She pulled his head down to her shoulder so she wouldn’t see that same knowledge in his eyes. No matter how much her heart had leaped when she’d heard him say he would’ve fought for her, she couldn’t get away from the fact that it wasn’t just about them anymore.
Squeezing her eyes tight, Liv remembered the pledge she’d made to herself. To marry him for the sake of the girls. For no other reason. That’s all he really wanted.
So, was he only doing this so she’d stay and not leave him like she had before?
Markus closed his eyes for a second. The feel of her, the taste, was just as all his dreams had promised, and although he’d warned himself away from this, nothing had ever felt so right. If he kissed her long and slow one more time, it might be as though they’d never been apart. That in doing so he wasn’t opening himself up to be let down again.
Mentally stamping down sense and reason, his body called for more of her, and he lifted her T-shirt and ran his fingers across her velvety waist. He wanted to know this woman, to understand how he hadn’t seen the real Liv before, the person who had such a capacity for love that she’d put the needs of others first.
Her trembling hand covered his, and he opened his eyes as she murmured his name and the need pounding through his blood grew.
“Markus . . .” Her voice, a shy whisper, broke through his tumbling mind.
Her hand removed his, and she was pulling back and lifting her chin until their gazes met in hot pause.
“No, Markus,” she said with soft certainty.
She let his hand drop then and slid from the stool, away from the small circle of pleasure that had so briefly held him. “This is not what either of us truly wants . . . or needs.”
He didn’t speak. This was exactly what they both wanted and needed. He knew the responses of her body intimately, and despite his surprise that it was still there, she couldn’t hide her desire for him, he’d felt it pulsing through his fingers.
He waited for the words to leave her lips. The same words she’d said the last time she’d pulled away from him like this.
“It’s understandable we should feel emotional, especially . . . after what . . . we’ve been through in the last few weeks, but . . .”
Each word came out in a breathless rush, belying her façade of control. “This is the sort of thing that would . . . make a marriage for the girls’ sakes impossible.”
Still, he didn’t speak, just watched the ragged words trip out of the mouth he wanted to devour more of.
Her face was pained with raw uncertainty. “I think we can acknowledge,” she said, her voice shaking as she took another half step back, “that we’re both looking for some closure here and—”
“Are we?”
She was lying, fooling herself. She might try to make her words formal and distant but their real meaning was desperately obvious in the heat radiating from her and the indecision swimming in her eyes.
“We’ll get married for one reason only, so the girls can have two parents.” She placed her palms on her cheeks and blew out a sharp breath. “We both know that if this tragedy hadn’t occurred, we wouldn’t be in this room right now. We’d be miles away from each other, because that is the best thing for us.”
She stopped speaking as if waiting for him to respond, but he kept his words confined, hot in his throat. He couldn’t believe she was saying this, not after the fire he’d felt in her touch and the need he’d recognized in her body. In one kiss, she’d confirmed her desire for him was still alive.
She blinked quickly then continued. “So, we have to do what we’ve both pledged and put Phoebe and Zoë first.”
The unexpectedness of her resolve and the deep meaning in her words held him silent. Loving was hard for her, something she’d had to learn after what had happened to her parents. And learning the importance of commitment was part of that. That he hadn’t seen it when they’d been together before was a tragedy; that she was now saying having it for the girls would keep her from him was unthinkable.
And it made his desire for her burn hotter than he’d ever experienced.
“I’m not looking for any closure, Liv.” He had to be honest, but the effort of dampening his feelings to hold a rational conversation wasn’t easy. “I’m just interested in the here and now.” He kept his voice low, willing her to step closer once again. He wanted to stop talking, stop rationalizing and reasoning, and just forget all this in a kiss. But he knew she’d meant what she’d said.
Her voice dropped a little and he could sense something like regret in her tone. “But the here and now isn’t what counts, Markus. It’s the future. Phoebe and Zoë’s future. And you and I need to put aside in-the-moment desires for something far greater. Phoebe and Zoë’s happiness.” Her voice shook. “I don’t want to hurt you again, but I won’t hurt the girls. And that’s what would happen if you and I fell into a relationship again. It would end the way it did last time, with acrimony and bitterness.”
He took a deep breath to aid the journey of his words. “Of course, you don’t want to hurt me, Liv, and neither do I want to hurt you, but if we’re going to bring up the girls together, we can’t deny the attraction between us.”
This time her words were stronger. “We have to deny it, Markus. We have to fight for what’s best for the girls.”
“And what would happen if you and I had something worth fighting for?” He leaned back against the bench to stop himself from reaching out and holding her so she could feel the truth of his words, feel the desire in his fingers when he touched her. “If the feelings we’ve both experienced in the last few minutes are real? What if we decided we want to be together? Really together, working on our relationship, creating a family with the girls, loving each other and loving them. Why would that be so terrible?” He held his breath for an agonizing moment as he watched her face tighten.
She touched both hands to her delicate cheeks and closed her eyes as if the thought horrified her. “Because they’ve already lost one parent. Imagine if you and I were to try and patch things up, stitch our broken love for each other back together. Then when it didn’t work out, they’d be devastated. We’d all be devastated. And potentially split between two distant countries. I haven’t committed to marrying you to have it all become impossible because we let desire get in the way. We did that once before and it ended in heartbreak.”
She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at a spot on the wall. “And if we made each other crazy enough back then . . .” She paused, then turned to really look at him. When she spoke, her voice had softened. “Oh, Markus, don’t you see how awful it would be if we dragged children into it? If we hurt those beautiful girls because we failed as we did before?”
He held his gaze on her face, willing her to really see at him so she’d know he meant this. “People change, Liv. Look at me. I’m not the high-flying litigator I always dreamed I’d be. I’m in my mom’s home town running a confectionery business.” He ran his hands through his hair. “We were young then, Liv, full of ourselves and the possibilities life held for us. And we were in love.”
He took a step toward her. “Now that we’re older and wiser, we can make things work this time. You just need to stop denying your feelings. I can see it in your eyes. Have faith in us.”
Her shoulders tensed and then she pulled away. “Phoebe and Zoë is what I need to put my faith in right now. Not the fragile thing that was our old relationship. We can have a new relationship now, Markus, one based on friendship and a mutual love of the girls.” Tears shone in her eyes, her voice flat and defeated as she crossed her arms in front of her rigid body.
“We can be together, Liv. If you want it enough. Let go of the past and listen to your feelings.”
Her eyes snapped back to his, but he continued. “What you say about protecting Phoebe and Zoë from losing another parent is true. But the greatest gift we could give those two girls is parents who love each other as much as we love them. And it’s something we can figh
t for. Until today, I had no hint that you still had any desire for me. But now, after that kiss, after the way I felt you respond in my arms, I don’t doubt it. And I’m certain of the way I feel about you.”
Her intake of breath was so sharp it cut the air. “Markus—”
He held up a hand. “I understand how much I hurt you before, and I’m so deeply sorry for that. I regret not telling you my biggest fears, and I know that’s a big part of why you had to leave. I know now that you can be committed, that you can show the deepest love, and when you come to understand that you do have the commitment and love for me that I know is there . . .” He paused, then pinned her with his stare. “I’ll be waiting.”
Her throat moved in a tight swallow before she spoke, and he knew that his words had touched her deeply. But she held her chin higher. “Markus . . .” Her voice dropped. “It’s lovely . . .” She took another breath. “What you said.”
She stopped and cleared her throat, then pulled herself taller and her gaze sharpened. “But you’re only saying these things because you’re frightened I’ll take the girls away, that I’ll leave you the way I did before. But I won’t. I’ve made the decision to stay and be Phoebe and Zoë’s mother, with you as their father. You don’t have to . . . touch me or kiss me to get me to do that. What we might have wanted once is irrelevant . . . no, impossible now that we have Phoebe and Zoë to care for. We can’t risk their lives, their stability, because of desires that in the end cause us to hurt each other. I won’t let it happen.”
A whimper from the monitor indicated one of the girls was stirring, and she stepped back and looked at her watch. “I need to get the girls’ bottles ready.”
As she looked up, he held her gaze rigid. “You’re wrong.” Things had changed now, and she didn’t have to pretend anymore. He knew she felt as strongly about him as he did about her.
“This can’t happen again, Markus,” she said, her voice cool and fluting as she moved toward the door. “And there’s no point in you waiting for anything. The only reason I’ll marry you is to provide a happy and secure life for Phoebe and Zoë and nothing will jeopardize that.”
10
“Liv, Liv, are you there?” Petro’s voice was high with anxiety the next morning.
Liv wiped lavender petals from her hands on a stiff white apron and hurried to open the door of the shed.
“What is it, Petro?” Her heart raced at the look of terror on his pale face. “Is it one of the girls? What’s happened?” Her stomach pitched and rolled. She’d die if anything happened to them.
“It’s the social worker,” he said in his thick accent. “She is here, one hour early, and I have not even finished frosting the cakes!”
The tight coils of dread within her began to unwind, and Liv grinned as she patted his tense shoulder while they walked inside. Markus was talking to Ana-Maria in the living room, and Liv began moving to join them, cringing at the piles of washing that hadn’t been put away, as well as the wraps, the play gym, the music box. Why had Ana-Maria come so early? To see how badly she and Markus kept house?
Petro forced a whisper. “I’m sorry, Liv. I should have tidied up, but I was putting a mobile up above the girls’ cribs and then I got carried away with the cakes and—”
Her stomach clenched tight again, but she patted Petro’s arm. They were all doing their best to care for the girls, but would Ana-Maria see it that way?
She wiped her hands across her skirt, at the same time trying to smooth down her fears. What Markus had said last night about waiting until she came to him had rocked her to her core. It mustn’t happen again—him getting so close that her resolve and her body melted. She had to remember he was only reacting like this to keep her here.
The kiss they’d shared had been magical and his touch had been the realization of a bottled-up fantasy, but she knew his reaction to her was based on his fears that she would leave again, nothing more.
Even if only a fraction of his reaction was genuine, the fact was they’d tried and failed once before to make a relationship work, and this time four hearts could be broken. Above everything, he would never trust her. He’d always be waiting for the moment she took fright and ran because of something that might happen between them, and she couldn’t let that uncertainty and mistrust taint Phoebe and Zoë’s lives.
Now that she’d made the decision to stay here, she wouldn’t let such a fragile arrangement be destroyed for a moment of pleasure. No, she had to keep her physical distance from Markus and make him see that she could rise above her need for him. When he realized he didn’t need to say these things to make her stay, she was sure they could get on with the business of being parents and, just as importantly, friends.
“I’m sorry to arrive before our scheduled appointment time,” Ana-Maria said, as Liv joined her and Markus. The other woman reached out and shook Liv’s hand. “I explained to Petro and Mr. Panos . . . to Markus that I’ve been unexpectedly called to a court case this afternoon and this is the only free time I have for the next couple of weeks. I hope you don’t mind, but I didn’t want to keep you waiting that long.”
“No, not at all.” Liv pushed a washing basket out of the way then moved to sit down. Petro had become as enthralled with the girls as she and Markus were; all three of them would rather be with Phoebe and Zoë than tidy up. She tried to gloss over the mess. “I should’ve cleaned this up sooner, but I got a little carried away with making a sleeping balm for the babies.”
Ana-Maria shot her a quizzical look. “There’s nothing wrong with having baby things around.” She moved a teddy bear from beneath a cushion and sat him up beside her.
“I will make coffee,” Petro said, before nodding his head and leaving them.
“The babies are asleep, I assume.” Ana-Maria smiled first at Liv, then Markus.
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
They spoke simultaneously, and when she turned to him, Liv could see reassurance in Markus’s endless coffee-colored eyes. What he’d said to her last night kept playing over in her head.
I’ll be waiting for you.
Why did he believe she would come back to him? Had she given him false hope? Been too open?
Ana-Maria was talking to Markus, and Liv turned her attention back to what they needed to do this morning.
They’d agreed not to tell her of their plans to marry just yet. If they did well enough in today’s interview, Ana-Maria might not suggest foster care again. They needed the authorities to see that the girls were in the best possible hands.
“They’re due to wake in about half an hour.” Liv glanced at her watch before folding one of the girls’ wraps into a tiny square.
Markus nodded in agreement. “They’ve been down for about two hours, haven’t they, Liv?”
The social worker closed the file she was holding and placed her hands on top of it. “Good. That’s enough time for me to speak to the two of you together then.” She looked at them in turn as she spoke. “You seem less . . . antagonistic than the last time I saw you.” A friendly smile touched her lips.
“We’ve managed to work some things out.” Markus’s voice was sexy-low, and suddenly Liv could feel his lips still branded on hers and the hum that still resounded in her body from his touch yesterday.
Ana-Maria looked intently at Liv. “So, you think you work well as a team in the care of the children?”
Liv shifted in her chair, surprised that Ana-Maria was asking about how they parented together. She’d been under the impression this interview was about which of them would be best suited for long-term custody.
“We’re managing really well,” she said quickly, happy to be honest and proud of what they’d achieved so far.
Ana-Maria continued. “And what do you see as Mr. Panos’s strengths when it comes to caring for the girls?”
Time seemed to stop, and Liv could feel the eyes of both Ana-Maria and Markus on her. She hadn’t said enough of this to Markus yet, how incredible he was with
the girls, how much love he had for them, but the honesty in her answer made the words come easily.
She squeezed her hands together then turned to Markus as she spoke. “He gives the girls his time. He’s patient with them.” The more she said, the more she couldn’t drag her eyes away, and the words tumbled out. “He’s committed to their routine but doesn’t get upset if things get a little out of kilter. And,” she turned back to the other woman, her heart thumping, “he’s put his whole life on hold for them.”
Her heart cracked and a hot breath caught in her chest. She looked down, afraid to look at him, afraid he’d see the raw emotion on her face. She fought to gain control.
Confusion sat on top of the tangle that lay deep in her core. Why was it that one moment she had everything sorted, everything rationalized, and then one look, one word from Markus, could cause her body to hum and her mind to race again?
Ana-Maria turned to Markus. “And what do you see are Ms. Bailey’s strengths, Mr. Panos?”
Holding her breath, she looked up. The power of his gaze heated her cheeks, and her heart doubled its pace as she fidgeted in her chair. “Her newfound ability to fight so strongly for something she believes in,” he said, his voice strong and true.
Her insides crumbled.
Her ability to fight for something she believes in.
The thing she’d known he was testing her on from the moment she’d arrived was no longer an issue. He really believed she’d changed. Liv saw Ana-Maria’s mouth moving, but her ears were deaf to what the other woman said.
The only thing her mind could register was the stark reality that had struck her. He recognized she could fight and knew she was capable of seeing things through. A glow began inside her. Markus, the one person who knew her better than anyone, had recognized what she’d done.
She rolled her bottom lip through her teeth.
“Excuse me, Liv?” Petro’s voice broke through her galloping thoughts. He held up her phone. “Your phone has rung a few times. The screen says it’s Pam. Would you like me to call back and say you’re busy? I was worried it might be important.”
A Family for Good : A sweet, small town, second chance romance (Tall Dark and Driven Book 6) Page 12