“I want to.” His firm answer made it clear he wouldn’t yield to protests.
He followed along clumsily step by step as she diapered the first baby until he came to the pins. “What if I stab her?”
“Slide two fingers inside to hold the cloth away from her skin.” Then once again his large hands drew her attention. “Or for you, maybe just one finger.”
He poked a pin tentatively into the cotton fabric. “Most of my sisters and cousins prefer disposable diapers. Mammi calls it laziness, but it makes sense.” He closed the pin. “If I had twins, I think I’d definitely want disposables.”
Elizabeth sucked in a breath. If he had twins . . . Little did he know he’d just been given twins.
* * *
Luke wrestled with the second diaper pin. How did people avoid pricking babies with these sharp points? He’d already poked himself twice.
Elizabeth held out a neon green diaper cover decorated with cartoon animals. He was pretty sure she hadn’t donated that. He watched her fold a matching one around her twin and snap it into place. Then he did the same.
He couldn’t wait to hear more about why she had these babies. He’d been patient long enough. He snapped his baby back into her pink sleeper. No easy feat with his large fingers. Why did they make these fasteners so small?
Replicating Elizabeth’s blanket-wrapping technique to make his baby as snug as hers proved even more challenging. Was this what they meant by “swaddling clothes”?
Expelling a long breath, Luke leaned back against the sofa cushion, the baby cuddled in his arms. Being a parent was a difficult task. He couldn’t imagine doing this all day, every day.
Doing it for twins would be more than twice the work, although. . . it might be worth it if he could do it with the beautiful woman sitting beside him. Maybe.
Actually, he’d prefer to have her all to himself at least for a year or two. He’d love to have time alone—just the two of them. Luke shook his head. A dream that would never come true.
When she’d had a choice, she’d picked Owen. He couldn’t compete with the love they’d had. He wouldn’t even try. And if she favored someone else when she was ready to date again, he’d step aside even if it destroyed him.
Elizabeth leaned over to set the baby in the cradle, but he hadn’t placed it close enough. Elizabeth started scooting toward the edge of the couch.
“Wait. I’ll move it nearer.” He didn’t want her pitching forward onto the floor. “Let me put this baby in first.”
She sat back while he knelt by the cradle he’d brought. Supporting the baby’s head with the crook of his elbow, he smoothed down lumps in the small blanket he’d bought to line the cradle. Paper crinkled under his hand.
Ach! He’d forgotten about the baby ornament in the cradle. The one he’d originally bought for Elizabeth but now intended to donate to New Beginnings. His back to her, Luke slipped the small bag from under the blanket and smuggled it into his pocket.
Then he eased the baby into place and covered her with the blanket Elizabeth handed him. Guiltily, he placed a hand in his pocket to keep the paper from rustling as he stood. He nudged the cradle closer to her.
Once she’d settled the other baby in snugly, he took a seat on the opposite end of the couch. “So, tell me about this letter.”
* * *
Swallowing hard, Elizabeth pulled the paper from her pocket. She had no idea how Luke would react. Even worse, she worried about whether she could get through the letter without breaking down.
Just concentrate on the paper. Don’t even glance at Luke.
She killed a few seconds by smoothing out the wrinkled page, but the words had been burned into her mind. She could recite most of the message from memory. Steeling herself, she cleared her throat.
Then she read. Her voice faltered when she reached “lost your own baby,” and she took a few seconds to compose herself. But she found it even harder to read, “I want my daughters to experience something I never had—two loving parents.”
Luke might not know what was coming, but Elizabeth did. She choked on “you and your husband have a deep bond.”
“Your husband?” Luke echoed, his voice faint but husky.
Had he understood the implications? Maybe she should skip the next sentence. If Luke hadn’t realized her feelings for him, she’d be better off not pointing them out.
“What else does it say?” he asked when she paused.
Keeping her head down, Elizabeth mumbled the dreaded words, “I’ve never seen two people so much in love.” She rushed on to the next paragraph about the adoption papers.
After she finished, she sneaked a sideways glance at Luke. He sat there motionless, looking stunned.
Several minutes passed before he spoke. “That blue envelope’s for me then?”
Her voice barely above a whisper, Elizabeth pushed out a jah before handing it over.
“I see.” He reached for the envelope.
When their fingers touched, he jerked back as if . . . as if it pained him to touch her. As if he couldn’t bear to be near her. As if he couldn’t get away fast enough.
Elizabeth bit her lip and lowered her head. She didn’t want him to see the hurt in her eyes.
A log tumbled from the grate, sending off a shower of sparks and making both of them jump. Luke turned his back to her and, without opening the letter, headed for the hearth. Did he plan to burn the envelope?
* * *
His thoughts a jumbled mess, Luke paced over to the fireplace. To buy himself some time, he picked up the fallen log with the tongs and then poked at the fire, prodding the embers and dislodging ash.
He had to compose himself before he faced Elizabeth. But how long could he keep his back to her without raising suspicion?
Aubrey had judged his feelings precisely, but she’d been mistaken about Elizabeth. The way Elizabeth had muttered the words “I’ve never seen two people so much in love” made it clear she found the whole idea distasteful.
That had crushed him. And now he needed to read this letter clutched in his hand. It would only drive the knife in deeper.
Another jab at the burning wood stirred up a cloud of smoke. Luke’s eyes stung. He coughed and choked. Afraid he might drop the envelope into the flames, he propped it behind the pine bough draped along the mantel.
The words scraped his heart raw. Future father.
He’d never be a daed. Never. He’d only ever loved one woman. And she was the only woman he could ever love.
But she’d never been interested in him. Not back then. And not now.
How could he face her with all his feelings so raw and exposed?
He bent and placed a fresh log on top with great precision and care. But he couldn’t spend all day tending the fire. He had to turn around.
He reached for the envelope. Reading the message would bide him a little more time. He slid a finger under the flap, lifted it, pulled out the folded paper, and opened it.
Luke,
Melva rattled on about you when she returned from collecting donations. The armoire you gave for the auction was the most beautiful piece of furniture I’ve ever seen. I was impressed by your generosity, and then I saw you were part of the couple who donated all of your baby furniture.
I saw the pain in your eyes as Elizabeth told Mrs. Hess about losing the baby, and I knew deep inside that you’d be a loving dad. I’m entrusting my girls to your care and want you to raise them to love God.
I chose you because of how deeply you love your wife. I pray that you will continue to cherish her as much as you do now. I want my daughters to see that a strong man can be tender, caring, and loving.
I haven’t named the babies. I’ll leave that up to you.
Praying God’s blessing on you as you lead your family,
Aubrey Lundeen
Luke choked back the lump in his throat. Both of Aubrey’s letters had touched him deeply. How had this teen read his desires and emotions so clearly? All he’d ever
wanted to do was love and cherish Elizabeth.
But he’d kept that to himself all these years. At least he thought he had.
He’d finished the letter, so he couldn’t make any more excuses to stand here and avoid her. Although he still hadn’t sorted out his feelings or decided on his reactions, he had to face her. When he did, he’d do the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life.
He’d tell her the truth.
Chapter 13
“Elizabeth—” he began as he turned around. The rest of his sentence died on his lips.
Tears slipped silently down her cheeks.
“What’s wrong?” He’d been so focused on himself he hadn’t even noticed she’d needed comfort. He went over and knelt beside her. Was taking care of these babies too much for her to bear?
The letter from Aubrey drifted to the floor as he took Elizabeth’s hands. She pulled away and only cried harder.
“Tell me,” he begged.
“I can’t. You’ll think I’m foolish.”
“Never. No matter what you say, I’d never think that.”
“I-I . . .” She shook her head. “W-when you went over there”—she gestured toward the fireplace—“I thought you were . . . upset . . . with me.”
“Ach, Elizabeth, I wasn’t upset with you. Why would I be?”
She waved a hand to the letter on the couch beside her and the one on the floor. “They said—” She winced and pinched her lips together for a moment. “Aubrey said I-I looked like I was in love with you.”
“It’s all right. I know you’re not. Aubrey’s young and made a mistake.” Perhaps he could let her think Aubrey had been wrong about him too.
Again, she shook her head. “No, she didn’t.”
So, she’d realized the truth. Luke lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.”
“What?”
At Elizabeth’s sharp question, he raised his eyes. She’d drawn her brows together and appeared confused.
“I’m sorry I said, ‘I’m sorry.’ I know you don’t like it, but I truly am. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I promise—”
She cut him off with a sharp intake of breath. “What did you say?”
“I’m sorry.”
This time a half smile curved her lips. “Not that.”
“Jah, well, I regret falling for you.”
“You do?” Elizabeth sounded hurt.
Ach, she must think him a fool. “Neh, I don’t regret loving you. I just didn’t want to bother you.”
“And you think loving me will be a bother?”
She kept turning his words around, making him even more muddled than he already was. Maybe it was time for him to question her. “Is it?”
Elizabeth dabbed at her eyes with a cloth diaper. “Do you know why I was crying?”
Although he suspected it had something to do with the babies, he didn’t want to venture a guess.
“I thought”—she swallowed hard—“that you couldn’t stand to look at me because . . .”
“Not stand to look at you?” Now it was his turn to be astonished. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you found out I’m in love with you.”
“You are?” Luke couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “But—but that can’t be.”
Twisting her hands together, Elizabeth stared down at her lap. “I have been for a long time.”
“Months?” It seemed almost impossible.
“Neh,” she said miserably. “Years.”
“But Owen?”
Elizabeth pleated the fabric of her apron. “I went out with him because you ignored me. Once you start dating someone, it’s hard to break up. I grew fond of him. And I had no other marriage prospects.”
“If only I’d known.” How long had he wasted by hiding the truth? He’d almost walked out of her life again today, assuming she didn’t want him. “I’m sor—” Luke stopped and started again. “I wish I’d been honest.”
“So do I,” Elizabeth mumbled without looking at him.
Luke still needed an answer to one question, though. “But what about Owen?”
Elizabeth hung her head. Her words when they finally came were tinged with guilt. “I put you out of my mind and did my best to be a good wife. But being around you the past few weeks has brought all those old feelings flooding back.”
If only he hadn’t backed away after Owen took her home. He’d made assumptions. Assumptions that had been completely wrong. He’d let hurt pride get in the way.
All that wasted time.
One baby whimpered, and Elizabeth gently rocked the cradle with her foot until the gretzing ceased. “I don’t understand what happened between us. We were good friends. Then you avoided me.”
Should he admit he’d been trying to impress her by calming her bucking horse? If this relationship had any chance of working, he needed to tell the truth.
Luke took a deep breath. “That day I calmed your horse, I was showing off. I hoped you’d notice me.”
“I couldn’t believe you dove in there. I’d never seen my horse so wild. I worried you’d get hurt.”
“I wanted you to stay and see me succeed.” He’d endangered his life, but he’d been foolhardy and seventeen. “Instead, you rode off with Owen.” Luke still ached inside from that old wound.
“I begged Owen to stay, but he took off.”
“You did?” Another thing Luke wished he’d known. That would have given him hope. “By the time I got to your place, you were nowhere around.”
As a prideful teen boy, he’d expected praise. Maybe even a chance to take her to the next singing. “I was so disappointed.”
Her cheeks pink, Elizabeth ducked her head. “Daed made me go inside, so I watched you from my bedroom window. If you’d looked up, you would have seen me staring at you admiringly.”
“I wish I’d glanced up.” One thing still bothered him, though. “But you agreed to go to the next singing with Owen.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “Neh, I was so upset and ferhoodled about the horse and wondering when you’d come, I didn’t answer him. But after you were so cold to me”—her wounded eyes pierced him—“when he asked again the following Saturday, I agreed.”
“But he told me you’d said yes.”
“Owen was confident that way. I didn’t turn him down, so he took it as a yes.”
Luke heaved a huge sigh. He’d let his wounded ego dictate his actions. So many misunderstandings that could have been straightened out by being honest. His pride and fear of being vulnerable had kept them apart.
* * *
Elizabeth wanted to echo Luke’s sigh. If she’d had even the slightest idea he’d been interested, their lives would have been different.
Neh, she shouldn’t question God’s will. She’d surrendered her will to the Lord this morning. Now she needed to believe He’d brought her each step of the way for His purpose.
“God has a reason for all this,” she said in a quiet voice. When Luke glanced at her in surprise, she explained, “This morning I let go of my anger at God and told Him I’d accept His will.” And he’d blessed her with Luke and two darling babies. If Luke was willing to father them.
“You know,” Luke mused, “maybe it’s better we didn’t get together back then. I had a lot to learn about love and giving. I still do.”
“I think you already know a lot.” Not only had he donated generously to others, but he’d also done so much for her.
“I have plenty more I want to learn about love.” He paused. “With you.” He looked deeply into her eyes. “If you’re willing?”
Elizabeth’s breath caught in her throat. If she was willing? God was giving her the man of her dreams. She was more than willing. Except . . .
Her gaze strayed to the cradles. She couldn’t answer Luke’s question until he answered hers. “Do you want these babies?” Her whole body tense, she waited for his response.
“Well, I didn’t expect to have children befor
e I got married.” He grinned. “But in this case, I’m happy to be a father first, a husband later.”
She laughed. “Oh, Luke, I’m so happy I could cry.”
He picked up the diaper she’d used before. “Go ahead.”
Elizabeth burst into giggles that woke the babies. One began to bawl. Then the other followed. Elizabeth sighed. “I guess we won’t have much time for dating.”
As she bent to pick up the nearest baby, she said, “Maybe you could calm that one, Daed.” That one? “I’m going to be a mamm and I don’t even know their names.”
* * *
Luke could help with that. “Aubrey asked me to name them.”
“She did?” Elizabeth glanced at him in surprise.
He nodded. “I’m going to name this one Hope and that one Joy, because that’s what you’ve brought into my life. And so have they.”
Her eyes shining, Elizabeth studied the baby in her arms. “Joy is a perfect name.” Then she peeped up at him through her lashes. “And you’ve brought me Hope too.”
Her shy look set Luke’s pulse on fire. He could hardly believe God had given him this second chance at love.
The little girl in his arms sucked on her fist, and a sobering weight settled over him. He was taking on a huge responsibility. What if he didn’t measure up?
He’d need God’s strength and support to care for all three of them.
Dear Lord, thank You for this wonderful gift. Please help me to be the husband and father You want me to be.
He had so much he wanted to give Elizabeth and his soon-to-be daughters. For now, he’d start with the nativity set, because he wanted to show Elizabeth his love. And, most important, keep his new family focused on the real meaning of Christmas.
Shifting Hope over his shoulder and patting her back, he headed for the entryway. Doing deep knee bends with a fragile baby in one arm tested his strength. But he managed to scoop the box in one arm.
“What’s that?” Elizabeth asked when he entered the living room.
“A present.” He crossed the room to set the box beside her. “For you.”
“But—” A look of confusion settled over her face.
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