by Melissa Yi
Ryan laughed. Roxy was getting a walk around the block from Rachel, who couldn't spoil the big dog enough, but we'd borrow Roxy back as soon as we could.
Tom and Dr. Wen, who'd been sampling some of the casseroles, joined our circle.
Tom sipped some water, making sure not to spill it on his charcoal suit. "This has been the most exciting week in the Zinser lab, ever." He paused to think about it. "I hope this never happens again."
Dr. Wen cleared his throat and said, "The whole episode was very unfortunate."
We all turned toward him. I said, "Did we scare you away?"
"Only if I have to hear about the Banting and Best Fellowship again." We had a good laugh at poor Samir, who was trapped in the lab.
As Ryan walked me out of the chapel and out of the hospital itself, he held open the door for me.
The sun was shining. An anemic December sun, with a little bit of snow covering the ground, and the wind in our faces. Someone had hung gold tinsel above the door.
For some reason, the sun reminded me of a phoenix. The bird that burns to death and rises from its own ashes, completely reborn.
Maybe I, too, could remake myself after near-shattering. Maybe I wasn't a poor, little broken warrior. Maybe I could trash labels that didn't suit me any more. Maybe I could transform into something stronger.
A phoenix never dies.
Ryan and I linked hands. He said, "We made it."
I smiled at him. I don't know much about Chinese culture, but the dragon and phoenix are major symbols. There's much ado about how the dragon is usually considered male (yang) and the phoenix female (yin). The dragon and the phoenix could be me and Ryan, evolving and interweaving and making each other stronger.
I kissed him, long and deep.
Even with Ryan's lips on mine, his breath entering my lungs, I remembered Tucker. I wondered what would happen when he came home. I couldn't hang on to both of these guys indefinitely. I was going to have to break one or all of our hearts, if it hadn't happened already.
The sun glimmered on my eyelids. I remembered that the phoenix faces south, which is considered auspicious. It represents summer and drought, but also great vision.
A friend of my grandmother's, who was a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine, once told me that I was very yang. She said that when she met me, I was putting too much weight on my right foot, which is totally true. A yoga teacher pointed it out to me as well. So Ryan and I could be the dragon and the phoenix. Or I could be the dragon and the phoenix myself, the yang and the yin. I needed a bit more yin in my life. A little less dragon, a little more phoenix.
A little more immortality.
My shoulders straightened. To tell you the truth, I never related to my therapist telling me to breathe. It was like trying to put on a size zero pair of pants. I might be able to squirm into them, but they weren't comfortable, and I could only wear them for a short period of time.
But a dragon and a phoenix? That, I could do.
I fitted my body against Ryan's. In my heart, I could already hear Roxy barking, calling us home.
Author's Note
Hope is a function of struggle.—Brené Brown
Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.―Lin Yutang, Chinese writer and inventor, nominated for the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1940 and 1950
This was the hardest Hope Sze novel I've ever written.
I don't know if it was me burning out and getting pneumonia while promoting the previous book, or if the subject matter and research were the toughest for me, but for some reason, I could not finish Human Remains. I called it my book monster.
Fortunately, I had a lot of help along the way.
One of my mandates is talking to strangers. This time, I was chatting on an airplane, and my seat partner, Marie-Pascale Manseau, explained how she inspected laboratories. It suddenly seemed an excellent idea to have Hope do a research block to recuperate from her last trauma.
Next, I met Dr. Bill Stanford, Senior Scientist at the Sprott Centre for Stem Cell Research at the Ottawa Hospital Research Institute because Bill and I were speakers at the 2015 University of Ottawa Healthcare Symposium. He explained the world of stem cells and invited me to tour his lab.
There, he introduced me to Dr. Lisa Julian, who really did receive the Canadian Institutes of Health Research Banting Postdoctoral Fellowship for her work on Lymphangioleiomyomatosis, a tumour that destroys lung tissue and causes respiratory failure only in women.
Dr. Debra Komar, a United Nations forensic investigator turned acclaimed author, was exceedingly generous with her time. I met her through Capital Crime Writers.
Dr. Jacinthe Lampron, the trauma medical director at the Ottawa Hospital, came to Cornwall to teach us a rural trauma course. She patiently answered my questions about primary reanastomosis, fistulas, and other Tucker-related details.
Dr. Paul Irwin, who embodied the Cornwall trauma department for years, never flinches when I ask him anything. In fact, he one-upped me by asking if Tucker was gay, because (avert your eyes) apparently penetrating ostomy sex is a thing. Sorry if you didn't want to know. All I could say was, Tucker will not be engaging in that. No, not even in L.A. RN Kathryn Brunet asked, "So? When's your next book out? I can't wait any more." Her real-life medical story got me hitting the keyboard again. Dr. Adrienne Junek helped flesh out that story, and sent me article links besides.
Richard Quarry is a brilliant writer in his own right.
Dr. Greg Smith analyzes the fatality rate of viruses and tries to keep the PTSD real.
Dr. D.P. Lyle is a cardiologist and award-winning writer who generously answers medical questions, including mine. My new friends, John Burley and Lee Goldberg, sent me his way.
Michelle Poilly challenged me about plasmids and lab medicine, so I added the MP-12 strain of Rift Valley disease to make it a biosafety level 2 agent. Agnes Cadieux, from the University of Ottawa, joined me on a CanCon panel about infectious diseases and volunteered to get me a tour of the virology lab.
Kevin Cooper took me and John Burley on a tour of his lab at Caltech, when I was a repeat finalist for the Roswell Award. Violana Nesterova also introduced me to fruit flies at the Zinn lab.
James G. Wigmore, forensic alcohol toxicologist, kindly read my simplified poison description.
I can't say enough about the officers at Writers' Police Academy and the local coroner who checked my interview scene: Paul M. Smith, Mike Knetzger, Colleen Belongea, Matt Ninham, and Dr. Bob Reddoch.
In the end, though, I had to write. All errors are my own.
Previous Hope novels were set in a particular year, but after talking to Bill Stanford about the state of stem cell research even a few years ago, I realized there was no advantage in dating a novel. Henceforth, Hope novels will be set in the present.
As for the microbiology, I wrote about the Zika virus. However, because a vaccine could render my novel obsolete, I chose to call my version Zisa, which means "to lay waste" in Lugunda.
I modified Rift Valley fever to Rift Valley disease, but many details, including the epidemic years and the bovine fetus, are real.
I offer my gratitude to my new writer-sister S, who is the best proofreader I've yet encountered, and Erik Buchanan, who edits like no other.
Merci, meticulous D, Mark Leslie, PF, Ian, Caroline, and my KamikaSze advance readers.
Please sign up for my mailing list at www.melissayuaninnes.com to get a free Hope novella made of three intertwined short stories. It's always party time for the KamikaSzes!
Thank you, librarians, booksellers and distributors, CBC Radio, the Review, the Standard Freeholder, the Glengarry News, CTV's Regional Contact, Rogers TV, and Cogeco.
And most of all, thank you, my readers. I couldn't do this without you. If you could leave a positive review, it makes all the difference to a new author.
'She read books as one would breathe air, to fill up and live.' �
�Annie Dillard
Also by Melissa Yi
Hope Sze medical mystery
Code Blues
Notorious D.O.C.
Stockholm Syndrome
Death Flight
Butcher's Hook
Cain and Abel
Trouble and Strife
Blood Diamonds
Human Remains
Standalone
Om: originally published in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine
The War of the Janitors
Reckless Homicide: Five Tales of Death and Deception
Wolf Ice
Also by Melissa Yuan-Innes
Hope Sze medical mystery
Code Blues
Notorious D.O.C.
Stockholm Syndrome
Death Flight
Butcher's Hook
Cain and Abel
Trouble and Strife
Blood Diamonds
Human Remains
The Emergency Doctor’s Guides
The Emergency Doctor’s Guide to Healing Dry Eyes
Standalone
Om: originally published in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine
The War of the Janitors
Reckless Homicide: Five Tales of Death and Deception
The Emergency Doctor's Guide to a Pain-Free Back: Fast Tips and Exercises for Healing and Relief
Fairy Tales are for White People: a short story and author essay
Wolf Ice