‘Pen! Is that you? Are you in there?’ a voice hoarse from yelling called out. ‘Can you raise the bolt? Can you open the door? Pen, it’s me, Cassian. Let me in.’
Sweet relief swept her. Of all the people that could be on the other side of the door, that was the one she wanted. She levered herself up, grabbed her chair and made for the door. She was in his arms the moment it opened, ignoring the rain running from his clothes, ignoring the blanket that fell to the floor. She hadn’t enough hands to hold him and the quilt too. Given the choice, she’d much rather hold him.
‘Pen, thank goodness I found you. I was so worried. I went to the hills, but there were mudslides.’ He was pressing kisses to her hair. ‘You’re hurt?’ She stumbled against him, unable to keep her balance.
‘My ankle. It’s twisted.’ She’d barely uttered the words before he’d swept her up in his arms and carried her to the bed.
‘I like this, being met at the door by a naked woman,’ he teased, setting her down and going back to retrieve the quilt.
‘You should get undressed, too,’ Pen said as he tucked the blanket around her.
Cassian arched his brow. ‘Is that an invitation?’
Pen blushed, realising how it sounded. ‘You’re soaking wet. Lay your clothes by the fire. With luck, we’ll both have something dry to wear by morning.’
He strode to the fire and began to strip out of his wet things. Even a perfunctory undressing was titillating when it came to Cassian. She couldn’t take her eyes from him as his waterlogged coats came off and his sticky shirt was peeled from his body. But she could not let her thoughts stray in that direction, not until things were resolved. If they simply jumped back into bed with one another, nothing changed. She still wouldn’t know where she stood with him. What was true? What was a game?
‘Why didn’t you come back sooner?’ she asked the first necessary question. His hands stalled on the fall of his breeches.
‘We are to play twenty questions, is that it, Pen?’ It was softly said, kindly said.
‘I’d rather play twenty answers, Cassian. I’m tired of having doubts about you, about us. Questions imply the existence of the unknown and there is too much of that between us.’ She wanted surety, even if it hurt.
Cassian finished with his breeches and came to the bed, gloriously naked, distractingly so as he sat on the edge. He reached for her hands, the tenderness of the gesture unnerving her. It was the type of gesture one made when one had bad news to impart. She didn’t want bad news. ‘Then we will play the game, Pen, one last time and you can decide once and for all if I am worthy of you. First, let me tell you why I didn’t come, why I couldn’t come.’ He paused, bracing her for his next words. ‘The Hawaiian King has died, Pen, and his wife. When they sickened and there was a real possibility they wouldn’t recover, it was impossible to leave the city. King George was adamant that, should it come to it, the ton must be on hand to give him the funeral he deserved. He was laid in state, his bones were laid in the crypt at St Martin-in-the-Fields. There was all the requisite pomp and ceremony. I couldn’t leave. My father is gone from London at the moment. I had to represent the family and, as a new, close acquaintance to the Hawaiian King, George felt I should be there especially.’ He sighed. ‘Telling you now, it seems like such a little thing, a poor reason to leave your side, to not run to your rescue.’
Pen nodded. ‘I understand.’ She caressed his hands with her thumbs. It felt good to be touched by him again. She’d given up hope of feeling that touch. It would have been easy to give in to it, to let his body persuade her all was well between them. But his explanation didn’t answer every question she had. She could not relent yet. ‘You had your duty and we left suddenly.’ If only they’d delayed their departure by a few hours, then her father, too, would have been forced to stay. She could have confronted Cassian personally. ‘I’m glad you were there. He seemed like a nice man, a man interested in the world. It’s too bad the world played him false.’
‘His wife died first. After that, he seemed to lose the will to fight it. He had no immunity and no strength.’ She felt the pressure of Cassian’s grip tighten on her hands. The king’s death had touched him. ‘My friend, Eaton, had the measles when he was young. We almost lost him to them too. It’s a powerful disease.’
‘But you’re here now,’ Pen prompted. ‘Why?’
‘Can’t you guess? I am here for you. I left London half an hour after the funeral and rode as hard as I could. I rode straight to Castle Byerd. I wanted to hear from your own lips that you were done with me. Your father was quick to tell me you were engaged to Wadesbridge, but it’s hard to be engaged when one party has disappeared.’ Cassian drew a deep breath that moved his chest. ‘So, Pen, are you through with me? Will you give me a chance to explain? Or have you decided it’s to be Wadesbridge?’
It was hard to think with that chest of his on such blatant display, but she had to think. This was about more than a handsome, half-naked man wanting to bed her and she him. This was about her future with a man she could trust. ‘Tell me the truth, Cassian. Was it always about the land? Is that still what you’re here for?’ This was the only question that mattered and her heart was in her throat at the asking of it.
‘You know it was not always about the land, not since the moment I saw you in London and realized you were Em.’ He left her and crossed the room and retrieved his coat from the hearth. ‘You saw the note I wrote.’ He pulled the paper out, soggy at the edges and returned to her. ‘You know I loved you before I met you in London. To see you that night at Byerd House and to know you were my beloved Em was like a miracle to me. In that one moment everything was perfect.’ His knuckles skimmed her cheek. ‘I should have told you sooner about the land, I was just too afraid I’d lose you. There was already so much doubt between us without that. Then, that day when you found my drawings for the park, I should have told you then, but you volunteered the land and I took the easy way out. I lost you over it. I will always wonder, if I’d told you sooner, would it have made a difference? Or would you have pushed me away? Would I have lost my chance altogether? You were not in a listening mood that night in London.’
He loved her. It had not been a lie. She could see it in the regret, in the pain, in his eyes and in the wanting, too, that was still there. How difficult their journey had been. Losing one another, then finding one another again, only to have her doubts keep them apart. He’d worked hard to overcome them, to make a space for them where he could tell her about the land without recrimination. He had almost succeeded if it had not been for Wilmington’s disclosure. She was not going to be thwarted in love by a jealous man’s trump.
Pen searched Cassian’s face. ‘Who says you’ve lost me?’ she whispered. ‘I’ve missed you every day since I’ve been back. I wondered why you didn’t come. Was it that you didn’t love me? That my father was right? I only said yes to Wadesbridge when I felt the best I could do was protect myself from being hurt again by putting myself beyond your reach, beyond love’s reach. I said yes because I was out of hope.’
‘Where there’s love, Pen, there is always hope. Will you hope with me?’ he whispered against her skin, pressing her back against the mattress.
‘There is still my father to contend with. He was your stubborn gentleman, was he not? I figured it out when my father showed me the land company’s letters.’ She gave a soft laugh.
Cassian didn’t chuckle. ‘I am sorry for that. I would not have chosen for you to find out that way. When I thought of you hurting, of what you might be thinking, my heart broke anew. I would never choose to cause you pain in anyway, Pen.’
‘It is in the past, now. All has been explained and forgiven.’ She stroked his brow with a gentle hand, her own desire starting to heat, her body starting to burn. ‘But my father must be considered. His resistance hasn’t changed. He will not sanction the marriage. There is also still the issue of the land and th
e park.’
Cassian moved over her, his mouth brushing her lips. ‘No, there isn’t. He needs to know how much I love you, that I will do anything to have you, to be with you. The land is nothing. I will tell him tomorrow when I take you home. I will give it up for you.’
The announcement sucked the air from her. ‘Cassian, I can’t let you do that. You would come to hate me if I was the reason you lost your dream.’
‘You are my dream now. Together, we can find another way to build the park.’ He bracketed her head with his hands, his finger smoothing back her hair, his mouth kissing her softly. ‘I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to do this again with you, Pen.’ His body moved gently, reverently against hers, letting her feel the press of his arousal. ‘I had three long days on horseback to think about what I truly wanted and what I want is you, more than I want the amusement gardens, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in this world.’
‘And I want you, Cassian. More than anything else in this world.’ Enough to risk marriage, enough to risk her father’s ire.
‘You shall have me.’ He took her then in a swift thrust of homecoming, and she gloried in it as he filled her, joined her. They were together now, their doubts set aside. As long as they stood together, it didn’t matter what her father thought. She and Cassian would find a way.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The world was rosy after a night of storms, after a night of lovemaking. If only it could stay that way, Pen thought as they approached Castle Byerd. She sat before Cassian on Ajax, wrapped in Cassian’s arms, held tight against his chest and between his thighs, last night’s intimacy lingering. Her night had been far more pleasant than her father’s. She had to remember that. While she’d been safe and dry in Cassian’s embrace, her father had spent a restless, unfruitful night, searching for her. He would be worried beyond measure and reliving the horror of losing her mother all over again, thinking perhaps he’d lost her as well and under similar circumstances.
Guilt poked at her, marring the rosiness of the morning. She’d not meant to be cruel. She’d merely meant to live her own life. But she saw the cruelty in her decision now, the pain her choice would have brought him. ‘My father will be angry.’ She looked up at Cassian.
‘He has every right to be, but we’ll see it through,’ Cassian assured her. She wished she possessed his confidence. But Cassian had never seen her father mad.
In the stable yard, their appearance brought all activity to a halt. ‘Someone fetch the earl!’ a groom called out, issuing instructions. ‘Someone help with the horse.’ Hands reached up to help her down. Cassian dismounted behind her, issuing instructions of his own to take care of her ankle, which had been useless this morning. He’d carried her to the horse.
‘My lady, come this way,’ someone offered, but Pen refused, reaching for Cassian’s arm. She didn’t want to be separated from him, didn’t want anyone ushering her away from the decisions that would be made. They were her decisions. She needed to be part of them, she needed to fight for them.
Her father appeared in the stable yard, drawn and pale from a sleepless night, Phin and Wadesbridge with him. Phin rushed to her and hugged her. ‘I’m glad you’re back.’ To Cassian he said, ‘Where did you find her?’
‘Safe and mostly sound at the gamekeeper’s cottage between Hayle and Redruth,’ Cassian answered. ‘She’s twisted her ankle, nothing more.’
‘Nothing more?’ Redruth strode forward, all fuming, barely restrained anger. Pen squared her shoulders and felt Cassian’s hand close around hers as the storm of her father’s wrath broke. ‘You’re out the entire night with my daughter and you say nothing more? Step away from him, Pen. This blackguard has intentionally thought to compromise you.’
* * *
Cassian took a half step in front of Pen, just enough to shield her, not to hide her. She would not want to be hidden. She would want to be supported. ‘I found her. She was in no condition to travel and the weather made travel more dangerous than staying in place. To return home would have risked our health and the horse’s. Her ankle is proof enough of that. I appreciate that you spent a night in worry over her, but she is home now.’
‘She is disgraced now! A night spent with a man?’ Redruth sputtered.
‘I fully intend to marry her, to renew the proposal I made in London.’ He glanced at Wadesbridge apologetically. Wadesbridge was an innocent bystander caught up in the contretemps. ‘I should think my proposal overrides any other offers on the table since I did make it first.’
Redruth scoffed. ‘You were refused in London and now you think to compromise her, to give me no choice. This is exactly what you want.’
Cassian gave a dry laugh. ‘I don’t think this is about your choice, sir, but your daughter’s. After all, I’m not proposing to you.’ That brought a round of nervous laughter from the stable boys before they were glared into silence. ‘Might we go inside? Perhaps more privacy would be appropriate for this discussion?’ Cassian suggested. He could practically feel Pen’s cheeks burning beside him and her hand was crushing his in its grip. He didn’t want to make this fight harder for her than it had to be.
Redruth nodded and ushered them inside, Wadesbridge diplomatically declining to join them on the grounds that this was a family matter. It was the most minute of agreements, but it was a start. If they could agree on this, perhaps there were other things they would find agreement on. Phin poured out drinks while Cassian took up his position at the right shoulder of Pen’s chair. ‘My lord, we both agree we want what is best for Pen,’ he said. If Redruth could realise they agreed on that, it would be a monumental step forward.
‘And you think you’re best for her?’ Redruth was cool as he took a glass from Phin.
‘I don’t think that’s my decision to make at all,’ Cassian corrected. ‘Or yours. Pen should decide what’s best for her.’
‘She should be guided in those decisions by the people who care for her the most.’ Redruth did not back down.
‘I have been,’ Pen interrupted, reaching for Cassian’s hand. ‘Mama taught me to embrace life, not to fear it. I do not want to live my life behind walls. Last night, when I was out in the storm, I was frightened. I was soaked, I was hurt, I had no help to rely on except myself. It would have been easy to turn around. But while I was afraid of being out in the storm, I was more afraid of what would happen if I came back and committed myself to a marriage that would be lukewarm at best. Wadesbridge deserves better. I deserve better. You and Mama showed me that. You loved each other every day of your lives. I left because I couldn’t live without that in my own marriage, nor could I live with your disappointment in me if I refused Wadesbridge.’
‘Pen, you’ve never disappointed me. Challenged me, perhaps, but I love you. You can’t disappoint me. We’ll find you another husband. It doesn’t have to be Wadesbridge.’ It was the softest Cassian had ever seen Redruth. He squeezed Pen’s hand, knowing how difficult this was for her. She had done her part, now it was time for him to do his.
‘I want to be that husband. I believe Pen loves me and I love her. I would be here asking even if last night did not demand my honour required it. You know this to be true. You know I came to you in this very hall last evening to renew my proposal.’ Cassian locked eyes with the earl.
‘I want him, Father. He is my choice,’ Pen offered in support.
Redruth shook his head. ‘Any man but him, Pen. He only wants your land. That hasn’t changed. He’ll take that land and he’ll corrupt it with his plans. I can’t give my daughter to a man who only means to use her. He courted you with the intention to deceive me out of the land I’d refused him outright.’
‘Then I give up the land. I renounce all claim to it and to her dowry in toto,’ Cassian announced. ‘I only want her.’
The interruption stymied Redruth. ‘If this is a bluff, you will lose, Trevethow. I will not relent.’
‘
Neither will I. We’d prefer to have your blessing, but we will wed without it because that is the strength of my love for her.’ There was satisfaction in seeing Redruth stunned, at a loss for words. Cassian seized the opportunity to press his case. ‘With the issue of the land settled, there is no reason to reject my suit. I am a peer of the realm—I will inherit the Dukedom of Hayle in due time. My estate is not far from yours, so you will have plenty of opportunity to visit your daughter and your future grandchildren.’
Redruth’s gaze went to his daughter, the last of his arguments refuted, leaving him no grounds for resistance, as Cassian had intended. ‘You’re sure, Pen? You have no doubts?’
‘None.’ Pen’s single word filled the room, and Cassian’s heart swelled.
‘Then I suppose I cannot withhold my blessing.’ It was as close as they’d get to the earl’s approval. Cassian would take it. He understood a man had his pride and his limits.
‘I’d like to wed as soon as possible.’ Cassian knew he was pushing his luck. He’d just gained the man’s permission and he was already making another demand of his father-in-law. But he’d been pushing his luck in other ways. Who knew—Redruth’s grandchild might already be taking root. ‘I want to marry as soon as I can get my family here and Pen can walk down the aisle.’
* * *
As soon as Pen could walk down the aisle turned out to be two weeks later in the middle of August. It might have been three weeks, if they’d chosen a larger church. But the aisle at the Castle Byerd chapel was short and Pen assured him she could manage. What she could not manage was another night without him in her bed. Cassian agreed. When a man has the rest of his life to enjoy the woman he loves in bed, he is determined to make the rest of his life start as soon as possible.
The Passions of Lord Trevethow Page 21