“I understand you’re here for donations.” Luke wished he had more money in his wallet, but paying for the ornament and pizza left him with only two tens. He pulled those out and handed them to her.
“Thank you.” Her bright, enthusiastic smile made Luke glad he’d decided to contribute more than money.
“That’s all the cash I have, but if you can use items to auction, we can donate this grandfather clock and”—he led the girl to the store’s showpiece—“this armoire.”
Elaborately carved, the massive piece of furniture stood almost nine feet tall, with double closet doors in the center and narrower doors on each side that opened to reveal shelves and deep drawers.
Melva sucked in a long breath. “It’s beautiful.” She stood staring at it for a long time. “I don’t know how Dad will get that in his pickup truck, though.”
“We can deliver it,” Luke said. “And we’ll also take it to the winner’s house.”
“That’s so awesome of you. I know my parents will be thrilled.”
“I did have one other question.” Luke motioned for her to follow him to the workroom. “I’ve started two cradles. They won’t be ready in time for the auction, but would some of the new mothers want one?”
“Oh.” Tears sprang to Melva’s eyes. “Not many of the mothers keep their babies, but a few do. Having a cradle would be helpful.”
Luke nodded. “Then I’ll plan to finish these by Christmas or soon after.”
With all their orders, he didn’t want to promise something he couldn’t deliver. He’d take these to his home workshop tonight so he could work on them in the evenings. The shop had way too many orders for him to do anything but customer work while he was here.
“Everyone in town has been so generous.” Melva beamed at him. “I can’t thank you enough. Dad will stop by on Friday to pick up the clock and make arrangements for the armoire.”
Luke followed her to the front, and she held out a thin stack of papers.
“Could I leave some flyers here and put these two in the window?”
“Of course.” Luke set the flyers on the counter while Melva hung back-to-back posters on the glass pane in the door.
“Thanks ever so much.” She waved and skipped next door.
Luke smiled at her energy. Elizabeth had been lively and cheerful like that as a teenager. Always leaving sunshine behind wherever she went.
In fact, until she’d lost Owen, Luke had never seen her depressed or discouraged. Seeing her still wearing black mourning clothes made him ache for her. Would she ever get over Owen?
* * *
The lunchtime rush had slowed to a trickle when a pizza delivery arrived. The warm yeasty and tomato-y smell set Elizabeth’s stomach rumbling. She’d already nibbled the few carrot sticks left in her lunch bag.
Yolanda laughed. “I bet that irritated lady this morning told customers to order lunch because they’d be waiting in long lines.”
Elizabeth giggled. “It’s a good solution.”
But the deliveryman didn’t hand the pizza to a customer. He headed straight to Yolanda. “A gift for you.”
Yolanda’s eyes widened. “For me? I can pay you.”
The man shook his head. “Already been paid. Tip too.”
“Well, God has certainly blessed me today.” Yolanda patted the counter beside her. “You can put it right here.” Turning to Elizabeth, she said, “Let’s eat it here. Then you don’t have to drag that broken leg back to the lunchroom.”
Between customers, they ate the pizza. Cheese pizza was Elizabeth’s favorite, but she rarely had it.
As they ate, Yolanda teared up as she told Elizabeth about the phone call that morning. “It was my daughter.”
Elizabeth stared at her. “I didn’t know you had a daughter.” She’d often heard about the problems her boss had with her rebellious teenage son, but Yolanda had never mentioned a girl.
Dabbing her eyes with a napkin, Yolanda swallowed hard before speaking. “I never talked about her because she hasn’t spoken to me in five years. I didn’t even know where she was living.”
“Ach, Yolanda, that must have been hard.”
“It was, but God is good. Today she called to tell me she has a little girl of her own. I’m a grandma, and I didn’t even know it.”
Elizabeth’s jaw clenched. The pizza in her mouth tasted like cardboard. Babies seemed to be everywhere today.
Yolanda didn’t notice Elizabeth’s distress. As a new grandmother, she was so caught up in the wonder of her news. “Anyway, my daughter said taking care of the baby made her appreciate how hard it had been for me as a single mom. She called to apologize.”
“That’s wonderful.” Elizabeth tried to inject cheer and excitement into her words, but they fell flat.
Yolanda studied her. “You okay?”
Instead of answering, Elizabeth lifted a pizza slice and forced herself to take a bite.
“If you need a break, just let me know. You’ve been working nonstop all morning. Or if you want to go home early, that’s fine.”
“I’ll stay for my shift.” Besides, Luke wouldn’t come for her until five. Even if she wanted to leave, she had no transportation.
The bells jingled cheerily several times in a row, and customers browsed the aisles.
Yolanda lowered her voice to a whisper. “I wish I hadn’t put out the two o’clock coupons. We’ll be busy from now until seven.”
Elizabeth’s full mouth prevented her from speaking.
Leaning over, Yolanda kept her voice low, but she couldn’t keep excitement from leaking into her words. “I didn’t tell you the best part. My daughter wants to come for Christmas and bring the baby. I’ll get to hold my three-month-old granddaughter.”
Elizabeth choked on her pizza, and tears sprang to her eyes. Yolanda pounded her on the back. Elizabeth mopped the wetness running down her cheeks, hoping Yolanda would assume it came from the near choking.
“You want any more?” Yolanda gestured to the last few slices of pizza.
Elizabeth shook her head. She’d had enough. Enough of pizza. And enough of baby stories.
“If you wait on the customers, I’ll clean this up.” Yolanda gathered the pizza, paper plates, and napkins. But just before she headed for the lunchroom, she said over her shoulder, “Isn’t God wonderful?”
Elizabeth didn’t respond, but her conscience pricked her. God had given His Son as a gift to the world. She was grateful for that.
But she still harbored doubts and—she had to admit it—anger. Why were others being blessed with happiness and babies while she dealt with loneliness and loss?
* * *
A little before five, Luke told Alan and Martin he’d be gone for an hour. At their surprise, he explained he’d agreed to drive Elizabeth to and from work until she got her cast off. “She lives next door, so it makes sense.”
Alan waggled his eyebrows. “Just being neighborly?”
“Someone needed to help. And I’m right nearby, so it only makes sense.”
“Um-hm.” Alan didn’t sound convinced. “Does she realize you have to take time off work to take her home?”
“Neh.” He flashed Alan a warning look. “And I don’t want her to know.”
Throwing his hands up in surrender, Alan pretended to be hurt. “I would never dream of telling her.” Then he added with a sly smile, “Not about that nor about your interest in her.”
Luke tried not to let his embarrassment show. “The Amish believe in helping others in the community,” he said stiffly.
“Especially when they’re pretty widows.”
No point in sparring with Alan. Most likely he had plenty more barbs. Better just to change the subject. “I’m sorry this’ll delay your supper breaks, but there’s still pizza back there.”
“You going to buy us pizza every day until Elizabeth’s cast comes off? Or should we plan to bring snacks from now on?”
“We can discuss that when I get back.” He didn’t want
to be late to pick up Elizabeth.
She was already outside when he arrived.
“Sorry,” he said as he hopped from the buggy.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Here we go again.”
“What?” Luke had been so busy banishing memories of holding her close last night, he hadn’t been paying attention to her conversation.
“You’re always apologizing.”
“Sor—”
She laughed as he pinched his lips shut on the word.
“I don’t like thinking of you out in the cold because I was late.”
“You weren’t late. I was early.”
“Even so—” Luke lost his train of thought as he took her ungloved hand in his to help her into the buggy. That drove everything from his mind except the softness of her skin.
Once she settled onto the seat, he had no excuse to keep holding her hand. Reluctantly, he let go. Then he set her crutches beside her, careful not to brush against her arm. He needed to have some powers of concentration left to drive.
* * *
Elizabeth regretted teasing Luke when he stayed silent for most of the ride home. She hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings. Only now if she said she was sorry, he might interpret it as her mocking him.
She strained to find something to say that would sound friendly. Something that would erase her cutting remark. But the day had been too filled with baby-related angst.
Sadness engulfed her as the events washed back over her. At five, she’d been so grateful to escape the shop and Yolanda’s baby joy. Despite being thrilled for her boss, Elizabeth’s own pain kept her in a dark place.
Then when she left the shop to wait for Luke, she couldn’t avoid the flyers taped in the window. Melva had placed one facing out toward the street and another facing in, so Elizabeth passed the baby logo going in and coming out. She’d have to walk by it several times a day until Saturday.
The last thing she wanted to see this close to Christmas was a picture of a baby. Even worse, she couldn’t bear to read about young mothers who were giving their babies up for adoption.
Although she’d reminded that customer today of God’s love, a sharp pain stabbed through Elizabeth at the thought of unwanted children. How could God allow such injustice? Teens who couldn’t or wouldn’t want the babies they bore, while she, who desperately wanted a child, had lost her chance to be a wife and mother?
Luke broke into her gloomy thoughts. “How did your day go?”
Startled, she tried to say something upbeat. “We had an unexpected pizza delivery today. And it even was my favorite—double cheese.”
He smiled. “And that was the highlight of your day?”
“Pretty much. It came at the perfect time, because I was really hungry.” Maybe she should be thanking God for that instead of grousing about what she couldn’t have. “Yolanda had a great day, though.”
She filled him in on Yolanda’s daughter and new grandchild, trying not to wince when she mentioned the baby.
“That’s wonderful. She’s such a hard worker. When she opened that shop ten years ago, my daed wondered if a Christmas store would make it. She’s done well.”
Elizabeth had passed the store many times as a teenager but never had a reason to go inside. Not until after Owen died and she’d noticed the Help Wanted sign in the window. She’d been desperate for a job and had taken to Yolanda right away. Even more important, Yolanda had taken to Elizabeth and hired her on the spot.
“You look far away.” Luke studied her as they waited at a red light. “I guess this time of year is hard.”
A lump in her throat, Elizabeth nodded.
“I miss my best friend.” Luke’s voice, low and husky, strummed a chord deep in Elizabeth’s soul. “I can’t even imagine what it’s like to lose a husband.”
“It’s so hard to be around all the Christmas shoppers. Smiling people buying gifts for loved ones, happy tunes blasting from speakers, and Yolanda’s always so cheerful.” Maybe she shouldn’t have admitted that.
“I understand.” His eyes and expression revealed that he truly did.
“I know the accident was God’s will and I should accept it, but . . .” No matter how understanding Luke was, Elizabeth didn’t want to reveal the bitterness in her heart.
“But it can make you question God.”
Elizabeth’s gaze flew to his face. He sounded as if he’d experienced the same doubts. Had he been questioning Owen’s death too?
Her voice barely a whisper, she confessed, “Deep inside, I’m still angry at God for all He took away.”
“Ach, Elizabeth.” Luke reached out and squeezed her shoulder. Then he yanked his hand back, his face red. “Sorry,” he muttered.
This time Elizabeth didn’t call him on his apology. Mainly because she wasn’t sorry. His touch had been healing. And it stirred something deep in her soul.
Chapter 7
A horn honked behind them, and Luke jumped. He’d been so absorbed in Elizabeth he’d forgotten they were on the road. All the cars in front of him had pulled through the green light while he’d dawdled.
His face, already burning from touching her, turned fiery. He flicked the reins and steered the horse to the shoulder to allow the drivers behind him to pass. Most whipped around him so fast, the sides of the buggy shook.
He started to apologize but held his tongue. No need to start her on another lecture. Not that he minded. But right now her thoughts seemed to be elsewhere. And so were his. A place he had no right to go.
Instead, he should be trying to help. “Sometimes it’s hard to accept God’s will.” He should know. “You’re not the only one who’s gotten upset with God.”
Luke hadn’t, but he’d directed his irritation and jealousy toward a human target—Owen. That had left Luke wrestling with guilt and shame. If he hadn’t surrendered that in prayer after Owen married Elizabeth, he never could have lived next door to them and remained friends.
Elizabeth tapped her fingers on the door, and her eyes held a faraway look. “I feel so guilty about my anger.” She hung her head. “I haven’t told anyone, not even my family.”
He could understand that. They’d been taught to trust God in all circumstances, but it wasn’t always easy. Sometimes God’s will led along an unknown and twisty path. But holding on to guilt and shame tied you in knots. And it put a barrier between you and God. Luke had experienced that too. But how could he help Elizabeth?
The last thing he wanted to do was act judgmental. That made people close down. Maybe if he opened up about his own pain, she’d listen. Was it possible to share without revealing that she’d been the cause of his own loss of faith?
“I understand how you feel. I went through something similar years ago. I didn’t lose a spouse like you have, but I did lose out on something very precious.”
Elizabeth’s nervous movements stilled, and she turned to stare at him. “I didn’t know that. What was it?”
Luke kept his eyes on the road but waved a hand. “I’d rather not talk about it. But that event was the most painful one I’ve ever been through.”
“I’m sorry, Luke.”
Her soft, almost-breathless words touched him. How would she feel if she knew he was talking about her?
“It was a rough time.” Sometimes it still is. “I couldn’t understand why God let it happen. I questioned Him, which kept me from His comfort.” Comfort he’d needed often, especially this year.
Elizabeth’s eyes welled with tears, and she stayed silent the rest of the way home.
Luke hoped he hadn’t hurt her. She’d been through enough this year.
He pulled the buggy close to her house. Then he turned to her. “I didn’t mean to be critical. I know what you’ve been going through is one of the most difficult things anyone ever has to face.”
A single tear trickled down her cheek. “What you said helped. At least a little. I need some time to think about it.”
And pray about it. If she wasn’t ready to do
that, he could do that for her until she was.
He started to get out to help her, but she shook her head. “I want to do it on my own.”
She’d have an easier time if he helped, but he respected her wishes and stayed where he was. He didn’t drive away until she was safely in the house. Then he headed back to work.
* * *
Before she opened the door, Elizabeth dabbed at her eyes. Luke’s words had affected her deeply. If only she could tell him the whole truth. She had a feeling he’d understand and comfort her.
Right now, though, her heart and soul felt too exposed, too raw, to talk about it. And she didn’t want her sister to see the tears.
As soon as she entered the house, Elizabeth sniffed the air. Something smelled different. It took her a moment to place it. Pine.
She hobbled down the hall and into the living room. Her sister had draped a fresh garland on the fireplace mantel. Elizabeth’s stomach clenched.
No.
After being surrounded by holiday items all day, she hadn’t wanted any reminders of Christmas in her own home.
Their mamm usually put pine boughs and candles on the mantel at home and strung Christmas cards on the wall nearby. Elizabeth had done the same for her first Christmas with Owen. That was the last thing she wanted to be reminded of today.
“I’m making supper,” Sarah called from the kitchen.
Elizabeth didn’t need her sister’s announcement. The scent of frying onions almost overpowered the evergreens.
She guessed Sarah was making onion patties, one of Elizabeth’s favorite foods.
“Everything’s almost ready.” Sarah clanged a pot lid and opened the oven door. “Why don’t you sit at the table? I’ll bring it out.”
Not used to being waited on, Elizabeth stood where she was, swaying on the crutches. She hadn’t realized how tired she was. Yesterday had been traumatic, and the store had been packed all day.
Sarah came up behind her. “Sit. Sit. I can take care of everything.” She set meatloaf on the table next to the bowl of applesauce.
Elizabeth tottered toward a chair and eased herself into it. “You didn’t have to make a big meal. Soup and salad would have been fine.”
Amish Christmas Twins Page 11