I tried to ignore the elbows digging into me, as well as the sticky patches on the floor from spilled drinks, and listen to what Molly was saying.
“Who are you talking about?” I said.
She gave me a shrewd look that said she was unconvinced by my naïve act. “I admit Xavier is one of the hottest guys at school, but everyone knows he’s trouble. The girls that try only end up brokenhearted. Don’t say you weren’t warned.”
“He doesn’t seem deliberately cruel,” I said, overcome by a desire to defend him even though I knew next to nothing about him.
“Look, Beth, falling for Xavier is only going to get you hurt. That’s just the truth.”
“What makes you such an expert on him?” I asked. “Was yours one of the hearts that got broken?”
I had asked the question in jest, but Molly’s face was suddenly serious. “You could say that.”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea. What happened?”
“Well, I liked him for ages and finally got sick of dropping hints, so I asked him out.” She said it offhandedly as if it had happened a long time ago and no longer mattered.
“And?” I prompted.
“And nothing.” She shrugged. “He turned me down. He was polite about it, told me he saw me as a friend. But it was still the single, most humiliating moment of my life.”
I couldn’t tell Molly that what she’d described didn’t sound so bad. In fact, Xavier’s conduct could have been seen as honest, even honorable. When Molly had talked about broken hearts she’d made him sound like some kind of villain. All he’d really done was decline an invitation in the best way he knew how. But I’d learned enough so far about female friendship to know that sympathy was the only acceptable response.
“It’s not right,” Molly continued accusingly. “He walks around looking gorgeous, being friendly to everyone, but won’t let anyone get close to him.”
“But does he mislead girls into thinking he wants more than friendship?” I asked.
“No,” she admitted, “but it’s still completely unfair. How can anyone be too busy for a girlfriend? I know it sounds harsh, but he has to move on from Emily sometime. It’s not like she’s coming back. Anyway, enough about Mr. Perfect. I hope you can make it to my place on Friday—it’ll take our minds off annoying boys.”
“The point of us being here isn’t to socialize,” said Gabriel when I asked permission to go to Molly’s on Friday.
“But it would be rude of me not to go,” I objected. “Besides, it’s Friday night—no school the day after.”
“Go if you wish, Bethany,” said my brother with a sigh. “I would have thought there’d be more profitable ways to spend an evening, but it’s not for me to prevent you.”
“It’s just this once,” I said. “I won’t be making a habit of it.”
“I should hope not.”
I didn’t like the implication behind his words and the subtle suggestion that I was already losing focus. But I didn’t let that ruin my mood—I wanted to experience all facets of human life. After all, it might give me a better understanding of our mission.
By seven o’clock I had showered and changed into a fitted green wool dress. I teamed the dress with ankle boots and dark tights and even put on some of the lip gloss Molly had given me. I was pleased with the result; I looked a little less like my usual pale self.
“There’s no need to dress up, you’re not going to a ball,” Gabriel said when he saw me.
“A girl must always endeavor to look her best,” Ivy said in my defense and gave me a wink. She might not have been pleased about my plans to spend time with Molly and her gang, but she wasn’t the type to harbor a grudge. She knew when to let things go in order to keep the peace.
I kissed them both good-bye and headed out the front door. Gabriel had wanted to drive me over to Molly’s in the black Jeep that we’d found parked in the garage, but Ivy had managed to talk him out of it, telling him there was plenty of daylight left and it was perfectly safe as Molly’s house was only streets away. I accepted Gabriel’s offer to pick me up, though, and agreed to call when I was ready to come home.
I felt a rush of pleasure walking to Molly’s that night. Winter was drawing to a close, but the breeze ruffling my dress was still chilly. I breathed in the clean scent of the ocean coupled with the smell of crisp evergreens. I felt privileged to be there, walking on the earth, a breathing, sentient being. It was so much more exhilarating than observing life from another dimension. Looking down from Heaven on the teeming life below was like watching a show. Being on the actual stage might be more frightening, but it was also more thrilling.
My mood changed when I got to 8 Sycamore Grove. I looked up at the house, thinking I must have copied the number down wrong. The front door was wide-open and it seemed that every light inside was on. Music boomed from the front room and scantily dressed teenagers swaggered out onto the front porch. This couldn’t be it. I checked the address that Molly herself had written on a slip of paper and saw that I hadn’t made a mistake. Then I recognized some faces from school and a few people waved to me. I headed up the steps of the bungalow-style house and almost bumped into a boy retching over the side of the veranda.
I considered turning and going straight home, inventing a headache as an excuse for Ivy and Gabriel. I knew they would never have allowed me to come had they known what Molly’s “girls” night really involved. But my curiosity prevailed, and I decided to go inside just long enough to say hello to Molly and offer my apologies before making a rapid exit.
There was a crush of bodies in the front hallway, which was pungent with smoke and cologne. The music was so loud people had to shout into each other’s ears to be heard. The shaking floor and the lurching dancers made me feel like I was trapped in the middle of an earthquake. The driving beat was so loud it shattered against my eardrums, making me cringe. I could feel hot breath on my cheeks, smell beer and bile in the air. The whole scene was so painfully overwhelming I was almost knocked off balance. But this was human life, I thought to myself, and I was determined to experience it firsthand even if it did make me feel ready to collapse. So I took a deep breath and pushed on.
There were young people in every corner and recess, some smoking, some drinking, and others just draped over each other. I wound my way through the crowd and watched in fascination a group playing a game that I heard someone call Treasure Hunt. It involved girls standing in a row while boys aimed marshmallows at their cleavages from an easy distance. Once successful they had to retrieve the marshmallows using only their mouths. The girls laughed and squealed as the boys burrowed their heads into their chests.
I couldn’t see Molly’s parents anywhere. They must have gone away for the weekend. I wondered how they’d react to seeing their home in its current state of mayhem. In the back living room, couples lay entwined in drunken affection on the brown leather couches. I could see empty beer bottles strewn on the floor, and the snacks of corn chips and M&M’s that Molly had put out in glass bowls had been ground into the carpet. I spotted the familiar face of Leah Green, one of the girls from Molly’s group, and made my way over to her. She was standing by glass doors that opened onto a wide deck area and a pool.
“Beth! You made it!” she shouted over the music. “Great party!”
“Have you seen Molly?” I shouted back.
“In the hot tub.”
I squirmed out of the grasp of an inebriated boy who was trying to drag me into the mêlée of dancers and dodged another who called me “bro” and tried to give me a bear hug. A girl pulled him off me apologetically. “Sorry about Stefan,” she yelled. “He’s wasted already.”
I nodded and slipped outside, making a mental note to add the new words to the glossary I was compiling.
More empty bottles and cans littered the ground outside, and I had to pick my way carefully around them. Despite the cold, teenagers in bikinis and shorts lounged by the pool and crowded the hot tub. The lights threw an eerie blue glow
over the frolicking bodies. Suddenly a naked boy streaked past me and dived into the pool. He emerged shivering but looking pleased with the loud cheers he drew from the others. I tried not to look as horrified as I felt.
I felt a flood of relief when I finally located Molly sandwiched between two boys in the hot tub. Seeing me, she hoisted herself out, stretching like a cat, and lingered long enough for the boys to admire her wet, toned body.
“Bethie, when did you get here?” she said in a singsong voice.
“Just now,” I said. “Has there been a change of plans? What happened to the facials?”
“Oh, babe, we ditched that idea!” Molly said as if this detail was of minor importance. “My auntie’s sick, so Mom and Dad are out of town for the weekend. Couldn’t pass on an opportunity to partay!”
“I’ve just come in to say hello. I can’t stay,” I said. “My brother thinks we’re testing out face masks.”
“Well, he isn’t here, is he?” Molly grinned mischievously. “And what Brother Gabriel doesn’t know can’t hurt him. Come on, just have one drink before you head off. I don’t want you in trouble because of me.”
In the kitchen we met up with Taylah, who was standing behind the kitchen counter mixing something in a blender. An impressive array of bottles were scattered around her. I read a few of the labels: Caribbean white rum, single malt scotch, whiskey, tequila, absinthe, Midori, bourbon, champagne. The names didn’t mean much to me. Alcohol had been omitted from my training—a gap in my education.
“Can I get two Taylah Specials for Beth and me?” Molly asked, draping her arms around her friend and swaying her hips in time to the music.
“Comin’ right up,” said Taylah, filling two cocktail glasses almost to the brim with a greenish brew.
Molly shoved one of the drinks into my hand and took a big gulp of her own. We made our way into the living room. The music was blaring so loudly from two colossal speakers positioned in the corners of the room that even the floor was vibrating. I sniffed my drink cautiously.
“What’s in this?” I asked Molly over the din.
“It’s a cocktail,” she said. “Cheers!”
I took a swig out of politeness and regretted it instantly. It was sickly sweet but at the same time burned my throat. Determined not to be labeled a buzzkill, I continued sipping at the mixture. Molly was enjoying herself and led me into the seething mass of dancers. For a few minutes we danced together, and then I lost sight of her, and a throng of strangers closed in around me. I tried to find a gap in the bodies to worm through and escape, but the moment one appeared it closed up again just as quickly. Several times I noticed that each time my glass was empty it was refilled as if by invisible servers.
By now I was feeling light-headed and unsteady on my feet. I blamed it on my being unused to loud music and crowds. I sipped at my drink, hoping it would refresh me. Gabriel was always going on about the importance of keeping our bodies hydrated.
I was just finishing my third cocktail when I felt an overwhelming desire to sink down to the floor. But I didn’t reach it. Instead, I felt a strong hand take hold of me and lead me away from the throng. The grip around my arm tightened when I stumbled. I let my weight be supported and allowed the stranger to guide me outside. There, I was helped onto a garden bench where I sat doubled over, still holding the empty glass.
“You might want to go easy on that stuff.”
The face of Xavier Woods came slowly into focus. He was wearing faded jeans and a fitted long-sleeved gray top. It made his chest look broader than it appeared in his school uniform. I pushed the hair out of my eyes and felt that my forehead was damp with sweat.
“Go easy on what?”
“Um . . . what you’re drinking . . . because it’s pretty strong,” he said as if stating the obvious.
The liquid was starting to churn in my stomach now and my head was throbbing. I knew I wanted to say something, but the words failed to form, interrupted by waves of nausea. Instead I leaned weakly against Xavier, feeling close to tears.
“Does your family know where you are?” he asked.
I shook my head, which made the garden spin dangerously.
“How much of that have you had to drink?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled groggily. “But it doesn’t seem to agree with me.”
“Do you drink often?”
“This is my first time.”
“Oh, jeez.” Xavier shook his head. “That would explain why you’re such a lightweight.”
“A what . . .” I lurched forward, nearly tumbling onto the ground.
“Whoa.” Xavier caught me. “I think I’d better drive you home.”
“I’ll be fine in a minute.”
“No, you won’t. You’re shaking.”
I realized with some surprise that he was right. Xavier went back inside for his jacket, which he placed around my shoulders. It smelled of him and was comforting.
Molly stumbled her way over to us.
“How’s it going?” she said, too cheerful to be bothered by Xavier’s presence.
“What was Beth drinking?” he demanded.
“Just a cocktail,” Molly replied. “Mostly vodka. Aren’t you feeling well, Beth?”
“No, she’s not,” said Xavier flatly.
“What can I get her?” Molly said, sounding at a loss.
“I’ll make sure she gets home safely,” he said, and even in my state I couldn’t miss the accusatory tone.
“Thanks, Xavier, I owe you one. Oh, try not to say too much to her brother, he doesn’t seem like the understanding type.”
The smell of the leather seats in Xavier’s car was soothing, but I still felt like there was a furnace burning inside of me. I was vaguely aware of a bumpy car trip and of being carried to the door. I was conscious enough to hear what was going on around me but too drowsy to keep my eyes open. They seemed to shut of their own volition.
Because my eyes were shut I didn’t see the look on Gabriel’s face when he opened the door. But I couldn’t miss the alarm in his voice.
“What happened? Is she hurt?” I felt him cup my head in his hands.
“She’s okay,” Xavier said. “She just had too much to drink.”
“Where was she?”
“At Molly’s party.”
“Party?” Gabriel echoed. “We weren’t told anything about a party.”
“It wasn’t Beth’s fault—I don’t think she knew either.”
I felt myself transferred into my brother’s capable arms.
“Thank you for bringing her home,” Gabriel said in a voice designed to curtail further discussion.
“No problem,” said Xavier. “She was out of it for a while; she might need to be checked out.”
There was a pause while Gabriel considered what to say. I knew there was no need to call for a doctor. Besides, a medical examination would reveal some anomalies that couldn’t be explained. But Xavier didn’t know that, so he waited for Gabriel’s answer.
“We’ll take care of her,” Gabriel said.
It came out sounding wrong, as if he were trying to hide something. I wished he could have at least tried to sound more appreciative. Xavier had rescued me, after all. If it hadn’t been for him seeing that I was in trouble, I would still be at Molly’s and who knew what might have happened.
“Fair enough.” I could hear suspicion in Xavier’s voice and sensed a reluctance to leave. But there was no reason for him to stay. “Tell Beth I hope she feels better soon.”
I heard Xavier’s retreating footsteps crunching on the gravel drive and the sound of his car pulling out. The last thing I remembered was Ivy’s cool hands stroking my forehead and her healing energy flooding my body.
8
Phantom
I had no idea what time it was when I woke. I was only aware of the relentless pounding in my head and that my tongue felt like sandpaper. It took a while before I could put the events of the previous night into coherent order, but when I did, I
wished I hadn’t. I felt a rush of shame as I remembered my disoriented state, my slurred speech, my failure to support my own weight. I remembered Gabriel gathering me into his arms and the concern mingled with disappointment in his voice. I remembered having to be undressed and the look of dismay on Ivy’s face as she put me to bed like a small child. As Ivy pulled the covers over me, I heard Gabriel’s reiterate his thanks to someone at the door.
Then I started to remember spending most of the time at Molly’s party slumped helplessly against the comforting body of a stranger. I groaned aloud when the stranger’s face flashed vividly in my mind. Of all the gallant knights who could have come to my rescue, why did it have to be Xavier Woods? What was Our Father in His infinite wisdom thinking? I struggled to recall the fragments of our brief conversation, but memory refused to volunteer such details.
I was overcome with a mixture of regret and humiliation. I buried my burning cheeks under the quilt and curled myself into a ball, hoping I could stay that way forever. What must Xavier Woods, the school captain of Bryce Hamilton, think of me now? What must everyone think of me? I had barely been at the school a week and already I had disgraced my family and proclaimed to the world that I was a novice at life. How could I have not realized how powerful those cocktails were? On top of it all, I had proved to my brother and sister that I was incapable of looking after myself outside of their care.
I heard muted voices floating up to me from downstairs. Gabriel and Ivy were discussing something in hushed tones. The burning returned to my cheeks as I thought of the position I had put them in. How selfish of me not to consider that my actions would impact on them as well! Their reputations were on the line as well as mine, and mine was now undoubtedly in tatters. I considered the possibility of us packing up and starting afresh in a new location. Surely Gabriel and Ivy wouldn’t expect me to stay in Venus Cove after the spectacle I’d made of myself. I half expected that in a moment they would come in to announce the news and we would quietly pack our bags and move on to a new town. There would be no time for farewells; the attachments I’d formed here would be reduced to nothing more than fond memories.
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