“Pack a bag,” he states without regard to my own desires. I hear the overtones of his career—the black ops agent I have come to know and love and appreciate. “Make it quick. We gotta go.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask of his nonsensical mutterings. “All of my things have been moved to Austin, where Cas is staying.”
“Why?” he asks as if I should have an answer. He wraps the towel around his waist and I am tempted to lure him back into the shower for round two. I am completely distracted by his steaming, wet, muscular body as he approaches.
“You are so damn sexy,” I whisper, pulling on my boxer shorts and bra.
“You are,” he leans in and kisses me with the kind of blissful zest I have only dreamed of finding. He checks his watch and I scan my phone—almost six PM.
Sitting on the stool, I bite my lip as he dresses. Never wearing underwear, he pulls his jeans up and over his ass tucking himself safely beneath the denim.
“That thing is God like you know,” I say, propping my elbow on my knee and resting my chin on my hand.
He grins and blushes like I have first-hand knowledge, which I do. But the fact that I have caught him with his guard down is a poignant moment. He is just a nameless boy and not the coveted Sal Raniero.
“You are my girl Iris Kettles, and I have missed the fuck out of you.”
“I have missed you, too” I say, pointing at him. His questions of Cas still linger in the air as I say, “Come with me. I mean deliver me to Cas.”
His face turns slightly sour, but his lips don’t divulge any further emotion.
Taking a gamble, I blurt out, “I want you to make love to me like that.”
Striding closer, he runs his hand over my cheek. “Every time I make love to you, it is so much more than Cassidy Hope will ever be.”
Despite our friendship status, it doesn’t change the fact that Cas has morphed into someone I don’t know. She is a rockstar in my world, the reigning Queen capable of handling his King. I want to run and hide as I dart up fast. He blocks my departure with a strong grip around my wrist.
“Don’t run away from me,” Sal scolds.
My body trembles as I am faced with the all too real placements of our game board. Holding back tears, I defend my position, “Then you have to be willing to tell me the truth. And until you are ready to do that—this thing between us is pointless.”
His eyes swirl with a fortitude and devotion as I am not suspecting he will call my bluff. His jaw clenches as his brow furrows tight and his lips turn decidedly smug. We are playing poker with our emotions and the roulette wheel rocks off its axis when he tosses it all down.
“I promised Kaci I would take care of her,” he offers the empathetic evidence. “She has battled demons her whole life and I may have gotten in too deep.”
“… You mean balls deep?” I chastise without remorse.
He nods with an appreciative smirk, but the look in his eyes is one of sincere guilt. With no hidden walls, I leave it all on the table. “I understand, but if we are to work, Lucas Salvatore, you have to stop fucking her.”
His eyes dance with a hatred-filled gaze as he pops back, “And you have to stop fucking the cream cheeser…”
Glancing around, I try and wrangle up an escape plan. With one, I take the verdict head on. “You mean Mack…”
“Ya, I mean that pansy ass…”
I get why he doesn’t care for the friend with benefits I have been fucking since almost the beginning, but the underlying disgust borderlines almost on jealousy which is a characteristic so unlike Sal. “Why do you hate him so?”
“You want the truth?”
“Yes.”
“Because he is Mierne’s little brother…”
I cannot breathe as the words suffocate and hinder any reply. The room spins and I drop low to the ground with Sal following me. Tears punch out of my eyes as the line of never-ending lies doesn’t stop with Chance Ballister.
Hyperventilating, I muster out, “… Full?”
He nods in quiet agreement. “I tried to tell you to stay the fuck away from him. He’s got one thing on his mind Iris and that is inheriting all of Juliet…”
“You mean I’ve been fucking my step son…” I psychotically scream as the sick reality hits like a brick to the head.
“No,” he corrects. “You didn’t know. He has been fucking using you since day one. He knew who you were when you showed up.”
“Why didn’t you stop me?” I cry hysterically, attempting to cover my shame. “Oh… God….”
“I tried!” He reiterates as I win absolute worst human award. “I tried to keep you safe and you wouldn’t fucking leave it alone. This thing, as you say, isn’t going to work if you won’t listen to me.”
“How?”
“Chance was a fucked up bastard, that’s how,” he informs, curling his strong arms around my fragile, broken body. “Chance and Julia were off and on as much as Sands and him were.”
“Does Mierne know?”
“No, Julia shipped both of them to England, hoping no one would ever go looking,” he reveals the secrets hidden amongst all the lies, my holy warrior fighting for one—me. And suddenly, everything Sal has done makes perfect sense. “I found out when Chance dropped your file on me. He wanted me scouting you, but I didn’t just do that because that is not how I work. Canary taught me to look at all the angles and never quit until my intuition was satisfied. I started researching Chance and found out all his secrets.”
“Did you kill him?”
“I wish I had his blood marks on me, but no,” he states honestly, “I didn’t kill that bastard. He either knew we had found out about his spawn or got scared you were about to spill whatever is in your head.”
“Oh… God… Fuck, I cannot imagine what it is,” I caution, holding tight to the only thing that makes sense anymore.
“That is the one thing I don’t know,” he assures, rubbing my arms. “I don’t know what’s in that pretty little mind of yours, but I bound and sworn to protect it until my last breath.”
“You sound so dutiful,” I sniffle.
“I took an oath with Kaci that promised to protect you,” Sal states matter-of-factly.
“You married Kaci for me?”
“Kinda, ya,” he confesses as tears well up in his eyes. “She wanted more than anything to marry me, and I was her devoted submissive, wanting to please. She wanted me with you and left very specific instructions on how to make that happen.”
His expression imparts with a serious, determined focus, but his eyes sear with an unimaginable anguish. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone so broken.
Uncertain of where this mess leaves us, I hold tight to his arms and ask, “What do we do now?”
Leaning his head back against the wall, he closes his eyes. “Our survival is the only thing that matters and we do whatever we have to do to make that happen. We don’t think too far ahead. We stay present, here and now. We deal with one obstacle at a time. I am in this for the long haul with you.”
“Yeah, but you never knew the long haul would be so tough…” I mumble, sinking into his chest and allowing the stress to pass through me. I cannot do anything about the actions of the past, the times with Mack, or the hurt Sal and I have sometimes inflicted upon one another.
Cocking his head, he growls, “Baby, I am tough.”
I only pray he is tough enough for two. “Cas texted me yesterday, she is having preliminary tests run.”
Sitting up straight, he jerks, “…For?”
I cannot say it as the tears fall. He gazes over and knows the answer. He tightens his face and fights back with everything he has. “We gotta go.”
“Yeah, we do.”
When I expect him to bolt, his fingers latch into mine offering the reassurance of the simple fact that we are actually a team. While my confidence shakes over being in this together, he never falters as I am swept up into his arms.
“I love you, Iris Kettles…more than words.
You are everything good and right and kind in this world and I swear to the Gods up above, I will always come back for you until the last beat of my heart. No matter how far apart we are or what obstacles get in our way—I belong to you,” Sal promises as his lips curl into a brief smile.
“Are you declaring yourself—involved—Mr. Raniero?” I retort with a bashful glance.
“I am saying you will always have first choice… You can push me away, send me down the river, and if you call me back—I will fucking come running.”
“That’s a pretty big statement,” I proclaim with a giggle.
“I am a pretty big boy,” he snarls, kissing my lips and face until I collapse against his chest and he nuzzles my hair. “Just call me Kettles’ bitch until otherwise noted.”
“… Notes?” I ask, grinning.
Sal notes, “Except in the bedroom…then you are mine.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I whisper, giggling in his arms and finding happiness for the first time in such a long time. “We have a plan?”
“We do,” he assures. “We are going to discreetly go check on Cas at the hospital, and then we are going to go back in time.”
His playfulness intrigues as I counter, “How far back are we going?”
“Less than a year,” he teases as his eyes spark with the surprise. “You’ll enjoy it, I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
God. Glory. Guts. Guns. Girls.
IRIS
THERE IS SOMETHING TO be said for having a boyfriend who is a fucking monster. Cas is in room #432, and we sneak up the stairwell. By the second set of stairs, my formerly broken left leg is killing me.
“Jump on my back,” he says with a smirk. “Do it.”
“I hate it when you do this to me,” I grumble, doing as he requests. I leap up on to his back as he grabs hold and we trot up the last two staircases. Before he opens the door, he kisses my lips soft with tender nibbles and lush licks. “I will always pick you up…and not only physically, Iris. You never have to be stuck in your head again.”
“You know, Raniero, I could say the same to you…though I don’t think I can pick that body up…”
“Baby, don’t worry, you can get me up in many other ways…” he grins with the innuendo as we creep through the corridor and down the hallway.
Maybe I should have prepared myself better for what would lay on the other side of door 432 as I gasp at the reality. Sal’s hand grips mine so tight it almost hurts. I know he isn’t meaning to, but the comparison lays in bed glaring at us with a half-hearted smile.
I look at Cas, almost with a sense of humor at first. And suddenly, the memory of the night she defended me to Sal comes rushing back. She didn’t back down, she took him on like any other girl would have. She brought forth a challenge like a man would have another man.
“Hi,” I say, breaking the spell of fear and touching her hand with my free one. Sal refuses to let go, holding tight. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay,” she says groggily. “They gave me something to calm me down.”
I try hard to be a good friend and ignore her activities with my now boyfriend, but it’s hard—so very hard. The poor girl is going through enough without my accusations. “When do you start the tests?”
“They ran blood this morning, and I will go for a biopsy in the morning. I should be out by tomorrow afternoon.”
Sal mumbles, “What happened?”
“I went in for my routine medical exam at the rehab and they discovered my lymph nodes were swollen,” Cas says, staring at Sal, who maintains a steady glare down at the bed. The whole situation feels weird as this is the first time the three of us have been together since the blow-up at Juliet. “They did an initial blood screen and decided with the history that it was my decision to come for further tests.”
“I am going to run grab a coffee and give you two a minute,” I suggest as Sal blinks to me with a warning sign. I pivot into his frame and say, “I will be fine. We passed the coffee machine on the way in. I will not leave the floor. Take a minute and be with your friend.”
Shutting the door, I close my eyes and lay my head against it as I sigh. We don’t even know if anything is wrong with Cas and this is hard. I cannot even imagine what he went through with Kaci. Chance just died. I woke up and he was no more. And though our entire marriage may have been a sham, it still affected me greatly. Regardless of his reasons behind marrying Kaci, he loved her endlessly and stayed by her side until the end.
A new respect bubbles in my gut for the man I adore. How he could put himself through that only to lose her, I will never know. He was so young, and the scars she left on his soul weep with a real infection. He barely knew who he was at that age, much less to have to deal with his wife’s cancer.
I make my way to the small hallway they have set up with coffee and vending machines. I grab a cup of java and some M&M’s. Sitting in the waiting room, I soothe my own nerves with the sugar because Sal may be able to handle this like a champ, but I don’t know that I can. I aimlessly flip through a magazine when I hear a man with an accent talking very loud. I know that voice.
Putting on my best sleuth, I move quickly to the edge of the waiting room and peer to the nurses’ station. I cover my mouth as I want to scream when I see none other than Delarte Cristos berating the nurses for not calling him.
Why the fuck are you here?
I wait until they threaten to call security, and he leaves via the elevator. I want to follow and ask what is going on, but I think twice about that—I made a promise to Sal not to leave the floor. I grab my things and return hastily to Cas’ room.
Cas glares at the television in a mundane, lethargic manner. And I sneak in virtually unnoticed, sitting in the corner watching him. My best friend struggles with an issue I cannot repair, and the guilt I feel is insurmountable as I think maybe I should leave Sal and Cas to deal with their family business.
I am nothing but a third wheel.
I didn’t really know Kaci, and understanding where Sal and Cas are at now is near impossible.
After all Cas has done for me, I owe her more than this. Maybe I owe her Sal. And maybe that means I need to walk away. I have the card Sal slipped me—“If you need to go, then do it.”
When no one else gave a rat’s ass about me, Cas protected my heart from everyone else—including Sal. It isn’t fair to be emotionally handicapped as my hands knot together by some unseen evil being between the two of them—the ghost of Mrs. Raniero.
Crying will do me no good as I sit and study Cas. Terrified of what the future holds, I miss my friend. But there is no denying it, the friend I once knew is long gone. While they look similar and have some of the same mannerisms, everything else changed. And I realize with the cuts of tomorrow looming on the horizon, I may lose my rock.
In a dreamy state, Cas motions for me to come closer. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were back.”
“It’s okay. You’re exhausted, sweetie,” I say, running my hand through her chestnut hair and focusing on the few blonde tendrils. I kiss her forehead. “You rest, okay?”
Shifting in the bed, Cas moves slightly. “C’mere.”
I can over hear rustling about like she is doing the unthinkable. “I…I can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” Cas begs. “Come on. Please?”
Crawling next to Cas, I feel my body stiffen as I lay down. It was one thing to be alone with Cas before, but here in the room with Sal—it all crashes into me. I bite my lip as the tears come on strong and behind me, Sal presses against my back, sandwiching me between them.
“I really can’t do this.” I wait, panicking. Sal’s hands hold me steady as I escape.
“God dammit, Kettles! Get in my fucking bed! It’s me!”
“It may be you, Cas…but you need Sal more than me now.”
“No, she needs us both,” Sal argues, his eyes filled with tears.
I look at Cas like she is more akin to an alien
than my best friend of the past year. Tilting my face slightly at their pleas, I fall apart at the foot of the bed. “I just don’t understand why this is happening…”
“It’s simple, Kettles,” Cas states clearly. “Mom had it. My sister had it. And now I have it, too. The black coats are gunning for me, babe.”
“Not without a fucking fight,” Sal warns as his knuckles turn white gripping the bed rail.
“You are both fucking crazy,” I declare amidst the three of us slobbering and sniveling. “You know this, right?”
“Guess that makes you one of the club,” Sal asserts, reaching for me and wedging my body between the bed and his wall of hard muscle. He isn’t letting me move again as he forces me to face the truth.
“I know you are my best friend, and I know I love you,” Cas says, caressing her eyes over me. “That’s fine. Don’t say a word to me.” She clasps her hand on top of the both of ours, holding solid and steady through our storm. Closing her eyes, she says, “Just as long as you don’t leave me.”
SAL
As my truck rumbles through traffic, I hold tight to Iris’ hand. We cannot stay at the hospital. It is too dangerous. I hope Cas understands we are here for her, but that has to be enough for now.
“Fuck,” I grumble, stopping on the interstate again in the bumper-to-bumper rush hour. It’s drizzling and the clouds overhead loom with an impending storm.
Staring out the windshield, Iris rocks back and forth ever so slightly. She isn’t dealing well with any of this. Neither am I, but I still have my shit together.
“May I have a cigarette?” she whispers. “Please…Sir.”
Flipping open the console, I hand her the pack between two fingers and flick my lighter. This is quite telling considering I can count on one hand how many times I have seen this girl light up.
“Talk to me, babe,” I say, inching up amongst the cars.
“Delarte Cristos.”
I furrow my brow at the weird transition. “What does he have to do with any of this?”
Slowly, she starts talking, using her hands in a volatile manner. “I went to get coffee and he showed up at the nurses’ station throwing a hissy fit about them not calling him,” she informs suddenly stoic, slipping off her boot and putting her pink socked foot up on the dash. Her thrashing, chaotic behavior discombobulates her words as I attempt to tread the water in her violent waves.
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