by Quinn Loftis
“It is not you that I don’t trust, Lizzy. It’s this man you’ve met. He’s an unknown factor. How do we know he is being truthful? Whatever he’s told you could be a lie.”
“He is telling the truth. I know it,” she said. The certainty in her voice was a little shocking. She truly believed this man would help us. I had no idea how.
“Then please tell me what’s going on.”
“I can’t.” She shook her head violently. “It would be too dangerous for you. I’m asking you, sister to sister, please trust me.”
There was nothing I could do in that moment. I could see in her eyes that she felt she was doing the right thing, not just for me, but for our entire kingdom. Perhaps a couple of days’ consideration would help me decide on how to move forward with the additional information.
“I know you are tired, and I do apologize for interrupting your sleep,” she said as she stood and headed toward the door. “I love you, Allete, and it pains me to see you endure so much agony because of a sense of duty.”
She was gone before I could respond to her words. I knew that she loved me. It wasn’t something we just went around saying all the time, but I knew it. Lizzy wasn’t emotional, and she was rarely affectionate, which made her words tonight even more poignant.
I lay back in my bed and pulled the covers up around me. Sleep would be difficult to come by after what my sister had told me. But I guessed I was more tired than I’d realized, because I managed to drift off after only a few minutes.
My dreams were filled with a hideous monster wearing a bloody crown. Wolves carrying sharp swords and biting axes chased the monster. Suddenly, another monster, stronger and more terrible than the first, appeared. This one wore a black sheep’s skin over his body and a boar’s head on his skull like a helmet. He was quiet as he hunted, ignoring the other monster and the chasing wolves. His narrowed eyes were cunning but also crazed, like a starved beast given a banquet of meat. He was too wary to eat, though his hunger gnawed at him. The chaos suddenly stopped as a glowing light appeared in the middle of the battlefield. At first, it was just a small ball of illumination, but then it began to grow, larger and larger, until finally it was blinding. Then a woman appeared, standing alone. The wolves were bowing to the woman. Both monsters simply watched her, salivating as they stared at her. Then they looked at each other and each had venom in their eyes. Suddenly, with a mighty roar, they lunged at one another, fangs bared and slavering. I didn’t see what happened next. The dream winked out, and I was simply sleeping.
Even in my sleep, with the dream gone, I still wondered at the second monster that slunk around the battlefield. I understood the monster with the crown, of course. That part of the dream was all too clear. But the second monster and the army of wolves was a mystery to me. Why were the wolves chasing Cathal? Whether correct or not, I saw myself as the woman, the light around me representing my healing ability. Both monsters terrified me. The second monster, however, seemed even more terrifying because I didn’t know his identity. Just before I felt myself beginning to wake from the restless sleep, I heard a woman’s voice inside my head.
“I will be coming soon. It is time we talked. It is time you know what fate holds in store for you.”
“Who are you,” I asked the voice.
“I am the Oracle.”
“This is the third day she’s not left her room,” Brant said, as if I was unaware.
I nodded.
“Cathal isn’t going to put up with it again today. Yesterday, he was even more aggressive. If Allete’s father hadn’t stepped in and told Cathal that his counsel was needed, who knows what might have happened?”
“I agree, he is going to be angry. I know that he will have a temper tantrum right here in this corridor. And I know there is nothing I can do so stop him.”
“You could suggest to her that she simply take a walk around the garden,” Brant said. “Perhaps he would be appeased.”
“I don’t want her around him. Better I face his wrath than Allete.” The idea of him anywhere near my princess produced a kind of rage in me that I had never known was possible. I was not about to suggest she spend any time with him, no matter how brief.
As if on cue, Cathal rounded the corner.
“Speak of the devil, and he shall appear,” Brant muttered under his breath.
I didn’t bother to acknowledge the king. I simply stared straight ahead like a silent sentry. There was no point in me wasting my breath. Cathal would do enough talking for the both of us.
“I have left her alone for two days. I am not leaving here without seeing my bride.” His voice was surprisingly calm, but his clenched fists and stiff shoulders spoke volumes about what he was feeling on the inside. Cathal was livid.
“I will check with the princess,” I told him and knocked gently on the door. Her voice called out for me to enter, and I pushed the door open, slid inside, and closed it behind me in a nearly seamless motion.
“How are you today, princess?” I asked as I looked her over, trying to determine how she was feeling simply by observing her body language. She seemed resigned, and it troubled me.
“I am fine, Torben. Thank you for being so diligent in your job. I know you must be tired.”
My lips lifted only a fraction. “I’ve gone longer without rest and spent time in far worse conditions than a palace corridor.”
Allete sighed and turned to fully face me. She wore a simple blue dress that was alluring and concealing at the same time. She was beautiful, even as worried and tired as she looked. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
“I suppose Cathal is waiting on me? Is that why you’ve come in?” Her voice held a weariness to it that made me want to fix anything and everything in the world just to see her smile for a moment.
“I came to see you because the corridor is dull and cold. You, lovely Allete, are the opposite. You are bright and shining, with a warmth that fills any room. You are my sun.” I do not know at what point in my life of raiding and plundering that I suddenly became a master of words, but there it was. If Brant had heard me, he would have laughed until his huge body laid sprawled on the floor, belly up, twitching like a spider that was taking its last breath.
Her eyes were wide, and her mouth had dropped open. Her chest was rising and lowering a bit faster and she was wiping her palms on her dress. I’d made her uncomfortable. I’d shaken the ground beneath her feet, and she didn’t know quite how to handle it.
“But, yes you are correct, the other reason I came was because Cathal is demanding to see his bride.” I felt my own heartbeat increase, loathing the idea that Cathal believed Allete to be his.
“I’ve allowed myself two days,” she began, choosing not to acknowledge my poetic words. “I will not get away with another.” She took a deep breath and then several steps toward the door. She stopped and looked at me. “You will be with me?”
“I will. Whether the heavens collapse and the mountains descend into the depths. Whether the gods curse all humans and wipe us out. Whether the great abyss and Hades himself takes over the world of the living. For as long as you want me, I won’t leave you.” She couldn’t possibly know all the ways I meant those words. She couldn’t know that I’d just chosen her as my mate, the woman I would build a life with. She couldn’t know that the words I’d spoken were the very same words used in the ceremony of joining a man and woman in my clan.
“There are times in our lives that painful things happen. During these times, we realize that nothing could have prepared ourselves for such pain. Our hearts are not prepared for it, our minds cannot grasp it, and our souls are left broken from it. I have felt such pain, but I realize that brokenness is not the end. I realize that I can let the pain destroy me, or I can rise from the rubble that has become my heart and be all the stronger for it.”
* * *
~Diary of Allete Auvray
I had only been expecting a simple ‘yes’. The question was certainly simple enough. I jus
t needed to know that I would not be facing Cathal alone. But deep down I knew that the question wasn’t that simple. I needed to know that Torben would be the one to keep me safe. But he had said so much more than yes. The words were beautiful, but something in my gut told me that they were more significant than I realized. The words were far more than a simple statement. They felt like a covenant. Whatever the words had meant to him, for me they were a lighthouse. They were a beacon of hope. Maybe he realized I needed something hopeful to stand on because I felt so uncertain about my future.
I took a deep breath and then nodded at Torben to open the door. I kept my eyes on the ground, unable to look at the man who had stripped me of my dignity. But of course, he wasn’t about to let me protect myself.
I felt his fingers under my chin, and I had to swallow back the bile that was threatening to make an appearance. As he put pressure on my chin to raise my face, I bit the inside of my lip in order to keep myself from crying. I would not shed anymore tears because of the monster before me. He was not worthy of my tears. But when my eyes finally met his, my resolve nearly crumbled. If it was even possible, Cathal looked more eager and lustful as his eyes roved over my body.
I felt like I needed to scrub myself with lye soap after his eyes perused me. He was no doubt removing every piece of clothing as he stared. The anger invoked by that thought kept the tears at bay. I was simply a brood mare to him. He did not want me for any other reason than to look pretty and bear his children. I would not cry, no matter how it hurt my soul.
“How are you feeling, my love?” Cathal asked. His voice was sickeningly silky. He leaned closer and took a deep breath. “You smell divine. You must no longer be sick.”
“I am better. Though I’m still tired.”
“I have missed you.” His hand dropped from my face and grabbed my hand. He wrapped it in the crease of his elbow and began to lead me away from my chamber. “Instead of spending time with my lovely, tasty bride, I have had to endure boring talks with your father concerning your dowry and the protection of his kingdom.”
“I apologize, my lord. I’m sure that must have been quite unpleasant.” No matter how unpleasant he thought his time with my father had been, I knew it would be nothing compared to the time I was about to spend with him. My skin was crawling, and my stomach was threatening to climb out of my throat. His touch alone was enough to make me want to dunk myself in a vat of scalding hot water.
“I would like to take you on a ride today,” he said. “And I wish you to ride with me.”
It was the ‘ride with me,’ comment that snapped my attention to how close our bodies were. Riding with him on the same mount would mean being even closer. I was not sure that I could tolerate being closer.
“Forgive me, Your Highness,” Torben said. “But propriety demands that the princess ride her own horse.”
I started to let out a sigh of relief, but it was cut short when Cathal answered.
“I demand she ride with me,” he snapped. “And you are to hold your tongue, or I will cut it out.”
I didn’t miss the way Brant put a firm grip on Torben’s shoulder once Cathal had turned away. He whispered something to his comrade, and I could see the battle raging in Torben’s eyes. He looked at me, and I tried to give him a reassuring smile that I was fine. The short shake of his head told me he wasn’t buying my false bravado.
Once we were at the stables, I did not bother arguing when Cathal demanded one horse for the pair of us. There was no point. I would simply make sure to ride behind him. If I was behind him, he couldn’t get his filthy hands on me.
I walked over to the first stall and found one of the younger mares named Delilah. She was a beautiful red with a dark black mane. She shook her head at me and whinnied.
“Sorry, girl,” I whispered as I ran a hand down the front of her face. “I cannot take you this time.” I motioned over my shoulder to where Cathal was arguing with Geoffrey, the stable master, about which horse would be best suited for two riders. “Unfortunately, he is in charge.”
Delilah snorted.
I smiled and laughed. “I know, I’m not too impressed either. But perhaps another day soon we will go out.” She nodded her head as though she understood my words, and then nudged my face with her soft nose. With one last pat and a kiss on her nose, I turned back to face Cathal and the others.
I felt eyes on me as I watched Cathal complain about the fact that his own horse couldn’t be used. When I turned my head slightly to the right, I saw Torben. His intense gaze was burning over me, and I felt myself blush. I shook my head at him as if to tell him to stop. His lips turned up in a smirk, and he shook his head back at me. He wasn’t about to do what I told him. Stubborn man, I mentally growled.
“Allete,” Cathal’s voice bit out.
I turned back to him. “Hmm?”
“We will be riding this beast. Come here, and I’ll help you mount. I can ride behind you.”
“I would prefer to ride in the back, my lord,” I said in a voice that I hoped sounded docile and unchallenging. “I’ve not ridden with another rider before. I would feel more comfortable this way.”
His jaw clenched as though he were trying his very hardest not to growl at me. He stared at me for a long time, and I got the impression he was waging some sort of internal battle. Cathal must have seen the determination in my eyes because he finally sighed. “Fine. I’ll mount first and help pull you up behind me.”
He climbed up onto the large horse and then moved his foot from the stirrup so that I could put my foot in it. I bit back a gasp when I felt a hand on my waist and another grasp the back of my thigh.
“It is not necessary for you to help her, guard.” Cathal leaned down to grab my arm and would have jerked it out of socket had not Torben been there helping boost me up.
“I have to disagree, King Cathal. And since Allete is my charge and responsibility, it is my duty to make sure she is safe at all times.”
I couldn’t see Cathal’s face as I sat behind him on the horse, but I could feel his trembling form. The rage in him was going to erupt like a volcano, and the gods save any who were near him when that happened. I just hoped I was far away when it finally did. Though if Torben kept poking the beast, we would be the immediate collateral damage when the explosion came.
“I’m eager to get started,” I said, trying to break the tension. “Shall we go?”
I could see Torben and Brant clambering onto their own horses, and I tried not to laugh when they both had to scurry to mount to keep up with Cathal, who had suddenly pushed the horse forward into a fast trot.
As he picked up speed, I turned my face up to the sun and closed my eyes. I wanted to forget who I was riding with and simply enjoy the fresh air. Though it seemed Cathal’s presence was casting a pall over the whole of nature, I could still feel the familiar countryside singing out to me. The trees were clapping their leaves, and the grass was swaying to the music of the birds. The sun shone down on it all as though it were giving light to a magnificent performance. How I wished I could be a part of it, but with a different rider in front of me.
I felt my hair beginning to fall from the bun into which Lidia had placed it. I loved feeling it fall down my back while the wind flowed through it. It was the best I had felt in several days, but it all came to a screeching halt when I felt Cathal’s hand on my thigh.
He squeezed, and it was so painful I knew he must be leaving a bruise. He was marking me again, as if he hadn’t already done enough damage. The bastard, I growled in my mind and mentally kicked him. Oh, how I would love to kick him for real. I imagined it would give me great satisfaction, but the consequences would likely be deadly.
He tilted his head so that I would be able to hear him as he spoke.
“Only a week until we wed,” he told me, though it sounded more like a warning. “You will be all mine, and then there will be no guards between us.”
I didn’t say anything. How was I supposed to respond to such words?
It wasn’t like a man telling the woman he loved that he was excited about being alone with her. It was more like a butcher telling his prized hog that soon enough the crowds would no longer be watching, and he would be able to cut the poor beast apart. Think pleasant thoughts, Allete, I chastised myself. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find the resolve to remain positive.
We rode even faster and, after at least an hour, he stopped at a stream. Torben and Brant were there less than a minute behind. We all dismounted and set our horses to graze.
“Stand watch over there,” Cathal told them. “The princess and I have things to discuss.”
He took my hands and pulled me away from them, drawing me closer to the stream. For a fleeting second, I entertained the thought that he might be about to drown me. A few weeks ago, I might not have minded if it meant I didn’t have to spend my life with him, but now there was Torben. The escape of dying no longer held the appeal it once did.
“We need to discuss your transition to my kingdom,” he began. He turned me so that his back was to the guards, and I could not see them past his broad shoulders. “You do not need to bring your lady in waiting, or any of your help for that matter.”
“What?” This got my attention fully. “But why wouldn’t I bring my lady?”
“Because I have sufficient servants to ensure you are taken care of. There is no need to bring in more mouths to feed.”
I considered making a comment about his inability to feed an additional single servant but decided I would simply be asking for a fight. I didn’t want to provoke him when we were so far away from any witnesses.
“And you will not need to bring any of your things.”
“What?” I interrupted. “Forgive me, but it sounds like you want me to just leave every part of my life behind. Am I to accompany you home with no clothes on as well?” So much for not provoking him.