Lily’s head rose from his chest, her eyes wide like saucers. “What?” she almost shrieked. “You have three siblings? How come I’ve never heard that before?”
He threw her a wry smile. “Because they’re not relevant to us,” he informed her. “They don’t define me.”
She wrinkled her nose at that, but he couldn’t tell if it was a gesture of disdain or confusion. “I never had any brothers or sisters,” she continued. “And I always thought I’d have been happier if I had some.”
Ethan snorted. “You wouldn’t have been,” he told her with a chuckle. “My brothers were the bane of my life, but my sister has always been there for me.”
He was surprised at how contemplative he sounded, and he reached for the glass of wine he’d poured hours before, draining what remained of the red as Lily considered his reply.
“The one who lives here?” she asked in a tentative tone.
“The one and only.”
She nodded, settling back against his chest again.
“She’s out for the night, with her new boyfriend.”
Ethan heard his tone change at the reference to Shaun, and fleetingly he hoped Kitty wasn’t having anywhere near as good a time as he was. He knew it was hypocritical of him to think that way, but there it was. He couldn’t help himself. Ethan guessed there was just too much of his father in him to ever be entirely fair to the opposite sex, and his recent body count was proof of that fact.
“I’d like to meet her,” Lily mumbled.
He closed his eyes. “You will,” he assured her. “In time, Lily.”
He reached down, using his free hand to hook a finger under her chin and force her gaze north to meet his eyes. “All things will happen in time. You’ll meet Kitty, and I will meet your parents.”
“I’d like that,” she whispered with large, alluring eyes. “I want to be part of you.”
That made him smile, and the urge to claim her all over again washed over him like a carnal wave.
“You already are,” he told her. “And you always will be.”
Silence filled the air around them as she absorbed his words, the room quiet except for the sounds of the crackling fireplace.
“And what about your parents?” Lily’s question broke the tranquility, and Ethan’s breathing hitched at the reference.
“What about them?”
He gazed down at her with an intense glare that should have deterred her from her next question, but this was Lily. An irresistible force that nothing could halt.
“Do you see them often?”
“They’re dead.” He threw the answer at her in an unnecessarily curt tone, and watched as the news resounded. “Or, at least the only one that mattered is.”
“Wh-what?” she stammered, lifting her body to edge even closer toward him. She was now practically sitting on his lap. “What do you mean, dead?”
Ethan blinked down at her. He didn’t know how else to put it, although he knew he could have found a more tactful way if he’d wanted to. The problem with references to his parents was they always boiled down to his father.
And Ethan still hated his father.
“I mean, dead,” he replied in a softer tone. “For some years now actually.”
An expression of concern filled her pretty face. “Oh my God,” she replied. “I’m so sorry, Ethan. I had no idea.”
“It’s fine,” he said dismissively. “My mum was a good woman, but my father and I never got on. He’s not actually dead, but I wish he was.”
Lily nodded her head in a show of what he supposed was trying to be understanding, but her expression told a different story. Lily didn’t understand at all.
“I think it’s my turn now,” he continued, changing tact on purpose. “You had more than one question there.”
She snuggled back down against his body, her small hand finding its way to the soft hairs at his chest. “Okay,” she answered. “Your turn.”
“Truth or dare, beautiful?”
The game seemed more exciting, now that Ethan had a chance to take control.
He heard her inhale, thinking on her response for a moment before she gave it. “Dare.” The word was barely audible, yet it brought a large wicked grin to Ethan’s face.
“I dare you to get on your hands and knees and suck my cock for me,” he purred at her.
Lily was up, facing him again in an instant. “Hey!” she called, slapping his chest playfully. “This is supposed to be about finding out about each other. Not just about sex.”
He flashed her a mischievous smile. “What’s wrong with sex?” he teased. “You love sex, based on what I’ve learned.”
Her face flamed with embarrassment at his assertion, and she rolled her eyes at him. “There’s nothing wrong with sex,” she explained. “It’s just not what this is about.”
“Oh, right,” he replied with a chuckle. “I must have missed the part where that was made clear.”
Lily scowled. “You’re the mind-reader, mister,” she replied sardonically. “I guess I assumed you knew.”
The hand at her waist shifted, and Ethan swatted her backside with one hard spank.
“Ouch!” she shrieked, trying to crawl away from his hand.
“Don’t get cheeky with me, miss,” he purred. “Not unless you want another punishment spanking before you go home?”
Lily’s face blanched at the thought. Evidently, the answer was no.
“Okay, I choose truth,” she replied with an air of resignation. “Ask me something about myself.”
Ethan shook his head at that, but he let her cuddle back into his body. “What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done, Lily?” he asked, although he thought he might already know the answer.
She swallowed, her eyes darting north to meet his gaze as she replied. “You,” she murmured softly. “You’re definitely the most daring.”
He laughed at that, although he’d been expecting the answer.
“And what about you?” she pressed, pulling her body into a more upright position. “I bet you’ve done lots of naughty things, Ethan.”
Ethan shot her a serious look, although he didn’t know if he wanted to warn her about her current course, or actually answer her question. He knew that Lily would need the truth one day, but he’d never imagined a scenario like this one.
“You couldn’t possibly imagine,” he told her, and his tone was ominous even to his own ears.
Lily licked her lips. The look of the gesture was utterly salacious.
“Then, I guess you’re going to have to tell me.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
All of a sudden, Lily wanted to play. The game of truth and dare was her idea from the start, but all she’d wanted to do was paint a better picture of her lover in her mind. She wanted to know more about him—to understand—but she’d never envisioned this. The atmosphere in the room had shifted in an almost imperceptible way, but Lily could sense it. She could feel it. There was something she needed to know—something Ethan wanted to tell her—and in her heart she knew it was significant. It was related to the sense of dread she’d felt last night in their dream, the anger and the anxiety that had burgeoned at Ethan’s strange outburst. He’d seemed strained and agitated, and her frustration with him for not opening up had only created more tension, but this seemed like an opportunity for him to share. For him to be honest.
Ethan shook his head at her, as if he couldn’t believe she was pushing the point. “This is a dangerous game, Lily,” he warned her.
She blinked up into his face. “Dangerous?” she repeated. “Don’t be ridiculous, Ethan. You’re not dangerous. I know I’m safe here with you. Here, with you, is about the only time I ever really feel safe.”
He inhaled. “Please,” he replied. “Let’s not do this now. I need to get you home in an hour or so, and let’s not spend the last few minutes butting heads.”
He was shutting down again, right in front of her, and at that moment, any hope of getting him to
open up seemed to vanish again.
“I’m not butting heads,” she said as calmly as she could muster. “I’m just being serious, Ethan. I can tell there’s something you need to share with me. I might not be able to read your mind the whole time, but I can tell.”
He glanced over at her, those deep blue eyes filled with emotion. He did want to tell her; she could sense it. “You don’t want to know, beautiful,” he muttered after a moment. “You’re not ready to know.”
“I am ready!” she countered, aware of her heart pounding out of control as though the prospect of losing this one opportunity was the most critical thing in the world. “I need this, Ethan. We both do! You need to share this, or how can we be together? How can there be a future?”
Ethan’s eyes closed at her words, and Lily saw him take a deep breath. He was thinking about it, that much was certain, and Lily held her breath as she watched him and waited. Whatever it was that was plaguing him needed to be imparted, she had no doubt about that, but she didn’t know if she’d done enough to convince him that now was the time. Worse still, she may not even have persuaded him that she was the one to open up to.
There was really only one final thing Lily could do. She had to be the brave one and open up about how she was feeling in the hope that he might do the same.
“Ethan.”
The sound of his name made his eyelids flutter open, and he met her gaze, holding it steady as she steeled herself. “I want to tell you something.”
There was a pause as Lily faced the moment of her admission. “I love you.”
There, she’d said it. God knows how he would respond. They’d only known each other for a couple of weeks, but still, Lily knew it was true. She did love him, for everything she was worth.
Ethan reached for her, caressing the side of her face before his fingers moved to her nape and he drew her gently toward him. “I love you, too, Lily,” he murmured, and there wasn’t a single trace of doubt in his voice. “I think I loved you from the first moment I set eyes on you on that street. Maybe I even loved you before we met—before I knew you.”
Lily pondered at the memory, but her heart wanted to sing. He loved her—he’d said so himself—and surely that was worth something.
No. That was worth everything.
“That makes me so happy,” she replied. “So, share, Ethan. Whatever it is, share it. What is this wicked thing you’ve done? Whatever it is, you can tell me. I swear it won’t change anything. It won’t change the way I feel.”
He shook his head, the expression on his face telling her that he didn’t know what to do for the best.
“I don’t know,” he muttered. “I want to be honest. I should be honest with you, but, once you hear this, there’s no going back. I can’t take this back. It can’t ever be the same again.”
Ethan shifted, dragging his long fingers through the dark strands of his hair in anguish. Lily’s heart went out to him. She could tell he was tormented, and deep down, that low lying sense of dread filled her belly again. Ethan was usually so calm and in control. Whatever it was that made him act this way couldn’t be good. It couldn’t be good, at all.
“You’re starting to frighten me,” she replied in little more than a whisper.
Her plea made the fingers in his hair relax, and one hand fell back to take her hand.
“I’m sorry,” he told her, and there was sound of resignation in his voice that Lily had never noticed before.
Perhaps it had never been there until now, but she couldn’t be sure.
“Are you sure you want to know?”
The directness of his question took her by surprise. So far, it had felt as though she’d had to prize any information from him, and now he was asking her in this unambiguous way. It was so confusing. Lily gazed into his eyes. Ethan really did have the most astonishing eyes. They were like two deep oceans, superficially beautiful, and yet she couldn’t help but wonder at what lurked below. The thought made her throat dry.
“Yes,” she whispered, though Lily really wasn’t sure if that was the truth as she gave the answer.
Ethan sighed, shifting his weight to the end of the couch. “There is no easy way to say this,” he muttered as he let go of her hand and wandered toward the fireplace. “No good way.”
The knot of anxiety in Lily’s belly twisted. “So, just say it,” she mumbled. “Please, Ethan. This is killing me.”
He turned, fixing her with a determined stare, and as she surveyed him by the crackling flames, the look of Ethan almost took her breath away. He was so tall and brooding, yet utterly gorgeous at the same time. She could barely believe she’d had the fortune to meet him, let alone fall so completely in love.
“Funny you should say that,” he said after a moment, and something about his tone made Lily shiver, despite the flames.
“Say what?”
She was starting to feel uneasy, but Lily couldn’t say why except that Ethan’s demeanor had changed again somehow, just like it had before. Something was wrong, and she had the feeling that whatever was coming next was the crux of the matter.
“That it’s killing you,” he replied with a dark laugh. “It’s rather apt in the circumstances.”
He leaned against the mantle, gazing at Lily from the other side of the room, and that’s when it happened. Something shifted in Lily’s mind, like the pieces of a puzzle finally coming together, and she just knew. He didn’t even have to say it. In fact, she didn’t even think she could hear him say it, but oh God, she knew what was coming next. The emotional side of her brain—the part that had given her permission to fall so heavily for the man— fought against the notion with everything it had.
It can’t be true, it told her. It can’t be true, it can’t be. Not Ethan…
But it was. It was true.
It was him.
All those killings—the ones in the newspapers and on the radio—it had to be that. Ethan was the murderer.
The walls inside Lily’s mind began to crumble.
Chapter Thirty-Four
She was still gazing at him, just as she had been before, yet now her gaze was different. Ethan knew it reflexively, without having to read her mind. The light in her forest green eyes had faded, as though the sun was beginning to set.
A long, drawn silence fell over them, as each surveyed the other. Lily began to fidget in her place, and he noticed how she gulped with what seemed like nerves as her gaze rose to meet his again. What was that, he wondered? Ethan had seen that look before, many times, in the eyes of his victims, and as the memories reverberated he knew in an instant what emotion it was.
It was fear.
“Lily.” His voice was deeper now, possibly sending her an unspoken warning, but Ethan knew there was no need.
He would never hurt Lily, or at least, he didn’t think he would…
“You’ve not said anything for a while. Are you okay?”
He immobilized her with a meaningful stare as he asked, considering just penetrating her thoughts and finding out for himself. But really, there was no need for the deceit, and no need to violate her boundaries. In his heart, Ethan already knew the answer. He knew what was wrong—it was obvious. Lily knew. She was a smart little thing, and had begun to mature so much already in the short time they’d known one another. Lily had worked it out.
“You were going to tell me something.” Her voice had a deep, unusual resonance to it, but it was hard, as though she was forcing the words from her mouth.
He nodded at her statement. There was no doubt she already knew the answer to the riddle, but evidently, she wanted to know for sure. Lily wanted him to make the confession.
“I think you already know,” he replied without taking his eyes from her insistent gaze.
“Tell me.”
Lily’s tone was weaker now, but that didn’t lessen the impact of the words. That was a command—no doubt about it—and while he wanted to offer her a wry smile for her plucky approach, he didn’t. Not this time. No
t now.
“It’s me,” he told her softly. “You’re right, Lily. It was me.”
She swallowed at the admission. “What did you do, Ethan?”
He closed his eyes briefly, the images of the women he had destroyed flashing behind his lids briefly as he prepared to respond. “I killed them.”
His tone was neither proud, nor apologetic. “I killed all of those women. It was me.”
The color drained from her face as Ethan’s words resounded, but to her credit, she didn’t move, and she didn’t try to run.
“Are you being serious?” she asked in a quiet tone. “Because this isn’t something I want to joke about, Ethan.”
Ethan had to suppress the urge to smile at that. “Of course, I’m being serious,” he told her bluntly. “Why the fuck would I lie about this?”
Lily blinked at him for a moment, before her hand rose to her mouth. For a moment he thought she was going to vomit, but even in the apparent face of nausea, she was resolute.
“I can’t believe this,” she gasped as she finally rose to her feet. “I can’t fucking believe this.”
Ethan had rarely heard her use profanity when they weren’t fucking, and for a moment, he thought about marching over there and taking Lily over his knee again, but then he remembered what had inspired the little outburst, and he decided to cut her some slack.
“I’m guessing it wasn’t what you expected to hear when I picked you up this evening,” he replied with a small chuckle.
Lily looked at him with horror. “You’re laughing,” she said pointedly. “You’re actually laughing.”
There was an imperious edge to her voice now, and as she drew her small hands to her hips, Ethan couldn’t tell if it was anger or fear that had inspired it, but he didn’t like it. Not one iota.
“Yes, Lily,” he answered her. “Laughter is my defense mechanism.”
“Some defense!” she snorted in reply, and then with one step in his direction, Lily raised a finger and pointed it at him accusingly. “How could you?”
Ethan lifted his chin at the venom in her voice. Of course, he had expected there would be some sort of negative response. How could there not be? Only a woman with a soul as black as his could hear that the person they’d fallen in love with was a mass murderer and not suffer any ill consequences. And that wasn’t Lily. Ethan knew that much. Lily didn’t have a black soul. Lily was the lightest soul he knew.
Flawed: (A Psychological Dark Romance) (The Dark Necessities Prequels Book 1) Page 19