, she thinks all kinds of mad stuff. Of course you know all this, so it must be by design. The increased tension and distrust within the group dynamic enhances performance, right?”
“Did you not mean it when you said to the Director that your own safety and security and needs were unimportant compared to this mission?”
Ram sat back. “Okay, I know, I’m being ridiculous. I’m acting like a child, demanding stuff I can’t have because I don’t understand. But I’m not a child and I want answers. I can’t shake the feeling I’m being lied to about everything.”
“But are you truly willing to sacrifice yourself for the survival of humanity?”
“Sure. We all are, right? I meant it. I get it. You need Alina or Mael to be the best they can be, peaking in performance at just the right moment in three months’ time as we reach the Orb. I'm committed. I get it. I've studied the recordings from the previous fights. You’ve watched me get instantly killed by Wheelhunters at a hundred percent in the Avar sims so I know what a mountain we're facing. I know even those two will have the odds stacked against them. But we have to make it work, we have to get Alina into the right space and I’m willing to help her get there.”
Milena pulled absently at her bottom lip while she contemplated Ram. “How is she?”
“I'm sure you know better than I do how Alina is. Don' t you speak to her driver? Don't you have her readings or whatever? You can look into our chemistry, our brain function.”
“You are the one having sexual intercourse with her on a nightly basis.”
Ram laughed, though he didn’t find it funny. “You know it's not nightly. Not even close. Thanks for all the surges of vasopressin, by the way. Could you dial up the oxytocin next time? I can't get enough of that stuff, makes me feel so content.”
“You have to go easy with oxytocin. Any more and you'll be falling in love with Alina.”
“Nonsense.”
“Are you the biochemist or am I? Anyway, your oxytocin is spiking plenty enough every time you look at Sifa.”
“It spikes by itself or do you spike it? I never know how much of what I'm feeling is really what I'm feeling. How much of my day to day life is you making me do and think what you want me to think?”
“Will you believe any answer that I give? Or will you assume I'm telling you what will elicit the best performance for the mission?”
“I think I recognize the truth when I see it.”
She had the good grace to resist laughing in his face.
“Please, Ram, tell me about Alina.”
“Are you actually worried about her? Because you should be. I don't know her, not really but she seems stranger than usual, the last few weeks. Talks about freedom all the time. About Artificial Persons, about how they are slaves and how we are all slaves, ultimately. How there's no free will for anyone. For the Artificial Persons and for us most of all.”
Milena nodded as he was talking. “Has she told you anything about what she's planning?”
“No. And I’m being honest, here. What is she up to?”
“Her driver, Noomi, and me, we are concerned about her.”
“What does Bediako think? What about old Director Zuma back there?”
“Alina’s driver and I would rather keep our concerns to ourselves at the moment.”
“Is that even possible on this ship? Why would you do that?”
“Our concern is that she would be removed from participation in the mission. Neither of us wants to see that and nor do you. Despite the fact that she has begun sleeping more often with Sifa rather than with you, she is still your best protection. She is the only person who can stand up to Mael, one on one.”
“And I'd rather she be the savior of humanity than Mael.”
“You would?” Milena said. “And would you help her to achieve that?”
He hesitated, feeling the question was heavily loaded. “Sure.”
She looked at him for a while. “What is playing on Alina's mind, would you say?” Milena asked.
Ram scratched his chin. “Who knows?”
“I think maybe you know.”
“Are you testing me to see if I will give up her secrets? It seems you know all about it, whatever it is. You'll just have to believe me when I say I don't know. Or don't believe me, up to you.”
Milena looked at him for a long moment.
He h
eld her gaze, realizing that he was right. Milena clearly did know what was wrong with Alina and she was testing Ram, trying to find out if he knew too. He did not. Alina remained as much a mystery to him as she had when he first met her, even though he’d had sex with her plenty of times.
Milena looked away and spoke to someone not present in the room. “Alright, bring her in.”
The rear door slid open and Alina ducked inside the room.
Behind Alina came her driver, Noomi plus the intelligence officer called Diego. They were like children beside her. The three of them hurried inside the room, taking the last three chairs, the door closing with a soft thump after them.
“What is this?” Ram said, staring between them. “Were you listening to all that?”
Alina nodded a greeting at Ram as she sat next to him.
“We don't have much time,” Milena said, leaning in and speaking hurriedly. “We must be quick before we are discovered together.”
“Isn't everything on this ship monitored?” Ram whispered. “All the time?”
“I set things up pretty good,” Diego said. “I have totally hacked the security systems throughout the ship, no one knows. And I gave us a cover so we can meet unobserved. Our monitoring devices are showing all of us as being where we’re supposed to be right now, don’t worry.”
“Before we go any further,” Milena said,” we must remember that the mission has to come first. And we must retain control of our emotions.”
“What is this?” Ram asked. Alina looked him square in the eye. Her driver was a Nigerian woman called Noomi, slim and tall. Not a million miles away from Sifa’s physique yet Noomi had a hard, somewhat unkind face.
“Always it seemed suspicious to many of us,” Alina said. “The way that Mael could kill Samira so easily, without her fighting back in any way. It was obvious that Bediako, Zuma and Zhukov and the others were hiding the truth from us. A few weeks ago, one of our friends onboard finally decrypted some of the reports. They described how Samira had been remotely paralyzed just as Mael moved in to attack her. She was unable to defend herself. And he killed her.”
Ram looked at Alina, as he knew she had been close - and physically so - with Samira. But the Russian giant sat hunched in her chair like a gargoyle.
“Why?” Ram asked.
Alina shrugged her enormous shoulders. “My performance was degenerating. I cared too much for Samira, did not focus on training so much, stayed awake all night with her rather than rest. Without me pushing him, Mael’s performance also dropped.”
Noomi cut in. “Mael was exhibiting erratic behaviors too. Everyone knew what he was but they thought they could control it. They had kept a lid on his tendencies for a year, they hoped they had solved it but it was not to be. His compulsions had been buried, dormant. But he needed to commit a murder.”
“I don’t understand,” Ram said.
Milena picked up the story from Noomi. “The ship’s AIs and the mission leaders evaluated possible courses and concluded that the most efficient changes in performance would be to have Mael kill Samira. He would be cured, for a while at least, and once Alina got over her grief, she would fight even harder to be the one to beat Mael. So that is why they arranged it.”
“I never heard exactly what happened.”
Alina snorted. “Neither did we until recently. They got Mael to isolate her in her quarters, locked the other doors, then hijacked Milena’s hormone control of Samira to make her angry, confrontational. But Mael did not need encouragement. Just to make sure their precious hero would not be damaged, they remotely paralyzed her. He beat her to death. She would have been conscious but unable to move while he savaged her.”
Ram wiped his hands over his face.
“They?”
Milena answered. “Director Zuma, Bediako, probably Chief Executive Zhukov.”
“And now they have you in their sights,” Alina said.
So he’s not given up trying to hurt me now, Mael’s really trying to kill me?”
“Not yet,” Alina said. “If he was, truly, you would be dead already. But they have decided to sacrifice you. Give Mael what he needs once again. And I would train harder and so would he. The cycle would continue. I would see your death as a personal affront.”
“I appreciate it. So what do we do about it?”
“Nothing,” Alina said. “Yet.”
“We cannot let on that we know, or else we may be removed from the mission,” Milena said.
“I can’t believe that they would go through all this with me. Transplanting me, waking me, training me. Only to then kill me. Doesn't make sense.”
The other three exchanged a series of looks. Milena opened her mouth. Closed it again.
“What?” Ram said. “Come on, what?”
“We found the reports,” Milena said, indicating Noomi. “Diego decrypted them. There is no doubt that your entire purpose on this ship, in this Project, on this mission, has been to create certain outcomes for the primary subjects.”
“Speak plainly,” Alina said. “Rama Seti, they woke you from a coma, gave you this body, for one reason alone. So that you may be killed by Mael.”
19. SACRIFICE
Ram looked around the small group.
“But I just saw Director Zuma, she just told me that I was doing well, that I was exceeding their expectations. I have been working harder than I ever worked before at anything and I’ve been killing it.”
He sighed. He realized how much he’d been taken for a ride and his sigh turned into a bitter laugh.
“Those assholes. The sole reason they kidnapped me, gave me this body, brought me to the outer solar system, trained me… was so that Mael could kill me? Come on, that’s got to be the biggest waste of resources of all time. What would be the point of that?”
Milena unfolded her screen and began to read aloud. “This is from the final report sent to Director Zuma to review before you were selected. By the way, your designation was Omega-14. Our projections indicate that the proposed Subject O-14's lack of experience will increase Subject Alpha's objective performance across the board. Alpha's deep-seated contempt for unearned positions of authority will have a significant impact on the social environment of the subject group as a whole. O-14 is of Indian ethnicity and this will have a number of benefits. Alpha is moderately racist, holding negative views on mainly those he perceives as of North African, Middle Eastern and Central Asian descent. Further, O-14 has an almost identical natural skin color to Subject Omicron - that was Samira - likely to cause Alpha to recall his homicide of Omicron. We believe Alpha is repressing guilt about the death, at least on some level, which will cause tension and confusion for Alpha, destabilizing him further. Due to synergies in personalities, it is predicted Subject Beta will befriend O-14 and, with the right social and hormonal encouragement, engage in a sexual relationship. O-14's pornography record shows preference for women similar in appearance and personality type to a pre-bonded Epsilon - that's Sifa, as if you couldn't guess. Epsilon prefers her sexual partners to be significantly weaker willed than she is and so this is another possible pairing opportunity. After Epsilon rejected Alpha during training Stage 2, this may increase conflict between them. If O-14 is bonded with an upgraded body type 2115-C then his strength rating should create a specific point of conflict. Escalation of this conflict should draw in other subjects to both sides. We anticipate Alpha will kill O-14 within the first three months of his activation and thus inspire a jump in performance similar to the Omicron leap and plateau. Other possible outcomes all lead to varying degrees of performance enhancement. See attached Gantt chart for proposed project timescales. Anyway, it goes on and there's sixty pages of detail but you get the idea.”
Ram realized that his jaw was hanging open. Everyone was looking at him but he was unsure where to start. Outrage was there but it was buried beneath a lot of confusion and denial. “I was already on the ship at this point? I was selected from what? Who else was there to choose from?”
/>
“There are forty-eight backup subjects onboard this ship in a persistent coma.”
“Backup subjects who have undergone a corporectomy,” Alina said, as if she had a bad taste in her mouth.
“Forty-eight?” Ram wasn’t sure he heard her right. “They brought almost fifty heads into the outer system?”
“They wanted to cover many variables. Each person has a specific range of skills, experience and traits.”
“But what happens to the heads that don't get put onto a body?”
Alina answered. “They will never wake up.”
“Are they all like me? Taken against their will? If they never get revived then they have been murdered.”
“If they are considered at all by UNOP then it would be as necessary sacrifices for the good of the mission, for the great project as a whole,” Milena said. “What are fifty people compared to billions?”
Ram nodded, though the thought of comatose, beheaded people nearby on the Victory was too disturbing to think about. He had been one of them. Could have remained one, if not for the conclusions in that report.
“It doesn't even mention my Avar experience,” Ram said, astonished.
“It's in the appendix,” Milena said.
“I'm just a sacrifice.”
“Afraid so.”
Ram felt defeated. Director Zuma had lied to his face, telling him he’d been recruited for his Avar experience, recalling his virtual achievements as if she was impressed and the whole time she had known that his purpose was to be a murder victim. Even that morning, she’d given him a pat on the back and further encouragement, as if she was impressed. He couldn’t believe it.
And despite his disadvantages and worries, he’d been doing well in the training, he thought, giving it everything, all day long, every day that he had been in the ludus.
And it was for nothing.
“Why did you even tell me this? I mean, you’re telling me it's all planned out, since before I woke up here. What are we going to do about it?”