by Angela Henry
ONE
“Baby. Hey, baby,” said the guy in the acid-green track suit and gold chains who was desperately trying to get my sister Allegra’s attention. Allegra and I were having lunch at Estelle’s, our uncle Alex’s restaurant that I hostess at part-time. Actually, it would be more accurate to say we were trying to have lunch. Ever since we’d arrived, not a minute had gone by without someone approaching our table to talk to Allegra or get her autograph. Many people stopped by just to bask in the glow of my sister, and up until now, she’d been loving every minute of it. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous of my beautiful baby sister. Really, I’m not. Well, maybe just a little. But these folks were interrupting my mealtime, and that is just not cool.
Allegra frowned and rolled her eyes before turning to reply to the persistent man who’d been trying to get her attention for the past five minutes. He didn’t seem at all fazed by the fact that she’d been totally ignoring him.
“Yes, can I help you?” she asked, flashing him a low-watt smile and flipping a piece of her long honey-highlighted hair over her shoulder.
“Yeah,” he said, grinning with a mouthful of yellowish, crooked teeth. I cringed as he came over to our table. Up close I could see that his face was a mass of razor bumps and my own face hurt just looking at him.
“Ain’t you that Freaky Deaky chick? The one from that video?” Allegra’s smile froze on her face at the mention of her first acting gig and the unwanted nickname that had resulted from it. I had to quickly turn away before she caught the big grin that had suddenly popped up on my own face.
Eight years ago, right after she graduated from high school, Allegra had hopped a bus to L.A. to pursue her dream of becoming an actress, a singer or a model. She wasn’t real picky. In fact, whatever would allow her to do what she does best, which is being the center of attention, was fine by her. Almost immediately upon arriving in town, Allegra landed the starring role in a singer named Antoine’s first music video. The song was called “Freaky Deaky.” It was an annoying little ditty set to the music of “Old MacDonald,” and even included the e-i-e-i-o’s. Amazingly, it became an instant hit and even spawned a dance craze.
The Freaky Deaky dance was a combination of the Hustle and the Twist, with some Funky Chicken thrown in for good measure. For about four months, dance floors in clubs all across the country were filled with foolish-looking people who were frantically spinning and clapping, twisting and flapping like their underwear had caught on fire. Not only was the dance ridiculous looking, it could be hazardous to those unfortunate enough to be dancing near the uncoordinated or directionally challenged. Antoine, a rather homely dude with an overbite and a high-top fade, Freaky Deaked his way to the top of the charts, and my sister, with whom he conveniently fell in love with and made one of his backup singers, was his Freaky Deaky queen.
But as with all good things, and even the not so good ones, it didn’t last long. Antoine’s next single, “Googley Woogley,” tanked, and he and Allegra’s fifteen minutes of fame, as well as their relationship, was over. And that was just fine by my parents, who had quickly grown tired of being asked about their Freaky Deaky daughter. It was fine by Antoine, too. Seems Antoine’s overbearing mama was the one who wanted him to be a star. Antoine wanted to be a dentist and willingly left the limelight for dental school.
Allegra cleared her throat and took a sip of water before replying. “Yes, that was me. But that was a long time ago.”
“Well, that song was the jam back in the day. I just wondered if it was you, that’s all. You still fine as hell. You ever get another job?”
Unable to suppress a giggle, I coughed to try and play it off as Allegra swung around to glare at me.
“I’m on Hollywood Vibe,” she replied smugly, turning up her capped smile to its full brilliance. Antoine was her dentist now.
“What’s Hollywood Vibe? Is that some kinda drug? I bet that’s some good shit. Can I get some?” asked the man. He was hanging over our table trying to look down Allegra’s top. She leaned back in her chair and I grabbed my steak knife in case I had to protect my sibling.
“Hellooo. Hollywood Vibe is an entertainment news show, thank you. You know, like Entertainment Tonight. I’m one of the correspondents.”
I couldn’t believe my sister was more insulted that he didn’t know about her current claim to fame than she was at the fact he was trying to get a peek at her boobs. An ample bosom is the only thing Allegra and I have in common besides DNA. Allegra is tall and slim like my mother, Uncle Alex and my late grandfather. She’s undeniably the beauty in the family while I got the smart label and, depending on which way my scale is swinging, the chunky label. Allegra’s admirer was looking confused.
“Naw, I ain’t hip to the Hollywood Vibe thang, girl. See, I just got out the joint last week. I just wanted to holla at you,” he said, glancing nervously at me as I tapped the steak knife against my plate, no doubt reliving some unpleasant prison experience. “You stay fine, you hear,” he said and then puckered up and made a loud kissing noise that sounded like a fart. We both rolled our eyes as he walked away.
“Just got out the joint my ass,” I said, tossing the knife on my now-cold steak. “The loony bin is probably more like it.”
“I get approached by all kinds of nuts, Kendra. It’s just a hazard of the business,” Allegra said nonchalantly, flipping another strand of hair over her shoulder. Unlike me, with my short, no-nonsense do, Allegra wore her hair long and bone-straight with those honey-blond highlights.
“None of them are dangerous, are they?” I asked starting to feel concerned. Allegra had a way of tap dancing on my nerves, but the thought of anybody hurting her scared me to death.
“You sound just like Mama and, no, none of them are dangerous. I’m a lowly correspondent on a second rate entertainment news show, not Halle Berry.” We both laughed.
“It won’t always be that way. You’re going places, Allie. This Hollywood Vibe thing is just a stepping stone.” I was doing my best to be supportive, but I instantly regretted my comments.
“That’s why you’ve got to help me, Kendra,” Allegra whispered, looking around to make sure no one was listening. The nearest people to us in the restaurant were several booths away and would have to have bionic hearing to be able to hear what we were saying.
“Vivianne DeArmond is going to ruin my career before it even gets off the ground. That’s why I need your help.” Allegra dropped her chin to her chest and her long hair fell around her face like a curtain. It was a sulky little move that never failed to get her her way with the men in our family. She did it so much that it had become a reflex. Being away from home for so long she’d obviously forgotten that this ploy had never worked on me. I stared at her silently until she remembered this fact and lifted her head up, giving me a sheepish look.
“Don’t you think you’re being a bit melodramatic?” I asked calmly. Allegra sighed angrily and snatched her napkin off her lap and threw in on her plate.
“Hell, no, I’m not overreacting. I could lose my job, Kendra. I was sent here to get an interview with a has-been actress who hasn’t made a movie in twenty years and is being awarded a lifetime achievement award by a two-bit film festival that nobody has ever heard of. She’s acting like she’s Greta Garbo with all this ‘I want to be alone’ crap. Her assistant won’t let me anywhere near her. She should be happy anybody would want to interview her ass. Who the hell remembers Vivianne DeArmond, anyway?”
I did. Vivianne DeArmond might not have been the greatest actress in the world, but she was one of the first black actresses to make a mark in Hollywood and was easily one of the most beautiful. She’d been born Annie Burns in Willow, and she was one of our few claims to fame. Even though she wasn’t nearly as well known as Lena Horne and Dorothy Dandridge, Vivianne DeArmond had starred in numerous independent films in the fifties and sixties and was a favorite of experimental French filmmaker, Jacques St. Marchand.
Her most famous role was in
St. Marchand’s 1959 cult noir classic, Asphalt City, in which she played femme fatale Pearly Monroe. Vivianne’s last role had been a blink-and-you’ll-miss-her part in a low-budget horror movie in the late seventies called Demon Kitty, about a spinster who discovered her beloved tabby cat was possessed by the devil. Vivianne played a voodoo priestess who tried to exorcise the demon from the cat. She’s on screen for all of five minutes before she’s killed when the possessed feline, who incidentally looked about as menacing as Garfield in a snit, coughed up a giant flesh-eating hairball on her. It was an extremely undignified end to an otherwise respectable career.
“Why would Hollywood Vibe send you here to get an interview with a woman who doesn’t want to be interviewed? Wouldn’t they have known this before they sent you out here?” Allegra shifted nervously in her seat and wouldn’t look me in the eye. “All right, Allie, out with it. What have you done?”
“Look, when I got this gig I thought they’d just be sending me to cover movie premiers and award shows and I’d get to wear designer gowns and rub elbows with directors and producers who might be interested in casting me. Turns out they actually want me to come up with story ideas. So, in the last production meeting, they asked me what stories I was working on. I didn’t know what to say,” she said, giving me a pitiful look. I started to ask her how Vivianne DeArmond’s name came up, but she cut me off before I got a chance.
“Then I remembered you calling me the night before to ask me if I’d be making it home for Lynette’s wedding and you mentioned the film festival and old washed-up Vivianne DeArmond getting an award. So, I told them I was from the same town as Vivianne and about her award and that I knew her and before I knew it—”
“They sent you out here to interview her only you can’t get an interview because you don’t know her and she doesn’t want to be interviewed,” I said, interrupting her.
“How was I supposed to know the executive producer is one of her biggest fans? They plan to feature my interview in a ‘Whatever Happened to...’ segment.
I’ve done everything I can think of to get an interview, and she won’t talk to me. You’d think she’d want to help another homegirl out.”
“In a perfect world, maybe. But why do you thinks she owes you, someone she doesn’t know from a hole in the wall, the time of day? You have no one to blame but yourself for this one, baby sister.” She shot me a dirty look and turned to stare angrily out the window.
“I know I screwed up,” she said finally, after picking at her half-eaten salad. “But, that doesn’t change that fact that I still need to get that interview. Are you going to help me or not, Kendra?”
“And what exactly do you think I can do to help you get this interview?” Allegra perked up considerably and I felt a familiar feeling of dread creep up on me.
“Well,” she whispered, leaning in close and gesturing for me to do the same. I did so reluctantly. “I
know that Rosie’s Cleaning Service cleans Vivianne DeArmond’s house twice a week. I was thinking we could get hold of some uniforms and go to her house when the other cleaners are there. You can keep Vivianne’s dragon-lady assistant busy while I approach Vivianne about interviewing her for the show.” Allegra sat back and rubbed her hands together and smirked, obviously pleased with herself. She reminded me of a cartoon villainess who’d just sprung a goofy master plan to conquer the world on a reluctant henchman...me. I couldn’t help it. I started laughing.
“What the hell is so funny?” she said, reverting to full neck-rolling, eye-popping, sister-girl mode. “I’m sorry, Allie. But that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a long time,” I said, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.
“And why is that?” she asked in an icy tone that made me stop laughing immediately.
“First off, where are we going to get a hold of some of Rosie’s uniforms? Secondly, don’t you think the other cleaners are going to notice we don’t belong there and blow the whistle on us? Thirdly, what’s going to happen when Vivianne DeArmond realizes we’re in her house uninvited and calls the police? Sorry, Allie but this little plan is only going to get us both arrested and you fired.”
Believe me, it wasn’t that I was above such behavior. I’d snuck into my share of places that I had absolutely no business being. But those were special circumstances involving murder and mayhem. Trespassing in the home of a reclusive actress to help my self-absorbed little sister get an interview that she’d lied to her boss about being able to get was something else entirely, especially since I’d promised my grandmother and my man to stay out of trouble.
“Then what do you suggest I do since you’re so damned smart?” she asked, glaring at me. Allegra can get quite nasty when she’s not getting her way. But I was still her big sister and not about to let her intimidate me.
“Why don’t you just admit to your producer that Vivianne is being difficult and won’t let you interview her?” I said, starting to feel mighty testy myself.
“Because I already told Noelle, my segment producer, that I lined up the interview. Besides, I’m not so sure Vivianne doesn’t want to be interviewed. It’s that assistant of hers, Harriet Randall, that won’t let me anywhere near her. If I could just get her alone.”
“Well, from what I’ve heard, Vivianne DeArmond is a first-class diva. Just tell your producer she changed her mind at the last minute.”
“No! Haven’t you been listening? I can’t do that. Noelle is due in from L.A. tomorrow morning and she called and told me how excited her boss is to see my segment. I can’t blow this, Kendra. My career depends on it.”
“Then I really don’t know what else to tell you, Allie.” We stared at each other for a few minutes before she stood up and grabbed her purse.
“So, that’s it then? You’re really not going to help me?”
“Allie, I—” I began before she angrily threw up her hand cutting me off.
“Oh, just forget it, Kendra. I’ll get the interview my damn self. I can see now that nothing has changed.”
“Meaning what?” I had a good idea what she was going to say, but I could feel myself tensing up anyway.
“Meaning you’re still jealous of me, aren’t you? You can’t stand the fact that I have an exciting career and a bright future ahead of me while you’re stuck in this crappy little town working two dead-end jobs and getting nowhere fast.”
I could hardly speak. How dare she talk about my life like that? I might only be a part-time English instructor with a GED program, supplementing my income hostessing at the very restaurant we were now eating in, but that didn’t give her the right to trash my life. I was a teacher. I helped people get their general education diplomas. To date, her only achievement had been helping to create a goofy dance craze with a buck-toothed one-hit wonder.
“Oh, really,” I said, crossing my arms and forcing myself to laugh when I really wanted to choke Allegra ‘til she turned blue. “I seem to remember that my so-called dead-end jobs allowed me to loan your broke ass money when you were about to have your phone turned off last month. And furthermore—” Before I could finish, Alex walked up next to Allegra and put a hand on her shoulder. His face looked grim, but his voice was soft as butter. Alex never raises his voice, but I could tell he was angry over the scene we were making by the way his nostrils were flaring. He looked like a pissed-off horse.
“Ladies, what’s the problem?” he asked, looking from Allegra to me and back again.
“Sorry, Uncle Alex, I gotta go. I’m a woman on a mission,” Allegra said, giving Alex a quick peck on the cheek and tossing me a dirty look before heading out the door.
“It’s so moving to see all the love flowing between my two nieces,” he said sarcastically. I stuck my tongue out at him.
When I arrived home a few hours later, I saw that Allegra’s stuff was gone. No big surprise. She’d only been staying with me because Mama wouldn’t give her a key, let her come and go as she pleased, and expected her to be in the house by the time she went to bed,
which was around ten o’clock. Mama had an excellent memory when it came to the misconduct of her children and granddaughters and hadn’t forgotten the time when she’d caught a sixteen-year-old Allegra dry-humping the captain of the football team on her good living-room couch. Allegra still hadn’t shaken the “fast” label that Mama had tagged her with after that incident, which wasn’t helped at all by the whole “Freaky Deaky” episode, nor had she earned back Mama’s trust enough to be issued a key. So, she’d decided to stay with me. I figured she’d gone back to stay with Mama, claiming that I, her jealous, less-than-fabulous sister, was making life hard for her. But an evening of watching Lawrence Welk reruns with Mama and she’d be on my doorstep once again.
I spent the rest of my afternoon making the final arrangements for my best friend Lynette Martin-Gaines’s bridal shower later that evening. Lynette and her fiance, Greg Hull, were getting married in a week and I, being the maid of honor, was hosting her shower at the Red Dragon Chinese Restaurant’s party room. I was expecting about twenty-five of Lynette’s friends and family members to show up and prayed everything would go off without any major drama. The source of my concern was three of Lynette’s bridesmaids—Georgette Combs and Celeste and Cecile Warner—whom I hadn’t hit it off with when I’d met them at Lynette and Greg’s engagement party. The three had tried unsuccessfully to stir up conflict in the form of a fistfight between Lynette and me. I was hoping against hope that they wouldn’t be able to make it to the party, but to my extreme disappointment they were the first three to RSVP.