by Lilly Wilder
He doesn’t say anything to that. He only shakes his head. I know he doesn’t believe me.
“I didn’t do my job. I failed you again. I failed all of you.”
“That’s not true,” I assure him. “You can’t be held responsible for everything someone else does. It’s not your responsibility to predict the actions of others.”
“But, it is to try and counteract them. That’s my job as a cop.”
“And, you did exactly that!”
“You saved me. It wasn’t the other way around,” he looks down, as if he’s ashamed of this.
His reaction makes me sad. Not because I wanted him to be all grateful, but I simply wanted him to appreciate what I had done. I wanted him to realize how much it took of myself to do that. However, he doesn’t feel anything apart from remorse.
“I’m sorry you see it that way,” I whisper. “In the end, does it really matter who saves who, if the good guys win?”
I don’t wait for him to reply. Instead, I get up and see Anderson walking over with three cups of that poor excuse of a coffee in his hands.
“Here you guys go,” he smiles. “A fresh batch of bat piss for everyone.”
I chuckle, and look at him gratefully.
“What happened here?”
He glances over at Fynn, but before I can tell him anything a nurse walks over to us.
“Miss Holloway?” She smiles at me cordially, bringing some more of that painful whiteness with her.
She has a slick ponytail, and a very minimum amount of makeup. Still, she looks refreshed. Definitely not like someone who works in a hospital, and who we just caught on night shift.
“Yes?” I turn to face her, my heart trembling with fear at what she is about to tell me.
“Your father has been taken care of,” she starts slowly, accentuating every word, like it’s something she has rehearsed for a play. In a way, she has. “He is in the special care unit on the third floor – “
“Can I see him?” I interrupt her, but she remains calm and polite.
“I’m afraid that’s impossible tonight. The doctor needed to put him into an induced coma. This was necessary for the purposes of reaching a level of sedation that is referred to as burst suppression.”
She keeps talking like a teacher explaining a tough math problem to her students for the third time in a row. Still with a soft smile on her face and still with the same level of patience.
“There has been significant swelling in the brain, which results in painful pressure and damage of the brain tissue. Your father’s brain needs to rest, so that his entire body may recover and so that his brain swelling reduces. His brain is fully sedated for a few seconds, then it forces itself into a few seconds of activity bursts. His brain is kept active, but at the same time, these periods of rest are crucial for his healing process.”
“When will he wake up?”
“That depends on the speed of his recovery,” she explains. “We can’t give any estimates. It can be anywhere from a few days to a few months. Sometimes, it’s even years.”
“Years?”
“Yes, I’m sorry,” she speaks, pressing her thin lips together, expressing regret.
“Can I just see him? I won’t talk to him. Just through the glass,” I plead.
The nurse’s lips part, probably in an effort to find a polite way to refuse my request, but she sees the tears in my eyes. She hears the pain in my voice.
“Just through the window,” she finally agrees. “And, just for a few seconds.”
“Of course,” I nod quickly. “Will you guys wait for me here?”
Fynn and Anderson nod, as I wave a little awkwardly, allowing the nurse to lead me to the third floor. While riding the elevator, she turns to me.
“You’re lucky. You brought him in just in time.”
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I was this close to losing him. I’m still close, but I won’t let go. I’ll hold on til the very last breath in my body.
“Also, I haven’t mentioned it, but I shall need to report this to the police. Gunshot wounds are always reported.”
“Those two men with me are police officers,” I explain, as the door pings and opens up for us, letting us out.
“Then, they can sort it out with the officer on duty,” she nods.
“Of course,” I smile. “We have nothing to hide.”
She looks at me, as if she’s trying to find out if I’m lying or not. Her gaze is long and steady. I wonder how many patients she saw dying. Did she see something in their eyes? Did she see the window to their soul?
She turns away without another word, and leads me to the room at the end of a quiet, and much less busy hallway. She stops in front of a small, rectangular window.
“This is your father’s room.”
She steps a little to the side, so I can take a look inside. As I do so, I gasp silently. His head is wrapped up. There is a tube coming out of his mouth. An IV is connected to his right arm. The machines in the room, next to his bed, are beeping steadily. I press my hand to my lips.
I remember getting my appendix out when I was a girl. I was petrified of the operation, and even more so because they said that neither of my parents could spend the night at the hospital. They could be there all day, but at night, they’d needed to let me rest. My mom promised me all the ice cream I could eat once I got out. And, she made good on that promise. But, dad didn’t say anything. He just stared at me in my hospital pajamas and at the place where the wound was, underneath the covers. He didn’t speak much, but he hugged me and kissed me much more than usual. I never thought much of it before. But, now, it all makes sense.
Seeing your loved one in this situation brings out something in you, something primal, some primordial fear about the fleetingness of life, and the fact that it takes one single second to erase us from the chronicles of this life. It’s that easy. And, while you’re walking the streets out in the world, this knowledge is in the back of your mind. You barely pay any attention to it. But, when you’re at the hospital, the constant reminders are there, right in front of you, and no matter how hard you want to close your eyes, they don’t go away.
“Will he be OK?” I ask, sounding like it’s not a question for her, but for the Universe. Only this time, the nurse speaks for it.
“He has everything going for him,” she replies vaguely, but her smile soothes me.
“Thank you,” I take her by the hand.
I quickly let go, realizing how unprofessional that must be, but my gratitude is immense and a mere thank you in words wouldn’t be enough.
“Can I come tomorrow?” I ask her.
“It’s best if you rest,” she advises me. “I don’t know what’s happened, but you all look like you’ve been through Hell and back. Just go home and try to get some rest. We have your contact info, and if there is any change, we shall notify you immediately.”
The last thing I want to do right now is leave my father again. But, I know there is no point in me staying here at the hospital, just waiting. I need to rest. My body has become numb, but once the sensations come back to me, I’ll probably be in a world of pain.
“You’re right,” I nod. “That’s what I’ll do.”
“You can find your own way back?”
“Of course,” I smile. “And, thank you again.”
I turn and walk down the hallway, towards the elevator. I press the button, allowing the exhaustion to take over. Not even those crappy hospital coffees are helping any longer. What I need is a nice, long shower and my own bed.
I wonder if I can sleep in my bed now. Is the nightmare finally over? Am I finally safe?
I reach the lower floors, and see Fynn and Anderson still there. Their presence doesn’t surprise me. I walk over to them, with a smile on my face.
“How bad is it?” Anderson is the first to ask.
“Pretty bad,” I nod. “He looks like a hospital puppet.”
“H
e’ll be fine,” Anderson smiles. “If I know Hugo, and I do… trust me.”
Fynn walks over to us. He looks embarrassed. It’s the look he had when Anderson told him that he was behaving like an asshole, and Fynn knew Anderson was right.
“Listen – “ he starts, but I won’t let him.
“No.”
I shake my head. I take him by the hand, and I take Anderson’s hand with my other.
“This isn’t the time for more explanations or apologies or anything like that. I just need you guys to take me home. My home. Can you do that for me?”
Anderson looks over at Fynn, then back at me.
“Girl, I thought you’d never ask.”
Chapter 26
We drive back home, and I unlock the door. The familiar smell hits my nostrils. It smells like home. It smells like the carpet mom bought when she and dad went to Turkey on their honeymoon. It smells like the old leather chair that dad never wanted to get rid of because it belonged to some important finance guy dad always looked up to, and then found that chair on some charity auction, then paid a ton of money for it, even though it wasn’t worth even half of that. It smells like our bookshelf, like the potted plants on the window sill, still surviving and blossoming, despite everything.
“Everything OK?” Anderson asks, seeing that I just opened the door, but I’m not going in.
“Everything is fine,” I smile.
I take a step in, but Fynn grabs me by the elbow.
“Let me guess,” I frown, jokingly. “You need to check to make sure it’s safe.”
“See?” Fynn elbows Anderson gently in the stomach. “I don’t even need to say it anymore. She knows everything.”
We all chuckle, feeling like a huge cloud just got lifted from above us. Fynn and Anderson go in first, instructing me to remain downstairs. It takes them a while to check every room, but when they’re finally done, they return with a victorious smile on their faces.
“Milady,” Anderson bows, “thy mansion is clean.”
“Wonderful!” I jump from the little sofa I almost fell asleep in, and start clapping.
“Now, we need to head back to the – “ Anderson continues.
“You aren’t leaving me alone, are you?” I whine.
“Well,” Anderson looks at Fynn. “We could stay, for the night. Sleep on the sofa or the floor.”
“There are plenty of guest rooms, don’t be silly,” I tell him.
“We could just call in tonight and sort everything out tomorrow, at the station,” Anderson looks over at Fynn. “What do you say?”
Fynn sighs heavily, more heavily than in the last few weeks.
“I think that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard.”
“Well, alright then,” Anderson grins. “We got a sleepover on our hands. I’ll quickly ring the station, and then…”
“Shower and bed,” Fynn smirks. “For everyone.”
“Oh, I doubt I could sleep after all this commotion,” I chuckle. “Plus, I fell asleep on the sofa, while you guys were checking the place out. I think I had my power nap.”
“What?” Anderson starts laughing. “You better not try to keep us awake all night long with your girl talk and shit.”
I laugh at his comment, even though that definitely doesn’t sound like a bad idea.
“I promise, if I can’t sleep, I’ll just watch a movie or something.”
But, there is something that won’t let me be. I stop, and turn to them again. Their eyes are inquisitive. They know there are still some questions left unanswered.
“What is it?” Fynn asks. “You look troubled.”
“There is something that’s still bugging me.”
“Tell us,” Anderson urges.
“Kayne mentioned something in my dad’s safe,” I hesitate. “What is it?”
Fynn looks over at Anderson, then back at me again.
“Your dad had Kayne’s dental records,” Fynn explains. “I have no idea how he got a hold of them. But, he was always afraid that we didn’t finish the job. As it turned out, we really hadn’t. So, he kept that record safe, knowing he might he need it at some point, if his worst suspicions came true. Unfortunately, none of us expected the Chief to be… Kayne.”
Fynn’s admission left me confused, but relieved at the same time. So, it wasn’t money or something that might again come back to haunt us. Kayne was dead. For real this time. And, his dental records bore no relevance any longer.
“It’s really over, isn’t it?” I sigh, even managing to smile.
“It really is,” Fynn assures me.
I nod, walking out of the room slowly, my shoulders much less tense than before. After about half an hour, we all meet back in the lounge, all of us having taken our showers and having ordered a pizza, which arrived only a few minutes before. I’m wearing my pajamas, not sexy at all, but comfortable. I guess that’s always been me.
The guys helped themselves to some plain t-shirts from my dad’s closet, and some sweatpants. I’m surprised my dad still has some of those in his closet, always preferring to dress to the nines, but I suppose that’s also one of those things left from the time of my mother. She liked things easy and spontaneous, and with her around, that was always so easy. After she was gone, both me and dad found it difficult to be spontaneous. It was simply too hurtful. So, planning ahead became comforting. Planning what to do, where to go, even what to wear. The heart is pacified by the strangest things, it seems.
Returning with the pizza from the kitchen, Anderson places it on the small coffee table, and then rests a Coke six pack next to it.
“Look what I found in the pantry,” he beams proudly.
“Pizza just isn’t pizza without Coke,” I smile. “Well done.”
As soon as I take the first bite, I realize how ravenous I am. I also realize that I can’t remember when was the last time I had something to eat, and neither can the guys. We wolf down the whole thing within minutes, the guys so relaxed that Anderson even burps loudly a few times, which provides him with a frown from Fynn and a chuckle from me.
“Maddie, there is something I’d like to tell you,” Fynn suddenly starts, sitting next to me on the sofa.
Anderson is quiet, resting on the armchair, a little further away from us.
“You interrupted me at the hospital, but I think the right time is as good as any.”
“What is it?” I smile.
“I can be a real hardass,” he nods.
“Boy, don’t we know it!” Anderson interrupts, and we all laugh.
I don’t remember the last time it felt this good to laugh, and I welcome the sensation.
“But, all I did and said was so I could keep you safe.”
“I know that.”
“So, I’d like to apologize.”
“Apologize?” I look over at Anderson, not believing this is happening. “You?”
“Yes,” he nods. “I was harsh at times when it was uncalled for. And, I apologize.”
“Oh, it’s all water under the bridge,” I smile. “Don’t worry about it.”
“See?” Anderson beams. “I told you. She’s amazing.”
“Wow,” I exclaim, my head cocking to one side. “I never thought I’d hear that from either of you.”
“I never doubted that actually,” Fynn adds, in his characteristic way.
“Oh, my God, was that just a compliment from the both of you?” I smirk.
“I think so, yeah,” Anderson nods. “What do you say, Fynn?”
“Absolutely.”
I feel myself blushing with all this attention, and at the same time, I realize how welcome it is. In the beginning of this nightmare, I could sense that there was something between us, between me and Anderson, between me and Fynn, despite his hardass behavior – to use his words.
Suddenly, I feel Fynn’s hand cover mine, gently, gentler than I ever thought his touch could be. Anderson gets up, and sits on the other s
ide of the couch.
“You’re the perfect woman, Madeleine,” he whispers right into my ear, and I don’t know why the use of my full name coming out of his mouth arouses me to such an extent.
But, I love it. Every hair on my body is on its end. My skin is electrified by Fynn’s touch. My ears pricked up to the sound of Anderson’s honey-sweet voice.
Fynn’s fingers intertwine with mine, and Anderson removes my hair from my neck. Softly, one kiss lands on my skin. Then, another. And, another.
“All we want to do is make you feel amazing, even more amazing than you are,” Anderson murmurs.
I sigh deeply, closing my eyes. I can’t believe this is really happening. I want it. I’ve wanted it from the first moment I saw them, but I was too scared to realize it. Now, with all that danger out of our way, I can finally let go.
I feel my heart thumping wildly in my chest. Fynn leans in softly, and presses his lips to mine. A fire burns somewhere deep inside of me. Our kiss is passionate, but still gentle and soft. Our tongues intertwine, as Anderson keeps planting even softer, butterfly kisses on my neck and shoulder.
“This is what we’ve been thinking about from the first moment we saw you,” Anderson whispers, and exhilaration flares inside of me.
A tidal wave of heat rushes down my spine, then back up. I feel myself getting wet, and they’ve barely touched me. I’m throbbing somewhere deep inside. The teasing has lasted too long already. I’m eager. The desire builds up in me.
“Me, too,” I whisper back feeling emboldened, when Fynn’s lips pull away.
I moan softly, biting my lower lip.
“Is that all you’ve been thinking about?” Anderson bites my earlobe, and a million little goosebumps rush up my body. “Feeling us inside of you?”
“Yes…” I moan again.
“Soon?” he asks, his fingers stroking my bare arms.
“Now,” I whisper.
“We in a hurry?”
He blows hot air onto my neck, raising all my hairs on their end. Suddenly, he gets up, and offers Fynn and me his hands. Together, we walk back to my bedroom, and as we’re standing in the middle of the room, my oversized t-shirt just slides down onto the floor. I’m left in only my panties.