by J. Nichole
“Take your time,” Lisa said softly. “You don’t want to have any regrets about the decision you make.”
I went home and moped around the living room before I was too tired to sit awake. In my room, I saw Russell’s duffel bag at the end of my bed and I moved it to my closet. I’d have to return it, but not anytime soon. When I dropped the bag I saw a book emerge from the open pocket, The Date; the latest book we had been reading for our “book club.” I opened the book, flipping pages to see how far he had gotten. Hand written notes in the margins caught my attention.
I placed the book back down on his duffel bag and laughed at how serious he had taken our reading together. Then I sighed, because it was those little things that drew me closer to him. He was charming, and not only in words but actions too.
I fell asleep that night, fully clothed, on top of my covers. Russell plagued my dreams, and I even saw a shadow of his daughter. When I woke up, I still felt tired, and I was no closer to a decision about what to do next.
Dressed in a pantsuit, I walked into my office hoping to starve my thoughts of Russell and replace them with listings and client needs. James popped his head into my door and said, “Happy New Year, darling.” I smiled and told him the same. “Oooh, what’s that all over you?” he asked, taking the seat that I hadn’t offered to him.
I looked at him and asked, “All what, James?”
“I’m getting all types of bad vibes rolling from you this morning.” He stared at me then said, “Are you alright? Who do I need to jack up?” I laughed because James was thinner than a toothpick and although he was tall, I couldn’t imagine him hurting anyone or even trying to do so.
“I’m alright,” I lied.
His eyebrow peaked and he stood from the seat. “All lies, but if you need to talk about it, you know where to find me.” He left me to my thoughts but I pulled up my client list and started making my appointment calls. Now that the holidays were over, folks would be ready to buy and sell their homes.
I had an email from a prospective client, hoping to find a two-bedroom modern condo in Crystal City. When I emailed back, we were able to set up a meeting to discuss his wants and his financial outlook. If I could get a commission this week, I’d be on the first thing smoking out of Reagan next weekend.
My day continued much like it started, buried in work till it was time for my meeting with David, a nice looking white guy. “Hello, David, I’m Anaya,” I said as he reached for my hand in the lobby.
In my office we discussed what he wanted, his credit score, and income. “Alright, and you know Crystal City is gong to be a high market right now, right?” With the announcement of Amazon coming to the city, the properties there had already started to increase.
“I have a significant amount of money to put as a down payment, though.” Of course he did, he looked like he came from money. “And I’ve heard you are a great realtor. I don’t doubt you’ll find me a good deal.”
“You heard?” I asked. I didn’t doubt my reputation preceded itself, but I was curious to know who recommended me.
“Russell.” He smiled. “We work together.” I nodded my head. “I had been wanting to catch up with you but with traveling, this was the only week I’ve had here at home.”
“Oh,” I said. “I understand.” I asked him about his timeframe to find a place and his availability. “I look forward to helping you. I’ll send you a few listings and when you’re back next weekend we’ll schedule time to visit.”
“Sounds like a plan. Thanks, Anaya,” he said as he left my office.
Instead of heading to my condo to be solo at my pity party, I drove to my parents’ house. I let myself into the front door but yelled out, “Mama dearest,” as I made my way to the kitchen. I heard footsteps down the hall that had to be my daddy, walking like a linebacker.
“Naya, what are you doing here?” he said grabbing me in his arms.
“Just coming by to check on y’all.” He laughed. “What?”
“I’m willing to bet, you aren’t here to check on us,” he said, pulling containers from the fridge. “Your mama is in our room, she should be out here in a minute.” He pulled out two plates before he stopped and asked, “Staying for dinner?” I nodded my head. My parents could both throw down in the kitchen, and even if it was just leftovers I’m sure they’d be banging too.
“Naya,” I heard my mom’s voice behind me, “hey girl, what are you doing here?” Granted, I didn’t stop by often, but it wasn’t rare. She gave me a hug before she helped my dad plate our dishes.
I sat at the table, in the seat I sat in many times as a kid. “How was work today?” I asked, trying to ease into what I really wanted to talk about. My parents knew of Russell; of course they hadn’t met him yet, but were eagerly waiting for the chance to.
My mom groaned, “I need to hit the lotto or something.” She eyed my dad. “Maybe one day your dad will pity me enough to let me retire.” My dad laughed and my mom slapped his arm. “I’m serious.” My mom had been working at the same company since I was in high school. Working as a business consultant, she traveled around the DMV for her different projects. I’ve heard her many times complaining about the different clients she’d had.
“Retire?” my dad said, dragging out the word as if it was foreign to his thoughts. “And do what? Sit at home all day bored?” he added.
She grinned and said, “I have hobbies.” With plates in her hand, she sat at the table handing me my plate. Leftovers from New Year’s—black-eyed peas, cabbage, rice, and smothered chicken. I sniffed the steam rolling from my plate as my stomach grumbled. “Girl, your stomach. Did you miss lunch today?”
My nose scrunched as I nodded my head. I had missed lunch trying to stay busy to avoid thinking about Russell. My dad joined us at the table and bowed his head. As I did, he blessed the meal and I was thankful to have my parents nearby. I needed this time with them. I slid my fork into my mouth full of smothered chicken and rice, and realized I needed this meal too.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” my mom asked as she hovered her fork in front of her face.
I placed my fork on my plate, and sat back in my chair. “It’s about Russell.” My dad mumbled under his breath. He’d never been fond of any man in my life. “I found out the another night that he has a child.”
“A child?” my dad repeated before my mom could even react.
“He never told me about her, and I’m not as upset about him having the child as I am about him not telling me before he asked me to be his girlfriend.”
“His girlfriend?” my dad repeated.
“James,” my mom exclaimed. “Stop repeating everything she says,” she scolded him. I wanted to laugh at the look on his face, but I held it in so that scolding wouldn’t be directed at me. “And now you can’t trust him,” she said, moreso to herself, than to anyone else.
With a fork of food back in my hand, I slid it into my mouth. I felt much better now that I shared with my mom, and I was hoping she’d give me her spot-on advice. When she asked, “And do you care about him?” My dad started to say something but stopped when my mom glared at him. I nodded my head. “Okay then, you talk it through with him. A child is nothing to be upset about, as long as he’s handling his business and there is no drama with the baby mama.” My dad slapped his hand on the table. “James,” my mama exclaimed again.
“Listen, Naya, you can listen to your mama all you want. But hear me out, there’s no way that man won’t one day have some drama with that mama. Especially, with a girlfriend in his life now.” I had considered that too, but I was hoping to get through this first.
My mom waved her hand towards my dad. “Talk to him first. See what he has to say about the situation. Tell him your concerns, and see what happens from there.” She looked at me with her eyebrows raised. “Afterall, he could be your future husband.” I shook my head, and wished Mark Zuckerberg never opened up Facebook.
After dinner, I offered to wash the dish
es while my parents sat in front of the TV. Before I left out I said, “Thanks for dinner.” I reached down to give me my mom a hug. “Same time tomorrow?” I joked.
“You’re always welcome whenever you like,” she said as I gave my dad a hug.
“Whenever she likes?” he repeated and as I walked out the door, and I heard my mom scolding him.
I decided to call Russell on my drive home. As much as I wanted to have the conversation in person, waiting till the weekend seemed too long. “Hello,” he answered after just a couple of rings.
“Busy?” I asked. When he confirmed he wasn’t, I continued. “I want to talk about what happened the other night.” I took a deep breath before I said, “First of all, I’m not upset about you having a child. But not knowing you had a child, especially since you asked me to be your girl, I feel like you weren’t being transparent and honest about a huge part of your life. Lastly, I am fearful of any baby mama drama I could be succumbing to by being with you.”
I shut my mouth and waited for him to respond. “Thank you for telling me how you feel. I understand, now, that I should have said something sooner.” He laughed then said, “And about any baby mama drama, there’s none of that, and if there ever was I’d shut it down with the quickness.”
We both lingered on the phone, no words spoken, till he finally asked, “What do you think?”
“I think I can’t wait to see you and wish you weren’t on the road right now.” I laughed.
“Save time for me this weekend then.” I agreed as I pulled into my parking spot.
Sixteen
Russell
There was no baby mama drama mess, until Anaya and I became a thing, then it was like the world had to corroborate against me. At one point, Veronica and I had an understanding that I would have Yara every other weekend. It was tough to only see her a few times out of the month, but we made it work.
Till Anaya and I were in line for popcorn at the movies and I heard, “Russell,” in that super familiar voice. The voice that I once thought I wanted to hear for the rest of my life, but now only tolerated because it was associated with my forever girl, Yara. I turned slowly to see Veronica waving from across the lobby. I returned the wave as she and her dude walked over towards us.
“Hey, Veronica,” I said, hoping to keep the interaction to a minimum. “This is my girl, Anaya.” I looked at Anaya and said, “This is Yara’s mother.” Then I looked to Veronica and waited for her to introduce her guy. That never came. Instead, she stared at Anaya awkwardly. “Alright, see you next weekend,” I said as I grabbed Anaya’s hand to lead us through the lobby to our theatre.
“What was that all about?” Anaya asked as soon as we were out of earshot of Veronica. I had no clue and had no intentions of digging further.
That Saturday morning, as Anaya and I were lying in my bed laughing about the highlights of the movie, my phone started ringing. I looked at my phone and groaned when I saw Veronica’s name on the screen. I already knew she was about to be with some bullshit, answering Anaya’s question from the night before. “Hello,” I said politely.
“Russ,” she said brusquely, “I have to go into the office today and my mom has plans, she can’t watch Yara.” She paused and I knew she was about to ask if I could take her for the day, or so I thought. “Can she stay at your house today? I’ll pick her up tomorrow morning.”
I quickly agreed to take her for the day, which would never be a problem. “You have to work all night?” I asked. She began to fumble over her words and I felt she was about to manufacture a lie. I spared her the trouble and said, “You know what, nevermind.”
I hung up the phone and Anaya rose from the bed. “Where are you going?” I asked as she started collecting her clothes that were thrown across my room from the night before.
She looked in my direction, but didn’t make eye contact. “It’s probably too early for me to meet your daughter, right?” she asked.
She was probably right. I didn’t want Yara to get attached to someone unless she was going to be my forever. Still, I said, “Stay, I’d like for you to meet her.”
She paused with her shirt in her hand and said, “I should at least take a shower then.” She scurried to the bathroom and I heard the water running. Since Anaya found out about Yara, we’d been spending more time at my place. I even found the time to put all my random pieces of furniture together, with her help. She helped me to decorate the rest of the place too. Now it felt much more like a home, and not a random place I stayed a few nights a week.
I was tempted to join her in the shower, but I gave her space to think about what was about to happen. Anaya and I didn’t talk about having kids when we first met, and later when I asked if she wanted kids of her own, she hesitated before responding, “Some day.”
While I waited for Anaya to finish in the shower, I made a pot of coffee and a quick breakfast. With it plated on the counter for her, she asked, “For me?” with her hand on her chest.
With a smile I said, “Yes ma’am, if you don’t mind hanging with us for the day, you may need your energy.” I laughed. She smiled slightly, her lips turning up but her eyes looking down at her plate. I sat beside her at the kitchen counter and said, “Hey, if this is too much, I understand.” I placed my hand on hers and hoped she’d stay but knew if she had to bolt, I wouldn’t hold it against her.
“I’m cool,” she said softly. “It’s just...” Something was bothering her and I hated that we had to be in this situation. “Do you think this is because she saw us out together last night?”
I didn’t have a chance to respond because I heard the familiar tapping at my door. We both looked towards the door before I stood to answer it. “Who is that knocking at my door,” I said before I swung it open, bending down to be at eye level with Yara.
“It’s me Daddy!” she said as always, wrapping her little arms around my neck. I swooped her up and grabbed her bag from Veronica. Veronica followed me into the entry but I stopped so there wouldn’t be any awkward exchanges between her and Anaya.
I waited for her to give me Yara’s random objections for the week. “She’s not eating red sauce this week, including ketchup.” I nodded and before I could bid her farewell, Veronica looked towards the kitchen and said, “Oh, good morning.” Anaya waved and I looked to Veronica with my hand on the door.
“See you in the morning,” I said as she turned to walk away.
Before I could make it to the kitchen to introduce my two ladies, Anaya was behind me in the foyer playing a game of peek-a-boo. “Yara,” I said, “This is Ms. Anaya.”
“Ms. Naya,” she tried to repeat, “hi.” She wriggled out of my arms and I let her run to her room where she yelled, “Let’s play, Daddy.”
I laughed and asked Anaya if she wanted to join us. She nodded but said, “After I finish my coffee.” Then she looked to Yara’s room and said, “Give the two of you a little alone time.” I smiled and was thankful for the person Anaya was, considerate and understanding. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
I found Yara in the middle of a teddy bear circle and as I joined her on the floor she asked, “Teacher, Daddy!” I nodded my head, knowing she wanted to play her new favorite game of school, and I had to pretend to be a student.
She grabbed a book from her bookshelf and opened it, imitating a reading session to her bears and me. “The end,” she said and slammed the book closed. By the time Anaya joined me on the floor, we had moved on to play grocery store. She had pulled out her makeshift register and shopping cart.
“I didn’t realize she had all these toys in here,” Anaya said as she packed boxes of food and fruits into the shopping cart. “This was my childhood.” She smiled.
“Definitely wasn’t mine,” I joked. “But Yara has put me on game; I can play store clerk, braid hair, and act as a student or a patient on the drop of a dime.”
Anaya laughed as Yara gave her the total for her groceries. “Three dollars.”
We continued pla
ying the different variation of games until Yara crawled into my lap and I knew she was probably tired. “I’m going to get her to S L E E P,” I said as Anaya nodded her head and snuck out of the room.
When she was down, I snuck out myself and found Anaya sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone. I plopped down beside her and said, “I’m sorry about today.” We had planned to visit the museum and grab lunch in DC.
She shook her head. “Not your fault. Daddy duties call,” she said with little enthusiasm.
“To answer your question from earlier, I think meeting you may have something to do with this unplanned drop off.” I hadn’t shared with Anaya my history with Veronica, but it was story time. “Can I tell you about Veronica?” I asked making sure she wanted to know what happened. She nodded her head and turned her body on the couch to face me. I did the same with my hand draped over the back of the couch.
“We dated for the last couple of years of college, both finding a job here so we could maintain our relationship.” The memory of us discussing locations, job opportunities, and celebrating our offers, both here in the DMV, was like it happened yesterday. “It wasn’t long after we were here that I proposed and she was soon pregnant with Yara. All while I was traveling, being gone just how I am now.”
Anaya looked at me intently, without a word or thought. “Mid-way through the pregnancy, she started to complain about me not being here and missing out on appointments and what not.” I continued, “But I was too junior level to request different projects. I started looking for another job, here in the area, that didn’t require travel.”
Anaya bit her lip, and I wanted to end story time and kiss her instead, but I finished. “Before any of that could happen, I came home early one week to find another man’s clothes in our room.” The memory still fucked with me. “I called her and asked why there were some dude’s clothes in our room, and she stuttered through some wack ass excuse.” Much how she stuttered trying to tell me why Yara needed to spend the night. “By the time she came home that night, I had already found the answers I was looking for, and I was surprised I didn’t know all along.”