As we’re older, the crowd parts easily as Matt pushes to the front toward the fire. The professors are already there, and the fire is roaring into the night. It spans at least ten feet into the air as if reaching for the stars. Low music is playing from an unknown location, setting the mood of the evening. The surrounding students hold various drinks, from alcohol to water. My eyebrows raised at the sheer allowance of it, but I don’t comment on it.
Matt says, “I’ll go grab us some drinks. What do you want?”
“Surprise me!” I shout over the noise.
He smiles and slips away into the crowd, which parts for him easily. It makes me think he must be more popular than he lets on. Just like Varus. What is it with these high-status males following me around like lonely puppies? I can only hope that the male going to get me drinks has no ulterior motives besides friendship. Even if Matt likes me, I have no feelings toward him. It will be an uncomfortable situation.
No one speaks to me as I wait for Matt to return. The music is soothing and calms my inner wolf to a manageable level. It soothes me to such a degree that I begin to sway back and forth with my eyes closed. That, paired with the heat of the fire, makes me sigh in pleasure. Arms wrap around me from behind and a hard body that could belong to no one other than Varus, presses into my back.
He sways with me, humming the tune into my ear and the feeling vibrates into my back. I let my head fall back against his shoulder, exposing the column of my throat to him. He moves closer and smiles against it. It sends me into a kind of trance, feeling safe and warm.
He whispers, “I see why you wanted to arrive separately.”
I breathe, “What do you mean?”
“You and Matt appear to be quite close.”
“Oh, stop that. We’re friends, that’s all. And it’s none of your business anyhow.”
He growls, “Is that so?”
I say matter-of-factly, “Yes, and as you say, you hold no claim over me.”
His voice becomes deep and melodious, “Would you like me to? Is that what it would take?”
The questions are utterly sensual, forcing me to arch against him. Would I like him to? Yes, my inner wolf practically pants. There is no worse time to make this decision than right now. The full moon changes me, makes me bolder, and reckless. I’m not in my right mind, and it might be best to avoid the subject before I wake up with something to regret.
“I’m not liable for any of my decisions during a full moon.”
I’m embarrassed when my reply comes out sounding more like a moan than a sentence. He laughs, sending another warm vibration down my back. His hands move down my arms to lace his fingers with mine. My mind briefly goes to Matt, who could come back at any minute with two full drinks, only to find me pressed seductively against Varus. A flash of shame and guilt surges through me.
Varus asks, “What? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, I’m just overthinking everything, as usual.”
His voice holds a silky promise, “The full moon is a time for letting go. To stop worrying, if only for a few hours.”
We sway slowly now, moving together seamlessly as if there is no one else at this bonfire but us. Two people so perfectly made for one another that we should be one. A soul bond that goes deeper than anything else I’ve ever experienced. I knew it would take the full moon to realize the extent of our connection. To lose all of my inhibitions, and to accept what might be really going on here.
Varus may be my fated mate.
Instead of rejoicing in the premise, my wolf mourns, knowing full well that we can never be together. Mates are meant to share everything, and I could only ever show him half of myself. He could never see my wolf, could never partake in my arctic shifter customs I hold dear, and I could never become a false red shifter royal. Everything is against us. The whole universe is on someone else's side and has been for a while now.
The moon rises higher still, and the surrounding wolves become restless, making me aware that I’ve stayed here with Varus for far longer than I intended. Despite knowing that I must separate myself from him, my body refuses to move. No embrace has ever felt so real, so utterly safe. I battle within myself, attempting to pull away but forever failing. Everyone will shift soon, and then what?
I glance around for my sisters and spot their dates alone, as if they’d already left to shift alone as I should have done. Stupid. What am I doing? Nothing good, that’s for sure. The thought of my sisters having more brains than me finally forces me up and out of Varus’s arms. His hands slip away slowly, regretfully. It sends a pang of sadness through me.
I turn, “I have to run to the bathroom, alright?”
His eyebrows furrow as if sensing my lie. “Well, I can come with you. Everyone will shift soon, and I don’t want you to miss it. It’s quite the experience.”
I chuckle, but it sounds forced, “Uh, no thanks. Bathrooms aren’t exactly sexy.”
At that Varus can’t help but laugh, even if his eyes still hold worried confusion. He lets me go without protest this time and I force my way quickly through the crowd while glancing at the moon. It’s nearly at its peak, and a cold sweat forms along my spine. I begin the shed my clothes, leaving them in a trail behind me as I sprint through the forest, instincts calling me home. My eyes change first, glowing a bright cobalt blue that reflects across the trees.
The full transformation comes next, forcing me to my knees as my arms and legs become lithe and powerful. Beautiful snow-white fur sprouts across my skin, and I shake it out, becoming more comfortable in my new form. As soon as the transformation is complete, I lose myself. My wolf takes over, bellowing a roaring howl so loud that the trees shiver in fear. In the back of my mind I hope that no one at the academy could hear, having no recollection of how far I really ran from the fire. In this form there are two souls within me, my ancient and all-powerful wolf counterpart, and me. During these few hours she takes hold, forcing me to sit chained within my mind, powerless against my most primal urges.
She runs, sprinting faster and faster through the trees. The whip by in a blur of dark greens and blues. We move like that for several minutes, jumping easily over obstacles and streams in route to what I assume is the cabin. The thrill of moving so quickly, the power of ice and snow swirling around my chest like a storm, and my now powerful body makes all previous worries and feelings wash away. There is only this moment. Only now can I truly feel regal, powerful.
My home comes into view but looks dark and uninviting with not a single light on or smoke puffing out of the chimney. Again, I am reminded of being forced to leave it all behind. Yet, if I hadn’t I never would have met Varus.
Mate, my wolf bleats pitifully, sounding lovesick.
The reply would have made me laugh if not for the situation. We are one in the same, and her feelings are mine. They hit me like a blow every time she remembers his laugh or the way his lips feel against my skin. Longing. Desire. Sadness. Hopelessness. She slows when coming to the door of the cabin yet doesn’t go inside. Together we curl up on the stoop, no longer having the energy to run and hunt, as she had originally wished to do.
Lying there together is healing as we stroke each other's souls, weaving around one another for comfort. Wolf shifters are known for holding two souls. Their own, independent and unique signature, and their companion wolf. A companion wolf is an ancient being, one passed down in families and lineages for generations. Filled with instinct and wisdom so pure that nothing can corrupt them. Each one is destined for the soul it intertwines with, only to be destined for another as the body they reside in dies. A cycle of death and rebirth, joy and grief. One that every wolf in existence deeply admires and worships.
I love you, our souls seem to whisper to each other, warming my heart.
A sound within the trees makes her jolt upright, her large frame encompassing the entire doorway. My wolf form is larger even than other arctic shifters. My sisters are half my s
ize, and Varus, when I saw him briefly in his wolf form, was smaller as well. We scan the clearing together, waiting to pounce on whatever dared to come closer. Another snow-white wolf steps into the light of the moon, making dread circle around my heart.
Varus steps forward slowly as if not to spook me. He doesn’t know that I am not myself within this body. My wolf steps down off on the stoop and moves elegantly toward him, snow trailing in her wake. He stops to watch, eyes curious and observant. No disgust plays across his features, no hint of disdain lies in his posture. It makes me hopeful.
Not shy at all, my wolf rubs herself along his side, circling him. Once we come around in front again, he weaves his head against mine, almost as if we're embracing one another. Varus moves fast to lick across my face, making me laugh, but it comes out of my wolf as a bark. I lunge forward toward him to do the same, but he dances out of range, playing. This leads to a chase within the trees, weaving around one another quickly, howling loudly to one another and the moon. My wolf feels more free and happy running with Varus than she ever has with me alone. But it does not make me jealous.
He follows me back to the clearing where my wolf leads him to the door, jumps, and opens it easily with one massive paw. He follows us in with no shyness, no hesitation, making me smile within myself. My wolf walks to the middle of the room before turning toward him and conceding my free will back to me. She urges me to shift, to speak with him. The nervousness comes back to me, yet she brushes it away, giving me strength.
I shift then and am left standing there, naked in the pale moonlight filtering through the windows. My wolf continues to give me strength, to empower me, and to take away inhibitions that wouldn’t allow me to stand here uncovered in front of a male. Varus walks toward me and shifts, turning human once again. We’re not more than a foot away from one another, and I can’t read his expression.
He says in wonder, “Your hair, it’s white.”
My hands move up to smooth it down self-consciously, knowing full well that my magic sheds the dye each time I shift. He steps up and takes my hands in his, interlocking our fingers. Varus studies my face, my light eyelashes and hair, and my naked body. His eyes heat with dark desire, making my body respond by stepping up flush against him. He gasps, locking eyes with me.
I whisper, “Are you disappointed?”
He smiles sadly. “A part of me knew but didn’t want to admit it. I knew that you were at least part arctic shifter. However, it came as a shock to learn that you are the Arctic shifter of legend. The beta part of me responded to your howl, your dominance in the woods. That’s what lead me to you,” he pauses, looking at me in distress. “You’re the rightful heir to the throne. The lost princess, daughter of Delora and Alagan Romanoff. And you are my fated mate.”
I reply, “I am. I never meant to come to the academy. I always meant us to live here in isolation, never to be discovered. But my sisters did not believe that was a life worth living, and the rest is history.”
His hand cups my cheek. “I’m glad to have met you. I’m honored to be chosen as your fated mate.”
I step away from him. “You’re not disgusted? Not threatened by my power?”
He shrugs, reaching for me, “My parents' agenda is not my own. I never agreed with the war after learning about the brutality that it induced. Plus, there is unrest with my parents’ reign, whispers of a new ruler to come. More like prayers. The brutal ways of the red shifter line were never meant for royalty. Holding the people within a closed fist is no way to rule.”
His words surprised me. His utter indifference to being royalty was never an act. He doesn’t agree with how his parents are treating the community, and he doesn’t care that I'm one of the forbidden arctic shifters. This all seems too good to be true. Is that what having a devoted and loving mate feels like?
I let him grab my hand. “So, you won’t be taking me to your father to be executed?”
He looks horrified, sick even, “Of course not. I will guard your secret, and I will spend every waking day convincing you that I will be loyal to no one but you.”
Every waking day? The words send a feeling of joy swarming through my chest. He pulls me toward him again and I fall into him like rain melting into snow. We kiss our lips melding together like two puzzle pieces. Heat flushes down my body when he hoists me up against him. My legs wrapped around his waist without a second thought, and the feeling of his hard muscles beneath them makes me swoon. He breaks the kiss to weave a trail of fire down the column of my throat. Scorching desire flushes my skin, causing me to scratch my nails along his back. He hisses in pleasure, biting my earlobe for good measure.
His voice is low, gruff, “What do you desire? Tell me and I shall do it.”
I trail my tongue up his neck, tasting him, “Take me to bed, Varus. Show me what being your mate would mean.”
He growls, and walks toward the back of the house, holding me tightly. His lips are on mine as the bedroom door crashes open. Two more steps and were tumbling into bed, ravaging each other and clawing desperately as if touching one place is never enough. Suddenly he rises up, looking down at me with a look of worship, adoration.
He murmurs. “Is this your first time?”
I flush, suddenly embarrassed. “Yes.”
A flush of soothing energy flows through me at his touch, and he replies, “I only ask so I may be gentle with you.”
He leans over me, taking one nipple into his mouth, making me buck off of the bed in ecstasy. My hands grip his hair, riding the pleasure like a wave. His hand moves down to cup my sex, and finding it wet, he growls in approval. When he touches me there blue light explodes across my vision, and magic burns bright in the air in response. Snow falls softly in the room, sizzling as it touches our skin.
He comes up to kiss me sweetly, slowly, lazily. Our tongues move against one another as he sheathes himself within me one inch at a time, allowing me to adjust. Once he’s fully inside he pauses, leaning back to lock eyes with me. I’m panting heavily, flushed with pleasure and the use of magic I’ve never experienced before. The image before me is breathtaking. Blue light sparkles through the air, swirling with snow and ice of my making, caressing his skin like winter kisses. He’s steaming each time the snow falls onto his muscled skin. It only heights my attraction toward him.
Varus grips my legs before completing one slow thrust to test my endurance. I throw my head back, moaning, which seems to release the sexual beast within him. He pounds into me, fast and rough, while coming down to lick and nip his way into my mouth. My tongues rage against one another, my climax building so swiftly that I cry out again. He grits his teeth, moving to my ear.
He groans. “Come for me, princess.”
Release thunders down my spine like lightning, making my body convulse with pleasure. I cry out again and he absorbs the sound with his mouth as he too, finishes. Our bodies slow against one another, and once he finally pulls away, I mewl a pathetic sound. He chuckles and pulls me into his arms before draping one leg over my naked body.
I’m panting heavily when I say, “Oh my god. Is it that good every time?” Immediately after saying it, I feel foolish for asking the question. But it makes him really laugh, throwing his head back and shoulders shaking.
He brushes the hair from my face before kissing my brow sweetly. “I hope so.”
We lie there, limbs tangled together, for a long time in comfortable silence. I almost think he’s fallen asleep until his fingers draw circles down my back. His touch soothes my tense muscles, and I lean heavily against him. A low pleasurable hum comes out of my throat and I don’t even have the good sense to feel embarrassed about it.
He whispers, “You are so beautiful.”
I smile against his chest. “I wish every day could be like this, but tomorrow I must re-dye my hair to once again become a gray wolf. An identity that I resent more than anything else.”
“I’m sorry that my family caused this. I’m so so sorry.”
I shu
sh him, “The actions of your family have little to do with you. We will persevere together, somehow, we will forge a new path.”
Chapter Seven
The next morning, we walk back to the academy together, hand in hand. Varus keeps glancing at my dyed hair with a look of sadness on his face. After seeing my natural color, he very much dislikes the dyed version. After the fifth time I look at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation.
He shrugs sheepishly. “I like your natural color. It makes me sad that you’re forced to hide your true nature. Especially your wolf, she’s a true sight to behold. Doesn’t it bother you?”
“No, not anymore at least. Pretending is as easy as breathing nowadays. I’ve never been able to show my true nature in public, only in the safety of the Great Woods.”
He makes a distressed sound. “That’s. . .”
I look sidelong at him, “Awful? Yeah, you’ll get used to it.”
“You shouldn’t have to.” He says, shaking his head.
I shrug but say nothing else. My sisters and I have discussed this subject to death. We don’t want to hide, but we must. There is no choice involved. The outcome is never different. Discussing it with Varus is no different. Perhaps when he becomes king, he can make changes. But until then I’m forever condemned to a life of secrecy.
The academy comes into view as we step out of the trees. As it’s early dawn on a Sunday, there is no one out and about. There’s an eerie silence hanging in the air as we walk toward the shifter dorm. The silence is so complete that I look around, sensing something is off. Varus looks down at me, questioning my sudden stiffness.
“Do you feel that? It feels,” I pause, shivering, “Wrong.”
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