by Kacey Shea
The urge to stalk to the bar and order a beer hits me from out of left field. Old triggers resurface with the ghosts of my past, and that familiar fear of relapsing—of fucking up all the progress I’ve made—ultimately keeps my ass in my chair. I blow out a slow breath and count down from ten, then pull out my phone to check the time. Everyone is finished eating and conversations fill the room while we wait for Cam to settle up the bill with one of the servers before heading to the venue. I just need to get through the next few hours. Tomorrow morning I’ll catch an AA meeting. If I’m still feeling unstable tonight, I’ll call my sponsor.
A notification pops onto my screen.
Kenslee: This is boring.
A genuine smile spreads across my face and I bite back the urge to laugh. I catch her twinkling gaze across the room then tap on my Words with Friends app to play her in a round. Callie passes out directions to the venue and people stand, milling in small groups in preparation of heading out. I hang back, schooling my niece though she’s a strong competitor.
As I start another match, my brother’s phone rings. He frowns at the screen, then stands. “I better get this.” He swipes at the screen and answers, “Hello?”
“I’m sorry, what?” He moves away from the table, but the room quiets, picking up on the concern in his tone. “Say that again?” Cam pushes his cell against one ear and presses a hand to cover the other. “Shit.” He looks at Jill and winces. “No. I understand. I appreciate the call. Yeah. Will do.” He pockets his phone, walking to her side.
“Everything okay?”
“Uh, yes and no.” He scrubs a hand over his jaw. “We no longer have a wedding venue.”
“What?” Jill’s eyes bug. She shakes her head, then starts laughing. “You’re fucking with me.”
“I wish I was. Some semi-truck plowed through the farmhouse a few hours ago. I guess they’ve been trying to call you. Driver had a heart attack at the wheel. Took down a few electrical lines. Blew out the transformer. The entire town has no power. It’ll be weeks before they have it up and running again. Till then, the county’s shut down the venue.”
Before he’s finished talking, Jill digs through her bag to retrieve her phone. Her eyes are even wider, and she looks as if she’s about to be sick. “You’re not fucking with me.”
“Babe, it’s fine. We’ll figure this out,” Cam reassures.
Jill, who’s been the most chill and relaxed bride I’ve ever seen in all my years of watching friends get married, appears to be on the verge of a panic attack. “I don’t see how any of this is fine.” She glances around the now quiet room. “What about our guests? Everyone who’s flown into town? Cam, we’re supposed to get married in four days.”
Cam squeezes her shoulder. “And we will. It’s fine. Everyone will be fine. We’ll figure it out. Everyone just wants to see us get married.”
“Well, we’re gonna need a venue for that.” She throws up her hands. “It’s not as if we can invite everyone into the back yard. We won’t fit. And I already cut down the list as it is.”
“You could get married at the station,” one of Cam’s crewmates hollers.
Cam considers the idea. “It’s not ideal but we’d have enough space if we took over the parking lot.”
Jill nods but her face is skeptical. “Where would everyone park?” She heaves out a long sigh.
“What about my parents’ estate?” Alicia speaks up, her voice drawing stares from the entire room, especially me. God, she’s so beautiful. Time has done nothing to dull my attraction toward her. If anything, it’s done the opposite. I wonder if she feels the same toward me. Or if she even notices. I have no business entertaining either of those ideas. Obviously, she’s made her new life. Hell, she has a family now. And I’m with Julia.
“Your parents won’t mind?” Jill asks.
Alicia digs inside her bag and pulls out her phone. “Let me call my mom. I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”
“Thanks,” Jill says, as her gaze drifts to the man holding Alicia’s child.
Alicia smiles back. “Give me a second.” She turns and walks toward the exit, bringing the phone to her ear and slipping out the door. My eyes follow her, even though they shouldn’t.
“We’ll need tables and chairs, and just about everything else, and oh my god, I can’t believe I have to re-plan my wedding in less than four days.” Jill massages her pointer fingers along her forehead.
“I’m gonna need a new binder,” I joke, hoping to lighten the mood. But all I get is a glare. “Too soon?”
My brother bites back his amusement.
Callie scoots to Jill’s side. “Hey, we’ve got this. There’s nothing a few sticky notes and color-coded markers can’t solve. Everything will come together beautifully. You’ll see.”
“I can raid the community center,” I offer. “We’ve got a dozen tables and over eighty chairs.”
Cam rubs Jill’s arm. “And I’ve got the rest of this week off. I’ll do whatever it takes to pull this off.” He finds her gaze. “We’ll figure it out. It’s gonna take a lot more than a semi to ruin our day.” He winks and it must take every ounce of his control to not make a dick joke. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment.”
She presses her lips together to hold back her smile and rolls her eyes. “You’ve only known me five years.”
He grins. “Well, it feels like forever.”
“Hey!” She shoves at his shoulder, her face lighting with good humor.
He laughs. “Forever in a good way.” He claims her lips with a kiss. The guys from his station cheer, cat call, and jeer to give them a hard time.
I glance away, my eyes drifting back to the door as Alicia comes back inside.
Her smile is guarded as she walks forward into the small semi-circle we’ve made. “The grounds are yours for the weekend. Let me know any accommodations you need and my mom will do her best. She’s happy to host.”
“Oh my goodness.” Jill closes the space between them and wraps her friend in a hug. “Thank you so much. You’re a total lifesaver. Please, tell your parents thank you.”
“It’s nothing,” Alicia says, but that isn’t true. She just saved the wedding and I can’t help but view the gesture as a big step in reuniting their lost friendship.
“Fuck.” Jill pulls back, looking around. “We need to make a plan. No one leaves until they’ve been given an assignment.”
“I thought this was supposed to be a party,” someone calls out.
“Yeah, feels more like boot camp,” another says.
Cam shakes his head. “You assholes will do whatever I ask, or you’ll be working holidays until I retire.”
“Yeah, yeah.” They laugh and wave off his threats.
“I can help too,” Alicia says, her voice cutting above the jeering laughter of Cam’s friends. “Whatever you need.”
“Is there room for storage? Somewhere we can keep items before Saturday?”
“Yeah, there are several empty garage bays you can use.”
“Good.” Jill nods, turning to point her finger at me. “Then you can help Chase collect tables and chairs tomorrow.”
“Oh.” Alicia shifts the weight of her body from one foot to the other, not meeting my gaze. “Um.”
I like this idea more than I should, but by her concerned stare I can already tell she’s about to bail. I don’t want her to and I reach for the first idea to pop into my mind. “I don’t know. Alicia’s too much of a princess to do any heavy lifting.” It’s a shot fired, a cheap jab, but it gains the desired result.
“What?” Alicia’s brows furrow with a sharp frown she narrows my way. “Who are you calling princess?”
Bingo.
“Okay. Well, if you two can keep from killing each other, that’s settled.” Jill studies my satisfied smile and Alicia’s irritation with a little too much interest. “I’ll email specifics, but why don’t you make a plan to hook up tomorrow?”
Hook up? There’s no way she co
uld know, but Jill’s choice of words hits close to the past. A smirk pulls at my lips, and I turn to see if Alicia caught the same double meaning. My amusement is short-lived.
Alicia’s eyes widen with panic as they meet mine. Her mouth parts, as if maybe there’s something she wants to say, but instead her gaze darts across the room to where Simon plays with Matthew.
I’m confused at first. But when my stare follows hers, it gets stuck on Matthew.
His dark eyes and hair are exactly like Alicia’s, and also mine. Wait. He couldn’t be—? Fuck. It’s like looking at old snapshots from when I was a child. I shake my head, but the resemblance remains. It must be a coincidence. It has to be. She wouldn’t leave pregnant with my child and keep him a secret—would she?
Alicia is a lot of things but heartless isn’t one of them.
But if she thought I wasn’t able to stay sober?
Fuck. Maybe that’s why she’s here now. Maybe she’s back for more than this wedding. Maybe I have a son I never knew about and I’m staring at him for the first time. My body stiffens, my breath catches, and my imagination runs wild. Is Matthew mine? Or has seeing Alicia again made me fucking delusional? Either way, I’m sure as hell not missing an opportunity to spend time with her, and get to the bottom of my suspicions.
8
Alicia
I watch in horror as the pieces click together and Chase draws his conclusion about Matthew. My gut tumbles and twists as the seconds tick by, wishing things could be different. Torn between telling him everything and running away from the truth. My primary concern is for my son, but I also hate the distress I cause Chase. He didn’t ask for this. Blindsiding him isn’t kind or fair.
Immediately, I regret doing this.
I shouldn’t have brought Matthew and Simon today.
I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t know what I expected, but this—this is just cruel. But it’s too late to run or hide; I’m in this now.
I square my shoulders and turn back to Chase, ready for whatever he has to say. Hoping he doesn’t hate me, though he has every right to. I search his face looking for threads of the man I fell for, and my heart skips a beat. He looks good. Damn good. I want to know everything I’ve missed. I want to ask him about the summer after I left. Did he get sober right away? How hard did he fall? Did my letter make a difference? A tiny part of me hopes it did, which is so self-absorbed. I don’t have the right to ask any of those questions. I’m too chicken anyway. Instead, I settle for something easy. “So, what time do you need me tomorrow?”
“Uh.” His gaze drifts back across the room to where Simon holds my son. His jaw works back and forth as if he’d like to ask me questions too. “We can meet up at ten, if that’s not too early.”
“Sure,” I say, not wanting to argue. I can’t believe Jill has us paired up, but then again, why would she think anything of it? It’s not as if she knows about the summer Chase and I shared.
“I’ll pick you up. Where are you staying?”
“My parents’ house.”
“Okay, why don’t you text me the address.”
“Sure.” Maybe this will be good. It’ll give us time to talk privately.
His lips pull, a slow smile spreading across his mouth. “You’re going to need my number.”
“Right.” I nod, biting down on my lip so I won’t admit I still have it memorized. So I won’t tell him how many times I picked up my phone to dial him, only to clear the call before it connected. My fingers shake as I add him to my contacts and type out a quick message with my parents’ address. “I’ll see you tomorrow. At ten.”
“Yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair, his muscles flexing with the movement and begging for me to stare. Chase was always a fit guy, but his arms are bigger now, his skin filled with more ink. He wears his hair longer than before and the stubble on his jaw is peppered with a few grays. Fuck, why is that so hot? Why couldn’t he have turned ugly?
A cry rings out—one I would recognize anywhere—and I rush toward my son.
“Hey, there.” Simon squats and brushes Matthew’s clothes off. “There, there. You’re all right, mate.”
Before I can ask what happened, Matthew’s arms reach for me. “Mama!” he cries, but I can already tell it’s filled with more exhaustion than pain. He’s still adjusting to the time difference and probably ready for a nap.
“He caught his foot on that chair leg, but I don’t think he’s hurt.” Simon pulls Matthew’s pant leg up to check for cuts.
“He needs a nap,” I say, my tone sharper than I intend.
Simon’s brows lift. “Maybe you both do?”
It takes everything not to roll my eyes, especially when he lets out a laugh. I’m frustrated knowing I’m wearing my emotions all over my face. As if feeling my agitation, Matthew’s cries grow louder. “Let’s go.”
“You sure?” Simon eyes the other end of the room. “I can take him back to the house.”
I should be grateful for his offer. That he’s not intimidated to handle a screaming toddler or venture back to my parents’ house on his own. But instead, it sparks irritation. Because right now I don’t know where I fit, surrounded by women who used to be my best friends but know nothing of my life, and by a man who I shared everything with, and is now practically a stranger. Even at my parents’ house, everything is different. I feel lost. Out of control. But most of all, I’m confused.
“Alicia?” Simon says, his brow knit with concern.
“Sorry.” I rub Matthew’s back, thankful he’s settling down. “I’m ready to go.” As the three of us walk away, I chance one glance over my shoulder and find Chase staring, his eyes boring into mine as if he sees everything. I wish I had the same skill, but instead I leave the restaurant with more questions than answers.
9
Chase
With the rehearsal a bust, Cam drives Kenslee back to her mom’s for the night and I head to the house to get bossed around by his future bride—voluntarily of course, and in hopes of gaining more information on Alicia and her new family. Rationally, I understand there’s a slim chance the boy is mine, but I can’t get his smile out of my mind. Does it resemble my own or am I reaching?
I can’t believe she has a kid.
Alicia. A mom. Without me. I thought I’d moved on, that I’d accepted the fact she wasn’t coming back, but this is a nail in the coffin of the dream I once held. I guess a part of me still holds out hope that we’d get a second chance.
Shit. I immediately feel remorse for my girlfriend, Julia. She deserves to be with a man whose heart is fully available. I thought mine was. Hell, we’ve been making plans to get a place together once her lease is up at the end of the year. I was prepared to make that commitment. Or, at least I thought I was.
So why do I spend the entire ride home thinking of Alicia and her little boy instead of my girlfriend? I pull into the drive behind Jill, my mind a complete mess. I’m thankful Julia’s car isn’t here. We made plans to have dinner at my place tonight and she’ll be off work soon, but I’m not sure how much I want to tell her. Not when I’m still processing it all. Not when my feelings for Alicia are so damn confusing. Julia is a good woman and I would never say or do anything to hurt her.
“What do you need?” I ask Jill as I hop out of my truck.
“Can you help me grab the stuff out of my trunk?” Jill says, blowing out a frustrated breath.
“Hey.” I stand at her side and throw my arm around her shoulder for a quick squeeze before grabbing the box of rehearsal supplies. “You okay?”
“I don’t even know.” Jill huffs out a laugh. She reaches for the remaining bags and shuts the trunk. “Today went nothing like I thought it would, and I should be more upset, right?” We walk up the drive together and I wait for her to unlock the front door.
“I don’t really think there’s a proper protocol for a wedding venue busted by a semi.” I set the box on the table. “You want a soda?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
&nb
sp; I head to the fridge and retrieve two cans. “Hey, maybe it’s good luck. Like rain, or whatever.”
“Fuck.” Jill takes the offered soda, popping the tab and sinking back onto the couch. “I don’t even know. Maybe we should cancel it all and just go to the justice of the peace?”
“Absolutely not,” Callie says, barging in the front door. “You’re not a quitter.”
“You got here fast.” Jill sits up and I pull out one of the kitchen barstools to wait for my updated binder. Knowing these two, it’ll be ready in less than an hour.
“I had Ash drop me off.” Callie bugs her eyes. “I know we should jump right into operation re-plan the wedding, but what the hell? Jill!” Callie squeals, bouncing onto the couch opposite her friend. “Alicia had a baby!”
“A secret baby!”
My ears perk up. Interest and unease swirl in my gut.
“Did you know?” Callie asks her.
“No! Did you?”
“Are you kidding me? I am horrible at secrets! If I had known, I would have been on the first flight to see her.”
Jill eases back in her seat, a sigh leaving her lips. “Do you think this is why she stopped answering our calls?”
“The timing is right.” Callie shrugs. “Maybe that’s why her family stopped inviting us to their big parties. Maybe they had some kind of falling out or whatever.”
“Could be.” Jill bites at her lip. “Fuck. I can’t believe she has a child. Our Alicia. A mom.”
“She looked good, though. Right?” Callie presses her hands together, her face full of concern. “I can’t imagine having a baby in another country and not telling my friends.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“You’re hurt.”
“Of course I am. I don’t understand. Why didn’t she say anything? Why would she ghost us? She had to know we would be supportive. There’s more to all of this. There has to be. But fuck. I don’t get it. I wish I could ask her, but today it felt weird. You know?”
Callie nods. “We need to talk to her.”