Her relationship with Jeff wasn’t real. He was safe. Someone she could spend time with who wouldn’t press her for more because he accepted her for what she was: a workaholic with a fear of relationships who had no real desire for a family of her own. Or so she told herself.
“Or would you?” He stopped pacing long enough to wait her out, stare her down, and make her skin prickle with awareness. “Maybe you were using him us a buffer. You thought I’d back off if I believed you’d moved on.”
She stared into her glass before bringing it to her lips. Anything to avoid answering the question in his eyes.
“That was it, wasn’t it? You knew Ethan and Grace would fill me in on what you’d been up to. You thought if I heard about the engineer I’d give up on you, move on. You could retreat back to your safe little bubble, right? Meaningless one-night stands or flings with guys so boring there was no chance of them holding your attention for the long haul.”
She’d never known a man who could read her mind as easily as he could. It was unnerving. “I made no secret of what I wanted. The same thing you did, I thought. Fun, no strings attached. So why are you accusing me of being shallow now?” Before he could defend himself, she said, “That’s the pot calling the kettle black, isn’t it, Loran?”
He crouched down in front of her, resting his hands on either side of her thighs. “You want the truth? I was a shallow, self-centered, egotistical pig until I met you.”
She diverted her gaze, trying to ignore the rapid thump of her heart. “We weren’t together long enough for me to have that much of an effect on you.” But she knew that wasn’t true. He’d made a lasting impact on her too. She was a completely different person, pre-and-post-Loran.
“Look at me.”
He wasn’t even touching her, yet his voice was soft and commanding, willing her to obey. And she wasn’t a girl who blindly obeyed anyone.
“What?” She wanted to pretend she couldn’t see in his eyes everything he was feeling, but it was as obvious to her as if he’d said the words she was trying so hard to bite back.
“You want me too.”
“No.”
“Yes, you do.”
The fact that he was confident had never been a secret to her, but this assuredness was borne of a certainty that had nothing to do with his ego. Fate, that’s what he’d called it once. She laughed in his face then. But she wasn’t laughing now.
“You should probably go.” She looked at the door, as though it would magically open. “It’s getting late and I have an early morning.”
He nodded slowly. “I can wait, Bella.” He brushed his fingers over her cheeks. “As long as it takes.”
“Don’t waste your time waiting on me.”
“It’s not a waste of time.” His lips barely skimmed hers, but it was enough to make her mouth tingle. “It’s an investment in our future.”
***
There was a reason Bella had a three-date rule. Anything beyond three dates required a messy, face-to-face break-up and she hated those. Yet here she was, in Jeff’s office, rehearsing her speech while she waited for him.
“Hi,” he said, grinning when he spotted her. “My assistant said you were waiting for me. What’s up?” He kissed her cheek on his way to his desk.
“I’m sorry to just stop by like this. I know I should have called or texted first.”
“No problem.” He glanced at his watch. “But if you were hoping to grab lunch I’m afraid I can’t. I have a meeting in twenty minutes.”
Good. That meant they wouldn’t have time for a long, drawn out scene. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“Sure.” He smiled, swiping a hand over his freshly-cut brown hair. “What did you want to talk about?”
She shifted, trying to recall the words she’d rehearsed.
“This is about Loran, isn’t it?” he asked, frowning. “Did you go home with him last night?”
Was she that obvious? “Actually, he did give me a ride home. But nothing happened.” It was true, he’d barely touched her. So why had her body been buzzing all night, begging for relief?
“Okay, if this isn’t about him, what’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing is. I know you better than that, Bella.”
She’d allowed this to go on too long, trying to distract herself from thinking about Loran. It wasn’t fair to Jeff and now she owed him an apology. “I think you’re a great guy.”
He groaned. “Please don’t tell me you’re setting me up for the friend speech.” When she couldn’t deny it he gave her an incredulous look. “I thought we were finally getting somewhere. Now that we’re living in the same city, we could start seeing each other more. You’d even told me you’d think about meeting my family next month.”
“I know.” She glanced at her cell phone when it buzzed. It was peeking out of the pocket of her handbag and she could see the name flash across the screen. Loran. “Um, I know what I said. But I never led you on, Jeff. I told you I wasn’t looking for anything serious.”
“I know what you said, but when we both decided to move here I thought—”
“You thought it was a step in the right direction.” She should have corrected his misconception sooner. “I’m sorry. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but it wouldn’t be fair to go on wasting your time.” Last night’s claim echoed in her ears. Loran claimed he was making an investment… in their future. “I’m sure there’s someone out there who wants the same things you do, but you can’t meet her if you’re with me.”
“What if I want to be with you?”
She wished it were that easy. Jeff was a nice guy, a safe bet. No risk of getting her heart broken with someone like him. “I’m afraid I…” Her stomach churned. She hated this part. “I don’t want to be with you, Jeff.” She reached for his hand across the desk when he winced. “Forgive me?”
“No reason,” he said, looking her in the eye. “You can’t help how you feel.” He sighed. “Thanks for being straight with me.” He gestured to their surroundings. “And showing up here to tell me, face-to-face. I know you didn’t have to do that.”
She’d thought about going to his place that evening, but his office seemed like a better option. “Well, I should let you get to that meeting. I have a pretty full day myself.”
He walked her to the door and held his arms out before opening it for her. “I hope he’s worth it.”
Their embrace was stiff and awkward as she said, “He’s not the reason I’m doing this.”
“You may not think he is, but I know better.”
Chapter Three
Loran hated the off-season. He got so antsy without the daily grind to keep him busy. That’s why he was so psyched about this project with Bella. Not that she’d agreed to take on the job. Yet.
“Oh, hey.”
A pretty blonde looked up at him when he walked into Bella’s office with an armful of flowers.
“You’re that baseball player. Loran, right?”
“That’s me.” He nodded to Bella’s closed door. “She in?”
“She is, but I think she’s busy right now. Can I…?”
Before she could suggest he come back later, Loran tapped on Bella’s door and walked in before she could invite him. “Hey, gorgeous.”
Her eyes widened before she sank back in her swivel chair. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to talk a little more about that project we discussed last night.” He produced the assortment of flowers in a crystal vase. “And to deliver these.”
“They’re beautiful.” There was a smile teasing her lips. “But I’m swamped today. I don’t have time to discuss your proposal.”
“How about tonight then?” He’d much rather meet with her outside of her office. At his place, preferably. “You can stop by my house, do a walk through. I can tell you what I like and don’t like about the place. That might give you some ideas for my new house.”
“I don’t recall agreeing to design a house for you.”
&
nbsp; He set the vase down on a corner of her desk after closing her door. “No, but you didn’t say you wouldn’t. We should at least talk more about it before you decide, don’t you think?” He wasn’t being unreasonable and they both knew she’d be crazy to turn down a high-profile project that could lead to other jobs.
“I suppose I could stop by after work.” She consulted the calendar on her phone. “Does seven work for you?”
“Perfect. How ‘bout I order Japanese?”
“That sounds great.” Her smile slayed him every time.
“Excellent. I’ll see you later then.” He closed his hand around the doorknob when he heard her whisper his name. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for the flowers. They’re beautiful.”
So are you. “My pleasure.”
***
Bella believed seeing a person’s house was the best way to uncover their secrets. And she couldn’t wait to discover what Loran was hiding behind his front door.
His house was a traditional Tudor, which surprised her. She would have pegged his for a modern, even austere-looking property. But this looked like a period home, complete with mature landscaping and winding natural stone paths splitting groomed perennials and emerald green grass.
“Very nice,” she said, when he opened the door.
And she wasn’t talking about his house anymore. He was wearing black jeans and a white button down shirt with that fresh-from-the-shower look she loved so much.
“Thanks.” He smiled, nearly making her drool. “I like it.”
“So do I.” She forced herself to focus on the house when he led her inside, since that was, supposedly the reason for her visit. “Honestly, if this were my house I don’t think I’d want to move.”
The décor was classic, very traditional, in keeping with the period, but it was obvious a man lived there alone. Everything was dark and masculine, from the original wood floors to the doors and trim. Thankfully he’d taken out walls, enlarged windows, and selected light paint colors, so it wasn’t oppressive.
“I love that you kept the original trim,” she said, running her hand over the polished wood banister. “It would have been a crime to paint it white.”
He was standing behind her, so close she could feel his warm breath tickling her neck. She tried not to move, not even to breathe. It wasn’t him she was worried about. She didn’t trust herself.
“I’m glad you came.”
I haven’t yet. She bit back the words, but the ones that popped out were nearly as bad. “I broke up with him.”
“You did?” He stepped in front of her, his eyes searching her face. “Why?”
“It was time.” She could tell Loran it wasn’t because of him, but she was a terrible liar. “The relationship had run its course, I guess.”
“It was doomed from the start, you know.”
She stepped around him, needing a little space to re-group. “What’s a girl gotta do to get a drink around here?”
He chuckled. “I’ve got a bottle of your favorite Chardonnay chilling. How does that sound?”
“Perfect.” This wasn’t like a first date. He knew her, what she liked and didn’t like. Her hot buttons. What to say to make her mad… or give up the fight. “Thanks.”
She followed him from the hallway, past the formal dining room to a kitchen at the rear of the house, just off the family room. “I love the reclaimed brick walls,” she said, admiring them in the kitchen and family room. “Was that you?”
“It was all me.” He opened the bottle of wine and poured a glass for her before reaching back into the fridge and extracting a beer for himself. “I’m afraid this place had fallen into disrepair when I bought it. The lady who lived here was ninety-four. She and her husband bought it the year they married, almost seventy years ago. When she lost him…” He handed her the glass while his eyes locked with hers. “She let it go.”
“I can understand that.”
“Can you?” He tipped his head while he studied her. “Can you imagine loving someone so much your will to live dies right along with them?”
It felt like a trick question. Of course she could imagine loving someone that much, but if she admitted as much he would only push her harder. “It would be hard for either of my parents to go on without each other.” She was deflecting and he let her as he followed her into the family room.
She sat down on the arm of one of two sienna leather sofas facing each other. Her gaze drifted to the heavy wood mantle fastened to the natural stone fireplace. There was half a dozen pictures of Loran with family and friends, but the one that held her attention was a photo of him with a woman who was clearly his mother.
“I never would have pegged you for a mama’s boy.”
He grinned as he sat down on the sofa she occupied. “I’d do anything for her and she knows it.”
It was hard for her to reconcile the skirt-chasing partier she knew him to be with a man who loved his mama as much as he claimed to. He’d spoken of her before, of course, but seeing a photo of them together, with Loran looking down into her smiling face as the camera captured a candid moment between them made it obvious.
“They say you can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother.”
She watched him over the rim of her glass, wondering whether he’d try to impress her with stories about what a wonderful son he’d been since signing his multi-million dollar contract.
“I owe her everything. When my parents divorced she was our rock. My dad didn’t want any more to do with us, so she was stuck raising us by herself.”
“Can’t have been easy,” she said, wishing he wasn’t so hard to resist.
“It wasn’t.” He eased back on the sofa and glanced at the framed photos. “By then I was already obsessed with the idea of making it to the big leagues. It would have been easy for her to tell me that dream died when my dad walked out, but she didn’t.”
“No?” Bella knew it was dangerous, allowing herself to see him in this light, but she couldn’t help wanting to know more about him.
“No, she busted her ass to make it happen for me. It wasn’t easy. She had to work two jobs, but she still managed to get me to my games, camps, all the travel…” He shook his head. “I don’t know how she did it, but she never let me down.”
“Not like your dad did?” she said gently, knowing it must be a sore subject. He’d once told her his parents were divorced, but never went into detail about their split.
“My dad was always selfish.” He took a long pull from his beer. “I shouldn’t have been surprised when he walked out on us.”
“But you were?”
“I was surprised he wanted nothing more to do with us, sure. What kind of father cuts his kids out of his life? That’s messed up.” He looked up at her, his dark eyes filling with emotion. “Don’t you think?”
She wanted to wrap her arms around him, to stroke his hair, to tell him that had been his father’s loss. Instead she nodded, fighting back the anguish she felt on his behalf. “I do.”
“Makes me want to be a better father.” He cleared his throat. “When the time comes.”
“You think about that a lot? Being a parent?” Bella felt like she was skating on thin ice, but now that he’d brought it up she had to know how serious he was about being a family man.
“More now than ever,” he admitted, staring into the fire he’d built before she arrived. “More of my friends and teammates are settling down. The years seem to be slipping past in the blink of an eye.”
“I know what you mean.” It seemed like she’d just celebrated her twenty-first birthday. How could a decade have passed since then?
“You’re an amazing aunt,” he said, his smile soft. “You obviously value family. You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about having kids.”
“Maybe I’m not cut out for being a mama. Could be I’m meant to be a doting auntie instead.”
He seemed pensive when he asked, “You really believe that?”
&
nbsp; “I’ve never been good with commitment.” She didn’t know why she continued to remind him and herself of that fact. A defense mechanism maybe. “You know that.”
“When something is important to you, you commit,” he reminded her. “School. Your business. Your friendships, family. You’ve never walked out on those things.”
“True. But I loved those aspects of my life. Was passionate about them.”
“And you don’t think you’d be equally as passionate about being a wife and mom?”
She felt the warmth crawl up her neck as she laughed. “How did we get on this subject? I thought I was here in a professional capacity tonight?”
“Right,” he said, curling a strong hand around his bottle. “The house.”
He’d seemed angry she was so determined to change the subject, to refuse to let him in. But it didn’t feel like she had a choice. Keeping her guard up with a man like Loran was her only option. He admitted he’d been with other women since the last time they were together, which spoke volumes about his headspace.
“Do you have a piece of property?” she asked, clearing her throat. “To build on?”
“I do.” He nodded slowly, as though forming a plan. “Maybe we could drive out and have a look at it tomorrow? That would give you a chance to see the exposure, help me decide where the site should be. It’s twenty acres, so we have some options.”
“Twenty acres.” She whistled. “Wow, that’s a lot of land.”
“I crave my privacy, the older I get. Don’t get me wrong, this is a great old house. Just a little too close to my neighbours for my comfort.”
She wasn’t surprised he was the kind of man who wanted some seclusion. So much of his life was spent under scrutiny. It couldn’t be easy to be on all the time. “I get that.”
“Besides, I’m thinking about the future with this next house. There’s a pond for fishing, room for a pool. Even a multi-sport court, playground.” He grinned. “How great would that be? My kids could have their own private park?”
My kids. Bella couldn’t explain why that simple phrase hit her like a sledgehammer. Maybe because she imagined two little dark haired beauties who looked just like him chasing each other around a slide in their own backyard.
Payback (Summer Rush #6) Page 3