by Yitzhak Nir
“Full honors, Benny. Applause! You’re the salt of the earth!” Professor Daniel Safran joined the conversation. “And I, friends, drove from the Jezreel Valley - with your permission, of course, ‘lords of the land’,” he added sarcastically, looking at Benny.
“Safran, we’re not arguing today! We’re just talking and drinking beer. Look at the bluest of skies with feathery clouds floating above our heads, and give thanks and praise!” Gershon chided his guests. The conversation had not gotten started, but tension was already felt in the air.
“Where did you and Gershon meet, Benny?” the professor asked.
“Oh, at the base near the former deserted ruined Arab village of Julis, during our days in the armored corps, a thousand years ago.”
“And, unlike everyone else here apart from me, you weren’t trained as a pilot?”
“I wasn’t accepted! The Labor Party controlled the army and pilots were only accepted on an ethnic Ashkenazi basis, sorry… on a secular basis… In addition, I didn’t pass the initial sorting exams, and apart from that, I’m afraid of heights!” he replied, smiling with self-satisfaction.
“But your eldest, Yair, is a pilot?”
“Well, a good apple doesn’t fall; and - goes far!!”
“Wow, great, Benny! Double entendre! Good for you. And where does he fly? Adam asked, beginning in his heart of hearts to feel a certain fondness for the bearded, stocky settler sitting opposite him.
“That’s secret information: the Adir squadron, the upgraded F-35s at Nevatim Airbase!”
Adam and Gershon made appreciative noises, while Professor Safran stuffed an initial cookie into Billie’s mouth.
“Dear friends, Billie has two questions,” Safran added confidently, like the guest of honor: “First of all, when will the food arrive? And secondly, what do you want to argue about today?” Prof. Daniel Safran had begun to feel at home. He got up, picked up the green wine bottle and began releasing the cork, meanwhile searching for glasses to pour the wine into. For many years he had been presenting his ideas everywhere possible: universities, television networks, publications, cultural gatherings, before high-ranking army officers and government officials. Prime ministers and presidents often invited him for one-on-one, private meetings.
“In my view,” he would say to his listeners, “geography, demography and economic-graphics tell the same story everywhere, especially in Israel!”
Gershon, in his role as ‘responsible adult’, turned to the professor: “Daniel, please grace us with one of your lectures and afterwards we can argue about the significance of the data and the details. What do you say?”
Safran regarded him with some amusement and stroked Billie’s head, causing her to close her eyes contentedly. “Standing or seated, Chief Gershon Shalit? And, in your opinion, can we drink wine at the same time?”
To their surprise, quietly and without ringing the doorbell, Dahlia entered, bearing six wine glasses that had been forgotten on the kitchen counter.
“Dahlia, we’re talking about the Messiah… Shabbat shalom!” Daniel Safran exclaimed, the others joining in the greeting.
“I assumed you would be lost without me, so I came to save the situation.” She smiled, sending an apologetic glance at Gershon.
The wine was poured. Benny chanted the blessing and they raised their glasses: “Lechaim! To life and health for Israel!”
Daniel Safran cleared his throat and began: “Right, friends, let’s begin with some statistics. Living in Israel today, from the Jordan River to the Mediterranean Sea – there are thirteen million residents: six and a half million Jews, six and a half million Arabs and a small minority of other ethnic groups. In no time,” he raising his voice, “there will be an Arab majority. Within less than ten years, the Jews will be a minority in this country. By 2050, from the river to the sea there will be about twenty-four million residents. The Arabs will constitute a crushing majority: about thirteen million as opposed to eleven million Jews only!”
He cleared his throat again and added: “As you know, in our parliament, the Knesset, the situation is eighty-eight percent Jews as opposed to twelve percent Arabs!” He threw this fact into the air, while Billie fixed her eyes on him in disbelief. “Does this seem reasonable to you, my friends?”
“What’s the problem, professor?” asked Benny.
“Tell me, are you blind or just pretending?” Adam spat out.
“Am I blind? Why? What happened? There have always been Arabs here and always will be. But this is our land, historically and according to the Torah! As is written in Scripture in the name of the Holy One!” He pointed skywards, attempting to remain calm.
“Guys, relax!” Gershon intervened. “Allow the professor to continue.”
Daniel Safran sneaked another cookie into Billie’s mouth, took a sip of his wine and regarded his audience with the self-satisfied expression of a veteran troublemaker.
“Okay, so if you’re all finished arguing over that point, consider this: A hundred twenty-eight years ago the Zionists in Europe decided to settle in Palestine. A hundred and eight years ago, The Balfour Declaration was issued. Seventy-eight years ago the Partition Plan was ratified, followed by the breaking out of our War of Independence. Fifty-eight years ago, we conquered the Sinai Peninsula, the Gaza Strip, the Golan Heights and the West Bank within six days.”
Then, like someone revealing a secret, he lowered his voice and, looking into the eyes of Billie, who tilted her head to the right questioningly, whispered, “Since then we’ve fought in the Yom Kippur War, the First and Second Lebanon Wars, three Intifadas, Operation Defensive Shield, and four additional operations in Gaza, from which we retreated due to pressure from Hamas, not to mention those two summers of incendiary kites and balloons exploding on our people there. There have been thousands of terror victims on land, air and sea, a number that continues to grow until today. Many thousands have been killed on both sides. We have not actually won a single one of those wars because we didn’t have any goals to achieve, apart from maintaining the current situation! Our deterrent force is constantly weakening, and will continue to do so.”
He slowly surveyed his audience and added: “Consider this, my friends: The Iranians will have an atomic bomb, Hezbollah and Hamas already have a hundred and sixty thousand missiles and rockets, whose number is constantly increasing. In Syria and Iraq, Muslim fanatics have taken over with Iranian support and all of us, my dear friends, are just sitting here and waiting!”
His listeners were carefully following his words and Billie was watching him incredulously, not fully understanding what he was saying. Safran rose, stroked her head, regarded the group seated opposite him, and exclaimed:
“So what are we waiting for on this pleasant afternoon?”
Dahlia raised her hand hesitantly.
“Yes, Dahlia?”
“Maybe your dog needs some water after so many cookies, professor?” generating a wave of amusement from the group, and raising a smile on Safran’s lips.
Adam fired off: “I’m not waiting any longer, professor. Personally, I’ve got no complaints. That conflict has enabled me to fly F-16s and sail gigantic ships.”
“Really? Suddenly the ‘Left has no complaints?” Benny fumed. “All you know how to do is moan, you spoiled Tel Aviv dwellers!” His face went red. He raised his voice and waved his strong arms, “Since we took the reins in this country, you’re dragged along behind our wagon filled with our Jewish heritage; you bunch of cry-babies. Great! So you were a pilot, Adam…so what? My religious Zionist kippah-wearing son is also a pilot! Our settlements are flourishing!” he shot off with an almost hostile glare. “And when necessary, we’ve fought and will continue to do so! Be’ezrat Hashem, with the Lord’s help, we haven’t only won, but will continue to do so till eternity!” He surveyed the group and fixed his gaze on Adam: “And the Third Beit-Ha’mikdash, our temple, w
ill be built in Jerusalem! The time has come to annex the whole country!”
“‘With the Lord’s help and in our times’, huh, Benny?”
“And what do you suggest, you gang of jokers? That we return home? That six hundred thousand pioneers living in our Land of the Patriarchs be transported back to Tel Aviv? And that Iron Dome and David’s Sling rocket defense systems be installed opposite Palestinian towns on the West Bank? Is that your solution?” He filled his lungs with air and exclaimed in a deep voice, “Let the religious Zionists, the knitted-kippah-wearing pioneers - lead the way, build their settlements and inhabit every part of the country! And do not interfere!”
Gershon sensed that things were getting out of control: “Professor, will you share some more information with us, or should we call it a day?”
“Look, friends, it’s up to you. Of course there’s more. Up to now we’ve heard the good news. Are you prepared to hear the bad news as well?”
“Professor Safran, you sound as if you have some secret that is unknown to us. Tell us what you really think, and don’t speak in riddles!” Benny said angrily, and began shelling peanuts.
“Easy, easy, Benny. Look, meanwhile I’m just presenting the facts. Later we can discuss them together. Maybe Dahlia could write a summary and we could publish a position paper! Right, Billie?”
His pet rose to her feet, raised her head inquiringly and cautiously wagged her tail.
“Friends, do you remember our President Rivlin’s ‘tribes’ speech?”
“Something about the gap among the different factions in Israel, about some eight years ago?” asked Benny.
“Not only about that!” Adam interjected.
“I still remember that speech very well. I was horrified by the president’s clear evaluation of our situation back then” added Dahlia, and Gershon thought to himself: …I remember that speech almost word for word. I heard it in a closed forum even before it was delivered to the general public…as well as the second one about how everything had become political… But he decided not to interfere in the discussion.
“Alright, guys,” Benny got up, threw the peanut shells on the lawn and turned to the group, cutting short Safran’s lecture. “It’s almost three o’clock and I must start back to my son’s house in Herzliya before the Sabbath is out. Due to wintertime it gets dark quickly. But before I go, I would like to remind all of you that our grandparents, who immigrated to this country a hundred years ago so as to realize Herzl’s ideals of redeeming the Jewish people in the Holy Land, had vision and values and practical ways of applying them. After the Six-Day War our victorious path was clear, and you, who are labeled ‘the Left’ have lost power, vision, values and the internal strength to continue building the country and the people!”
Billie stared at him, fascinated.
“Benny, Benny,” Adam rose from his chair. “Just don’t forget who led the way, who won the Six-Day War and who built this state before you were even born!”
“Okay, okay, Adam. We all know the modern history of the State of Israel. But I want to talk about the present and the future. Our distinguished professor, Daniel Safran, is inciting bitter national despondency. Someone needs to present reality from the proper perspective, huh? I’m almost finished.” Then he continued, breathing heavily with excitement, “If a new power hadn’t risen in our image – pioneering religious Zionism with its powerful vision, inhabiting all the areas of the country where Jews lived, from Abraham and the patriarch till the temple’s destruction –for years we would have inhabited a small Jewish ghetto...” He paused. “And then the Palestinians would be striking the final death blow to Zionism!” he declared, raising his voice like a soapbox orator.
Adam burst in. “So by building settlements under the patronage of the Almighty and funded by our taxes, you intend in the long run to realize the vision of the Leftists and the Arabs. That means: instead of the 1947 borders, you strive to re-establish a brotherhood with thirteen million Arabs, on the expanse from the Jordan to the sea?”
“Adam, is that what you really believe in? Calm down! If we, all of us together, act to fortify the State of Israel according to Jewish law, the law of the Torah, only then will the Palestinians understand. Only then will they settle for the people’s autonomy suggested by prime minister Menachem Begin, of blessed memory. And then peace will reign here! As it is written: ‘From Zion comes the Torah and the name of the Lord from Jerusalem!’”
“And Be’ezrat Ha’shem - with the Lord’s help, I suppose, huh Benny?” said Adam, returning to his chair.
“Of course! Thanks for adding that, Adam. I see you’re getting into the spirit of things!” he smiled.
“Benny! Just don’t forget the prophets Jeremiah and Isaiah, and also Hillel the Elder, when you annex Judea and Samaria and continue subjugating another people and robbing them of their land. And don’t forget the 1948 Israeli Proclamation of Independence either!”
“Adam, do me a favor. Come and visit us one Sabbath. Study a page of the Talmud with us and we’ll go on to discussing a bit of Hasidic philosophy. We have plenty of knitted skull caps for visitors who come to learn with us. All in all, you’re a good guy, just ‘a captured baby’ as we say...”
Nobody said a word. Billie turned over onto her back and began snoring quietly. Adam looked up at the icy white clouds drifting through the blue sky above them, and Dahlia was the first to come to her senses: “Does anyone want coffee?”
“Dahlia, I suggest we allow the professor to finish his lecture before serving coffee. Professor, the stage is all yours. But make it brief!” Gershon concluded in his usual commanding tone.
But Adam didn’t back down: “Just a moment, Benjamin Yungerman. Who are these ‘all of us together’ of yours?”
“The distinguished professor will probably explain that from his point of view. On our side, it’s obvious that all of you will have to join in a national effort if we are to safeguard our country. Well, it was fun, but I have to leave now. I apologize, but I promise to come back some other time and continue this discussion. Thanks for the invitation, Gershon, and with the help of the Holy One, may He be blessed and His will be done, I hope you all have a good week!”
Dahlia accompanied him out, determined to serve coffee and lighten the tense, heavy mood that had fallen on the verandah.
Professor Safran, whose audience had been reduced by one, emitted a small sigh. Billie had fallen asleep under the table and the air had become cooler.
“Okay, my friends, since the main opposition has departed, I will continue with your permission: Benny and Adam have raised me up for a fall as they say. So, consider who is hiding behind that abstract ‘we’ that was also mentioned by President Rivlin? Gershon, you sit close to the throne. Who are they, in your opinion? And Adam, what do you say?”
“What I have to say doesn’t matter for now and Gershon is not allowed to talk politics. Let’s continue. But cut it short, Herr Safran; it’s getting dark!”
“Fair enough. So let’s continue.” The professor drew himself up to his full height and glanced at Adam. “My dear President Rivlin spoke of four tribes in the State of Israel that are hostile to one other, and are weakening the old beautiful and lost Land of Israel and, in his words, ‘extinguishing the tribal campfire.’ He was referring to the socialist workers hegemony, the Ashkenazi majority that established the state and were its vanguard until the Yom Kippur War.” He spoke like a teacher dictating to his students, “Rivlin was right, but not entirely. In the State of Israel there are not only four tribes, but eleven: an Arab tribe divided into four: the Bedouin whose capital is Rahat, extreme Muslims whose capital is Um-El-Fahem, moderate Muslims whose capital is Nazareth, and Christian Arabs who have no capital city. Those four Arab tribes occupy half the country’s inhabited territory - from the empty Negev desert up to the Lebanese border! Almost identical to the 1947 Partition Plan! For the sake of argu
ment, let’s assume that the Negev, which is half of Israel’s territory – is virtually empty.”
Since there were no comments from the audience, he continued with his dictation: “The Jewish tribe also breaks down into several tribes: the white Ashkenazi tribe whose capital is North Tel Aviv, the ultra-Orthodox tribe whose capital is B’nei-B’rak, the nationalist religious settlers’ tribe whose capital is Shiloh in Samaria, the secular settlers’ tribe whose capital is Ariel in Samaria, the Orthodox Sephardic tribe whose capital is Netivot and the Ethiopian tribe that has no capital city. To these must be added the non-Jewish African tribe whose capital is South Tel Aviv.”
“There are two more tribes, professor!” Adam suggested. “One half of Israeli society, whose sons and daughters serve in the army, and the second half, whose kids do not serve!”
“Good point, Adam! So we already have thirteen tribes!” Safran smiled at having caught the interest of his students. “And take note: only two percent of all Israeli residents pay taxes, do reserve duty in the army and carry the high-tech industries and the Israeli economy on their shoulders!”
An expression of ’How come I haven’t heard about this before?’ appeared on Adam’s face and Gershon smiled sadly to himself, as someone who was already familiar with the material…
With a triumphant smile Safran moved on to his summation:
“That’s it, my dear listeners. These are the tribes that constitute us. In order for this country not to fall apart, we, as the president said, must strive to create a common Israeli entity by accepting the other and providing a sense of security through fairness and equality! No more, no less, can you imagine it!? Almost the end of days, when the wolf and the lamb will dwell together and for the glory of Israel!” he exclaimed ironically. “And we haven’t yet mentioned the Wailing Wall and who has the right to be called a Jew here…” He ended smiling with some derision, assuming that his listeners have grasped the absurdity of this vision and the logical contradiction of tribes that loathe one another and are pulling in opposite directions ever being able to achieve an abstract communal Israeli existence, which is simultaneously Zionist, Democratic, Jewish and enlightened, while also being capable of prevailing over its enemies, both internal and external...