She kissed his lips before looking him in the eye. “Nothing is going to change the way I feel about you.”
“But family is important to you and—”
She silenced him with another kiss. “And so are you.” She took a step back before setting the flowers down on a side table. “I thought we were working on this trust thing, Loran. Don’t you trust me to still want you when things get hard?” She was trying not to let the hurt and disappointment seep into her voice, but she thought they were finally getting past all the uncertainty.
“I do.” He closed his eyes when she gave him a pointed look, challenging him. “I want to.”
She scooped up the flowers and took them into the kitchen, forcing herself to take a few deep breaths when she heard the door slam. She didn’t know which side of it he was on, but prayed he’d stayed so they could work this out, once and for all.
She finally released the breath she’d been holding when she heard his footsteps on the tile floor as he entered the kitchen. She reached for a vase above the sink, but he snagged it before she could.
He reached around her to fill it with water and she relaxed into his strong body. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you, but I don’t want there to be this tension between us either. I need you to know how I feel about you.” She knew she was asking a lot, since she hadn’t been able to express with those all-important three little words how much he meant to her.
“Then tell me.”
His lips brushed her temple and she sighed with satisfaction. The slightest touch from him had the power to right her world, and calm the butterflies dancing in her tummy.
“You know I think you’re amazing.” She cut the stems off the flowers as she considered all the things she loved about him. “I love that you’re passionate about what you do, but don’t let it consume your life. You’re confident, but not full of yourself, and that’s sexy as hell. Plus, you care about people. Even total strangers.”
She smiled as his hands drifted over her hips while he kissed her neck. “You’re the kind of man I’ve always wanted in my life, when I allowed myself to admit I wanted someone at all.” It wasn’t exactly an admission of love, but it was close. She hoped he could read between the lines.
“Go on.”
She laughed as his hand slipped beneath her sweater. “How ‘bout I tell you how great you are later?” She turned her head to the side and whispered, “In bed.”
He groaned and she felt his arousal. “You expect me to wait that long to finish this?”
“Anticipation makes it more fun,” she teased, turning into his arms.
His expression was serious, almost grave, as his eyes travelled over her face. “I love you, Bella. I think I’ve loved you since the first time we talked on the phone. You were cutting me up, making me laugh, and I knew right then you were different. You weren’t like all the other girls who tried so hard to impress me because of who I was and how much money I made.”
He didn’t have to tell her he loved her. She could feel it every time he touched her. But it was really nice to hear those words pass his lips. “I was testing you,” she said, with a smile. “To see if your ego could handle it. I didn’t want a guy who took himself too seriously.” Not that she’d been thinking about making Loran hers way back then. That thought didn’t enter her head until days passed and he was all she could think about.
“I wasn’t looking for you,” he whispered. “I wasn’t looking for anyone. I thought my life was pretty damn good the way it was. I was living the dream. Until I realized you were part of the dream.”
She never expected a tough guy like Loran to be so open about his feelings, but she loved that he was. He wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable with her and that made her want to open up to him too.
“You were my nightmare.” She tapped his chest at his look of confusion. “Falling for someone as hard as I fell for you had always been my worst fear.”
“And now?”
Seeing the uncertainty in his eyes confirmed her suspicions they still had a long way to go, but conversations like this one were helping them get there. “And now I’m not really afraid anymore.” He tipped his head, studying her, and she conceded. “I can’t say that I never let doubt creep in because I do. I’m only human. But the more time I spend with you the more time I want to spend with you.”
His smile was slow, as though he was considering her response. “I like that.”
“I like it too.” She rolled forward on her toes to kiss him. “I like moments like this, just talking. Hanging out and watching TV.” She lowered her voice, whispered in his ear, “And I love the way we cap off the day.”
He’d either been spending the night at her place or she’d stayed at his. Despite her earlier protests that she didn’t want to cross that line, they were crossing it and she didn’t mind.
He smacked her bottom, before a warning light flashed in his eyes. “You keep talking like that and we’re never going to get to your parents.”
“The sooner we leave the sooner we can get home.” Home. Sharing a home with Loran was starting to sound better and better to her.
***
“You guys look happy.” Grace smiled as she watched Loran pick up her daughter and toss her over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry as he raced toward the tent they’d built with blankets in the sunroom.
“We are.” Bella was still afraid to jinx it, but she was getting tired of denying the truth. Loran did make her happy. “He’s a really good guy, Gracie.”
“Isn’t that what I’ve been trying to tell you?” she asked, nudging Bella in the ribs with her elbow.
“I couldn’t let him get too close,” she whispered, turning to face her friend, her back to the group. “If I started needing him and he left me—”
“That’s a risk we all take when we fall in love, honey,” Grace said, looking sympathetic. “You wouldn’t know that, since you’ve never allowed yourself to fall in love before, but what you’re feeling, your fears, it’s perfectly normal.”
Grace knew it was. She’d talked to her therapist years ago about what it mean to let someone into her life, so she understood some of the reasons she’d chosen to keep men at arm’s length.
“He says he wants to get married, have a family someday.”
“And how do you feel about that?” Grace asked, watching the shenanigans over her friend’s shoulder.
“He’s great with kids,” Bella said, stealing a glance at Loran over her shoulder. “There’s no denying that.”
“That he is. It’s obvious he’s ready to be a dad.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I’ve known him awhile. Ethan’s known him even longer, and he said he wasn’t always like this. Their teammates had kids, but Loran wouldn’t play with them the way he does with ours. He’d be sweet to them, of course, but he wouldn’t be like this.” She gestured to Loran, who was lying on the floor, tickling Emma’s tummy while she squealed with delight and kicked her legs.
Loran caught Bella watching them and smiled, looking slightly embarrassed at being caught.
“Can you give me a hand in the kitchen?” Bella’s mother asked, touching her shoulder. “I need to get the desserts ready.”
“Sure.”
Bella excused herself and followed her mother into the kitchen, but as soon as they were alone her mother gave her a curious look. “So, you and Loran? How long has that been going on?”
Bella found a platter in a cupboard and started cutting up a tray of brownies. “A little while.”
“Yet we’re just hearing about it. Why is that?”
She shot her mother a side-long look before asking, “Why? You don’t approve?”
“I didn’t say that. You know how much your dad and I like Loran, but he doesn’t seem like your type. You usually go for guys who are… safer.”
Her parents knew her too well. “I know Loran is different, but I think he’s good for me. Pushes me out of my comfort zone, so
to speak.”
“Is it serious?”
Bella had expected this question, but still wasn’t sure how to answer. If she said it was, her parents would be looking for wedding venues, and she didn’t want to go there. Yet.
“I care about him. A lot. I know he feels the same way, but we’re taking it slow. He’s a good friend of Ethan’s and I don’t want it to be weird if things don’t work out, ya know?”
“No, I don’t know.”
Bella knew that tone. She’d heard it every time she’d failed a math test because she hadn’t studied hard enough.
“You shouldn’t be thinking about it ending when it’s barely started.” She wagged a finger at Bella. “That’s your problem, you know. You’re always looking for an exit strategy. In case things don’t work out, which they never do, because you’ve always got one foot out the door.”
Her mother wasn’t the type to pull punches, but Bella didn’t expect her to call her out so soon after learning about Loran. “I don’t have one foot out the door. It’s different with him.”
“Is it?” She didn’t look convinced. “Tell me how.”
“We get along great. We talk and laugh. Have great chemistry. He really gets me and I get him too.” They were friends, in addition to having an intimate relationship, and she’d never had that before.
“Will it be hard for you when spring training starts?”
“Honestly, I haven’t thought that far ahead. We’re just taking things one day at a time right now.”
“But you must be spending a lot of time together. Loran told me you were designing a house for him.”
“I am. And we are.” Bella was satisfied to leave it at that, but she knew her mother wouldn’t be.
“This house… what’s it like?”
“It’s going to be beautiful. Everything he’s ever wanted, I hope.” That was her goal with this project, to exceed his expectations, and give him things he’d never even realized he wanted.
“Has he given you any indication he’d like someone to share it with him?”
Subtlety had never been her mother’s strong suit.
“He says he’s ready for marriage and kids.” Bella tried to ignore the smug smile on her mother’s face as she dusted a tray of homemade lemon bars with icing sugar.
“Is that so? I wasn’t sure he would be. I know he has a bit of a reputation. I thought maybe you two were just having fun. I know that’s always been your relationship strategy, have fun for as long as it lasts, then cut your losses and move on.”
That made her sound cold and indifferent and Bella didn’t think she was. Granted, she’d never been in love before, but that didn’t mean she’d felt nothing for the men she’d dated.
Her mother touched her face gently, a small smile gracing her lips. “Don’t give me that look. You know I love you too much to sugar coat it. I just want you to be happy, and if Loran makes you happy, which he seems to, I just don’t want to see you screw it up because you can’t commit.”
“I have committed to him.” Bella bit her lip as she realized it was true. For the first time ever she was all in with a man. “He’s my boyfriend. That’s all I can tell you right now.”
***
“Sorry,” Loran said from the kitchen door. “Didn’t mean to interrupt. Just came in to grab a few more beers for the guys.” He’d overheard Bella tell her mother that he was her boyfriend, which he supposed should make him happy. At least she was willing to label their relationship.
“You’re not interrupting,” Bev said, smiling sweetly at him. “Honey,” she said to her daughter, “Would you mind taking that platter into the living room? The kids are probably ready for some sweets.”
“Uh, sure.”
Bella cast him an uncertain glance, but he winked to let her know he was cool with her mother peppering him with questions about their relationship.
He dropped a quick kiss on Bella’s lips as she passed, making her mother smile.
“You’re crazy about her, aren’t you?” she asked, as soon as her daughter left the room. “I’ve been watching you two and you’ve barely taken your eyes off her all day.” She poured two cups of coffee and handed one to Loran. “You don’t need another beer. Neither does my son. You’re both driving.”
Loran smirked as he raised his mug. “Point taken.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Am I crazy about your daughter?” He didn’t even hesitate. “Yes ma’am, I sure am.”
“She’s not an easy girl to love,” she said, looking concerned. “She pushes people away when they get too close. I’ve seen it happen before.”
“I know.” And unlike her mother, Loran knew the reason Bella was so guarded. “I’m not worried, Bev. I can handle this.” At least he hoped he could.
“You’re a good man.” She seemed pensive when she said, “But—”
“I have a reputation.” He was glad she’d had the courage to bring it up. He would rather address his past than pretend it didn’t exist. “I know that. I’m not proud of it.” He looked her in the eye. “But I’m not ashamed of it either. I was a single guy dating single women. I didn’t do anything wrong or hurt anyone.” Granted, there were women in his past who wanted more than he could give, but he’d made it clear from the beginning that he wasn’t interested in a relationship.
“Was?” She bit her lip, the concern deepening the lines on her forehead. “Past tense?”
“There’s no one else in my life, aside from your daughter. And there won’t be, as long as Bella will have me, which I hope will be for a very, very long time.”
She visibly relaxed. “You’re in love with her.”
It wasn’t a question, yet Loran felt compelled to confirm her suspicion. “I am.”
“And she knows this?”
“She does.”
She nodded, appearing satisfied. “And she didn’t run. That’s a good sign.”
“I think so.”
She obviously heard something in his response he hadn’t been willing to vocalize because she added, “But she hasn’t said it back.”
“Not yet. But I’m sure she will.” In his heart he believed Bella was in love with him. She just needed a little more time to come to terms with her feelings. He knew it was a big step for her and he didn’t want to rush her any more than he already had.
She nodded, but that still didn’t ease the knot in Loran’s gut. She wasn’t convinced her daughter would get there, that much was obvious.
“I don’t want to see either one of you get hurt.”
“I appreciate that, but we can handle this.” Backing out wasn’t an option for him. Even if Bella destroyed him down the road, there was no way he could walk away now.
She stepped up to him, her expression sympathetic when she said, “I know you think you can, honey. I only hope you’re right.”
Chapter Twelve
Bella was immersed in Loran’s house plans when a tap on her office door distracted her. She assumed it was her assistant when she muttered, “Come in.”
“Hey.”
Her head snapped up when she heard a voice she hadn’t heard in a couple of years. A lawyer she’d been friends with, and dated, back home.
“Oh my God!” She jumped up, crossing the room to hug him. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m your new neighbour,” he said, laughing at her shocked expression. “Just moved in to my new office down the hall.”
“What?” she was still holding his hands in hers when she stepped back. “When we connected on social media and you asked how I liked it here, I had no idea you were considering moving here yourself.”
“I got a job offer from a pretty prestigious law firm. Junior partner. The opportunity was too good to pass up.”
She gave him another quick hug. “Congratulations, Matt. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks.” His gaze drifted to the flowers on her desk. Loran had been sending them every week since they started dating,
claiming he wanted her to have an excuse to think of him during the day. Like that was a problem. The problem was keeping her mind off the man.
“Nice flowers.”
“Thanks.” She smiled. “My boyfriend sent them.” She wanted to make it clear to Matt friendship was the only offer on the table.
“Ah, so it’s like that, is it?” He rocked back on his heels and slipped his hands into the pockets of his gray dress pants. “Who is he? Anyone I know?”
“Uh, you might know of him. He’s a ballplayer.”
“Loran.”
At her questioning look, he said, “I follow you on social media, remember? You’ve posted a few pictures of you two together lately.”
“I guess I have, haven’t I?”
She didn’t know why she felt awkward talking to Matt about the man in her life. They’d been friends since high school and only dated a few times after college. Maybe it was because this was the first serious relationship in her life she’d ever been willing to acknowledge.
She didn’t realize the door was still open until Loran cleared his throat, drawing her attention. His eyes were narrowed as he sized Matt up.
“Speak of the devil,” she said, rushing to Loran’s side. “Hey, babe.” She rolled forward on her toes to kiss him and the tension was palpable when he wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her to his side.
“Loran, this is an old friend of mine. Matt. We went to high school together. He just accepted a job at a law firm in the city. In fact, his new office is just down the hall.”
“Is that right?” Loran continued to size him up. “That’s quite a coincidence, isn’t it? Did you know Bella worked here… in this building?”
Looking uncomfortable, Matt glanced at Bella, before chuckling. “Uh yeah, I did. We keep in touch on social media. I asked her how she liked the city, where she’d set up shop, where she was living.”
“Pretty inquisitive for a casual acquaintance, aren’t you?”
Bella stepped out of Loran’s arms, shooting him a warning look. “We’re friends,” she said, emphasizing their relationship. “That’s what friends do, take an interest in each other’s lives.”
Payback (Summer Rush #6) Page 12