by Cathryn Fox
His bushy brows collide as he frowns at me. “Now why would anyone want to steal your key?”
“No idea,” I say and follow him down the stairs to the car. It’s not like we really have any valuables, and no one has attempted to break in. “I guess it does sound kind of crazy.” Or maybe I’m the crazy one. So preoccupied with my neighbor and future, I have no idea if I’m coming or going anymore.
I carefully back out of the driveway, and glance at Jesse’s place as we head to Dad’s appointment. I adjust the radio to my favorite station, and turn it down a bit.
“Have you given any more thought about Harvard?” Dad asks, as I pull into traffic.
I shrug, not sure if he’s talking about me or Jesse, and take a left at the corner. A few minutes later, as I drive by Burgers and Brews, I spot Tara and Colin in deep conversation beside his car. I’m beginning to wonder if the two are hooking up, but Tara isn’t one to hone in on anyone’s man. She knows I like Colin and she’s the one who put this ridiculous plan into motion.
“I don’t know, Dad,” I say. One of my biggest goals is to get him to a better climate. I cast him a glance. “How do you feel about moving?”
He always told me he was good with any decision I made, but now I’m beginning to second guess that. Why is he pushing Harvard all of a sudden? Is this his way of keeping Jesse and me together? He’s willing to sacrifice his health for me? God, I feel so bad that I’ve been keeping the truth from him.
“I want what you want, kiddo,” he says, and an uneasy feeling grows in my belly. I’m not sure I can ever have what I want, and if I move, am I taking Dad away from a place he really wants to be? He’s always so vague when I ask him. He wants the decision to be mine, but a little bit of input would be nice.
A short while later, I pull into the clinic’s driveway. I’m about to go in with him, but he waves me away.
“Go for a walk, and get a coffee. You look like you can use it. I’m fine on my own. I’ll text you when I’m done.”
I nod. He’s a grown man, and likes to do things on his own when he can. Plus, he deserves his privacy, just like I deserve mine in certain matters, like online dating. I still can’t believe he went ahead and did that without my permission.
“Sounds like a plan, actually.” I stifle a yawn. “I could use a cup.” I glance up and down the street and seek out the closest coffee shop.
“I shouldn’t be too long,” he informs me and makes his way toward the door. Once he disappears inside, I turn and begin a trek down the sidewalk. I pass by the Massachusetts College of Art and Design, and study the building and people milling about. I continue on a little more until I come to the medical school’s admissions office and my steps pause.
I stand there for a long moment. Would grabbing literature on the program for Jesse be overstepping my boundaries? Then again, could a little nudge be such a bad thing? If he doesn’t make a move soon, it’s going to be too late for him, and life is freaking short, Jesse and I both know that. One minute a person is here, the next they aren’t. I never want to see him look back one day and regret never having chased his dreams.
Am I chasing mine?
I turn my thoughts back to the man I’m in love with. It won’t be easy pursuing a medical degree when you’re a full-time father running a business, but maybe it’s time he revaluated his life and nailed down what was important for his future.
“Oh, what can it hurt?” I mumble to myself and make my way inside. About twenty minutes later, armed with literature that Jesse could easily have gotten online, but might never have, I grab a coffee and trek back to the car. I sit inside and look over the information as I wait for Dad, but as I do, I consider my future.
Do I really want to move to California?
If I don’t, what would it mean for Dad?
What would it mean for Jesse and me?
My heart beats a little faster as I run numerous scenarios through my rattled brain. Mainly, if I told Jesse how I felt, and he didn’t feel the same way, what would that mean for our friendship? But how can I move to the other side of the country and continue to wonder, what if? But what about children…
Jesus, could this be any more complicated.
I tap on the steering wheel, and work to wipe the worry from my brain as Dad walks down the steps and makes his way toward me. I tuck the information into my backpack and toss it into the back seat. Dad is singing a tune as he climbs into the passenger seat.
“Sounds like it was a good visit.”
He winks at me. “I might not be ready to run the Boston Marathon, but I can make it to paint night at the pub tonight.”
I grin, my heart full of gratitude that he’s doing so much better. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost him too.
I can’t lose Jesse.
With that thought bouncing around inside my brain, I drive Dad home. Once he’s settled in the house, I change my clothes, and put Jesse’s car back in his driveway. I dart up his stairs, and knock on his door. Just barging in doesn’t seem right, even though he told me I never have to knock. He’s a single guy, what if I walked in on him with…someone?
Okay, now where did that thought come from? I work to push down the lump rising in my throat when he opens the door, looking so sexy in nothing but his jeans, I resist the urge to throw myself at him.
“Hey,” he says, as I hand over his keys. His eyes go wide in surprise.
“What?” I ask.
“You didn’t lose them?”
“Funny guy.” He slides his arm around my waist and drags me to him. His warm body heat seeps under my skin. My hands land on his broad shoulders, and I give a little squeeze. “Apparently, it’s only my house key I lose.”
“Which you do on purpose.”
I lift my chin. “Excuse me?”
“Come on, stop denying it.” He dips his head, his mouth inches from mine. “You keep losing it so you can come over here just to get ravished.”
I’d have been tossing my key away for years if I had known it meant getting touched and kissed all over by Jesse. “As nice as that sounds…” I crinkle my nose. “I have a shift at the pub.”
“Yeah, I know.”
I’m about to pull away when he presses those soft lips of his to mine. I kiss him back, momentarily forgetting we’re standing in his open doorway, for all the world to see. We stay embraced for a long moment, and a couple cars go by, slowing to watch the spectacle we’re making of ourselves, no doubt. I expect someone to open their window and tell us to get a room already.
I’m breathless and giddy by the time we break apart. “How am I supposed to make it through the day after a kiss like that?” I ask.
“By thinking about what I’m going to do to you when you return.”
I try to see over his shoulder. “How is Lucas?”
“Much better. We’re both going crazy in here. He’s no longer contagious, so I thought we’d go out, go to the park and maybe visit Grandma. She’s missing us.”
“I can imagine.” I glance at the next car going by. “I’d better go.”
“I can drive you.” He jerks his thumb over his shoulder. “Won’t take me long to get Lucas ready.”
“Nope, I need the exercise.”
“Hardly, you’re perfect.”
I go up on my toes and kiss him. When I break free, he angles his head, and studies my face. “What was that for?”
“For being you,” I say.
“Oh,” he opens his mouth like he wants to say more, but Lucas calls out to him from the other room.
“I’d better go,” I say. “Have a great afternoon, and get some sun.”
“Yeah, listen,” he says and takes a strand of my hair, all humor gone from his handsome face. The blue in his eyes darken when they latch on mine. “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about tonight.”
“Actually,” I say, thinking about the brochures in my backpack. “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.” We both stand there for a moment, our e
yes locked, our bodies brushing. Lucas calls for his father again, and I dash down the stairs.
“See you tonight.”
“Hey Lucas, what’s up?” he asks as his door clicks shut. I move down the sidewalk, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I glance over my shoulder the strangest sensation that someone is watching me washes over my skin. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I catch a flash of a woman before she disappears from my sight.
Wait, was that…?
16
Jesse
“Ready, buddy?” I ask, as Lucas secures his headphones around his neck.
I put his backpack around his shoulder as he gives me a nod. I grin at his too-long hair and press my hand to his forehead again, just to ensure there is no fever. It broke days ago, but I can be overprotective at times, and the last thing I want to do is bring anything to my grandmother’s, even though she told me she had chicken pox and the vaccine for shingles.
With dinosaurs in both hands, Lucas heads toward the front door. He flings it open, and my heart jumps into my throat—wishing I’d gotten there first—when I see who is standing there, ready to knock.
“Why hello,” Kylie says, and my first instinct is to protect Lucas. He pays her no attention as he plays with his toys. I carefully put him behind me, placing myself in between him and his mother.
“Daddy, I want to go,” he says, a bit whiny.
“We will, kiddo. Just a minute, okay?”
“I want to go now.”
I turn and put my hands on my son’s shoulders. He’s been cooped up all week, I get it, but I have a situation I need to deal with first. One I don’t want him to know anything about. Not yet anyway.
“Just a second okay, bud. Then we’ll go see Grandma, and have ice cream.”
That seems to satisfy him for a moment as he grumbles some response, and I stand, running my agitated hands through my hair as I square off against my ex. A little warning would have been nice, but this is just like her.
“Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Yes,” I say through clenched teeth.
“Do you mind if I come in?”
“We’re on our way out.” I grip the doorframe and squeeze. “You can’t just show up here like this, Kylie. It’s not good for Lucas.”
She purses her lips. “What about you, Jesse? Is it good for you?”
Wow, seriously?
She puts her hand on my chest and I remove it. Her smile turns venomous. “What do you want?”
“I thought we could talk.” Lucas makes a noise. “I want to see my son.”
“A bit late for that, don’t you think?” I ask, lowering my voice.
“He’s my son, Jesse.”
“Please don’t do this, Kylie,” I say, not wanting this situation to escalate in front of Lucas. “Not here, not like this.”
“Daddy, I want to go,” Lucas whines.
“Can we talk later? I’m taking him to my grandmother’s. I can meet you afterward.” No way am I about to let her just walk back into Lucas’ life, biological mother or not. Her pouncing on him, wanting to talk or whatever it is she wants to do, would disrupt our order, and send Lucas spinning. Yes, I want him to know his mother, but only if she plans to stick around. No way will I let her forge a relationship if she plans to up and leave again. The courts might have something else to say, but until then, I make the rules here.
“What’s the matter with him?” she asks and tries to see around me, but I block her. “Why is he so whiny, and Jesse, he needs a haircut. What is going on here?”
How fucking dare she come in here and question what’s going on here. It takes all my strength to keep myself calm. “He’s getting over chicken pox. We’ve been in the house for a week.” She blinks up at me, her eyes narrowed. “Let’s meet at the park, okay. I’ll drop him off and meet you there in half an hour.”
She stares at me like she wants to say more, then nods. “Maybe I’ll go to the bar, say hello to everyone,” she says, like she’s testing me, toying with me, and I can’t figure out why. Unless she knows about Olivia and me.
“Let’s just meet at the park,” I say and strive to keep the worry from my voice. I don’t want her just springing herself on Olivia. “I won’t be long. I’ll grab us a couple coffees, okay?”
She nods. “Fine. I’ll be there at our bench.”
Our bench. I almost choke. It’s been a long time since anything has been ours.
Once she’s in her car, I hustle Lucas outside, and he buckles himself in. With my heart pounding in my ears, and my mind racing a million miles an hour, I back out of my driveway and head to my grandmother’s.
The second I step from the car, her face drops. “What’s wrong, Jesse?” she asks, her gaze flying to Lucas as he kicks his door open.
I usher Lucas inside, and once he’s out of earshot, I scrub my chin and lower my voice. “It’s Kylie. She’s back.”
Her cloudy blue eyes go wide. “Oh my. I didn’t expect to hear you say that.” She folds her hands. “I suppose we had to expect that one day she would show up.”
“I know. But no contact in a year and she shows up on my doorstep. I don’t know what to do.”
“What does she want?”
“I’m about to find out. She wants to talk.” I take a deep breath, and tug on my hair. “No matter what, Lucas comes first. I have to think about what’s best for him.”
“Of course you do. You have to think about what’s best for you too, Jesse. You count in all this too, and we only get one shot at this thing called living.” She offers me a soft smile, and puts her palm on my face. “You’ve been happy these last couple weeks, alive again. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Don’t let anyone take that from you, okay? You deserve it.”
I’m intelligent enough to realize she’s talking about Olivia. Intelligent enough to realize she’s right. I have been happy. I love my son more than life, but I’ve only been going through the motions. When I’m with Liv, it’s like the world is a brighter place, the dull gray now vibrant and exciting.
“You have a lot to figure out,” Grandma says, and smiles. “But you will.”
I laugh. She might have more faith in me than I have in myself.
“I’ll do my best.” I check my watch. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours, okay?”
“Take all the time you need. Lucas and I are just fine.”
I give her a kiss on the cheek, my throat so tight it’s almost impossible to swallow. “Okay, thanks.”
Back in my car, I glance at my phone and consider calling Olivia to warn her. Then again, if Kylie is just here to talk and plans to take off again, no one really needs to know. I park, grab a couple of coffees, and head to the bench in the park—the bench that used to be ours.
She’s on her phone when I reach her, and she smiles up at me when I block the sun.
“Mmm, that smells good,” she says as I hand her a cup. She pats the bench before me, but I’m so antsy, I’m not sure I can sit still. “Please, Jesse,” she says. I drop down next to her and she asks, “How have you been?”
“We’ve been good,” I say. “Lucas is doing well. He starts kindergarten this year.”
“Does he still…you know.”
I frown at her. “Does he have high-functioning autism, you mean?” She nods, and I expel an exaggerated breath. “He’ll always have it, Kylie. It’s not something he’s going to grow out of.”
“Mom and Dad said you don’t bring him around or call anymore.”
“He had a bit of a hard time last time, and I got the sense they weren’t interested in seeing him anymore.”
“Yeah, they said he had a total fit.”
Jesus.
“Yeah, something like that.” I take a sip of my coffee. “Why are you here?”
“Way to get right to the point.” She laughs and makes light of it, but the stone in my stomach weighs me down. I don’t answer. “Okay, well, I thought maybe I’d come back and see how you were.”
“I just thought it was time.”
“Are you staying?”
She shrugs, and moves her leg so it’s touching mine. “Maybe.”
“Kylie, if you think you can come here, and that I’m going to pick up where we were before you left, you’re wrong.”
She shrugs like she’s not worried about that, like she can wrap me around her baby finger anytime she wants. I’m not sure she could ever do that with me, and so much has changed since our college years. I had to grow up fast when my parents died, and I was left with a young child to raise. I take that responsibility very seriously.
She sips her coffee and glances around. “I’d like to spend time with Lucas.”
“I think Lucas should know his mother,” I say, and she smiles at me. “But I can’t let you into his life if you’re going to disappear again. He has a hard time with change and disruptions to his schedule.”
She arches one brow. “Does Olivia disrupt his schedule?”
At the mention of Liv, my pulse jumps. “Why do you ask that?”
“I saw her leaving your place.”
Is that what this is all about? She doesn’t like me spending time with Olivia? I almost laugh. What business is it of hers who I spend time with anyway?
“She helps me out, and I help her out.”
A laugh bubbles in her throat. “Yeah, I just bet.”
With my paper cup halfway to my lips, I stare at her over the lid. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I heard there was more going on between you two.”
“Listen, Kylie. Who I see is none of your business. It hasn’t been for a long time. I’m not really sure why this would upset you.”
“Who says it does?” I’m about to answer when she says, “I never meant to hurt you or Lucas. I just wasn’t ready for all this, you know?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. Is anyone ever really ready for all this? “Are you saying you are now?”
“I want to try.”
“Hollywood didn’t work out for you?” I shoot back, the trust we once shared shattered a long time ago. Trust is so damn important to me, and once it’s been crushed…well, it’s not something I can ever forgive, or easily get back.