Voices sounded in the distance, and it wasn’t hard to pick out Andy’s higher tone laced with Samuel’s tenor. She blinked as she scanned the dusky landscape for them. “I’d better finish these beans or we’ll never get to eat.” Extracting her hand from Seth’s, she went back to work picking out rocks.
“No worries as long as we have this meat to snack on. We can be a patient bunch when we need to be.” As he maneuvered his knife through the thick meat again, something about Seth’s tone made her think he was talking about more than just the meal tonight.
Chapter Seventeen
’Tis more than I deserve. And may well be my undoing.
~ Seth
Darkness settled as they finished the meal, both the cooking and the eating. Seth hated that he was forced to stay seated by the fire instead of helping the others. Rachel’s story had his mind churning, and he’d do better if he could get away for a walk to gather his wayward thoughts.
But time away couldn’t be had, so he forced himself to focus on the others. The four of them sat around the fire, empty plates still showing remnants of beans and bear meat—the best beans and meat he could ever remember. With Rachel on one side of him, Samuel on the other, and Andy just across the flame, eyes bright as he told of the deer he and Samuel saw when they watered the horses, a feeling settled in Seth’s chest he couldn’t remember experiencing in years. If he had to name it, he’d call this...contentment.
As the lad’s tale came to a close, Rachel reached for his plate. “As soon as I wash these, I’ll cut your hair. It’s in dire need of a trim.”
Seth ran his gaze over the boy’s head. A little shaggy, perhaps, with some loose curls drooping over his ears, but nothing compared to his own mop of straight brown hair.
His fingers reached for the strands at his neck, testing the length. Just over his collar. Certainly not the longest he’d ever kept it. He’d had a cut and a shave when they left California, and hadn’t worried about it since then. Maybe when they reached Simeon’s place in the Canadian territories, their sister-in-law would have the tools necessary for another cut.
Andy didn’t grumble when his mother sat him down with his back to the fire so she could see. She unwrapped a pair of scissors from their protective cloth and set to work. On a journey that required they bring only the most needed supplies, he found it interesting that she’d considered scissors necessary.
Her adept fingers wove in and out of the boy’s hair, which was a darker brown than her light honey tint. Andy must have inherited his hair color from his father, although he certainly had his mother’s intriguing green eyes.
She seemed absorbed by her work but must have felt his gaze on her, for she turned to send raised brows his way. “How’s the swelling?”
A smile tugged his mouth as she returned her focus to the boy’s hair and snipped another piece. Always the practical one. He’d come to realize busyness was one of the tactics she used to guard herself from getting too close.
Now that he understood it, and now that she was allowing him glimpses into her past, her attempts to keep him at a distance only made him smile.
And love her all the more.
Maybe this wasn’t full-fledged love yet, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be letting this woman go once they reached her brother.
Seth raised his trouser leg. “The swelling looks better than it did when we made camp.” Or rather, when the others set-up camp. He’d been assigned the job of watching. Holding the ground in place.
Not a role he wanted to make permanent.
Within a quarter hour, she’d worked a difference in Andy’s appearance, although not nearly as much as if she’d let the hair grow more before she'd gone after it. She sat back on her heels to examine the result, reaching up to stroke a few strands in place. “Very nice. Much improved.”
Andy turned a longsuffering look on her, dramatic enough that the shadows cast by the firelight couldn’t hide the expression. “I don’t know why my hair has to be so short all the time. Seth and Samuel get to have long hair.”
“I’m not their mother.” Her voice held an arch in it, like a cat’s back responding to insult. “But I am yours, and you’ll keep yourself well-groomed.”
It was hard to know what made him speak, whether the desire for her to think him better than a slovenly boor or simply to encourage Andy into obedience, he couldn’t say. The words simply tumbled out. “Hope my turn’s next.”
All three faces spun to him. Andy’s curious head tipped, and Rachel’s eyes widened in the shadows of the dancing flame. Samuel, of course, had the corners of his mouth pulled in a wide grin. His hands wrapped around his knees, and he looked quite content to watch his brother make a fool of himself for a woman.
Just to squash that look, Seth turned back to Rachel. “Samuel will have his hair cut as soon as I’m done.”
“Actually, I think the horses need a final drink tonight. Will you help me, Andy? We should move their tether rope to fresh grass while we’re at it.”
“Yes, sir.” Andy was all arms and legs as he scrambled to his feet and darted toward the animals.
As Samuel pushed to standing, Seth gave his voice just enough volume for Samuel alone when he said, “Coward.”
His brother’s only response was a chuckle as he ambled away.
Re-gathering his wits, Seth turned to Rachel. She seemed to be wrapping the scissors in the cloth again. “What of my hair?”
She jerked her head up. “You’re not serious?”
“Completely.” Apparently it had not been only a desire to encourage the boy that prompted his statement, because the thought of having Rachel’s fingers run through his hair the same way they had her son’s stirred his blood.
“I’m not sure it would be proper.” Was it just his imagination, or did her words seem breathy?
“I’ll behave, you have my word. Or if you prefer, we can call my coward of a brother back to act as chaperone.”
The laugh she gave seemed to stutter with nervousness, and he pulled the joking from his tone. “In truth, Rachel, you have nothing to fear from me.”
“I know.” Her words were soft, vulnerable in a way that made his chest ache.
She stood and edged toward him with an air of nervousness she so rarely revealed. In fact, he’d only seen this look in her eyes when she was forced to peer over the edge of a cliff.
He had to keep himself perfectly still to set her at ease. Let her see she had nothing to fear from him.
When she dropped to her knees behind him, his muscles tensed for the feeling of her fingers in his hair. Instead, her voice sounded. “Can you turn a bit so I can have the light from the fire? How short do you want it?”
He shifted as she’d asked. “The way you cut Andy’s is perfect. Or different, if you think it’s best. You have my permission to cut as much of my hair as you’d like.” He wanted what she wanted. And not just in the style of his hair. He couldn’t think of anything he’d refuse to do if it made her happy.
“All right.” Her inhale was just loud enough for him to hear, and the next moment, air brushed his scalp as she lifted a section of hair.
He wasn’t sure she breathed again as she worked. He knew the feeling, for he had to consciously think to draw in air, then release the spent breath. Her fingers brushed his ear, his neck, the ear again, and he forced himself not to react to each touch, nor shiver at the tingles that slipped down his back and arms.
After finishing the back, then his right side, she shifted around to his left. Occasionally the warmth of her breath grazed his skin. So she was breathing now. She must be feeling more confident with him. Thank you, Lord.
He kept his head as still as possible, only letting his eyes slip to the side for a glimpse of her profile. After a few more minutes, she let out a breath. “All right. Let me make sure I have it even.”
She moved around to the front, as she had with Andy, kneeling beside his injured leg and turning his face so she could look on him fully. He
r gaze scanned the top of his head, then from one side to the other, never touching his eyes.
For his part, Seth couldn’t stop looking at her mossy green orbs, except for the one time his focus slipped to her lips, but he pulled it quickly back upward. She was so beautiful—he’d known it, of course, but seeing her so close constricted his lungs so much he could no longer draw breath.
“I think that’s good.” She reached up to brush the hair across his forehead, and the burn of her touch slid all the way through him. As much as he tried, he couldn’t stop the tremble of pleasure.
Her gaze jerked to his eyes, concern raising her brow. She must see the feelings he was doing his best to hold in check, desire not the least of them.
She made a little sound, like breath rushing through her lips, and she looked as though she would draw back.
But then she didn’t. Simply held his gaze, her eyes a fathomless depth. He sank deep, the longing in him almost outweighing his good sense. His body longed to look to her mouth, to savor her kiss. He could already taste it, already feel the warmth of her lips. But he would not let his gaze be drawn there.
And then her focus slipped.
Her eyes lingered on his mouth. She seemed to lean toward him, and that movement broke the last of his resolve.
He met her partway, pausing for a moment as the wonder of her nearness washed over him. Their breaths mingled, and her warm air soothed his skin.
Then he closed the distance.
Her lips were softer than he'd expected. Vulnerable. This was not the Rachel she worked so hard to be. He let his mouth caress her, relishing in the taste and feel of her. This woman had burrowed so far inside him, he’d be hard-pressed to extract her.
And he didn’t plan to.
RACHEL COULDN’T BELIEVE she was kissing him.
Yet she couldn’t bring herself to regret it, nor to stop. He was breath to her lungs. Air that infused her with steadying power. A sturdy beating in her chest.
This wasn’t Richard, and every touch of his mouth proclaimed it. Seth was gentle, his kiss caressing. His hands at her elbows secure, not wandering where he might long to go.
That last thought slowed her. Even though this was Seth, she still had to be careful. She wasn’t ready to give her life to a man again. Would never be ready.
And she shouldn’t pretend she was.
She pulled back, breaking the seal of their lips. The separation felt as if she were ripping a piece of herself away, and she embraced the ache. A just punishment for letting herself be carried away.
He was breathing hard, the same rhythm that heaved in her chest, and he didn’t move far, just enough so she could see his eyes in clear focus.
His hand moved to cup her cheek. “Rachel.”
She’d never heard her name spoken with such reverence, and the way he looked at her made her yearn to move into his arms. Let him cradle her in his protection. Let him care for her as his eyes promised he would.
But she couldn’t let herself be that weak.
She inhaled a long breath to gather strength, then pulled back. “I...think that’s it for your hair.” She dropped her gaze to the scissors, and it took a moment for her mind to register what she should do next. Get herself out of there. And quick.
Pushing to her feet, she flipped the cloth over the metal blades and slipped them in her pack. “I’m going to see what’s taking them so long with the horses.”
Without looking back, she stepped out of the firelight and into the darkness.
SETH HAD TROUBLE KEEPING a grin off his face the next morning, even when Samuel gave him a nudge and one of those raised-eyebrow looks as they saddled the horses. His brother might as well get used to this. Seth had a feeling he’d be smiling a lot with Rachel Gray around.
Rachel didn’t seem quite as convinced. She wouldn’t meet his gaze through the morning hours, except for the one time he made a joke about seeing another snake. Then she slid a narrow-eyed look his way, and he offered a sloppy grin. He might be making a fool of himself, but the smile had the effect he’d been going for.
The corners of her own mouth twitched, and by the way her cheeks appled, her thoughts must be returning to their kiss, just as his were constantly.
She’d need some time to get used to the idea, but he’d wait as long as he needed to.
The next two days fell into a rhythm, especially as the path they took included mostly smaller mountains and long valleys between ranges. The swelling and pain in his leg had lessened a great deal. He was glad of that, but not so glad that he no longer needed Rachel's ministrations. In fact, she seemed to be doing her best to keep her distance from him.
He took every opportunity to prove himself worthy. That he was different from whatever she hated in her past. She’d never actually said her first marriage was a poor one, but something had instilled in her this fierce independence and fear of men. He’d stake money it had been the man who Andy called Pa.
It was only in the dark of night, as he lay staring up at the wide span of stars, that his mind wandered to the places he couldn’t seem to forget. Was he really any better than the man in Rachel's past?
Those days in California were a blur, but he remembered enough for the shame to wash over him again. The drink, the games, the women, the power—he’d never meant to fall prey to any of it. But one led to another, and just once became just once more, until he was caught in a cesspool he couldn’t drag himself out of.
Thank the Lord for hearing his cry. For pulling him from the jaws of addiction. For sending Samuel to haul him away from that life. He’d never let it gain hold over him again.
God had given him another chance. This time, he had to get it right.
Chapter Eighteen
In an instant I’m proved helpless.
~ Rachel
“What’s that sound?” Andy’s voice jerked Seth from his thoughts as they skirted the base of a mountain. Three days since that kiss with Rachel, and he still couldn’t keep his mind focused.
He strained to decipher the noise, something like a distant roar. “Might be a waterfall.” Turning in the saddle, he glanced at his brother, who brought up the rear. “What do you think?”
“I see it.” Rachel pointed in front of them, and he spun forward to see.
A glimmer like crystal shone on the face of the mountain farther ahead, about fifty strides up. The sparkle grew brighter the closer they rode, almost blinding.
The sound of rushing water intensified, making the horses edgy as they neared the spectacle. The fall cascaded down four tiers, each landing on a rock ledge, then rushing forward to drop off again. When the water finally reached the bottom, it ran in a narrow river about three horse-lengths wide.
They’d already stopped for lunch, but he reined in anyway. “Anyone wanna go for a swim?” He had to yell to be heard, and he turned to see the responses of the others as they halted beside him.
“Yeah.” Andy looked like he’d slide off and dive in right then, but his mother put a staying hand to his arm.
“Is it deep enough to swim?” Her brows lowered as she eyed the water.
“Maybe we’ll just water the horses.” He dismounted, then led his gelding toward the narrow river.
As all the animals drank, his gaze wandered to the steep rock face, broken in places where stones had fallen. He’d heard of caves behind waterfalls, but this one probably wasn’t large enough for that.
Still, when his horse finished, he and the gelding ambled toward the cliff. At the falls, he reached into the spray and splashed a handful on his face and neck, wiping off as much sweat and trail dust as he could reach.
Since Rachel trimmed the hair off the back of his neck, it was much easier to stay cool.
“Think I’m just gonna dunk my head in.” Samuel stepped up beside him, and Seth eased back to allow him room. His brother did just that, letting the water pound on his head and run in streams down either side of his face.
When Samuel pulled back, he shook the
water from him like a dog, then raised his head with a grin. “Whew, that felt good.”
“My turn.” Andy left his mare in Rachel’s care and slipped between their geldings.
Seth glanced at Rachel to make sure she didn’t mind. A soft smile curved her mouth as she watched her son. It broadened even more when the boy hooted as water ran down his face and neck.
When he drew back and shook the same way Samuel had, his voice came out at a higher volume. “Boy, that was fine.”
They were making this look like too much fun. “Guess it’s my turn.”
The icy water jolted him when it first struck his head, running in tiny streams down his face and neck. The sensation definitely woke his nerves.
When he pulled back and scrubbed the water from his face, he couldn’t help a grin at the others. “You should try it too, Rachel.”
She shook her head firmly. “Not a chance.” But then her smile slipped back into place as she met his gaze. Something about her look made his insides come alive, even more than when the water had cascaded over him.
This woman had the power to stir him with only a smile.
RACHEL WAS GLAD SAMUEL took the lead after they left the waterfall, for she wasn’t sure she’d have been able to focus if Seth had been riding just ahead of her.
Not that Samuel wasn’t attractive, but something about Seth called to her. And now, with water slicking his shirt against him, every stolen glance at those wide shoulders and broad chest did funny things inside her. Especially when he turned a grin on her.
He may not be a danger to their physical safety, but he was causing a ruckus in her emotions. No matter what, she had to keep him out of her heart. No man had ever found his way there. She’d thought Richard had in the beginning, but when his other loves took precedent, she realized how easily her feelings toward him changed.
Now, with Andy in front of her and Samuel leading the way, at least she could keep her focus on her son. The brown shirt he wore was in dire need of washing. And she should stitch the hole at his shoulder while she was working on it.
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