by Jeff Strand
No. That was a cowardly plan.
Julie was many bad things, especially today, but she was no coward. She would stop Ralph's rampage before it began, or die trying. No, "or die trying" was taking it too far, but she'd certainly be putting herself in harm's way, briefly.
She was about a minute from the apartment complex. She didn't hear any sirens or see any red and blue flashing lights, so it didn't appear that Ralph had started murdering people before she got there. She still had a narrow window of opportunity to wuss out.
The window of opportunity closed without her wussing out.
She pulled into the parking lot. Ralph's car was there. Ralph was in the car, which was a good sign. There was no visible blood on his face, so that was an even better sign. There was an empty spot right next to his car, but she didn't want to take that one. Julie parked at the other end of the building.
She was wearing her baggiest shirt. This wasn't to make her look unsexy, but rather to make it easier to hide the pistol she was going to wedge into the front of her pants. Ralph would feel it if he hugged her, but she felt that, considering the circumstances, she wouldn't arouse too much suspicion if she turned down a hug.
Julie triple-checked that the safety was on, even though she'd never taken it off the whole time she'd owned the weapon. She didn't want it to accidentally go off any time, but especially not when it was pointed directly at her labia. She shoved it down her pants, glared at herself in the rearview mirror to convince herself that she was a fierce warrior, and got out of the car.
* * *
Ralph shoved the knife down the front of his pants and got out of the car.
He and Julie walked toward each other. She looked fantastic in that baggy shirt that she almost never wore that turned him on because the armholes were too big so when she turned he'd catch a glimpse of side-bra. She hated that shirt. But she could certainly hide a gun underneath it.
He considered smiling at Julie to put her at ease, then decided that he couldn't trust his facial muscles not to give off a serial killer vibe.
* * *
Okay, yeah, Ralph was looking scary as fuck.
He seemed to be trying to maintain a calm expression but it wasn't working. If she'd seen him looking like this at any point during their marriage she would've said, "Nope, nope, nope!" and fled to the nearest divorce lawyer. His shoelaces dragged behind him with each lumbering step. The chances that this wouldn't end with her putting a bullet between his eyes suddenly seemed quite a bit more remote.
As they got within a few feet of each other, he held up his hands, palms out. "Don't worry," he said. "I left the knife in the car."
Julie wanted to ask him to lift up his shirt, but then he might ask her to lift up her shirt. She'd just keep a safe distance.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Not great."
"I'm sorry that things worked out this way."
"Me too, me too. But I think I may have come up with a solution."
"Really?"
"Hear me out. Don't say yes or no until I've finished explaining it. What I was thinking is that we could balance things out. You'd find one of your hottest friends, or we could use one of those dating sites to meet somebody, and then I could have two girls at once. We'd start off by me watching you two, and then at some point you'd beckon me over to join in the fun. You'd both go down on me at the same time, maybe one of you working the shaft while the other one works my balls—you'd get to choose who went where. Then you'd go down on her while I gently stroked your hair. After a few minutes, I'd move to a different spot and do you from behind while you kept licking her. I'd do you first because you're my wife. After you couldn't take it anymore, or she couldn't take it anymore, or I couldn't take it any more, I'd lie on my back, and she'd sit on my cock while you sat on my face, and you two would make out and play with each other's breasts. I wouldn't be able to see what was going on with your pussy grinding against my face but I'd be able to hear it and that's good enough. We'd do that for a while, and then you'd both get on your hands and knees, side by side. I'm leaving out some stuff, but I'm just trying to give you the basic gist. Anyway, I'd use my fingers on her while I was fucking you, and then I'd use my fingers on you while I was fucking her, and we'd keep it going until both of you came. Then we'd have this contest where I kept switching back and forth between you, maybe ten strokes at a time, and whoever I came in won the contest. It would be you of course, because even though we haven't decided on anybody yet I can pretty much guarantee that you'd be tighter and feel better. Oh, when I say 'came in' I'm not suggesting that I wouldn't be wearing a condom. I'd have one on every time I was inside of her, and that's a promise. Once I was done, you two could play with each other some more or we could all just relax or we could kick her out the door. Your call. We wouldn't make this a regular event; just a one-time thing. I truly believe that it would resolve my anger issues. What do you think? You don't have to answer right this second."
"Nobody can accuse you of not putting some thought into this."
"A lot of that was just off the top of my head. And of course we'd add or subtract whatever activities you wanted. You'd be the boss. As long as it was two women at once I wouldn't be fussy."
"Do I get to pick the girl?" asked Julie, who didn't care if she got to pick the girl, because she would not be participating in this fantasy, though Ralph didn't need to know that.
"By all means, yes. I wouldn't ask you to go down on a woman you weren't attracted to."
"If I realize that I don't like the way women taste in general, could I stop, no hard feelings?"
"Of course."
"What if we added another participant?"
"Like who?" Ralph asked.
"Maybe a certain...sock puppet?"
"Now you're just teasing me."
"No. Let's be honest. The hardest you've ever been is when I had Dippy on my hand, and if you're going to satisfy two women, you need to be at your hardest, right?"
"Well, I assumed that you'd do a lot of the work in satisfying each other, but yes, I think I could find another Dippy to replace the one you set on fire, and with two naked women on the bed I’m sure I could forget that it wasn't the original."
"And this would make you not feel like killing anybody?"
"Cross my heart," said Ralph, crossing his heart.
"Then let's do this."
"You're not on board with the idea."
"I just said I was. Totally on board. I'll even scissor her."
"I don't believe you."
"You'll believe me when you have four boobs pressed against you."
"You were recoiling the entire time I described the scenario. You're humoring me because you're hoping I'll give up on the idea of killing your whores. And just to be clear, I'm calling Kirk and Skip whores, not you."
"Understood."
"So, no, sweetie, we're not going to resolve this with a threeway," said Ralph. "We're going to resolve this with a chat. We'll go up to Kirk's apartment. You will tell him that you never want to see him again. I will tell him that he's an asshole. There will be absolutely no violence. But we will make it clear that if he tries to get in touch with you again, there will be violence. Then we will leave, go home, and figure out which one of us moves out. Are you okay with that?"
Julie tried to figure out if he was serious. His proposed course of action seemed reasonable. She just wasn't convinced that Ralph was in a reasonable mood. But did she have any choice except to trust him?
She decided that she had no choice, unless she wanted to just whip out the gun and shoot him in the face, which she didn't. She'd just stay on high alert.
"All right," she said. "That sounds fair."
"Good. Let's go." Ralph walked toward the building, stumbling a bit.
"Tie your shoes."
Ralph looked down at his feet and sighed with annoyance. He crouched down, then suddenly clutched at his stomach and cried out in pain. "Shit! Oh, shit!"
"W
hat happened? What's wrong?"
"Stabbed myself in the gut!"
Julie hurriedly knelt down next to him. "Show me where it—"
Before she knew what was happening, Ralph had his hand under her shirt. And then he had the gun.
"I'm dumb, but I'm not that dumb," he said. "Or at least I wasn't that dumb this time. Now let's go pay a visit to your boy-toys."
30
Julie didn't feel stupid for falling for the "pretending to accidentally stab yourself in the stomach while bending down to tie your shoe" trick. It wasn't a very common trick and it was, sadly, credible that she'd married a man who might injure himself in that manner.
Ralph had shown her that the knife wedged in his pants was in a protective leather sheath, because apparently he thought she was wondering how he'd pulled off that magic trick. Then he stuffed her gun in his pants next to it. Julie was disappointed that he was hiding the gun; her chances of escape would be improved if somebody could look out their window and call the police to say, "Hey, uh, some dude is pointing a gun at this lady in the parking lot."
Ralph grabbed her arm. "Walk naturally," he told her. "No funny business. I don't want to shoot or stab you."
"Please, just let me go," said Julie. She tried to summon tears, but she was so pissed off that she could only summon a scowl.
"I'm not hurting your arm, am I?"
"No."
"Let me know if I start to squeeze too tight. I'm trying to focus on a few different things at once and I don't want to hurt you."
"I will."
"Then let's move, bitch!"
They walked over to the front entrance to Kirk's building. Ralph reached for the door, and then hesitated.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have called you a bitch."
"It's okay," Julie assured him.
"No, it's not. It's really not. As angry as I am, there's no excuse for calling my wife—or any woman—a bitch. I lost control of myself. It won't happen again."
"At least you didn't call me a cunt."
"Please don't use that word."
Ralph opened the front door. Julie walked into the building, and he followed.
Julie desperately needed a plan. Though there had to be plenty of good ways to get out of this mess, she couldn't think of any at the moment. She could try to seduce him, but dropping to her knees and unfastening his pants would be too transparent. And their problems didn't stem from any unwillingness on her part to have sex with him, so offering him her body now probably wasn't going to do any good.
They walked up the stairs. Julie still didn't have a plan. She hated the idea of relying on a spontaneous plan of escape, but unless a brilliant idea occurred to her in the next minute or so, that was the best she could do.
A brilliant idea did not occur to her in the next minute or so.
* * *
Kirk, Skip, and Myra looked over at the door as somebody rang the doorbell. Kirk stood up and walked toward the door. Then he had a mental image of several shotgun blasts coming through the wood, and decided to approach the door from the side.
"Who is it?" he called out.
"It's me," said Julie.
Kirk leaned over and looked through the peephole. Yep, it was Julie, not somebody disguising their voice to sound like Julie.
"Are you alone?" Kirk asked.
"Yes."
Her features were distorted through the lens so he couldn't quite gauge her facial expression, but Kirk kind of got the impression that she was being held hostage. That perhaps Ralph was standing next to her, just out of peephole visibility range.
Nah. Julie was too clever to be outwitted by that dumbass.
Kirk opened the door.
"He has a gun," Julie said, as Ralph stepped into the doorway.
Ralph shoved Kirk backwards, then yanked Julie into the apartment, apologizing if he tugged on her arm too hard. He kicked the door closed behind him. It didn't close all the way, so he turned around, shut it, then turned back to face everybody while pulling a gun out from underneath his shirt.
"I'm not here to start executing people left and right," he announced. "As long as nobody does anything stupid, this might not turn into an orgy of bloodshed. Do I need to rattle off what qualifies as stupid or can you all figure it out?"
"Honestly," said Skip, "I'd prefer a list so that I don't get shot for doing something that I didn't realize was against the rules."
"You're done talking," said Ralph, pointing the gun at Skip's face. "Everybody on the couch, now!"
Kirk and Julie squeezed onto the couch next to Skip and Myra.
"I'm sorry," Julie told Kirk.
"It's all right," he replied, even though it really wasn't.
It was four against one. If the four of them simultaneously charged at Ralph, there was no possible way he could shoot all of them before they tackled him to the floor. Best-case scenario for him, he could shoot two. Maybe only one. However, for this plan to work, everybody had to agree that a twenty-five to fifty-percent survival rate was an acceptable risk. They probably wouldn't agree with that. And in fact, Kirk was already becoming dubious about his own hypothetical scenario, since he was likely to be Ralph's first target. Yeah, it was a terrible plan. They should just sit on the couch for now.
"Who are you?" Ralph asked Myra.
"Kirk's friend. I swear I'm not trying to throw anybody under the bus, but for the record, I do agree that you were treated badly. What these three did was completely inappropriate."
Ralph nodded. "I know, right?"
"That's all. Like I said, I'm not trying to sell out anybody to save my own skin. Just wanted to point out that I think you have a legitimate gripe. At the same time, if you shoot anybody, you'll lose your higher moral ground. Just wanted to point that out as well."
"Noted," said Ralph.
Kirk started to speak, then decided that he should raise his hand to be called on first.
"What?" Ralph asked.
"I also want to point out that when I told Myra about your offer, she told me in no uncertain terms not to do it. If I'd listened to her, none of this would have happened, or at least it would've happened with different participants. She's not just blameless; she played an active role in trying to stop it."
"I understand that she's innocent," said Ralph. "And I'm here for specific revenge, not mindless bloodlust. So I'm not going to harm her in any way, except maybe psychological damage, but there's nothing we can do about that. I can't let her go because she's obviously the most responsible person in this room and she'd call the police, but if anybody gets killed here tonight, it won't be her."
"Thank you," said Myra.
"No need to thank me."
Skip raised his hand.
"I'm not calling on you, so put your hand down," Ralph told him.
Skip lowered his hand.
"Like I said, I'm not here to start executing people left and right. In a perfect world, we'll all walk out of here still alive. All I have are some questions. Answer me honestly, and we can get through this. If I think you're lying, I'll shoot you. If I shoot you, I'll assume that a neighbor is going to call the cops and I have nothing more to lose, so I'll shoot everybody but Myra. Got it?"
Kirk, Skip, Julie, and Myra nodded.
Ralph pointed the gun at Skip. "We'll start with you."
"Truth."
"What?"
"Instead of dare."
"We're not playing Truth or Dare."
"Oh. Okay. Truth still works, then."
"When you and Kirk were fucking Julie, were any of you laughing at me?"
"No," said Skip. "Absolutely not. Nobody was laughing about much of anything. We had this playful vibe going on, like everybody was having fun, but I can't think of any examples of people laughing. I guess there may have been some nervous laughter because we were all new to this kind of thing. Nothing at your expense."
Ralph pointed the gun at Kirk. "Do you agree with that answer?"
"I could not possibly agr
ee more with that answer. In fact, I'll expand it to include snickering, or any expression of mirth whatsoever. There literally was not a single moment, and I'm counting the other time when it was just Julie and I, where anybody gave any indication that they were getting enjoyment from knowing that this would upset you. And the only reason I'm avoiding eye contact when I say this is because if I look directly at you I have to look at the gun, and if I do that I'll wet my pants."
Ralph lowered the gun. "Say it now."
Kirk said the same thing, looking Ralph in the eye, praying that Ralph would see that he was telling the truth. He'd lied a lot recently, and didn't want the irony of dying over a truthful statement.
Ralph kept the gun lowered and looked at Julie. "Do you agree with Kirk and Skip?"
"I do. We didn't even talk about you. Hell, Skip had never even met you."
"Yes, he had. I'd hired him to kill Kirk."
"Excuse me?"
"You didn't know that?" Ralph asked.
"No. I didn't really believe that he was there to fix the floor, but I didn't know you'd hired him to kill anybody." Julie looked a bit queasy. "I would not have pressured him into group sex if I'd known that."
"How did you know I'd met Kirk?" Ralph asked.
"What?"
"You said Skip never even met you. You should also think that Kirk never met me."
"Oh, that. I knew you paid Kirk to have sex with me. I didn't realize we hadn't already discussed it."
"We hadn't."
"Well, I knew."
Ralph looked very uncomfortable. "That's...embarrassing."
"It's not normal, that's for sure."
"Are there any other revelations hanging out there? Or is everybody caught up now?"
"I don't think I'm caught up," said Myra, "but I'm okay staying that way."
Ralph stood there silently for a moment. "I don't even remember what I was asking."