by Cheryl Bolen
She still couldn’t believe he’d made unwanted advances toward Lady Adele. The man she’d come to know wouldn’t have done so. She’d witnessed his noble, thoughtful deeds on more than one occasion. He was an honorable man.
That truth gave her pause. Did she dare listen to what her heart believed? Or would doing so only place her in jeopardy of a life spent worrying over what he might do next? Could the whole challenge be a terrible misunderstanding? Should she have stood by him through all of this?
“Lady Adele Gibbon asks if you’re receiving, my lady,” James, the footman, announced.
Louisa stared at him in puzzled disbelief, unable to think of a reason she’d call. Did she have news of the outcome of the duel? “Please show her in.”
A few moments later, Lady Adele hesitated in the doorway as if uncertain of her welcome.
And Louisa knew.
Knew beyond a doubt that she’d fabricated the accusation that had placed Benjamin in danger. Louisa gripped her hands so hard that her nails dug into her palms, aware she’d allowed Benjamin’s reputation to take precedence over what she knew in her heart to be true. The man she loved truly was an honorable man.
Loved.
Yes, it was true. No longer would she deny the fact. She supposed in some terrible way she should thank Lady Adele for helping her realize the depth of her feelings. But she had no intention of doing so.
“Lady L-Louisa.” The woman’s gloved hands clutched her reticule as if her life depended on it. “I-I hope the day finds you well.”
Louisa said nothing as she stared at her, afraid the anger simmering inside her might spill out.
Pain and regret swept over Adele’s pale face as she drew a shuddering breath. “I’ve come to apologize for my deplorable b-behavior.”
“I don’t believe you should apologize to me. The Earl of Granger perhaps. Or your brothers. But not me.”
Adele stepped forward with one hand outstretched as if to plead her case. “My brothers have yet to return home from the duel. I couldn’t possibly call on Granger without...”
“Ruining your reputation? That concern should’ve crossed your mind before you created the lie that took them to Putney Heath.”
Adele jolted at her words. “Yes. Yes, I should have. I’m afraid I allowed my feelings for Granger to overcome good sense.”
Louisa raised a brow. “I wasn’t aware you knew him well.”
She sighed with longing. “Only in my dreams do I have that privilege. But I’ve seen how he looks at you.” Adele’s dark eyes held on Louisa with desperation. “I wanted him to look at me that way. To see me.” She looked away. “But of course, he didn’t. No man does.”
“So you chose to invent a story that would force him to.”
Adele nodded reluctantly. “I never meant for it to go this far. I hoped he’d call on me to discuss it—”
“You mean you hoped he’d be forced to propose.” The pity Louisa felt didn’t outweigh her anger. Adele’s act had been utterly selfish, and Louisa had no intention of excusing it.
The woman’s shoulders sank as her gaze dropped to the floor at the accusation. “Yes,” she admitted after a long moment. She looked up, blinking back tears. “That is why I owe you an apology as well. Granger obviously cares for you a great deal. Anyone who witnesses the way he watches you can see that.”
Louisa glanced away, not wanting Adele to see how much she hoped her words were true, that it wasn’t too late for her to redeem herself. “Why didn’t you take action before the duel?”
Tears ran down Adele’s face as she shook her head. “I’m truly sorry.”
Louisa didn’t know if she could find it in her heart to forgive her. Certainly not until she knew if Benjamin was safe. “I hope your brother and the earl emerge unscathed.”
“As do I. Thank you for seeing me.” Adele wiped her wet cheeks then turned to go.
“May I offer advice?”
Adele turned back with wariness. “Of course.”
“Your somberness puts people off. If you could pretend to enjoy attending the parties or speaking to others, you would win over many people.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “I do enjoy them. It’s just that I feel like I’m intruding' as if I don’t belong.” She shook her head.
“Be yourself rather than worrying overmuch about what others think.” If only she’d concerned herself less with that. “You might be surprised which men notice you.”
Adele seemed to consider her words for a few moments then gave a single nod. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” She drew a shuddering breath. “I’m going to return home with the hope my brother has arrived so I can apologize to him as well. I doubt he’ll be as gracious as you have been.”
Louisa prayed both he and Benjamin were alive and well to hear the lady’s apology.
Chapter 12
Beth pinched Louisa’s cheeks that evening as she sat before her dressing table mirror. “You’re far too pale, my lady. Are you certain you’re feeling well?”
No, she wanted to shout. Not when her message to Benjamin had remained unanswered through the long afternoon. Darkness had fallen, and still, she’d heard nothing. She’d sent a message to Caroline as well, but her cousin hadn’t responded either.
“I’ll be fine. Thank you.” Louisa rose and smoothed the skirt of her white satin gown. A wide red velvet ribbon graced the empire waist with matching narrower ribbons woven through the lace of the neckline and capped sleeves.
“You look like an angel, my lady.” Beth adjusted the freshwater pearls strung on a wire that adorned her hair.
The maid’s description made her want to cry. She was no angel. She hadn’t saved anyone. She’d pushed away Benjamin when he’d needed her most. Her hope to have the chance to apologize was slowly dying. She felt fragile as if one wrong move might shatter her into a thousand pieces.
She could think of only two possible reasons Benjamin hadn’t responded to her message. He was too injured to do so, or he couldn’t forgive her. The idea that he’d lost his life was unbearable, and she refused to consider it. She gave herself a mental shake. As if her unwillingness to think the worst could save him.
She’d abandoned him when she should’ve stood by his side. If she’d confronted Adele prior to the duel, she might’ve been able to force her to tell the truth.
Instead, she’d done nothing.
“Louisa?” Her mother stood in the bedroom door. “Are you ready? It’s almost time.” She entered the room, her gaze sweeping over her. “You look beautiful.”
“As do you, Mother.” The emerald green gown was stunning with her creamy skin and still slim figure.
Louisa knew she’d been looking forward to the party, one of the few she’d hosted since becoming a widow. Louisa didn’t want to ruin it any more than she already had. If she hadn’t heard news of Benjamin before long, she’d escape the ball, pick the lock on his library door again and search his house until she found him.
By midnight, she’d know if he was well and if there was any possible chance of him forgiving her.
“Shall we go down?” her mother asked.
“One last thing.” Louisa returned to her dressing table and retrieved the mistletoe Benjamin had presented to her and tucked it into the bodice of her gown. Having it close to her heart gave her a faint, flickering hope that somehow, she could make this right. That they could weather this storm together. Having a life with Benjamin, even if they had to move abroad, would be preferable to living without him.
She tucked her mother’s hand in the crook of her arm and forced a smile. “Let us greet our guests.”
The house looked more festive than it had in a very long time. An enormous arrangement of red roses sat on the entrance hall table. Holly and ivy graced many of the rooms as well as the bannister. Candles had been placed everywhere, casting a glittering light. Fires burned cheerfully in both the drawing room, where they’d receive their guests, as well as the dining room.
; Guests started to arrive, and Louisa searched for Caroline or Annabelle in the receiving line. She’d thought they might arrive early so she could have a moment to speak with them, but as time passed and they failed to appear, her worry grew. At last, she spotted her cousins in the line. Much to her surprise, her aunt had joined Caroline and Annabelle.
“Aunt Josephine, it’s lovely to see you,” Louisa said as she hugged her. “You look wonderful.”
“Thank you. Caroline insisted Reginald would be in good hands for a few hours while I attended.” Yet Louisa could see worry lingering in the back of her eyes, suggesting his failing mental state wore on her.
“I’m so pleased you came,” Louisa said.
“We had a difficult time convincing her, but Christmas Eve is the perfect time to see family and friends.” Caroline looped an arm through her mother’s.
“Indeed,” Louisa said as she studied Caroline, hoping for some indication as to Benjamin’s welfare. Caroline gave a small nod, and Louisa drew her first relieved breath. “A perfect time to celebrate life.”
Caroline smiled but said nothing more, leaving Louisa to wonder still. To know he lived was a blessing, but she dearly wanted to know how he was and what had happened. She supposed that meant she’d be paying a midnight visit to his residence after all.
Her aunt continued forward to greet Louisa’s mother along with Caroline and Annabelle, leaving Louisa momentarily alone. She knew she should mingle and make certain everyone was enjoying themselves, but she needed a moment to gather herself, to hold the good news tight to her heart.
With a glance around the crowded room to make certain she wasn’t needed, she stepped into the hallway, only to stop short at the sight before her.
“Benjamin?” She could hardly believe her eyes. With her heart in her throat, she stared at him from head to toe to make certain he was in one piece. “You’re well?”
“I am.”
She swallowed hard as she studied his unfathomable face. “Gibbon?”
“Unharmed.”
“I see.” Although she didn’t. Her heart hammered with all that stood between them, but her relief to see him well overpowered all else. “What happened?”
He glanced at the guests in the drawing room before guiding them deeper into the hallway, providing a little privacy. “Suffice it to say that we both missed and declared the matter satisfied, although Gibbon did so begrudgingly. However, he called on me a few hours ago to inform me that his sister explained she’d erred, and I was innocent. He then apologized.”
“If only that had happened sooner.” Louisa shook her head. “I’m so sorry I responded the way I did. I—”
He placed a finger on her lips. “You do not need to apologize for anything.”
She removed his finger and held it tight. “Yes, I do. I never should’ve doubted you. I’m terribly sorry.”
He smiled. “Your experience has given you cause not to give your trust easily. We’ll discuss the details when you don’t have a houseful of guests.”
“I don’t care about the guests.” She only wanted to step into the circle of his arms and never leave. “I made a terrible mistake and have to know if you’ll ever forgive me.”
The warmth of his smile tightened her chest and gave her hope. “Of course I do. Now I would like to wish your mother a Happy Christmas and ask if I might call upon her tomorrow, despite it being Christmas.”
Louisa frowned. “Whatever for?”
“With your cousin in the country, I would like to ask the marchioness for your hand. With your approval, of course.”
“Benjamin!” She gave in to the urge and threw her herself into his arms.
He chuckled as he held her tight for a long moment before easing back to look into her eyes. “I love you, Louisa. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
“I love you as well, and I would be delighted to have you as my husband.”
“Even if my reputation is now blackened?” The hint of vulnerability in his eyes only made her love him more.
“Yes. I don’t care what others think. We are meant to be together. If needed, we shall be outcasts together.”
“While it warms my heart to hear you say that, we’ll hope that won’t be necessary. Lady Adele sent anonymous letters to many of the ton, including Delham. She also requested an anonymous advert to be run in The Times, despite her brother’s misgivings. I’m not certain those actions will resolve the issue, but I’d like to think they’ll help to smooth things over.”
“I’m pleased to hear that.” While she was glad Adele was taking steps to help repair the damage, she wished she hadn’t made the outrageous claim to begin with. For Benjamin’s sake, she hoped Adele’s efforts were successful.
His gaze dropped to the mistletoe tucked in her neckline before holding her gaze once more. “I wouldn’t want to do anything further to ruin my reputation, but that is mistletoe, and it is Christmas Eve.”
Desire swept through Louisa, much like a spark to tinder. She lifted to meet his lips halfway, doing her best to show him how much she loved him. His tongue swirled with hers, building the heat within her until all else fell away.
Before she was ready for the kiss to end, he eased back. “Happy Christmas, Louisa. I love you so much. You are a gift beyond measure that I don’t deserve and will always cherish. I look forward to many more holidays with you.”
“As do I. You are my heart and soul. My rogue forever. I love you.” She kissed him once more to seal her words.
He tapped a finger against the mistletoe. “That was two kisses, and there are three berries. That leaves us one more for later.”
She chuckled, her heart nearly full to bursting. “I look forward to it.”
“Let us brave the crowd to speak with your mother.” He took her hand and placed it under his arm, then walked into the room.
A murmur rolled through the guests as they entered, several obviously surprised to see Benjamin, but others nodded at him as if nothing untoward had occurred.
They made their way to where her mother visited with a handsome, older gentleman whom Louisa hadn’t met.
“Lady Whirlenhall, Happy Christmas,” Benjamin said with a bow. “Thank you for inviting me.”
“How good of you to come,” her mother said before casting a questioning look at Louisa. “All is well?”
Louisa smiled at Benjamin. “Yes.”
“Indeed. All is well.” Something lit his expression, his gaze holding hers as if making a promise. Love shone in his eyes, causing her to catch her breath.
“I’m so pleased to hear that. We shall hope we can both manage to retain our reputations for the foreseeable future.” Her mother smiled at Benjamin, who chuckled in response.
“Count Eastov,” her mother began, “may I introduce you to my daughter, Lady Louisa Felton?”
The older gentleman with friendly blue eyes and an impressive grey mustache bowed over her hand. “You are as beautiful as your mother.” His Russian accent was almost as intriguing as the sparkle in her mother’s eyes. “I had the good fortune of meeting your father in his youth and was terribly saddened to learn of his passing. When a friend mentioned he was coming to your gathering, I couldn’t resist attending with the hope your mother would allow me to stay. I look forward to coming to know both of you better.”
“Thank you.” Louisa took a second look at the man, noting the way he watched her mother with an admiring but respectful gaze. Something seemed different about this man and the way her mother acted. She looked forward to seeing how their association progressed.
What an amazing Christmas Eve this was turning out to be. With Benjamin at her side, anything seemed possible.
Well after midnight, Benjamin sank into the wingback chair before the fire in his library and took a sip of brandy. Though exhausted after the events of the day as well as a sleepless night, a strange restlessness gripped him that suggested slumber would be long in coming.
The day had begun with him
thinking he’d lost everything. Now he had more than he’d ever hoped for. How intriguing life could be, full of twists and turns one never expected despite the best-laid plans.
It had required all his fortitude not to gather Louisa into his arms and carry her somewhere private. Dancing with her had been equal parts wonderful and painful, filling him with the longing to show her how he felt, how much she meant to him. His need to be with her, to talk to her, to touch her, surpassed anything he’d ever experienced—a physical ache that made him all the more anxious to make her his wife.
But he was determined to do the right thing and protect both of their reputations from this day forth. Stolen moments on terraces were no longer in his future. He would do everything in his power to prevent another occurrence like today’s. The idea of losing Louisa had nearly undone him.
When he’d returned home from the duel and the footman handed him her message, he’d been sure it would contain a repeat of what she’d told Caroline. Instead, her simply worded apology had filled his heart with hope. Her message was tucked into his desk as a treasured memento in the same place his uncle had kept the marchioness’s letters. But his reason for keeping the note was as different as night and day from his uncle’s.
Tomorrow he’d be one step closer to making Louisa his by speaking with her mother. He’d also pay a call on Louisa’s cousin when the weather permitted a trip to the country. As soon as he—
An odd sound broke into his thoughts. He paused to listen then looked toward the garden door, certain he had to be wrong. Yet the familiar shadow in lad’s attire standing there told him otherwise.
Heart racing, he quickly set aside his brandy and hurried to open the door. “Louisa?”
“Benjamin.” She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight.
He managed to shut the door as he returned the embrace, relishing the feel of her in his arms. “Whatever are you doing here? It’s snowing.” He glanced out to see big, fluffy flakes still falling. “You should be abed.”