by Daphne Bloom
I tap Timothy on the shoulder. “Come, boy.”
“Yes!” he says as he pushes himself up and shuffles toward the door as quickly as he can in his state—which is surprisingly fast. I have to rush to keep up with him, and Rashi hops along with us.
“Come on, Rashi!” Timothy calls, and he chases the red squirrel around and between several decorative bushes.
The garden immediately calls Lily to mind, and I wonder how she is doing. I’ve been so distracted with Timothy I haven’t had a chance to write to her. And I’m not sure it would be appropriate. We never did have a formal courtship. The Season is long ended, so she is either back at her home estate or—god forbid—she’s engaged.
The thought of her marrying someone else sends a pain to my heart. I surely hope she isn’t promised to that boor of a cousin of hers. But if no one else proposed, she might not have had a choice. I certainly hope her father made a full recovery, then she’d have no need for a marriage.
She’d have no need to marry me.
I suppose I should try to forget her. Let her have a happy life without the burden of a broken husband. My condition will surely improve, but I’ll never be the man she truly deserves.
I hear the door behind me open and close and see my father step out onto the veranda with a lit cigar. Like Alice, his face is tired. He’s also been smoking far more than I ever noticed before. The stress of nearly losing his only grandson has taken its toll on him. I’m sure it’s pulled up all sorts of painful memories. I give him a tight smile before turning back to keep an eye on Timothy.
“We were sure lucky he pulled through,” Father says. “Damn lucky.”
“it’s just a broken leg,” I say. “Happens to most children at some point.”
“Not to children who are sole heirs.”
“All children,” I say. “It was just an accident, and Nanny Carter hasn’t stopped berating herself. It won’t happen again. It will be a long time before Mr. McTavish lets Timothy anywhere near a horse again.”
Father grunts and puffs on his cigar. “I had hoped that this whole situation had put a little sense into your head.”
“Me?” I ask. “What have I done?”
“You didn’t find a girl in London!”
I scoff. “I’ll remind you that I did find a girl, but you and the rest of the family seem dead-set against her.”
“Forget Lily Derby!” Father growls. “That fluff-headed girl is completely unsuitable, and you know that!”
“Don’t you dare speak against her!” I say, trying to control my temper. This is my father, after all. “She’s a kind girl whom I could very easily love. She’s as clever as anyone, you just don’t know her.”
“Henry, that’s enough,” Father says. “I apologize for insulting her, but you must know I’m right. I beg of you to forget her.”
“Can’t you just drop the entire subject?” I ask. “I went to London as you ordered, and other than Lily, not a single girl would even speak to me, much less deign to be my wife.”
“Julia Davenport would.”
“Only for my money. A title. She’d marry a corpse if it promised her enough money.”
“But as long as you have a son what does it matter? She’s a pretty girl. Surely that’s enough to…get the job done.”
I wrinkle my nose at that. “Don’t be so crass. You know that isn’t what this is about. I don’t care how pretty Julia is, I don’t love her. I don’t even like her. What sort of marriage could we possibly have?”
“A necessary one,” Father says. “If Timothy had died…” He shakes his head and I see tears rim his eyes. He clears his throat and wills them away. “You must do your duty in securing the family line. That’s all this has ever been about. Why can’t you just do as I tell you?”
“Because it’s my life,” I say. “I’ll be the one who has to spend every waking day with the girl. I’d prefer it if she were someone I actually wanted to marry.”
“We can’t all be that lucky,” Father says. “And your accident has put you at terrible odds. The perfect woman is probably out there, but she simply couldn’t look past your cane to see you.”
“Then she wouldn’t be the perfect woman, would she?” I say.
“Must you always be so difficult?”
I smirk. We watch Timothy for a moment. He seems to have worn himself out and is lying on the grass, looking up at the sky, Rashi hopping around him.
“I’m going to write to Mr. Davenport and ask his family to visit for a few days,” Father finally says, and I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.
“Father—” I try to say.
“No more arguments,” he says. “You had your chance to find a wife—”
“I found one, but you—”
“A proper wife, but you refused. The choice is no longer yours. You will marry Julia Davenport and that’s the end of it.”
I clench my jaw and turn away. Anger and sorrow fight for dominance in my mind. I can’t marry that girl. But I don’t see how I can avoid it. The only option would be to go to Lily and ask for her hand…but should I do that to her? Should I saddle her with me for the rest of her life?
But then I remember that her situation had changed. Her father was recovering. She shouldn’t need to marry anyone. If I was to ask her now, and she accepted, it would be because she wanted to marry me. She would have the option to say no. But would she say yes? I don’t know. But I must find out.
“I’m sorry, my son,” Father says as he turns to go back inside, “but this is how it has to be.”
“No,” I say, facing him. “No, not without asking Lily to marry me first.”
Father grunts. “Will you forget that girl!”
“No,” I say again. “I won’t. I love her.”
“You hardly know her,” he says.
“I know her better than Julia Davenport,” I counter. “Please, Father, don’t dismiss Lily so readily. If I don’t ask her, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, and that wouldn’t be fair to Julia, would it?”
Father exhales and paces around the veranda for a minute. “I don’t like it, not one bit. But… Well, maybe I’ll get lucky and she will turn you down.”
“Thank you for your vote of confidence.”
“I don’t see how I can stop you,” he says. “The girl has a dowry that would put any other woman to shame.”
“How do you know that?” I ask. “I mean, I assume she has a dowry, but I don’t know how much it is.”
“Your mother made inquiries.”
“Of course she did. But what does that have to do with anything.”
“Well, if I threaten to disown you, that won’t keep you from marrying her. Her dowry could more than provide for the both of you. Not to the level of an earl, but respectably enough.”
“It’s that large? I had no idea. But even without it, I’d still insist on asking her.”
“I know,” he says. “And that’s what worries me. You’d be willing to throw away everything for this girl?”
“I don’t want to throw away anything,” I say. “I just want you to accept her as my choice.”
Father exhales again. “Fine. Ask her.”
“Thank you!” If I could, I’d dance for joy. I have to leave immediately. I’ll have my valet make the arrangements—
“On one condition,” Father says, interrupting my thoughts. “If Lily rejects you, you will marry Julia Davenport.”
“Agreed,” I say, holding my hand out. Father looks at it for a moment, as if confused that he would need to shake on a deal with his own son. But I want him to know that I’m a man of my word. He finally shakes my hand and then claps me on the back.
“I must say, I haven’t seen you smile this large since you returned home,” he says.
“If she says yes you’ll see me smiling like this a lot more.” I turn to go back inside and then remember I was supposed to be watching Timothy. My father waves me off.
“I’ll bring him in.”
> “Thank you.” I make my way back inside and call for a footman. I ask him to find my valet and to have the groom prepare the carriage. It will be a long ride to Derby. I then head to the library to grab some books to read along the way. But when I pass the drawing-room, I see Alice and Mother in serious conversation. When they catch sight of me, Mother motions for me to join them.
“What’s going on?” I ask. “I was just preparing to leave. Father has finally given me leave to propose to Lily. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Mother and Alice exchange a worried glance.
“What is it?” I ask, a sinking feeling in my stomach. What tragedy could have fallen upon our family this time?
“I just received a letter from Constance,” Alice says. “Lily’s sister.”
I feel as though the wind was knocked out of me. It can’t be anything good written in that letter for them to look so grave.
She must be engaged to someone else. Probably that dough-faced cousin. Well, no matter. I’m sure she’d throw him over for me. I’ll just have to get there quickly, before it’s too late.
“It’s Lily’s father,” Alice finally says. “He’s dead.”
Chapter Nineteen
Lily
I let the dirt slip from my hand granule by granule into Father’s grave and onto his coffin as tears slip down my cheeks. Mama and Constance hold one another as they too cry. Elise seems frozen as she looks into the grave. She’s hardly been herself since the birth of her daughter. My sisters’ husbands are here, along with all the children. Dozens of people have come to pay Father their respects.
As has Cousin Albert.
He stands next to me, his hat in his hands. He’s not crying. I don’t think I’ve seen him cry at all. And why should he? He will inherit everything.
“Come, Lily,” Albert says as the crowd begins to disperse, his hand on my arm. I stay put. He looks at me quizzically and then clears his throat as he stays by my side. The crowd thins until only my mother and sisters remain, along with myself and Albert.
“That’s it then,” Elise says. “Seems rather unremarkable, doesn’t it? That after a long life, a long family legacy, that it should all be at an end here and now.”
“But it hasn’t,” Albert says. “I shall do my very best to continue making the family proud.”
Elise rolls her eyes. “It matters not to us what you do from here on out.”
Albert presses his lips together. “I know you are hurt, Cousin—”
“Oh, don’t ‘cousin’ me,” Elise snaps. “If you truly cared about us—about any of us—you’d give Lily her dowry.”
Albert is quiet on the matter for a moment, running his hand over his plump jaw. “It’s rather complicated. The solicitors—”
Elise barks a laugh. “Don’t give me that. All we want is your promise that Lily will be provided for without a marriage. Can you do that? She’s your cousin, after all. Family. Surely that’s enough.”
Albert looks to me and then back to Elise. “I will do my best by Lily, I promise you that.”
Elise scoffs and then tosses her head. “Come, Lily dear. We must finish collecting your things so you can stay with me.”
I am so grateful that Elise will not leave me at the mercy of our cousin, but the thought of living with Elise for any length of time does not fill me with joy. Indeed, even on her best days I do not enjoy her company for more than a few days. But since the birth of her daughter, she’s been intolerable. I appreciate how blunt she is with Albert, but she has been rather rough with all of us. Still, I’d rather live with her than Albert, so I try to move around him and follow my family.
Albert lays a hand on my arm, gently this time. “Please, Lily, just hear me out?”
I look around him and see that Mama and my sisters have moved off. But Elise stops and looks back for me. When she sees Albert is in my way, her face flushes with anger and she begins stomping toward us. As much as I dislike Albert, I do not want him to face the full brunt of Elise’s fury.
“I’m all right,” I tell her. “I’m coming.”
She stops, her nostrils flaring, but she gives me a nod. “Just yell if you need me.”
“I will,” I tell her. She hesitates for a moment, but then she turns back to follow Mama and Constance.
“I suppose you know what I wish to ask you,” Albert says, his voice low as we slowly walk away from Father’s grave toward the line of carriages waiting for us.
“I do,” I say, and he lets out a relieved sigh, a smile crossing his face. “I mean, I do know what you want to ask. Not ‘I do’ to the question itself.”
“Oh,” he says, deflated. He moves in front of me and takes both of my hands in his. “Lady Lily, will you do me the honor of being my wife?”
“No,” I say, disgusted.
“Why not?” he asks, his soft jaw set as tightly as possible.
“I don’t want to,” I say.
“But…I’m the Earl of Derby! You’re not going to get a better offer than that.”
I shrug. “That’s fine.”
“That’s fine?” He stammers and lets out an awkward chuckle. “You’re truly fine being a penniless relation living on the charity of your sisters?”
“If my only options are live with my sisters or live with you, I choose my sisters. They, after all, are family.”
He looks away for a moment, gasping for words. Then he turns back to me, his eyes harder than I’ve ever seen them.
“You are a stupid girl!” he grounds out through clenched teeth. “I always tried to believe that you were merely shy, a bit awkward. But, no, there is something truly wrong with you. How can you possibly choose poverty over being the wife of an earl? Only the most idiot of girls would make that choice.”
My eyes well with tears and I stumble back. How could he say such a thing? I am not stupid, am I? This…this is the right choice…isn’t it? I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I’m not so sure. My head is spinning and my brain feels hot.
“Lily,” Albert says, gripping my upper arms. “Lily, I’m sorry. I’m sorry! Please calm down.”
I scream and push him away. I try to run, but he has a hold on my shawl. I can’t find the knot, so I slip out of it by pushing it over my head. He grabs for me again, but I’m beyond his reach.
“Lily! Dammit, girl!” he growls at me. I look over his shoulder and see Elise running toward us.
“Lily!” she calls. “What’s wrong?” But I can’t face her. I can’t face any of them. I have to get out of here. I turn away and run through the cemetery, past the old church, across the wide green lawn, and into the nearby row of trees. I hear voices calling after me, but I don’t stop. I have to get away before my head explodes.
I don’t know how long I wander through the forest, but I find little comfort here. The trees grow wild and the ground is littered with leaves and twigs. Vines wind up the trees haphazardly and I cannot see the blue of the sky. The way the unkempt plants simply overrun the space unnerves me and I long for the beautiful structure of my garden. Thankfully, I’m not lost. I know that trees are always greener on their north sides, so if I walk in that direction until I come to a stream, and then follow it west, I’ll end up on the very southern border of Derby estate.
Eventually, I see the short green lawn of my father’s…I mean, of Albert’s grand home and the surrounding gardens. My feet are sore and I’m tired, but all of that seems to melt away when I reach the well-manicured bushes that border the southern garden. I see a weed poking up around a rose bush. When I bend down to pluck it, I see a few more, so I pluck those up as well, tossing them onto the gravel walkway to be swept up later. I realize that this area has been sorely neglected during my time in London. The area not only needs to be weeded, but aerated as well.
I work for a while, losing myself in the calm pleasure of gardening when I realize this the probably the last time I will tend these plants. Once I leave here with Elise, I do not believe I shall ever return. I look around the garden,
at every plant I have tenderly, lovingly, raised from a seedling or cutting. I remember how each one came into my life. A rosebush I purchased in London. Lilies that Father once gave me for my birthday. Orchids I stole from Lady Harbin’s greenhouse.
Oh, I’ll be able to garden again of course. Elise’s garden is barely worthy of the title. It’s little more than a well-tended hedgerow. I’ll tend to it, make it beautiful, but it won’t be mine. I’ll be shuffled between the homes of Elise, Constance, and Mama, never truly settled into one place.
My eyes begin to water again at the thought. Perhaps Albert was right and I am a stupid girl. Wouldn’t living here in my own home with my own garden be better than having no home at all? Of course, that would mean putting up with Albert for the rest of my life. Putting up with his…attentions. Children would inevitably come, and the thought makes me sick. Not the children, but what Albert would do to me to conceive them. He’s not a kind man and I worry how he might treat me if I were his wife.
I sit on my backside and pull my knees to my chest as the tears flow again. What should I do? All I see before me is a life of misery.
I hear footsteps, quick, as though someone is running, as I realize that my mother and sisters must be mad with worry. I get to my feet just as the person rounds the corner.
“Lily!”
“…Henry?” I can’t believe my eyes. How can he be here? He rushes to me and takes my hands, helping me to my feet. He lets out a sigh of relief and embraces me.
“Thank Heaven you are all right,” he says.
I stand there, solid, so surprised by his attention. But after a moment, I feel the warmth of him take me over and a sense of safety overcomes me. I wrap my arms around his back and lay my head on his chest. The tears flee and I feel calmer than I have all day.
Henry runs his hand over my head, brushing my hair back from my shoulder. I hadn’t realized that it had fallen loose in my wanderings.