by Tabatha Kiss
I stroll toward the fire, careful not to make much noise as I come up behind her and peek over her shoulder at the drawing. It’s a sketch of Seth with his mouth open wide and his eyes closed. I watch as she moves a delicate hand, filling in the lines of his thick eyebrows.
“Wow,” I say.
Heidi flinches and looks over her shoulder at me. “Hey,” she says.
“You just do that?”
She nods, looking embarrassed, though I’m not sure why. “Yeah...”
I sit down beside her on the log, my gaze still locked on that drawing. “Can I see?” I ask.
After a moment of hesitation, she hands me the sketchbook. I tilt it slightly, letting the firelight fill the page so I can see it better.
“That’s incredible,” I say.
“It’s nothing...”
“No, really. You definitely...” I glance at Seth. He’s out like a light and... drooling slightly. “Captured his essence.”
Heidi chuckles.
I turn a page back in the book without thinking.
Another portrait... of me?
“And what’s this?” I ask.
“Just... the pose you did in class,” she answers quickly.
I nod, recognizing it. Sitting down, leaning forward. One hand on the forehead.
I turn another page.
Heidi stiffens. “Uh...”
Another portrait. Also of me, but...
Lying down on my back. Arms resting behind my head. Eyes closed. Smirking lips.
“That’s not a pose I did in class,” I say.
She doesn’t speak.
I pinch the page and peek at her to see if she’ll stop me, but she doesn’t. I find another sketch of me with my arms above my head. A flexed torso. Alpha Delta Xi tattoo on my taut ribs.
I smile. “Homely guy.”
Heidi breathes a laugh. “Yeah.”
“They all stop at the wrists,” I say, taking notice.
“Yeah...” She shrugs. “I can’t draw hands.”
“No?”
She shakes her head. “They’re my nemesis, to be honest...”
“You just need practice. Here.” I give the sketchbook back to her and present my hand, holding it steady between us. “Go ahead.”
“You want me to draw your hand?” she asks.
“Yeah. Go for it. I can sit still for a long time. Seriously. Sometimes, I get paid for it.”
She chuckles as she picks up her pencil. “Okay...”
I watch as she turns a new page in her sketchbook and puts her pencil to paper. Her unblinking eyes hop between the page and my hand as she nervously begins sketching a rough outline. Five fingers. Knuckles. Little veins.
As the drawing takes shape, I see that she’s right.
She really can’t draw hands.
“What?” she asks, glaring at my expression.
I realize I’m smirking. “Nothing.”
“It sucks, I know.”
“No!” I say. “There’s potential to be found.”
“With practice?” she adds.
“Exactly.”
Heidi laughs it off as she sets the pencil down.
“Heidi!”
I shift away as Jenna drops to her knees between us, panicked and out of breath.
“What?” Heidi asks, concerned. “Are you okay?”
“I just realized...” She hops on her knees, excited. “We can do my number two!”
I furrow my brow, amused. “Your what now?”
Jenna shakes Heidi’s arm. “My number two!”
“Number two?” Heidi repeats, then gasps in realization. “Jenna, no.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No!”
“Yes!”
I laugh. “Number two?”
“On my vision board!” Jenna says.
“Your vision board!” I grin at Heidi as she cringes some more. “You have a vision board?”
“Yup!”
“What’s number two on your vision board, Jenna?” I ask, purposefully teasing.
“Skinny dipping in Lake Michigan,” she answers, still tugging on Heidi’s arm.
I pique with great interest. “Really?”
Heidi keeps her eyes on Jenna, begging to be freed. “Jenna...”
But Jenna doesn’t give up. “Let’s go, Heidi!”
“No.”
“Oh, come on! This is the perfect place! It’s a private beach. There’s no one around. It’s nighttime. We have the owner’s permission to do whatever we want. Right, Drew?”
I nod. “I fully consent to this.”
Heidi glares at me. I smirk.
Jenna pouts with begging eyes. “Heidi, please. Live with me! What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Piranhas!”
“This far from South America?” Jenna blows a raspberry. “Doubtful.”
Heidi sighs. “I forgot how much you watch Animal Planet.”
Jenna holds her hands in prayer.
Heidi pauses, her resolve crumbling every second. She takes a breath, holds it for half a second, and then exhales hard.
“All right,” she says. “Let’s do it.”
Jenna claps excitedly and hops to her feet, pulling Heidi up with her. She takes off, yanking the strings on her bikini top as she flies down the sand and shouts for the other girls to come join them.
Just like that, Ellie and Wilder kick off their sandals and drop their shorts, prompting the guys to whistle like dogs from the porch.
I cover my mouth, obscuring my grin with a fist as I watch and see what Heidi will do.
Heidi hesitates, her gaze hovering on me and the unconscious Seth. She’s obviously nervous about stripping naked in front of people.
Or perhaps, just me.
She pulls off her flannel shirt and throws it at my head. I let it sit for a moment, giving her enough time to escape my view before dropping it onto my lap.
Heidi dives into the shallow water at the end of a trail of clothes. It’s too far and too dark to see the good details from here, but just knowing she’s there, naked and laughing, is enough to test me.
I lick my lips. I bite my cheek. I relive our first kiss with perfect clarity again, and I think...
What’s the worst that can happen?
Seth raises his head, drawn to the sounds of splashing down the beach. “Huh?” He squints around and focuses on the girls. “What’re they doing?” he asks.
“Skinny dipping in Lake Michigan,” I answer.
“Oh.” Seth’s head rests back onto the sand. After a second, he raises it again. “Wait, what?”
I chuckle and pat his shoulder. “It’s all right, buddy. Go back to sleep.”
He struggles, but his eyes lose the battle.
I struggle, too. I go back and forth between looking at the water and my own hands, hating a piece of myself no matter what I do. To look at her, to admire her, to covet her, is a betrayal to my friend, but to deny her is a betrayal to myself.
Heidi’s sketchbook rests on the ground next to my feet. I brush the sand off the cover. In silence, I open it and flip through page after page of her. Her talent. Her mind.
Portraits of me. My eyes. My nose and five o’clock shadow. The good details.
What’s the worst that can happen?
I don’t know.
I’m not sure I even care anymore.
Chapter 17
Heidi
The sun rises. Most of the city still sleeps, but not us. I’m still wide awake. I watch Chicago go by from the backseat of Seth’s truck. Jenna does the same, looking about as perky as she always does. Seth snoozes in the passenger’s seat, killing the mood now and then with a sharp snore.
We’ll chuckle for a second before embracing the silence again.
I glance at the rearview mirror ahead of us and Drew’s gaze catches mine. He smiles in acknowledgment before focusing on the road. I spot him looking at me three more times, each lock of eye c
ontact a flutter of butterfly wings and a crushing weight at the same time.
Drew turns onto Shanty Row. I pick up my sketchbook as we roll into our driveway and Drew parks the truck.
Drew quietly opens his door and hops outside, giving Jenna and I a way to exit without waking Seth. I keep my hand on the truck, feeling sluggish after being out all night long, but I guess this new college girl should get used to that. Drew closes the door with a quick peek through the window at Seth.
Seth twitches, but doesn’t wake up. Dead to the world.
The three of us walk up the lawn to the porch.
Jenna widens her stride a little. “Well, I’m gonna go rinse the sand out of my cootch and pass out.” She opens the front door and abandons us on the porch. Probably on purpose given the quick wink she gives me. “Later, guys.”
Drew chuckles. “Later, Jenna.”
The screen door closes. And then there were two.
I pause on the stoop, politely nodding at Drew. “Thanks for the ride back,” I say.
“Don’t mention it,” he says. “You have fun?”
“Oh, yeah.” I smile. “I don’t remember the last time I had this much fun.”
“Me neither.”
“We should do it again sometime. The group of us, I mean… assuming Seth and Jenna can stop bickering at each other.”
Drew laughs. “Yeah, we should.”
“Anyway, um…” I step back. “I’m going to go get some sleep.”
“Yeah. Me, too.”
“Drive safe.”
“Will do.”
I open the screen door and step inside, letting it close behind me. I kick off my sandals, leaving them with the intent to come back and shake off the last of the sand later.
“Every night, I lie awake and I think about kissing you.”
I stop. I turn around to face Drew standing on the porch behind the door. For a second, I think I imagined it. I think my mind went on some exhausted fantasy overload and told me what I wanted to hear, but the look on his face tells me everything. His eyes, tired and tortured beneath a furrowed brow. His partially open mouth, hanging between the shock of what he said and the desire to repeat it.
My breaths come shallow. My senses go numb. All I can do is stand here and stare at him.
“Heidi?” Drew asks through the screen.
“What—” I wet my dry tongue. “What am I supposed to do with that, Drew?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “Tell me you think about me, too. That our kiss meant more to you than it should have.”
“You said that we were friends.”
“I know what I said.” He opens the door and steps inside. “It’s not true. I wanted it to be true so badly, but I can’t…” He stops in front of me. “I can’t keep pretending that I don’t want you.”
“What about Seth?” I ask.
“I don’t care.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Okay, yeah. I do. But I can’t get over you, Heidi.” He looks me in the eyes. “Every night, I lie awake and I think about kissing you… and if I don’t kiss you again, it will tear me apart.”
I blink twice. I stare at him as every nerve in my body screams with shock.
Drew cants his head. “Heidi?” he asks. “You going to say something?”
I swallow, but my throat is still so tight and dry. “Seriously, dude?” I ask.
“What?”
“You…” I stutter. “You think you can just walk in here and say stuff like that to me? Me?”
His face tilts, unsure how to react. “I’m sorry?”
“You tell me all of that and then you expect me to just be normal afterward? Are you serious?”
“Yes,” he says.
“Are you serious?!”
“Yes. Are you done? Because I’d like to kiss you now.”
“Yes, I’m done!”
Drew crushes his mouth on mine. His hands come to my face, softly pulling me even closer. I let myself sink into it. I touch his arms. I part my lips. I taste the sweetness of his kiss as my heart threatens to break open my chest.
It’s everything the first kiss was and more. It’s firm and tender. It’s bitter and sweet. It’s right and wrong.
But mostly wrong.
I take a breath as Drew clings to me. I try to speak as his lips travel up my cheek to rest on my forehead. His hands crawl around me to settle on my back, and my words get lost somewhere in my throat again. I think to walk away, but the thought just hurts. Instead, I hold on to him. I grip his shirt. I touch his jaw. I draw his lips back to mine and accept the fact that they belong there.
I kiss Drew. I ignore the voice in my head telling me all the different ways this can go wrong. I let him hold me, to touch me like no man has before. It’s thrilling and wild, but an aching reminder of the unknown. What comes next for us? Do we stop? Do we tell Seth? Is this just a two-time thing?
Drew pauses, breathing hard. “Fuck,” he whispers. “I want to stay, but…”
I nod, reality breaking in again. “Seth is…”
“Outside.”
“He could…” I look up into his eyes, not wanting to leave them. “He could wake up.”
Drew’s arms loosen around me. “I should drive him home.”
“Yeah.”
“Then…” He bites his lip. “I could come back.”
I smile. “To be honest, I’m trying really hard not to pass out here…”
He laughs. “I know what you mean.”
“But we can talk later? Maybe meet up for coffee and… talk?”
“Sure.” He steps back, his hands gliding down to mine. “I’ll text you.”
I raise a brow. “I thought you deleted me.”
“Oh, that was a lie,” he says. I chuckle. “A big, fat lie.” He kisses me one more time before releasing my hands. “Bye, Heidi.”
I nod, my smile permanently digging in. “Bye, Drew.”
Drew steps out onto the porch and closes the door behind him. I wander to the window and watch as he hops down to the grass and walks to his car. He acts normal and cool, not at all like someone who just kissed his best friend’s little sister and left a promise on her lips for more.
I back away from the window, eager to strip off my bathing suit and climb into my warm bed. I stop by the bathroom to shower and rinse off before throwing on a tank top and shorts.
My phone chimes by the bed. I reach for it, my heart skipping as I find a new message from Drew with an image attached.
It’s a photo of his hand.
PRACTICE, he says.
I bury my head in my pillow to smother a giggle.
An actual fucking giggle.
Who even am I anymore?
Chapter 18
Drew
The entrance bell chimes. A couple walks inside holding hands. That’s sweet.
But where’s Heidi?
I check my phone again for the time. She’s only five minutes late, I tell myself. There could be myriad reasons for that; parking and traffic easily topping the list.
She changed her mind.
No, shut up.
She ran to Seth. Told him everything.
Stop it.
He’s on his way here now to kill you.
The entrance bell chimes. I flinch.
Just a blonde with a giant purse.
I chug my hot coffee, desperately trying to shake off the image of Seth holding me under the water until the final bubble pops.
Her coffee sits on the table, waiting. Iced vanilla latte, she told me via text. See you soon.
The entrance bell chimes again. I almost don’t even look this time.
It’s a girl, similarly petite. She wears thick sunglasses and a sweater with a raised hood, strands of brownish-black hair poking out.
I nearly glance away, but she looks directly at me.
Heidi?
She slinks around the tables and quickly lowers herself into the booth across from me.
“Hi,” she whis
pers.
“Hey, Heidi,” I say at normal volume. “What are you doing?”
She shrugs. “Meeting you for coffee.”
“Why are you wearing that?”
“I’m incognito!”
I chuckle. “Why?”
“I don’t know. Just thought it was necessary given the circumstances.”
“Well, I admire the effort, but I chose this Yummy Bean location for a reason. It’s far from campus,” I point out. “You can take the hood off… unless you want people to think you’re selling me meth.”
Heidi hesitates, briefly glancing once over both shoulders before finally yanking the hood down. “We’re good?” she asks as she fixes her hair.
“We’re good.”
“You sure?”
“Yes,” I say with a laugh.
She relaxes and eyes the untouched coffee in front of her. “This for me?”
“That’s for you,” I say.
“Thank you,” she says as she takes a sip from the straw. “I owe you one.”
“Don’t mention it.”
I take a drink from my coffee, enjoying the quiet moment with her. Just the two of us surrounded by strangers who don’t give a shit who her brother is or how much trouble we’d be in if the wrong person caught us here. It’s nice, pleasant, and utterly addicting. If I’m not careful, I could get used to this.
I could get addicted to Heidi Newbury.
After a moment, Heidi clears her throat. “So,” she says, “you kissed me again this morning.”
I smile. “You kissed me back this morning.”
“I did. That’s true.”
“And how do you feel about that now that you’ve had the chance to sleep on it?” I ask.
She inhales sharply, but doesn’t answer. “How do you feel about it?” she counters.
I look at her kissable lips. “Better than ever.”
She turns her head, blushing. “You’ve got to stop doing that,” she says.
“Doing what?”
“Saying the cutest things. You’re like a character on a CW show.”
I laugh. “I’ve had a lot of practice.”
“Practice with girls?”
“Sure, and navigating awkward social situations. Being cute is merely a defense mechanism.”