The Perfect Gift

by Emma Hannigan

Róisín jumped up and threw her arms around Rob’s neck. ‘I could kiss you right now,’ she said. There was a brief moment of awkwardness as she realised she had practically pinned him to a wall. The small office felt positively claustrophobic as she disentangled her arms from his neck.

  ‘I can’t begin to tell you how relieved I am,’ she babbled, trying to talk away her embarrassment. ‘I’ve been in total denial for the last while. I even hired a new staff member yesterday and then spent the entire night with one eye open worrying about how I’d manage to pay her and keep going.’

  ‘Don’t they say that believing in yourself is the way forward? There were books written about that if I’m not mistaken.’

  ‘True, but I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. I’ve no place to live and I’ve been seriously scared that I’d have no job either.’

  ‘I can’t imagine you ever being in a position where you don’t have a roof over your head and cash in your pocket. You’re one of life’s survivors, Róisín.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘Look, can I buy you a drink? It’s the least I can do.’

  ‘I’d love nothing more, but I need to get going. I’ve a load of orders to fill and I need to get back to my father and work out the next step properly. We had no intention of doing business with him, but this German bloke needs to be stopped in his tracks. I’d wait a couple of days until you approach Mr Grace, too. We don’t want to jeopardise your chances of pulling this deal off.’

  Róisín saw him out and bolted the door of Nourriture. Leaning back against the wall, she punched the air as tears of relief and gratitude ran down her cheeks. Maybe she was going to fulfil her dream after all. Was she on the verge of owning this building? As she gazed around, a feeling of sheer excitement washed over her as she looked to the heavens.

  ‘Can you see me now, Mam? You said you’d watch over me. Now I know you did. I’m being as brave as I can be. I want this.’

  She knew she had no right to feel this way, but she was ridiculously disappointed that Rob hadn’t stayed. An odd sensation rushed through her. Shaking her head, she realised it was jealousy. She thought of the ring Rob had bought for Theresa. He’d said the last time the subject arose that he’d made up his mind. That he knew what he wanted to do.

  Róisín wished she had the guts to tell him she liked him. More than that, to tell him that she’d never met a man like him and that she thought, possibly, she was in love with him.

  Chapter 38

  Mouse was speechless. As she sat cross-legged on the floor in the bedroom, the look of astonishment on her face was almost funny.

  ‘Say something,’ Nell said eventually. ‘What are you thinking?’

  ‘I don’t know where to begin,’ she admitted. ‘Wow. Laura was gorgeous.’

  ‘Wasn’t she?’ Nell said proudly.

  ‘And so bubbly and full of life in that video. I kind of expected her to be some sort of recluse and more … I dunno … odd, on account of what had happened to her.’

  ‘She wasn’t a bit like me,’ Nell said.

  ‘I didn’t mean it that way …’

  ‘No, I know you didn’t. But she was the light and soul of my life. Maybe now you can see why there was such a massive hole in my life when she went.’

  Mouse nodded as tears spilled down her cheeks. ‘Can I see her again?’ she asked.

  Nell rewound the tape and they both sat enthralled once more.

  ‘She clearly didn’t let any of the illness or problems she’d experienced get to her,’ Mouse said. ‘Was she always that upbeat or was that just for the video camera?’

  ‘No, that was her in a nutshell,’ Nell said. ‘That video was made the day before she went to Australia. She was so excited.’

  ‘How did you cope with her joy at going?’

  Nell dropped her head in her hands as her body shook with sorrow.

  ‘Oh God, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that …’

  ‘I’ve never spoken about this with anybody,’ Nell said. ‘Oh I was so lonely, Mouse. She was my entire life … when she went I thought I would die. I wanted to die, in fact.’

  ‘Did you consider topping yourself?’ Mouse asked.

  She nodded. ‘I’m ashamed to say I thought about it for sure.’

  ‘What stopped you?’

  ‘I knew she’d come home to me at some point. I wanted to be here when she did. I knew she’d need me again and it was my duty to wait for that moment.’

  ‘It’s really hard being a mam, isn’t it?’ Mouse said. ‘I know you said you were heartbroken when she went looking for her da. But has there ever been a moment when you felt glad she’d got to know him after all that time?’

  ‘I’ve tried really hard to come around to that way of thinking. But I can’t do it.’

  ‘Why?’ Mouse asked. ‘Isn’t it nice for her that she knew who her da was?’

  ‘It’s not that,’ Nell said. She looked over at Mouse. Her eyes were still damp with tears. ‘I’ll tell you another time,’ she said. ‘But if Laura hadn’t gone to Australia and wasn’t away from me and all the protection I gave her, she may have lived longer.’

  ‘Really?’ Mouse’s brow furrowed in confusion.

  ‘I’ll tell you another day … when I’m ready. Mouse, I’m not trying to shut you out. But as I just said, I’ve never spoken to anyone about Laura or what finally became of her … so I need a bit of time.’

  ‘I’m trying to get it,’ Mouse admitted. ‘But it’s so many years ago. I’m struggling with the idea that you still can’t lay those ghosts to rest.’

  ‘I know it’s as clear as mud for you this minute … it’ll become clear when I explain …’ Her voice caught as a wave of pain washed over her once more.

  ‘Hey,’ Mouse said hugging her. ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to say anything else now. Let’s take a breather.’

  ‘How about we go outside and watch the water flowing? I used to do that many moons ago and it was nice. I’d like a glass of wine. Will you have one?’

  ‘I’ve never had a drink,’ Mouse said. ‘I saw what it did to Ma and it put me right off.’

  ‘Fizzy orange then?’

  Mouse nodded and followed Nell to the kitchen. As soon as they were settled by the flowing water the swishing and rushing, in contrast to the stillness of the vast sky above, worked its charm.

  Nell desperately wanted to confide in Mouse. She wanted to pour all the pain from her heart and finally feel as if she could begin to heal. But she was so terrified of driving her away. Mouse was the closest person in her life. She wasn’t a replacement for Laura by any stretch of the imagination, but she was slowly worming her way into her heart.

  Sure, she’d had Mo’s company and care over the years, but theirs was a more surface relationship. In spite of her outspoken manner, Mo had never delved into emotional conversations. It was all about John-Joe and how hard his life was.

  Those conversations had been more than enough for the longest time. Nell hadn’t wanted any further contact with the outside world. She’d been comfortable curled up in an emotional ball where nothing got in and, more to the point, nothing got out. She was perfectly happy that way … or so she’d thought. Since Mouse’s arrival it was as if the tight bandaging that had cocooned her emotions had been loosened. She longed to set the past free, but she was terrified of several things. Was it too late? Would she destroy people? Shuddering, she drank her wine and hoped for some sort of divine intervention that would guide her in the right direction.

  Mouse finished her orange and rolled onto her tummy.

  ‘Did none of Laura’s friends stay in contact with you after she died?’

  ‘Not really,’ Nell said. ‘Very few of them stayed in Ballyshore, you see. In small rural villages like this one, there aren’t many opportunities. So people move away to go to university or get jobs. There were a couple of girls Laura was close to. We still send one another Christmas cards, but that’s about it.’

  ‘Didn’t any of them invi
te you for coffee or anything?’

  ‘Yes, they did,’ Nell said. ‘One of the girls even invited me to her wedding. I couldn’t go. I wouldn’t have enjoyed it and there was no point in me wasting a space at the wedding breakfast when she could invite a good friend.’

  Mouse didn’t comment, but Nell could see that she was desperately trying to work out what had gone on. The walls were closing in and Nell knew she’d be ready to talk soon.

  The following morning Mouse was like a cat on a hot griddle. She couldn’t eat her breakfast and was even struggling to drink a mug of tea.

  ‘Why are you so nervous?’ Nell asked.

  ‘If I make a mess of things today at Nourriture, Róisín might fire me.’

  ‘But you were in the same predicament with Joseph at the pub and it didn’t seem to faze you that much.’

  ‘He was different,’ Mouse said. ‘He’s such an old dote and he kept telling me I was doing great. But Róisín is a different sort. She’s really businesslike and acts all grown-up and if I’m honest, she’s a bit scary.’

  ‘So why did you take the job?’

  ‘I think it’s good to do things that scare me sometimes. The most terrifying thing I ever did was run away from home. Look how well that’s turned out,’ she said. ‘Still, it doesn’t mean I’m not bricking it today.’

  ‘You’ll be fine,’ Nell said. ‘She wouldn’t have offered you a job if she didn’t have a good feeling about you.’

  Mouse nodded, but didn’t look that convinced.

  ‘Mouse?’ Nell asked. ‘I know you don’t like to mention it, but I think you should consider talking to your da. Let him know you’re OK.’

  ‘I know.’ She sighed. ‘I’ve been thinking about him and the brothers lately. They’re a pile of saps, but I miss them. I never want to go back there either. But I might give them a call.’

  ‘Good girl,’ Nell said. She said no more. Mouse would have to choose her own time.

  Chapter 39

  Doug called Keeley to see how she was doing, and it was difficult to hear him over the giggles and screams.

  ‘Sorry about the noise,’ he said. ‘There’s all sorts of shenanigans going on here. The two kids are wired to the moon.’

  She smiled, but wasn’t in the mood for joining in with friendly banter.

  ‘You’ve landed on your feet over there by the sounds of it,’ she said as he explained that Róisín was bringing home delicious dinners from Nourriture.

  ‘I’d prefer to be there with you,’ Doug said.

  Keeley wasn’t having a bar of it.

  ‘How did Liv get on with the surgery?’ he asked. ‘Did the surgeon think it was a success?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said evenly. ‘It all seemed to go according to plan. Liv was already sitting up in the bed waiting for some tea and toast by the time I had to leave.’

  ‘I’ll pop in this evening once Róisín gets home. I could do with a break, to be honest,’ he said. ‘I love Billy and Jess with all my heart, but they’re quite hard work.’

  ‘Are they really?’ Keeley said sarcastically. ‘Funny, I noticed that while you were away and I was trying to run the B&B and mind them too.’

  ‘Keeley, I’ll tell you I’m sorry a thousand times a day if you like,’ he said. ‘I was a stupid old fool. When are you going to forgive me and let me come home, love?’

  She was about to answer when Claus drove up.

  ‘I have to go,’ she said slamming down the phone.

  She opened the front door and walked out to him.

  ‘I’m sorry, I hope I’m not imposing,’ he said. ‘I was passing. I can go.’

  ‘Oh no, come on in,’ she said. ‘I could do with a listening ear, if I’m honest.’

  ‘I was fed-up being alone,’ Claus said. ‘So we’ll help one another, yes?’

  ‘Come in,’ Keeley said. ‘Actually, would you like a glass of wine?’

  ‘I’d love one,’ he said with a wide smile. ‘I miss sharing a glass of wine with a pretty lady.’

  She blushed and felt like a schoolgirl again. She opened a bottle of wine and found two glasses and poured a generous amount into each. They clinked glasses and she took a big gulp.

  ‘I feel like an outsider in my own family,’ she confessed. ‘I thought it would be a good idea in the long run. But now that I’ve sent Doug packing, it’s as if my family have all snuggled in together and I’m the one being punished. Am I an awful person, Claus?’

  ‘Of course not,’ he said, patting her hand. ‘So, start from the beginning. Liv is still feeling sick?’

  ‘Yes, well she had surgery today to fix the burn on her arm. It seems to have gone well and she’s recovering in the hospital. She needs to stay there for two or three days.’

  ‘And Doug is minding the children, yes?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Martin has been having an affair and heading for divorce.’

  ‘Oh dear. She isn’t having so much fun. I see now.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Keeley sighed.

  ‘Well, at least Doug is putting his time to good use instead of running off with his friend and pretending he has no family.’

  Keeley shrugged her shoulder.

  ‘That man needs to realise what he’s got. He has no idea of how lucky he is. There are so many others who would do anything to be in his shoes.’ Claus looked intently at Keeley. She smiled weakly. It was actually lovely to have a cheerleader. Someone who only wanted to take her side.

  ‘What about Róisín?’ Claus asked. ‘She is fine now?’

  ‘Not really,’ Keeley said. ‘In fact, she just texted me to say she wants to see me this evening, something important she needs to talk to me about in person. It must be about the business, I’m afraid. She’s worried sick about Nourriture. She was hoping to buy the building and set herself up for the future. But she’s been priced out of the market. It looks as if she’s going to lose everything she’s worked so hard to create.’

  ‘That’s a shame,’ Claus said. ‘I wish I could take you away from all of this misery.’ He clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. ‘I have a proposition for you, Keeley. You don’t have to answer now …’

  ‘Go on,’ she said.

  ‘Why don’t you cut your losses? Sell this place and come to Germany with me? I have the most magnificent home with a swimming pool, beautiful gardens and everything you could wish for. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone … I never thought I would meet another woman who could come close to Heidi. But you are everything, and more …’

  ‘Oh Claus,’ she said. She felt faint. Was he honestly asking her to elope with him? ‘I don’t think I can consider running away from my family. Things aren’t exactly perfect right now, but I’m not at a point where I’d turn my back on them.’

  ‘But haven’t they done that to you?’ he asked.

  She opened her mouth to speak and couldn’t. For the first time ever, Keeley doubted her family. What if Claus was right? What if they didn’t give a damn about her? Why should she stay here and be treated like dirt?

  She thought of Róisín and how she had mentioned organising a party for her. Darkness clouded her mind. She’d only said that to mollify her. There’d been no talk of a party since. Doug hadn’t even mentioned her birthday and it was only a matter of weeks away.

  ‘If you sold this house and gave a part of it to Doug, you would have plenty of cash to keep you going. I would look after you, of course. But knowing you as I do, I would imagine you would feel more comfortable if you had your own funds also.’

  ‘I’ve always had my own money,’ she agreed.

  ‘Precisely. Hey, I could even invest your money for you.’

  ‘Would you really do that for me?’ she asked. She swallowed hard. All of a sudden it all became too much. She dropped her head into her hands as her body was engulfed in sobs.

  ‘I’m sorry. I never meant to talk like this about my family,’ she said. ‘They’re not that awful. This is just a bad patch. That’s al
l.’

  Claus looked odd. Keeley couldn’t put her finger on it.

  ‘I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I am,’ he said. ‘I thought we were friends. In fact, I thought we were kindred spirits. Not for such a long time have I met another person who makes me feel the way you do …’ He stood up and walked over to her. He took her hand and coaxed her out of her chair. He traced her face with gentle fingers and tilted his head to the side.

  ‘You’re such a beautiful person, Keeley. Inside and out. I know I shouldn’t say this to you, but I’m in love with you. I can’t walk away from here without letting you know how I feel. If there’s a chance … even the smallest glimmer of hope for us?’

  ‘Oh Claus … I wish things were simpler. There are too many people who’ll be hurt …’

  ‘But what about you, Keeley? Don’t you matter? What about your happiness?’ He stared into her eyes and she felt entranced by him. He lowered his lips to hers and only barely touched her. She gasped. He kissed her again. More fervently this time.

  ‘Claus, I’m sorry …’

  ‘Don’t be sorry, my love …’

  ‘No,’ she said, pulling away. ‘You need to leave. This is all wrong. It can’t work. I won’t throw away everything I’ve fought for and worked towards my entire life. I need to see if I can work things out with Doug. After forty years of marriage, I owe him that. I owe myself that.’

  ‘Oh Keeley,’ he said. ‘I cannot express how hurt I am. I thought you were different. I will go now and I won’t come back again. I will go back to Germany alone … I wish this could have worked out differently.’ He strode toward the door.

  ‘Claus, wait,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry if you thought our relationship had the potential to develop, but I’m a married woman.’

  ‘Yes, I know. To a man who doesn’t appreciate you or value your worth.’

  ‘That’s not entirely true.’

  ‘Isn’t it? And as for your daughters … they should be ashamed of themselves. I would have loved you and cherished you, Keeley. I’m sorry it has to end this way.’

  He left and drove away and she couldn’t help feeling even more confused than before. She leaned against the wall and cried.