by Piper Rayne
“Okay, let’s go, Juno.” Mrs. Stone takes my hand and we slide through the glass door.
I give Harley one last look that I hope asks her to pray for me, and she laughs.
As we walk through the living area, I almost knock down a trinket of I have no idea what. There’re a lot of trinkets. Selene is an artist and I love her work, but there’s so much in here, I’m afraid of breaking something.
“Juno,” Stella whispers, showing her face one more time after Mrs. Stone has released my hand on her way to the painting room, where Colton is getting ready.
“I’m just going to run to the bathroom, Mrs. Stone. I’ll be right behind you.”
She stops and sulks. “Hurry up. You were my excuse to go in there. But I am his mom, so the hell with it. It’s his big day.”
After her own pep talk, Mrs. Stone knocks on the door then enters. I don’t hear Colton say anything, so I take it as a good sign.
Stella grabs my arm and drags me up the stairs. Easy for her—she’s in jeans and a T-shirt. I’m in a dress and heels. She doesn’t stop until we’re in her room, where she shuts the door, locks it.
“Stella?” I ask in a tone that I hope conveys my concern for her sanity.
“Kingston is here.”
I nod. “Yeah, it’s Colton’s wedding.”
She paces, her hands on her hips. “I told Mom no weddings this year. It’s too much for her. So I show up today on my day off, thinking I’ll help around the house, see if she has any guests I can help out with, and I find her in the garden with the tent people. I had no idea, and now I’m trapped up here unless I want Kingston to see me.”
“Would it really be that bad if he did?”
She peeks out the curtain. Her room looks over the entire property and her shoulders slump when she must spot him. “Whose kids are those?”
“Rome’s,” I say without looking.
“Man, he works fast. My mom told me how his wife just showed up with a baby.”
I nod. Their story is kind of remarkable.
“King looks so… old. A good old. A mature old. His hair is darker than I remember from the wedding.” She keeps staring.
“I think you should go down and let him see you. Work through the fear.”
She shuts the curtain quickly. “What about you? I see my words from the other night haven’t spurred you into confessing your feelings for Colton yet.” She joins me on her childhood bed with the pink comforter. Her walls are still lined with trophies and medals.
“I can’t stop the wedding.” I fixate on my hands in my lap.
“Spill,” she says.
I tell her everything since she’s been gone.
After I’m done splitting my chest open and letting my heart flop in front of her, she’s quiet for a moment. “Juno, you have to tell him.”
“What?” My head rears back.
“You cannot let him marry someone else. What are you thinking? You’ll just sit back and watch him have babies and live the life you imagined for the two of you? Lake Starlight is way too small for that. You’ll never survive.” Her hand covers mine. “My mom always says love is scary because there are only two ways love ends, but Juno, you not admitting to loving him doesn’t make the feelings disappear.”
“I just keep thinking the more I see him with her, the more I’ll make peace with the fact that he’ll never be mine. I care enough about him to want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me. Other times I doubt myself and question if this is just jealousy and not love.”
She tilts her head with an incredulous expression. “You loved that boy well before he became a man. You want to know one of the things about Kingston that made me run?”
“I don’t know. Do I?”
Her eyes well with unshed tears. “Besides just being in the middle of him and Owen, when he told me he was foregoing college to be a smoke jumper… it was like he wanted to live on the edge every day of his life. He’s always doing risky things—you know that as well as I do. It felt like one day I’d lose him to some horrific accident because he didn’t care if he lived or died. So to love Kingston was scary because I only saw one way it ends—and that’s with him on that hill right next to your parents. Don’t be like me and walk away and ruin what could have been. Live your life like your parents would’ve wanted you to. It’s okay to be scared. Just push forward anyway.”
Just when I think she’s done, she continues. “You’re not that thirteen-year-old girl anymore. If it goes badly, you’re strong. You’ll be able to pull yourself up off the ground and go on living. Watching him marry someone else without ever telling him your true feelings? That’s just being a coward.”
I close my eyes. “It would hurt his fiancée if I break up the marriage. She’s a great woman. I don’t want to see her heartbroken.”
She sighs and her shoulders sag. “If Colton loves you like everyone believes he does, you’re saving both of them from a loveless marriage. Everyone deserves to have a guy who looks at them like Colton looks at you.”
“How does he look at me?”
“The same way you look at him—like all your happiness is wrapped up in the other one.” She pats my hand again. “Go tell him before it’s too late.”
My heart catches in my throat as I stand. Stella is right. How can I let him marry someone else without admitting my feelings to him?
“Thanks.” The urge to tell Colton my feelings sparks and ignites a fire inside me.
She hugs me. “You’re welcome.”
“You sure you don’t want to see King yet?”
She shakes her head. “It’s not our time yet.”
“But doesn’t that go against all the advice you just gave me?”
She giggles. “Everyone knows that those who can, do, and those who can’t, teach. One day I’ll have to face him, but not today.”
I nod, hoping that if our friendship grows, maybe I can persuade her. If Kingston knew she was living in Anchorage, he’d probably bang down every door to find her. Then it occurs to me—maybe she doesn’t love Kingston like he loves her and that’s why she doesn’t want to see him. The thought depresses me.
I pick up the hem of my dress and rush down the stairs to the painting room. As my fist connects with the door, I realize maybe Colton doesn’t love me like I love him anymore.
Eighteen
Colton
* * *
Another knock sounds on the door and I swing it open, hoping it’s someone telling me it’s time. The longer I sit in here, the more doubts seep in. My mom’s impromptu visit—where she talked about Juno and how she always envisioned me marrying her—didn’t help. What kind of mom does that to her son when he’s minutes away from getting married?
My parents have only met Brigette three times. I usually show up by myself, lying about Brigette’s whereabouts. If they were to add up all the excuses I tell them, I’d probably find out she delivers more puppies and kitties than Dr. Murphy and I combined.
I open the door to find Juno standing there. She’s gorgeous with her hair pulled up high on her head and her makeup all done. My gaze falls to the contours of her neck and the swell of her breasts peeking out from the top of her dress, but it’s her necklace that I fixate on.
I take the small jagged half heart in my hand. “You wore this?”
She stares down between us. “I felt like I needed the reminder.”
I drop the half of a best friends necklace and dig in my pocket, pulling out the other half. Juno insisted we get these when they were the hot thing. I told her I’d never wear it, which I never do, but as I put on my cufflinks this morning, I saw the half heart in my drawer, slightly tarnished from being stored away for so long, and I felt like I needed the reminder too.
That we’re best friends forever, regardless of this decision I made so hastily.
“Are those donuts?” She spots the tray behind me.
Selene left an entire pastry dish and juice selection for me. Since I’ve been stuck in this ro
om with paint fumes for so long, I’ve eaten more than I should. Juno doesn’t wait for me to answer though—she heads to the tray and picks up a glazed donut.
“Juno?” I ask because here we are again like she has something to tell me. “What’s going on?”
She holds the donut at her side and our eyes lock. “I have something to tell you.” She pushes the rest of the donut into her mouth and wipes her hands with a napkin.
“What’s the matter?” I ask.
She gulps down some apple juice and stares at me for a long time. “You’re so important to me. The most important person in my life. I love my family, I do, but you, Colton… there’s nothing you don’t know about me. You do way too much for me, you know that, right?”
I shrug. I like to do things for her. “You do things for me too.”
“Eh,” she says.
I chuckle. If we weighed them on a scale, I probably do more, but I don’t keep track, and neither should she.
A tear slips from her eye. “I’m sorry.”
I step forward, my hand cradling her cheek and my thumb brushing the tear away. I haven’t seen her look at me like this since… actually never. “Whoa, why are you crying?”
“Because I pushed you away all these years. Maybe the timing just wasn’t right for us or maybe I was too scared. But I think I’ve been stupid…”
“What? Did something happen?”
“I love you, Colton.” Her eyes close, another two tears slipping down her cheeks.
“I love you too. Today is emotional. Are you getting your period?” I pull her in for a hug, but she shoves me in the chest.
“I am not getting my period.”
“Sorry.” I’m not sure why she’s so upset. I’ve bought her tampons in the past. It’s a regular conversation when she’s crabby.
“I’m telling you I love you.”
I nod. “I know.”
“No, Colton. I looovvve you.” Her eyes go wide, and her head leans forward. “I’m in love with you.”
Shock hits me like a Mack truck and I stand speechless in front of her.
I can barely hold her gaze. She cannot be telling me what I’ve wanted to hear for years on the day of my wedding. “What do you mean?”
She throws her arms in the air. “Like I want to kiss you, I love you. I want forever with you.”
I step back from her, letting my hands fall from her face. “So you’re attracted to me?”
Our attraction is clear. We’ve crossed that line a couple times, the last time being over two years ago. Then she hid me in her room when her family ambushed her apartment because Denver showed up and thought he’d lost Cleo forever. Her hiding me was a glaring red light that Juno wasn’t ready yet. So after the family left, I sneaked out and told her it was a mistake before she had a chance.
“I mean, yeah, I’m attracted to you, but it’s more than that.”
“I’m about to get married,” I say softly. Half of me is overjoyed that she’s admitting her feelings. The other half is angry that it took me marrying someone else for her to realize them.
“I know.” She presses her palms into her eyes. “I’m sorry. But I was talking to Stella and she convinced me that I should be upfront with you. It all sounded so good, but now that I just told you and you’re not overjoyed, hugging me and confessing your own feelings, I’m thinking this was a very, very bad idea. I should go.” She slides between an easel and me.
“Juno, stop.” I turn on my heels, and she’s facing the door. “The marriage isn’t real.”
She slowly circles to face me, and she tilts her head, waiting for more to come out of my mouth.
“Brigette’s student visa is expiring and she wants to stay in the United States.”
Her mouth drops open and she’s quiet for a second. “You don’t love her?”
I shake my head. “I wanted to tell you. So bad. Especially that night of the baby shower when you kissed me. But we couldn’t risk it. If anyone finds out, I could be arrested.”
“Oh my God,” she says.
“Say something more,” I urge.
She sits on one of Selene’s stools. “That’s not like you. Why would you agree to this?”
It’s a fair question and it deserves an honest answer. I’m half surprised she didn’t throw a tray of paints at me for lying to her this entire time. “I agreed to it after you told me you slept with Trey.”
She’s uncharacteristically quiet as she spins on the stool, staring at the floor. “You agreed to marry someone because I slept with Trey?”
She stands and walks to the other end of the room, staring out the window. Jack and Frannie are talking with Liam and Savannah. Frannie’s head is buried in the stroller in front of Savannah.
“Yes.”
“Do you know how stupid that is?”
“Do you know how stupid I felt when you told me? I thought what happened after that one night when we were drunk, that maybe…”
She whips around, startled by my sharp tongue. “No. I suppose I don’t but—I—”
Years of built-up aggression finally tumbles out like an avalanche gaining speed. This is never how I saw this moment happening. “I’ve loved you my entire life. Do you know what that’s like? To pine away for someone day after day, year after year, someone who keeps insisting that we can only be friends because she couldn’t stand to lose me? Let me tell you—it’s heartbreaking. And tiring. And the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done, okay? And now on my wedding day, suddenly Stella says something and you open your eyes and see what’s been here all along?” Her eyes don’t stray from mine as the anger pours out of me. “Well, I’m sorry, it’s too late. I’m getting married, Juno. I made a commitment. Not like it matters. If I canceled this wedding, you’d probably run away tomorrow. Let’s just admit that this is what it is—you’re jealous and scared to lose me.”
She winces. “Do you have any idea what it took for me to come here right now? How scared I am that what we had has changed? I cannot live without you.” Her chin drops to her chest and her tears drop to the floor.
“You don’t get to make this all about you again. You’re too late.” I fold my arms over my chest, a million things on the tip of my tongue begging to be unleashed.
“So you’re going to go through with a fake marriage?”
“I made a promise.”
She nods. “Okay. Well, I guess that’s it then.”
“I guess so.”
She walks by me, right to the door.
“Juno.”
“What?”
“You’ll be happy tomorrow when you realize nothing has changed with our friendship. These feelings you have for me will vanish as soon as you know you didn’t lose me.” I don’t turn around because if I did, I’d probably cage her to the wall and confess how much I love her. How much I hope she’s really had her eyes opened to how perfect we are together.
But it’s all just too big of a coincidence.
She says, “I know I haven’t made it easy on you all these years, and I wish I didn’t harbor this fear of losing you. And yeah, I’m sure everyone, you included, think I feel this way now because I lost my parents so young and I’m scared of losing you now that you’re getting married. But what’s been keeping me up at night since you announced your engagement are these images in my head of you loving another woman the way you’ve loved me all these years. And I know I’m slow on the uptake and I should have owned my feelings for you a long time ago. I can even understand why you’re angry with me, but you’re wrong. Tomorrow I will still be nursing a broken heart because I do love you, Colton Stone. Every year that love has compounded, but I kept that memory of us in the treehouse on the day of my parents’ funeral front and center in my mind to remind me that whatever horrible thing happen in my life, you’ll be there to see me through. But now, the horrible thing that’s happening to me is you marrying another woman and I haven’t been able to talk to you about how badly it hurts.” She pauses. “You can choose to be
lieve me or not, but I’ve never lied to you.”
I hear the click of the door opening and closing behind her.
My chin falls to my chest and I stuff my hands into my pockets. The jagged corners of the necklace’s charm press against my fingertips. I take it out and twirl it in my hand.
Another knock on the door sounds behind me, followed by the creak of the door opening.
“It’s time, Colton,” Selene says.
I put the charm back into my pocket and turn to face her.
“You look very dashing,” she says.
I smile, although the last thing I feel right now is happy. “Thank you.”
I walk out of the room, out the door, through the garden, until I’m standing in front of the lines of white chairs. I smile at Preacher Reynolds and she smiles back.
Glancing around the small area, I see all the people who have witnessed me being raised in this town. All the Baileys, my second family, are sectioned together. Juno, pretending to be busy on her phone, sits with Jason next to her.
I try to picture myself in her position and I can’t. I’m not sure I could ever see her marry someone else.
The music starts, and as everyone turns to watch Brigette walk down the aisle, Juno looks at me. Our gazes lock and her green eyes reflect everything I’m feeling.
I shouldn’t have lashed out at her. To know Juno is to know how much it took for her to come to me.
Before I can blink, Brigette’s standing at the altar in front of me in her simple white dress with no veil. She looks like a bride, but she doesn’t beam. There’s no love between us. This is a business transaction. One I hoped to use to finally force myself to move on from the dream of Juno being mine someday. How did I think I could go through with this?
Preacher Reynolds smiles at us, and Brigette passes her bouquet to my mom since we opted not to have bridesmaids or groomsmen. Brigette holds out her hands and my gaze strays to Juno once again. She’s yet to actually look at the two of us, her head turned toward the ground as if she’s picking a piece of lint off her dress.
Brigette continues to hold her hands out for me to take so we can say our vows. “Colton?”