by Hettie Ivers
“Only you can tell us why you’ve chosen to appear before us now as the child you were when we last saw you on earth,” Jolie said, tilting her head at me.
Had I chosen that? This was a dream, wasn’t it? Did I have the power to make such choices in dreams?
“It’s more than a dream, Lauren,” Fedora answered my thought. “This is your first lesson.”
My head moved slowly from side to side. “But you’re dead. All of you.”
“We ain’t livin’,” Tobias confirmed. “But we ain’t passed on iver.”
My eyes flitted over the gathering. There were so many of them. “Granny told me seers never stay behind. Seers always cross over—because they know better.”
“Traditionally, that is true,” Jolie agreed, sharing a look with the others. “But some of us felt that exceptional circumstances called for exceptions—even to our own rules.”
The grey-haired man expounded, “Lauren, we seers succumbed to a bitter, violent defeat ten years ago. Our ranks were annihilated, and as we watched helplessly from the ether, we saw a new abomination unleashed upon the world. We knew that the next generation of seers—our own children and grandchildren—would be facing in the flesh what we faced in our lifetime in the ether.”
“Wot Jack’s sayin’ is, we lost the battle wiv Maribel ten years ago. But we stayed behind ter help yer win the war.”
“It’s not about winning, Tobias,” Granny Nina’s voice broke into the conversation as she materialized behind Jolie. “This is about restoring balance to the world.”
“Granny Nina!” I skirted around Jolie and threw my arms around my grandma’s waist the moment I saw her. “I can’t block the spirits anymore,” I rushed to tell her.
“I know.”
“They just keep coming. Every day there are more. I don’t know what happened—why there are so many now.”
“We need to talk, dear.” She patted the top of my head. The gesture felt stiff. Formal.
It dawned on me that she wasn’t hugging me back. I pulled away from her to better study her features, and she started walking away from me.
“Granny Nina?” I hurried after her, my shorter legs taking two strides for her every one. “What’s going on? Why are there so many more spirits?”
“There are no more than there were before. I’ve simply stopped helping to block them from you.”
“So you really did stay behind? You’ve been helping me?”
“I did.” She stopped and turned to face me. “I was.”
I looked at all the other seers around us chanting in the forest. What Tobias and Jolie had said was true? They’d all remained these past ten years? “But you always told me seers don’t stay behind.”
“Things change.” Her words were clipped, her demeanor cool.
Why wasn’t she happier to see me? If she’d stayed, why hadn’t she spoken to me until now? “For how long will you stay?”
“As long as it takes.”
“Takes for what?”
She inclined her head in indication of the vision still playing out of the white wolf being killed.
Granny Nina’s decision to stay behind had something to do with the white wolf? She was here because of him?
“What do these visions of the white wolf mean? They’re unbearable. You have to help me find a way to make them stop.”
“Lauren, you aren’t a child anymore. You have to be braver than this.”
I shook my head as tears blurred my sight. I wanted her to pick me up and hold me, to crouch down to my eye level and put her arms around me at the very least. But she did neither. She stood tall and proud, watching the little white wolf die with a hardened stare, her arms crossed over her chest.
“I can’t be brave, Grandma. Why am I having these visions? Why do I have to see this horror again and again?”
There was no sympathy in her honey-brown eyes as she turned away from the white wolf’s demise to look down at me. “Because you need to understand that this is how evolution happens. Every end is a new beginning. Energy can never be destroyed, only converted. Transformed.”
I failed to see the evolution and transformation aspect in the gruesome visions that had been assailing me. “I don’t understand. Why do they keep tearing him apart like that?”
“They’re common wolves, doing what they believe is best to protect their pack. They tear him apart out of fear, because he is so different. They scent that he is not one of them, even though he looks as they do on the outside.”
“What is he?”
“He is a new subspecies no one has defined. The werelocks have embraced him for the past four centuries as their own, but there are those among them who, like the common wolves, see his inherent differences and sense in their gut that he is not entirely as they are.”
“Why doesn’t he die? Because he’s different?”
She nodded. “His life essence is too strong.”
“If he’s so strong, then why doesn’t he stop them from tearing him apart like that?”
“Eventually, he does. But at this stage”—she nodded at the vision of the dismembered wolf left for dead in the snow—“he doesn’t know his own power yet. And he does die—in a sense. Every time. But death for him isn’t the same as it is for any other species. He is too tethered to the life energy of the earth to cross over. Each time the arctic wolf is torn apart, he simply regenerates. And every time he regenerates, he is altered. He evolves—transforming into something far stronger than the being he was before.”
“How? I still don’t understand.”
“Neither does he.” The projection of the white wolf vanished. “That is why we need your help.”
“Me? What can I do? Is there something I can do to stop him from being killed again and again?”
She shook her head. “Your purpose is the opposite, in fact. You must help the arctic werelock understand that he needs to die—for the sake of the greater good—just one last time.”
20
Kai
“Kai … when you were here the other day, did you say something that upset Lessa?” Milena inquired through our mind connection as I stood alone in my ice cave in Greenland. Her tone sounded more curious than reproachful.
“I did,” I answered telepathically.
She waited for me to elaborate. When I didn’t, eventually, she asked, “On purpose?”
I felt a grin break across my face. I hadn’t come close to smiling for days. “Yes.”
This was why I loved Milena. Neither of us liked to say much. And with one another, we didn’t need to. We simply understood. In my mind’s eye, I pictured her in Brazil biting her lip to suppress her own amusement while looking over her shoulder to make sure Alex didn’t catch her relishing her bitchy sister-in-law’s most recent torment.
But her demeanor was composed and appropriately solemn as she relayed, “Lessa hasn’t told anyone what it was that you said to upset her. Not even Remy.”
And she wouldn’t out of her loyalty, love, and respect for Maribel.
“Will you tell me what you said?” Milena asked.
“Only if I have to.” As my Alpha, Milena could command me to tell her. But that wasn’t her style.
“I see. Okay. Well, you should know that Alex is pretty upset with you right now.”
“When isn’t he?” Alex and I hadn’t gotten along for most of his life. But the real ugly tension between us had started after I’d survived my mate, Maribel, in death.
Maribel had been Alex’s first serious relationship, and he’d adored her long after their love affair had transitioned to friendship. He’d been eighteen when they’d gotten together, and Maribel eighty-one. To all of werelock society at the time, Alex and Maribel had seemed the perfect match—equally paired in power, pedigree, and stunning classic beauty—which was likely why Lessa had thought to push them into a romantic liaison. But they were only well suited on the surface.
Before Milena had come into his life, Alex had been known for hi
s dark and brooding demeanor. But dark and brooding did not a sadist make. Besides being a virtual child at the time he’d been with Maribel, Alex’s stunted emotional awareness wouldn’t have allowed him to understand the complex sexual needs of a woman such as Maribel. He never would’ve entertained indulging her masochistic tendencies had she shared them with him—which she hadn’t.
I’d been away during the time they’d dated. It wasn’t until eight years after Alex and Maribel’s romance had ended that I’d met Maribel for the first time and immediately identified her as my true, fated mate.
“Is that the cave you grew up in?”
“Yes.”
“May I have a tour?”
I turned in place within the small segment of the cave where I had spent most of my childhood, allowing Milena to see it through my eyes. Maribel was the only other person I had ever shown the cave to before.
“Trophy kills?” she asked of the old bones stacked high in several corners.
“No.” I didn’t expound.
“I was teasing. You don’t have to tell me why you’ve kept them.”
“I know. Thank you.” I didn’t offer more, and she didn’t ask. Another reason we got along so well. She’d immediately recognized the subtle change in my temperament and had correctly surmised that the bones must hold significance for me to have kept them. But she didn’t need to know why—at least not today.
“So, you’ve been staying in wolf form a lot out there, huh?”
“It’s easier to chase poachers that way.”
I knew she wasn’t buying my bullshit, but she said, “Makes sense,” and let it go. “Kai, I know you said that Lauren is still developing her seer abilities, but I had an interesting dream the other night about Joaquin Salvatella, and I was wondering if maybe the new seer could help interpret it for me.”
“No,” I refused a little too readily, then softened it with justifications. “I don’t think she’s ready for dream interpretation. Moreover, she’s not even convinced of the existence of werelocks yet.”
“Really? How is that possible? Weren’t her forebears seers as well?”
“Yes. Lauren’s maternal grandmother was a well-respected seer, but Lauren’s mother didn’t inherit the gift. I believe I told you the mother had a difficult time of things after the grandmother and the rest of the seers were killed. She insisted her daughter forget what little she’d learned, and Lauren’s had no one to talk to about any of it since.”
“Oh, that’s right. My bad. It’s this darn pregnancy brain. I do recall you telling me you’d accessed the mother’s medical file some months ago when you first went out there.”
Had she really forgotten? Or was she baiting my emotions to see how I reacted to sensitive topics related to Lauren’s life? Her next question confirmed my suspicion.
“So, is she cute—the seer?”
Why on earth would she ask that? “She’s … average.” My inner wolf perked up, ready to stage a revolt at my bald-faced lie. “Attractive for a seer, I suppose,” I amended. It did nothing to calm my wolf’s outrage.
“I see. What’s she like? Is she nice?”
“Yes. She’s a very sweet girl.” Dear God, Milena was onto me.
“That’s good to hear. So … average-looking and nice? Does that pretty much sum up all of her qualities?”
After a pause, I admitted, “No.”
There was silence while she waited for me to say more. Fuck. “She’s clever,” I added.
“Clever is good.” She obviously wanted me to continue. She seemed determined to drag it out of me.
“Witty,” I said as my inner wolf roared, “Perfect!”
“I imagine sense of humor is important in a seer,” Milena commented approvingly. “What else?”
Give her something. Just give her something. “She’s got a refreshing innocence and naiveté to her that’s at odds with how embittered and jaded by life she already is. She’s fragile, but she has tremendous spunk and fire in her, and she hides her sensitivity behind an adorable tough façade that’s at once heartbreaking and infuriating to …” I trailed off as I realized what I’d done.
“Oh, my gosh, Kai, she sounds amazing!” Milena gushed. I could feel her enthusiasm for me.
Goddamnit, this was all wrong. “She’s just all right. Nothing spec—”
“This is so exciting. You have a little crush on her, don’t you? Is that why you needed to get away?”
For the love of Christ! “Of course I do not have a crush on her. She’s an assignment.” And I didn’t “crush.”
“Kai, it’s okay if you’re attracted to her as a woman. It’s perfectly natural for you to—”
“I’m not. Why on earth would you draw such an outlandish conclusion simply based on my assessment of her personality?” Were my emotions that transparent?
“Well, for starters, because it looks like your wolf clawed her name into the wall of your cave over there by bone pile number three.”
I looked to the spot she’d referred to. Fuck. She was right. My wolf had actually clawed Lauren’s name into the cave wall. When had he done that? How had I missed it?
“I have to go,” I said.
“Kai, wait—”
“She’s an assignment, Milena. Nothing more.”
“Kai, I know Maribel went to extreme measures to sever your mating bond, and I know you never wanted it, but she did what she did so that you could live on—and love on—without her. It’s been ten years since she freed you, and it’s been a hundred and eight years since she’s been gone. It’s okay for you to feel attraction for another woman.”
“I am not attracted to the seer. We have nothing in common, and besides that, she would never be okay with the way that I am. The things that I want to—” Damnit. How did she always get me to reveal so much?
“I’m not suggesting you have to do anything about the attraction you feel for the seer. But won’t you please acknowledge to yourself that it exists? That you’re capable of taking an interest in a woman who isn’t Maribel? That you might be open to pairing up again with someone one day?”
“You don’t understand.”
“I know. You’re right, I have no frame of reference to be able to understand what you’ve been through—what you’re still going through. I just want you to be happy. I want you to be with someone who deserves you—”
“No one ‘deserves’ the punishment of being with me, Milena. My own true mate committed unspeakable acts for a century in order to avoid the eternal damnation of a mating bond with me.”
“No—it wasn’t like that! Maribel wanted you to live. She loved you enough to let you go. Don’t you see? She wanted you to be happy and live on without her.”
That was the problem. I didn’t see it. After ten years, it still didn’t add up for me. The Maribel I knew wouldn’t have made a choice like that.
We shared a moment of silence before Milena continued, “It’s no secret I’m not fond of Maribel, and that I can’t forgive her actions in the ether. But I remember her final words to me, and I do believe she genuinely loved you, Kai—as much as a person who didn’t love herself was capable of loving another. Maybe if I hadn’t been so selfish in my anger toward her, I would’ve stressed that point to you more often over the past decade.”
I was about to interject and tell her it wasn’t necessary, when her words gave me pause. Milena had never shared many details of her conversation in the ether with Maribel with me. In truth, I’d never asked her to, because I hadn’t wanted to know. Until now.
“She told me how you’d loved the darkest, most shameful, secret parts of her that she herself wasn’t capable of acknowledging, much less accepting. She admitted that she had never loved herself in life, and she hinted at the ways in which that had impacted your relationship—your bond. She said you loved the woman in her that she had spent a lifetime trying to hide and to change—and that she hadn’t wanted you to love the ‘real’ her.
“But despite all of that,
I believe that everything she did—as horrendous as it was—was to save you: her White King. She told me that you were everything, and she declared that you would live if she had to sacrifice the world’s inhabitants to make it so. Well, actually, she tossed a stone tabletop and shouted that last bit at me.”
That part sounded like Maribel. She was indomitably stubborn when she set her mind to something.
“Look, I may never understand all the dynamics and intricacies of your relationship with Maribel, but I know that mates—fated or otherwise—are meant to be equal partners, Kai. I don’t mean in strength and power or magical ability. I mean in their hearts—in their love for one another and their union. Together, they create a whole. If one half of the whole doesn’t feel as if their contribution is adequate, or that they are worthy of their mate, then the relationship inevitably falls out of balance.
“Maribel claimed that it was fear and selfishness rather than love that drove one to mark a mate. She called the mating bond a sickness—an inherent flaw of our species. But I think she only viewed it that way because for her, it was. She could never fully accept your love—and by extension, your mating bond—because she couldn’t accept herself.”
Which was still ultimately my fault. “Milena, I really need you to give me space right now.”
I felt her sigh of sadness and frustration. “Okay.”
“I know you mean well, and I appreciate it.”
21
Lauren
I was manning the espresso grinder when I caught Jeff checking out my ass for the fourth time.
As with most things that were wrong with my life, this, too, was my mother’s fault. Not the fact that my ass looked killer in the houndstooth pencil skirt I’d chosen to wear today—although I supposed Babs deserved some credit for that as well—but the fact that Jeff had been making googly eyes at me all morning.
When I’d arrived ten minutes late for my ungodly early Monday morning shift, I’d expected my quasi-manager to be annoyed. But instead, I’d been greeted by a huge grin on his blushing face as he’d said with a chuckle, “Hey, you never told me your mom was into Russian dolls.”