by Sierra Hill
Her reaction was a little weird. It was like she was angry with me. She didn’t come right out and say it, but things seemed a little stilted after that.
We moved on to other topics, though. One being her expected return to Phoenix. She said her parents booked her flight for Wednesday afternoon and her last final was on Tuesday. Same as mine. And today is Tuesday.
“Yeah, I was supposed to fly in tomorrow. But I finished early and booked it to the airport and flew standby. So here I am!”
“That’s so awesome.”
Part of me is disappointed when she says she’s at home and not at Cades, because then I can’t go over to see her. On the other hand, it saves me from seeing her. I’m afraid of being around her too much. Afraid of what might happen. Of what I might do. I want her so bad. And I’m pretty sure she wants the same thing, but is too shy to admit it.
If this isn’t the biggest conundrum ever, I don’t know what is.
“Well, I’m at home for now. My mom is making us dinner tonight. She said she has an announcement and was waiting for all of us to be home together to tell us. I’m hoping it’s about our Christmas gift. Last year we went on a four-day cruise and it was amazing! My mom loves cruises. We never went as a family before because my dad hated them.”
“Huh. Cool. How are things going with your dad? Are you going to see him much while you’re home?”
I walk out the building and head toward my dorm. I’m one of the only senior ball players that still lives in the dorms, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love my privacy. Because of my status, I get a private dorm suite. It’s small, but I have a small couch in my room, along with a bed and desk, and my own bathroom. It’s not a palace, but it definitely allows me the luxury of being by myself when I need the quiet. It was also a big plus when Lyndsay would…
Shit. My brain needs to eliminate her from my thought patterns. She’s my ex. We’re over. Done with. Kaput.
It’s not like I’m missing her or anything like that. It’s been over a month since we broke up and there’s no chance we’d ever get back together because of the charming circumstances involved in our split.
That brings me back into our conversation about Kylah’s dad. She’d told me that her mom and he divorced a few years back and she’s still reeling from the split. Said it’s really difficult trying to spend equal time with each of them – especially now that she’s away at school. Apparently Kylah’s the only one of the kids that actually like her dad. I know for a fact Cade’s relationship with him was really rocky for a while.
“Well, depending on how things pan out, I’ll spend this week with my mom and we’ll be there for Christmas Eve and day, then the following week with my dad. I’ll be at Cade’s New Year’s Eve, and I don’t have to return to school until January 5th. So I’ll wing it ’til then.”
She says all this with a flare of excitement. She seems happy and animated now that she’s home, and it only increases my desire to see her. To charge my batteries with the power of her positivity.
My parents already know to expect me at home only until Saturday, when I’ll return to school. We have practice, but no games during the week between holidays. It’ll be great to have some downtime for once. Although my parents know that Lyndsay and I broke up over Thanksgiving, it does create a little weirdness with our families. Her parents and mine attend the same church and spend a lot of time together in various social circles. Thankfully, we don’t spend Christmas with them.
“So how about you? You mentioned you’d be home with your family for a few days in Tucson, right? And then what?”
Walking up to my third floor dorm room, I unlock the door and throw my bag down on my bed. Before I can think better of it, and because I can’t think of anymore more than I want to do, I invite her over.
So much for keeping my distance.
“Hey, Ky? Since you’re back in town, would you want to get together tonight? After you have dinner with your mom, of course.”
I can just imagine her chewing on her bottom lip, analyzing how she should respond.
“Um…you mean…meet up over at Cades?”
I chuckle, because that’s what we’ve done in the past. But now, we can do whatever we want. I can tell she’s nervous and maybe unsure of where I’m going with this. I kind of like that. We haven’t talked about anything of substance related to who we are to each other. Only that we’re friends, first and foremost.
“I was thinking you could come over here, to my place. We can hang out. Play some video games. Watch a movie. Whatever.” Netflix and chill was on the tip of my tongue, but that wouldn’t be happening for sure.
I must be a glutton for punishment. I’m torn between wanting something to happen between us, and adamant that nothing should happen. In this case, I can’t have my cake and eat it too.
“Yeah,” she says quietly. “I’d like that.”
“Cool. I’ll be here whenever you want to come over. I’m in Cholla, suite 301. Just buzz in downstairs at the door since it requires a key card and I’ll come down and get ya.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later. I’m not exactly sure when. Probably around nine.”
“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”
I hang up and run my hand through my hair, my fingers picking through the long strands that hang loose. This is probably a really, really bad idea.
But on the other hand, having Kylah alone in my room with me sounds really, really good, too.
11
Kylah
There are certain aspects of being a twin that are automatically inherent with multiples. The biggest advantage is that you can read your twin like a book, without having to say a word. While Kady and I are vastly different in every aspect of our lives, she is still my best friend.
We share everything. So it’s no surprise that she knows how I feel about Van. In fact, the first thing she did when she got home was to pounce on me for information.
The other thing that is always associated with multiples? One of the two will always be the older one. In our case, Kady was born seven minutes before me. A fact that, like horoscopes often do, the birth order seems to dictate personality type. Between the two of us, Kady is the natural leader. The bossy one. The lion. And I’m…well, meek and moldable. More like a little lamb.
I’m in my bedroom, unpacking and unwinding after a long week of finals, when she comes bounding into my room, barefoot and in yoga shorts and a tank. Flopping down on my bed on her stomach, chin in her hands, she just grins up at me.
Knowing exactly what she is thinking, I play dumb, raising my eyebrow at her. “What? Hello to you, too.”
She rolls to her side and props herself up on her elbow, her blue hair piled high in knot on top of her head.
“You’ve got a goofy smile on your face. And you’re humming. You must be thinking about your dreamy boy-toy and the action you’re going to get tonight.” She chuckles at her witty remark. She already knows that Van invited me over and that I am super nervous to be alone with him.
She’s undoubtedly the more experienced of the two of us. Kady is self-assured and confident in a way that I could only hope to be. I wish I had her poise – or even an ounce of her level of self-esteem. She, on the other hand, has told me that she envies my singular focus and ambition, knowing exactly what I want to do and how to succeed. We hold a healthy dose of competition between us, but it’s never hurt our relationship in any way.
Where Kady is the wild one, who socializes like she was born to be the center of attention, I’m a homebody. A fact that my roommate, Sienna, would love to change. She’s tried valiantly the last semester to get me to go out and have ‘fun’ and has grown a little tired of my lack of interest in leaving the library or our dorm room.
But I’m okay with who I am. I’m not a girl who needs to surround myself with a lot of friends at all times. I have my sister – my confidante – and other close friends to share my life with. I’d also say I’m pretty close to Cade, too, as far
as older brothers go.
But there’s no freaking way I could ever share any of my personal feelings about Van with Cade. He would freak out and find a way to sabotage any change I have at seeing Van, I’m sure. I’ll likely tell my mom about Van at some point, if anything progresses between us, but right now my mom is in her own little world of romance. She’s been dating our neighbor, John Roberts, for a while now.
Now that’s a little weird. I’m not opposed to my mother dating. She’s a beautiful woman who deserves to be happy. But it’s Mr. Roberts – our neighbor. He’s totally fine and all, albeit ten years older than mom. But he seems to treat her like a queen and is a very nice man. Anyway, it just leaves me no opportunity to sit down with my mother and spill my guts about my friend-slash-crush.
Plus, where would I start? I honestly don’t even know what’s going on between me and Van. He’s been unavailable since I’ve known him. As in, already taken. We haven’t really touched. Or kissed. Or made out. And definitely not hooked-up. Yet there’s a closeness with him and I feel more comfortable around him than any other guy I’ve ever known.
I whip a T-shirt that I pull from my bag at my sister, who grabs it with a giggle, falling back onto the bed.
“Shut up. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Kady props herself back up on her elbow and she rolls her eyes at me.
“Come on…he’s free now. And he likes you. He’s going to want to fool around. Maybe even fuck you.” She mocks me with smoochie kissing against her hand and loud, dramatic moans, emphasized with hip gyrations. Good grief she’s disgusting. Next she’ll be dry-humping my bed if I don’t stop her now.
Yes, I think he likes me, but I’m not sure to what level. If it is more than a friend, and we end up having sex or whatever, I don’t think I’d want to be a rebound fling for him. I don’t want him to leave me high-and-dry when he realizes he moved too fast from one girl to another. Although, based on what I know of him, I don’t believe he’s a womanizer or a player. That title belongs to Carver Edwards.
“He’s not over Lyndsay yet. Nothing’s going to happen between us.”
I turn around and place my folded clothes into my dresser drawer. That’s another difference between me and Kady. I’m the neat one and she’s a complete disaster in terms of organization. I don’t know how her college dorm mate handles it. Thankfully, I never had to share a bedroom with my sister.
But I have been thinking about sharing my bed with Van. In the Biblical sense, that is. He lights me up from the inside like a Chinese lantern by simply the sound of his voice on the other end of the phone. My body responds in a way it’s never done before. Like it’s getting shocked from an exposed electrical wire, charging through my nerve-endings in high voltage watts.
“Bullshit,” Kady argues, pushing up to a sitting position. I can see her reflection behind me in the mirror. “It’s been over a month since they broke up. That’s more than enough time for a guy to get over a broken heart. Believe me. Chad was over me within two days after we’d broken up.”
I can’t argue that. Chad Danon was Kady’s high school boyfriend. They’d dated the last semester our senior year and broke up right before she left for college and he left for basic training. Sure enough, the week after they broke up, she spotted him at the mall with Deanna Burgman. They were making out like nobody’s business.
I shut my dresser drawer. “That’s different.” I protest. “Van was with Lyndsay for five years. He has history with her. She was the love of his life.” I’m not exactly sure about that. Van told me he loved her, but were they soulmates? He’s never said.
Kady jumps off the bed and begins rummaging through my suitcase, picking up shirts, shorts and various unmentionables while shaking her head.
“One thing’s for sure, Ky. You’re never gonna get laid in these undies.” She tosses a few pieces away on the floor like they are garbage. “What the hell? Why do you have granny-pants? Ew.”
She says it in such a scandalized tone. Maybe I should have considered my wardrobe and underwear situation a little more. It’s just never dawned on me to wear anything sexy. I dress for comfort. Not style or what I think a guy would like to see.
My face flushes as I bend down to pick up the discarded underwear, putting them in my top drawer. “These are my period pants, for the record.”
She scoffs, blowing a piece of her blue-colored hair out of her face.
“For the record, they are disgusting. We need to get that little booty of yours into something smoking hot. And I have the perfect thing for you. I picked them up in this cute boutique in Boulder. God, they have the most awesome corsets. You should see the one I wore on Halloween! Brandon just about dropped his load the minute he undressed me. It was classic.”
My brain manually flips through the lists of names she’s mentioned over the last four months like a rolodex. She goes through guys faster than I read books – and I’m a speed reader if that gives you a clue. I think Brandon was some frat boy she met at a party in October. They lasted about three days.
I ignore her comment, moving to my closet and opening the doors. I give an assessing stare at the contents. Hmm. Maybe Kady has a point. I have nothing that I can wear to hang out with Van that isn’t frumpy or geeky. I have a sundress that my mom bought me for our high school graduation party last May, but it’s December and not appropriate attire to play video games in.
Turning my head, I glance over my shoulder in defeat. “Okay. Fine. Help me find something to wear…but,” I qualify, ensuring she understands I’m not trying to be her. “It can’t show cleavage. It has to be comfortable. And there are no high heels in the mix. Got it?”
Kady gives a little grunt, but claps her hands in glee as she runs up behind me and wraps her arms around my middle. “Can I do your hair, too?”
“Don’t push it.”
We both dissolve in a fit of giggles, knowing full well I’ll give in to her request. That’s what sisters are for.
An hour later, we descend the curved staircase and head into the dining room where my brother and Mr. Roberts, I mean, John – both sit, chatting about basketball. My mom is in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on the meal she’s prepared for tonight’s dinner.
As we take our seats, Cade finally notices me, his eyes smiling first at Kady and then widening in shock when he locks with mine.
“Whoa,” he exhales, setting his beer down on the table in front of him. “What happened to you?”
I bite my lip, glancing sidelong to Kady who’s sitting next to me. My eyes plead with hers not to say anything that would out me and Van. I definitely do not want to get into this with Cade tonight. Or ever. It’s complicated enough as it is. No need to throw a protective, older brother into the mix.
“She’s going out tonight.” Kady intercedes, glaring at Cade from across the table.
Cade’s eyes narrow. “Where? With who?”
Kady lobs one over again – she always has my back. I feel like I’m watching a tennis match and my social life is the ball. “None of your business.”
She gives him a feisty head tilt, begging him to push it. I watch as Cade’s lips press together, the blue of his eyes dimming to a dark denim. He’s about ready to respond when my mom saves the day.
“Okay, let’s eat!”
All our heads turn as we watch her walking into the dining room carrying a large tray of food, the succulent smell wafting through the room. My mouth instinctively waters and my stomach grumbles. It’s been far too long since I’ve eaten good home-cooked meals. It’s definitely true what they say about the Freshman Fifteen. I’m at a five-pound weight gain already and I still have a half of a year to go. All the weight has gone to my ass, much to my chagrin. I had hoped it would pad my bra a little more than it did, but no such luck.
I’d asked my mom earlier if she needed any help with dinner and she just shooed me away. John was in the kitchen with her, sipping on a glass of wine and chopping up veggies. It was
kind of cute to watch them together. He is a nice guy and I’m happy they get along. I’ve finally come to the realization that my parents are over for good. I’m not gonna lie. It still hurts that our family, the way it was at one time, is no longer a unit. From the looks of things, though, it’s better for my mom.
I saw my dad at Thanksgiving and before that during fall break, and he seems to have mellowed a bit. Dad is a Type-A personality, which is a good thing in his line of work. He’s a criminal lawyer and has made a living defending some really high-profile cases. I’ve seen it wear him down over the years, though. Moving from childhood to adulthood, I’ve noticed the affects it’s had on him. He drinks more. Spends more time away from home. It definitely drove a wedge between he and my mom, as well as between he and Cade.
I still love my dad and have the closest relationship with him out of the three of us kids. Cade is my mom’s pride and joy. Kady…well, let’s just say Kady has given both my parents more trouble than all of us combined.
My mom never told us what we were celebrating tonight but my guess is the meal is some sort of pre-holiday celebration. She set wine glasses at all our seats, so that means it’s a special occasion. She’d always give us a little taste when we were teenagers and now that we’re in college, apparently it’s okay to drink at the family dinner table. I’m not a big drinker to begin with, and Kady doesn’t hide the fact that she enjoys the sauce.
John stands and pushes his chair back from the table, bringing his wine glass in front of him, suggesting a toast.
“Thank you, Kristine, for inviting me to your family dinner table tonight. And for being the most wonderful woman in the world. I love you. Cheers.”
My head turns to look down the other end of the dining table, where my mom sits, her cheeks stained red and the smile on her face is bright and cheery. She’s glowing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her looking so beautiful. And she is a beautiful woman.