by Nash, Willa
“Long.” By the time I’d made it home on Friday evening, I’d been exhausted. Saturday and Sunday had been spent in the office, mostly in an attempt to keep myself from calling Kerrigan.
I’d done well. With a hectic Monday calendar, it should have been easy to keep my thoughts on business. But as it turned out, letting her go was harder than I could have ever expected.
“How was your weekend?” I asked.
“Um . . . fine? I worked.”
I miss you. I swallowed it down. Admitting that to her would only make this harder. “I wish . . .” I wished everything were different.
“You don’t have to explain, Pierce. You said you weren’t in a place for a relationship. I understand.”
Of course she did. Because she was unlike any woman I’d ever met. “I have to say goodbye.”
“Didn’t we do that on Friday?”
“I don’t remember saying the word.” But I had given her a kiss I wouldn’t forget. And hopefully . . . neither would she.
Eventually she’d move on with her life. I wasn’t stupid enough to think otherwise, but the idea of her with another man made my stomach churn and my temper rage.
She was mine.
And I was in no position to keep her.
This phone call was a fucking horrible idea.
“I wanted to let you know I’ve given your information to my attorney. He’ll pass along a new contract.”
“Oh, okay.”
“If you ever need anything, you know where to find me.”
“Same to you.”
“All right.” End the call. Say goodbye. Be done with this.
Neither of us hung up.
“You’re still there,” I said.
“So are you.”
“Can I call you again?” Damn it, Sullivan.
What the fuck was wrong with me today? Another phone call was as bad an idea as this one. It would only delay the inevitable.
Maybe she’d say no. I needed her to say no.
I needed her to break this off. To find the strength I lacked.
Instead, she said, “Yes.” Relief beat out frustration. “But if you don’t, I’ll understand.”
How? She had no idea what was happening in my life. I’d denied her the explanation she’d earned.
Kerrigan deserved to know the reason I couldn’t pursue this with her. But I’d kept Jasmine a secret, probably because I wasn’t ready to accept that everything in my life was about to change.
“Take care of yourself,” I said.
“You too.”
I opened my mouth to say goodbye. The word hung on the tip of my tongue, but rather than speak it, I took the coward’s way and hung up the phone.
“Fuck,” I muttered, dragging a hand through my hair.
Calling her had been a horrible idea. It should have ended at her house on Friday, but now I just wanted to call her again.
Nellie knocked on my office door, opening it a crack. “Pierce?”
“Come on in.”
She smiled and strode inside with a stack of papers in one hand. “I need twenty minutes.”
I checked my calendar. My meeting with our general counsel was in ten. He could wait five. “I’ve got fifteen.”
Nellie took the chair across from my desk, spread out the papers and went through them, one by one. As she talked about the next executive team meeting agenda and finalizing the upcoming year’s business plan, I studied my phone.
I needed to call Kerrigan again. I needed to explain or, at least, end things differently.
I had time.
Not much, but I had time. Maybe I could go to Calamity, just once more. Spend one more night in her bed.
Kerrigan’s house had surprised me. There’d been projects everywhere, some further along than others. I’d expected to see something clean, like The Refinery. But then again, she’d put her businesses first, saving her own home for last.
The image of her naked in her bed, her hair spread across her lavender pillows in the muted light, tiny specks of green paint on her forehead . . . I’d never get that image out of my head.
“Well?” Nellie asked.
I blinked and looked up. “Huh?”
She frowned. “You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?”
I rubbed my face and sighed. “Sorry.”
“What’s going on with you? You’ve been distracted all day.”
Distracted? Right now, I’d kill if distracted was my biggest problem. “Just a lot on my mind.”
Nellie tossed her pen on the desk and leaned back in her chair, taking out her phone. Her fingers flew across the screen and when she was done, she set it aside. “I just canceled your next meeting. Talk.”
I stood from my desk, not wanting to feel trapped in a seat, and walked to the windows. It was a beautiful winter day, the sun shining across the city. This view had been a sanctuary for me this past year. When everything had fallen apart with Heidi, I’d stared out the glass and silenced my thoughts.
Today, they screamed despite the view.
“Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with someone in just days?”
Nellie’s breath hitched. “Oh, Pierce.”
“She’s special. I wish the timing were different.”
“You could tell her the truth. Kerrigan would understand.”
Yes, she would. But I wouldn’t put this burden on her. “I need to do this on my own.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s how it should be. Parents should put their children first.”
“It doesn’t have to be one way or the other. You could have both.”
I shook my head. “She lives in Montana.”
Kerrigan wanted a life in Calamity. That was where she was building her dreams. I wouldn’t steal them from her.
“People have moved before,” Nellie said.
“I won’t ask her to do that.”
“Not her. You. There’s no reason you have to live in Denver.”
“My company is here. My parents.”
“Your parents are never here. They look for any excuse to travel. And since you’ve been driving everywhere lately, you must have forgotten that you own a plane.”
I closed my eyes. “It would never work.”
Why would a woman like Kerrigan want anything to do with the insanity that was going to be my life?
“Did you tell her about Heidi?” Nellie asked.
“Yeah.”
“What did she say?”
I turned from the glass and returned to my chair. “It shocked her.”
“Duh. It shocked everyone.”
Nellie had adored Grandpa before his affair with Heidi had come to light. From that moment on, she’d loathed him. Probably because she knew, though I was angry and hurt, I couldn’t despise him myself.
Kerrigan had been right about what she’d said at the house. Those photos and the memories that accompanied them had made some of the pain go away. Not a lot, but some.
“Do you think he loved her?” I asked.
“Kerrigan?”
“No. Heidi.”
Nellie gave me a sad smile. “Yes, I do. And I think she loved him.”
“It just . . . it’s so fucked up.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’d like an updated status report on the ventures we brought in from Barlowe.”
Nellie’s sideways look said she didn’t approve of the change in subject but she went along with it. “I’ll have it by the end of the day.”
“Now let’s go through this again.” I motioned to the paperwork she’d brought in.
“Pierce—”
“What?”
“Never mind.” She pursed her lips, then picked up a page and started where I’d zoned out earlier.
Twenty minutes hadn’t been enough to make it through her list or mine. After an hour, she had more to do than when she’d walked through the door.
“Anything else?” she asked.
“I’m going to l
ean on you. Hard. I’m sorry for it.”
Her expression softened. “Don’t be. I’m here.”
“Has Jasmine called?”
“Every day.”
Damn it. She’d called me every day too. I hadn’t returned those calls either. I wasn’t ready. Not in the slightest.
“I want to fly to Montana tonight.”
“What?” Nellie’s jaw dropped.
I couldn’t leave things with Kerrigan after that phone call. “Will you make arrangements with the pilot and airport? Just tonight. And . . . tomorrow night.” I bit my tongue before I could add a third night.
“Are you going to tell her?”
“No.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“Saying goodbye.” How many goodbyes had I missed lately? My grandfather. My ex-wife. No one could have predicted that their plane would have gone down over the Rocky Mountains. The engine had failed on Grandpa’s Cessna and they’d crashed in just minutes.
It would be hard as hell to step inside an airplane, especially since it was the same model as Grandpa’s. But flying was safer, it should be safer, than driving in December. And I just . . . I had to get to Montana. I wanted one more night with Kerrigan.
One more before my life changed forever.
“I have time.”
“You keep saying that.” Nellie shook her head. “But you don’t.”
“I have time.”
“Two nights?”
“Actually, you’d better make it just the one.” Tonight. It would have to be enough.
“Okay.” Nellie sighed and stood from her chair, disappearing to her own office where she’d make the necessary calls.
I had time.
One more night. I hurried upstairs to my penthouse and began packing the bag I’d just unpacked. The sweats that I’d lent Kerrigan were on a shelf. This morning they’d been in my hamper.
Damn. My housekeeper had already washed them. I picked up the hoodie and pressed it to my nose, wishing I could find Kerrigan’s sweet scent.
It was gone.
One more night. Then I could let her go and get on with what was coming.
I picked up my phone, pulling up her name.
She answered on the second ring. “Hi.”
“I’m flying up there tonight.”
“Tonight? Um, okay.”
“One more night. That’s all I have.”
“Then I’ll take it.”
My heart hammered. “It’ll be late.”
“I’ll wait up.”
Ending the call, I shoved my phone away and started grabbing clothes, not really caring what I picked because I didn’t plan on wearing much.
Then with my overnight bag in hand, I strode through the penthouse toward the front door. I hit the button for the elevator and returned to my office, grabbing my laptop so I could work on the plane.
“Pierce.” Nellie came into my office.
I scrambled to wrap up a power cord. “I should have time in the car for my last meeting of the day. Just have them call my cell.”
“Pierce.”
“Thanks for making this work.” I took my wallet and keys from the top drawer of my desk. “I appreciate it.”
“Pierce.” The urgency in her voice made me pause and look up.
The color had drained from her face. Her eyes were full of apology.
Nellie had looked the same the day that she’d come in to tell me that Grandpa and Heidi had died. Mom had tried to call me but I’d been busy, so she’d called Nellie and asked her to break the news.
I swallowed hard. “What?”
“It’s Jasmine.”
My heart dropped. “What happened?”
“She’s at the hospital.”
“Is she okay?”
Nellie nodded. “She’s in labor.”
The world shifted under my feet.
I was out of time.
“But it’s early.”
Nellie shook her head. “Not by much.”
“Which hospital?” I asked.
“P/SL.”
My gaze landed on the overnight bag I’d set on the desk. There would be no trip to Montana.
“I’ll go with you,” Nellie said.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, unable to tear my eyes from the bag. “Give me a minute.”
“Of course.” She turned to leave me alone.
Then I pulled the phone from my pocket and hit Kerrigan’s name for the third time today.
“Hi.” She laughed as she answered.
“Change of plan.” My voice sounded hoarse and as heavy as my heart. “I’m not going to make it up there tonight after all.”
“Oh.” The disappointment rang loud and clear.
“I’m sorry.”
“Maybe another time.”
I wanted to agree. I wanted to promise I’d come back. But the truth was, I had no idea what life would look like after today.
“Goodbye, Kerrigan.”
The line went silent for a long moment, then she breathed, and my heart broke because there was pain in that sigh. Pain that was my doing.
“Goodbye, Pierce.”
I jogged out of my office and found Nellie waiting in the foyer. We drove in silence across town, and when we reached Jasmine’s room, Nellie hung back.
“I’m going to find a waiting room,” she said. “But I’m here. Just call me if you need anything.”
“Thanks.” I squared my shoulders, knocked on the door and pushed inside the delivery room.
On the narrow hospital bed, Jasmine was propped up with a bunch of pillows. Her mousy brown hair was braided over one shoulder. Her pregnant belly protruded from the white hospital blanket draped over her legs.
The glare she sent me was as cold as the ice chips in her cup. “I’m shocked you actually showed up.”
“I’m sorry.” I sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m so sorry. But I’m here now.”
Her jaw clenched. “Heidi would be so pissed at you.”
“Yes.” I chuckled. “And rightly so.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Pretty much.”
The corner of her mouth turned up. “I’m not far along so this might take a while.”
I stood and shrugged off my suit jacket, draping it over a chair in the corner. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Not anymore.
Chapter Fourteen
Kerrigan
Four months later . . .
“How’s the new employee working out?” Lucy asked.
We were sitting on the couch in Everly’s office at the art gallery, visiting while Lucy’s son, Theo, played on the floor.
“So far so good.” The woman I’d hired was sweet and bubbly. She worked five days a week, allowing me some flexibility in my schedule. I loved The Refinery but it was nice to have a break. Mostly, it was nice to afford an employee.
Two weeks ago, the sale on the farmhouse had closed. That property was now someone else’s joy. Someone else’s burden.
“Okay, I’d better go.” I swallowed a groan. Jacob was meeting me at the White Oak for dinner at five thirty and I was already a few minutes late.
“You don’t seem excited,” Lucy said from the couch in Everly’s office where the three of us were sitting.
I’m not. “Just not really in the mood for a date.”
“So cancel,” Everly said, placing her hands on her pregnant belly. “Hang out here with us. I haven’t heard from Hux, so I’m sure he’s zoned out in his studio painting.”
“Duke is covering for one of his deputies for the evening shift so he’s still at the station,” Lucy said. “We haven’t had a girls’ night in ages.”
“I want to, but I’m sure Jacob’s already waiting for me, and I’d feel like an ass if I stood him up last minute.”
After leaving the gym at four, I’d come down to meet them both and catch up with my friends. When they’d both moved here, we used to hit Jane’s for a drink, but these days, we
found ourselves either here at the gallery or at The Refinery.
It was easier with Theo to give him some space to explore. He’d just started crawling a couple of weeks ago.
He came up to my feet and I bent down to help him up, holding his hands as he swayed on his chubby legs. A drooly smile squeezed my heart.
Maybe someday.
Or maybe the chance to be a mother had passed me by.
Lucy and Everly had become good friends. Unlike most of Calamity’s residents, they didn’t even bat an eye at my business ideas. Maybe because they weren’t from here. They’d moved here from Nashville and when I had an idea, they were completely supportive.
Lucy had been the first member of the gym, joining before I’d even opened its doors. Everly bragged that she was my first follower on Instagram and TikTok.
When the farmhouse had sold, they’d shown up at my house with champagne.
They were good friends and I adored them. But these past four months had been hard, for many reasons, and I found myself pulling away.
Theo squirmed and dropped to his knees, crawling over to his mom at my side.
“We should plan a movie date,” Lucy said, picking him up and kissing his cheek. “How about tomorrow night? I think that new rom-com is at the theater this week.”
We only got one or two movies at our local theater each week, and even then, oftentimes they’d already been released on a streaming platform. Thankfully, people around here usually went anyway for the popcorn, candy and atmosphere. The owners of the theater tried to plan fun events to keep the seats full. But one day, as the world changed, so would my town. Would the theater survive?
Probably not.
The past four months my head seemed to swim with grim thoughts. What was wrong with me? It was like a gray cloud had settled over my mind, tainting each thought with a depressing rain.
“I can’t tomorrow,” I said. “It’s my grandma’s birthday so we’re having a big family celebration at the community center.”
I did not want to go to a family event. But I didn’t want to go to a movie either.
Except how did I tell my friends that their happy lives were hard to see? That while they were in love, I had never felt more inadequate and alone?
Everly was due in a couple of months with a baby girl. How did I tell my friend that just seeing her pregnant made the hole in my chest grow?