by Quinn Loftis
My shoulders shook as I bit my lip to keep the sobs from filling the room. I felt weak. My heart was broken in more ways than one, and my soul felt empty. I needed to be strong for my father, my sisters, and my kingdom, but I didn’t know how to be that person. I wanted to crawl away into a hole and curl up while the world moved on without me. It would be easier to be stuck than to move forward with the future that life had for me.
“Why?” I whispered to myself. “Why does it have to be like this?” Some part of me longed for someone to answer. I wanted to have some sort of reason that might make it easier to accept, but there was no mystical voice or sudden revelation. There was only me, a cold floor and tears that could not wash away the pain that would burn inside of me until the day I died.
I closed my eyes as the tears continued to fall. Wrapped in my grief, I didn’t even realize when sleep surrounded me and pulled me down. I didn’t hear the voice on the other side of the door whispering words of love to me. I didn’t hear the promise of protection and happiness.
“I refuse to break my promise. I think long and hard before I make any vow, and in my short life, I have only given my word a handful of times. Why? Because others must be able to trust my words. I cannot lead if I am an oath breaker. I am an honorable man and I am determined to keep Allete safe. If I must sacrifice myself to make that happen, then I freely lay down my life.”
* * *
~Torben
“You kissed her,” Brant accused as I stood just outside of Allete’s door.
“Why is that any of your business?”
Brant’s eyes narrowed. “You will be of no use to us if you get yourself killed by that crazy arse of a king.”
His words rang true. I was playing with the sharp side of the sword and expecting not to get cut. But what else was I supposed to do? Allete could not marry Cathal, and truly, she should not have to spend any more time with him. The man was crazed. I couldn’t believe that Allete’s father hadn’t picked up on the king’s madness. Perhaps he had and was choosing to ignore it, but I hoped this wasn’t the case. I would like to think that her father would not be willing to allow her to wed a man capable of such abuse.
“What would you have me do?” I growled.
“You can save her without taking her virtue,” he snapped back.
I clenched my jaw at the insinuation of his words. “Careful, brother. You may be my second in command, but that does not give you the right to be disrespectful.”
“What about being your friend? Does that give me the right to speak up when you are making choices that will hurt your clan?”
I had to bite back my response because I knew it would have been unfair. Brant cared about me. He may have looked like a heartless warrior, but I knew differently. He was as honorable a man as they came.
“I will be honest with you, I know not what to do. She makes me feel crazy with need. The need to have her, to protect her, to hold her. Needs I’ve never felt before. The thought of his hands and mouth on her makes me rage on the inside. Truly, Brant, I was planning his murder in my mind as I watched him touch her.” I took a deep breath as the rage returned once again. “How am I supposed to let him be near her again?”
He shook his head. “I would not want to be in your shoes, but I will stand beside you no matter what. You want to become a king slayer? I will hand you the sword and watch your back while you do what needs to be done.”
My heart clenched at his words. There were few things as valuable as the trust and loyalty of the men I led. They weren’t all loyal to me, but the ones who were would not hesitate to run into battle with me, even if it was one we couldn’t possibly win. They would fight with me and die right alongside me.
“He’s going to have to die. If I take her and leave him alive, he will pursue her and probably kill her family to punish her. But if I kill him now, I could be hung for it, and then I still wouldn’t be able to take Allete as my own. Our clan would be doomed.”
Brant smiled, though his eyes didn’t speak of humor. “Oh, what joy we find in having so many choices that lead to death and destruction.”
“You are a twisted man, brother.” I laughed because if I didn’t, I would probably start blindly swinging my sword, breaking everything in sight.
I knew what he meant. We had choices. There always were choices, but that didn’t mean that the choices were necessarily easy or good. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The best possible outcome I could hope for would be to get Allete away before anyone realized that Cathal was dead. Even after that, I would have to figure out a way to deal with her father and to take out Magnus as well.
“So, did you kiss her?”
I chuckled. “I thought you knew?”
He shrugged. “You were in there a long time. If it were me, and I was alone with my woman, well…I wouldn’t have walked out with anything less than a kiss or three.”
“And that is why you have a line of females knocking down the door of your hut.”
“Do not be jealous,” Brant snorted. “The females just can’t resist me. I am quite unforgettable.”
“Anyone who looks like the arse end of a monkey is unforgettable. Don’t read too much in to their ability to remember who you are.”
“The kiss, Torben. Quit your stalling.”
“Fine,” I breathed out. “Yes, I kissed her. But I’m leaving it at that. I do not make it a habit to share what goes on behind closed doors between my woman and me.”
Brant’s stupid grin was still on his face. “Because you have had so many closed-door encounters with the fairer sex, have you?”
I waved him off. He was just trying to annoy me at that point, and I wasn’t going to walk into his traps. I was annoyed enough as it was. I could tell when I’d left the Princess’s chambers that she was going to try to push me away. She thought to end things between us before we could even get started, and that was annoying enough. I didn’t need Brant’s shite added to the mix.
The rest of the night passed quickly, too quickly. Brant and I took turns sleeping so at least we got four or five hours each. It wasn’t entirely restful, considering we’d been leaning against a wall while doing it, but it was better than nothing.
“Sirs.” Lidia came rushing around the corner and bowed her head slightly before hurrying into Allete’s room, shutting the door quickly behind her. I strained my hearing in hopes of catching some bit of conversation, but there was nothing. I wanted to know if Allete was okay, if she’d slept at all, and if she was hungry. I wanted to check the bruises on her body and make sure there weren’t any injuries that I’d missed. I wanted to brush her hair again and sit quietly in her company with no one to interrupt us. But all of that was about as likely to happen as it was for Cathal to come crawling down the corridor like the dog he was and lift his leg to piss on the wall.
“What are you smirking about?” Brant asked.
I chuckled. “You don’t want to know. I’m tired, and my mind is twisted.”
“How is that different from when you’re not tired?”
“Piss off, Brant.”
Just then the door to Allete’s chambers opened, and Lidia stepped out. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks swollen.
“Are you all right?” I asked quickly and then added, “Is Allete all right?”
Lidia nodded. “Just a bit taken aback, is all. My lady has asked that I fetch breakfast. She isn’t feeling well and wishes to cancel her engagements for the day. She asked also that you and Brant remain on guard for the entirety of the day. She said to apologize, because she knows you’re tired, but she would very much prefer you.” She paused, and then corrected herself. “She would very much prefer both of you to stay instead of rotating off duty today.”
“And if King Cathal should come to call?” Brant asked the question that had been burning a hole in my head.
“He is to be kept off her corridor for the day. Princess Allete has requested I call upon the queen after she has broken her fast
.”
“Lidia.” I took a step toward the handmaiden. “Did Allete tell you what happened yesterday? With Cathal?”
Lidia’s eyes widened. It was apparent she didn’t know that I knew. “Yes,” she finally whispered.
“I won’t let it happen again.”
Her eyes softened. “You care for her. She cares for you, too. But Cathal, he’s a dangerous man with too much power. He could kill you for something as slight as an insult. Allete wouldn’t want that on her conscience.”
“Then it is a good thing that I make my own decisions. She cannot be held responsible for my actions.”
Lidia’s mouth dropped open as she stared at me and then slowly her lips turned up into a smile. “You are right, Sir Torben. It is a good thing.”
I frowned. “Sir? I am hardly a knight.”
“After what you did for my lady last night, you are every bit a knight and more. Thank you, my lord,” Lidia said as she gave me a deep bow. It was a bow reserved for royalty, and I was honored that she would think me worthy of such a thing. What had Allete told the little hand maiden?
She stood and then gave Brant another slight bow before hurrying off.
Brant glanced in the direction Lidia had run and then looked back me. “Sir?”
I shook my head and raised my hands up with my palms out. “I know not why she would call me such a thing. All I did for Allete last night was bestow human courtesy and kindness. Nothing more.”
“Keep telling yourself that, General.”
Twenty minutes later, Lidia was scurrying back toward us with two other maids, each laden down with trays. I reached for the handle of the door and pushed it open quickly just as the women arrived so they didn’t have to pause in their walking. They swept into the room, and I closed the door just as quickly behind them, though not before I glanced around the room to see if I could spot Allete. She was sitting in the far-right corner. Her head was pressed to the window glass, and her eyes were closed. She looked tired. I wanted to hold her and tell her to rest, that I would keep her safe, but I knew she wouldn’t welcome it. Not right now. Right now, she was too busy attempting to convince herself that we couldn’t be together. But soon she would see that by my side was exactly where she belonged.
I heard the door open, and several feet shuffled inside, but I didn’t open my eyes. My eyelids felt as if they were being pulled down by tiny weights hanging onto the tips of them. I was finding it impossible to keep them open. My head hurt from hours of crying, and my nose was raw from all the times I had blown it. I simply wanted to crawl under the covers and never come out.
“My lady.” Lidia’s sweet voice broke through my sorrow. “We brought you breakfast and tea.”
I wasn’t hungry, but I knew I needed to eat. I needed to keep up my strength, and I hoped that maybe if I got something in my stomach I would not feel as sick as I did in that moment. I had decided the minute I’d woken from the less than three hours of sleep that I had gotten that I simply wasn’t up for being around company, especially that of King Cathal. I knew that if I spent any time with the vile man, I would wind up saying something that would only cause myself more pain. I did not think I could handle any more pain, at least not yet.
“Thank you, Lidia,” I told her as she set the tray beside me on the table next to the chair where I sat.
“Are you sure you don’t wish me to fetch the doctor?”
I shook my head. “No thank you. I think I just feel ill from lack of sleep and yesterday’s events. I simply want to be alone today.”
“I daresay that your sisters will make that difficult, my lady. Especially after what happened yesterday. I do not think Dayna, or even Lizzie for that matter, will want to be away from you for long.”
She was probably right. There was no way Dayna would be staying away. Lizzie was more of a wild card. Not because she didn’t care, but because her world did not revolve around mine the way it did for Dayna. Being the middle child, Lizzie tended to be more introspective and kept to herself. But even still, with what Cathal had pulled, Lizzie would be more apt to check in on me than usual.
There was a knock on the door. Before I could ask who it was, the door opened and Dayna came sweeping in. Her dress twirled around her legs as she turned to shut the door. I could see the tension in her shoulders. Her chin jutted out in defiance, and when she turned back to face me, her eyes were narrowed. They looked ready to shoot flames at the first person to further incite her obvious anger.
“What vexes you, dear sister?” I asked as I watched her measured movements. She seemed to be using all of her energy to maintain her composure.
After several minutes of silence, Dayna finally seemed steady enough to speak. “I ran into that pigheaded scum this morning.”
There was no need to ask to whom she was referring. There was only one person in all the castle who invited such an insult. “Did he do something to you?”
Dayna laughed a humorless sound. “I’m surprised he didn’t call for my hanging.”
“What did you do, Dayna?” I sat up straighter and moved to the edge of my seat. My heart was pounding in my chest as I considered all the things that my headstrong little sister was capable of.
“When he grabbed my arm, I reminded him that I have no obligation to him and that I would not hesitate to tell my father of his actions. And I also told him it would be wise of him to sleep with one eye open.” She held up her hand to stop my reply. “I did not threaten him. When he attempted to point out that I had, I told him that all I had done was warn him about his safety. It, after all, would not look great for Father if something were to happen to Cathal while in our home.”
I let out a resigned sigh. What was done was done. It could not be taken back. Dayna always had been the impulsive one, often acting before she considered the consequences. And I had no doubt that there would be consequences for her interaction with the king today. Very few kings would put up with insults, and this king was even less likely than most.
“That is not all I have done this morning,” she informed me.
“Oh, good heavens, Dayna. What more could you have possible done?” I groaned.
Before she could answer, the door opened once again, and, to my utter surprise, my father walked in, followed by my mother.
“Let’s just say that my patience and ability to be civil ran out yesterday. I am not going to let you marry that man, Allete. He would wind up killing you just as he’s done his other wives,” Dayna nearly growled as she stepped aside allowing our parents to stand in front of me.
I started to stand, but my father motioned me to remain sitting.
“Your sister has brought some things to my attention,” he began, his deep voice was rough with an emotion I couldn’t quite put a name to. “I have come to verify her claims.” He moved closer and placed his fingers under my chin, raising my head so he could better see my neck. His mouth tightened, and I knew he was seeing the marks Cathal had left upon me.
“I did not want to burden you with this, Father,” I told him as he took a step back. “You already have so much to deal with.”
“You are my daughter. What could possibly be more important than my own children?” he asked. “I realize that asking you to marry a man you do not love, and leave your homeland, seems cruel, but I did not realize the man was a monster. Do you believe me to be of so poor character that I would approve such an arrangement?”
“Of course not,” I answered quickly. “But what other choice do I have? I know the nature of our kingdom’s finances. I know defending against the Viking raids have depleted our resources. I understand we do not have the manpower to repel another attack from outside invaders. We need Cathal’s protection, and we most certainly could not withstand his wrath. I have to marry him,” I declared with a conviction I didn’t feel. I had to make my father see reason.
He shook his head. “No. We will find another way. I will not give you over to a butcher like a lamb to be slaughtered. I would never forgi
ve myself, and I’m quite sure your mother would kill me.”
I glanced around him to her. She stood, stoically quiet, but her eyes were filled with unshed tears. She looked strong and fragile all at the same time. It hurt me to see my kind mother in such a state, but I could not change the past. My father was correct, however. If he let me marry Cathal, she would kill him, or worse, leave him, which would cause him great shame.
“You can’t,” I pleaded. “His men are already inside our castle. He could attack us, kill our friends and their families. I couldn’t let that happen, Father.”
“Perhaps we wait to make a move,” offered my mother. “At least until the morning of the wedding. Then his men will be packed, their weapons and equipment loaded on the ships.”
“She cannot spend any more time with him,” my father growled.
I huffed. “It’s only two weeks. I can manage.”
“And what if he takes things further the next time he manages to get you alone? What if he attempts to rape you or succeeds at it? I cannot put you in that kind of danger.”
“I will be extra vigilant to keep from being alone with him. I will keep my own guards with me always, and I will wear the thigh sheath and dagger that Thomas gave me for my birthday two years ago. I will be fine, Father.” I attempted to reassure him but I could tell from his narrowed eyes that he wasn’t buying it.