by Seven Steps
“Looks like it’s time for a new nickname,” I said.
Then I winked at him.
Winked!
Because that’s what New Lily did. She winked at people. And she didn’t take any crap. Especially not from Joe Ware.
Joe closed his locker and smiled at me. He had the weirdest look on his face. Almost… flirty?
“Maybe I should call you the girl who’s going to a movie with me on Saturday night,” he said. “You can tell me all about the new and improved Lily McAlister.”
I snorted hard.
“In your dreams, Ware.”
Then, I flipped my hair and turned away.
Take that.
Adrenaline charged through me as Calla nudged me with her elbow while simultaneously beaming with pride.
“You’re on a roll, girl!”
I laughed a little too loud. “You know it.”
“We should’ve slapped some makeup on you years ago. It’s doing wonders. Maybe you’ll even get off my couch this Saturday night and go out on a real date. Well, not with Ware, but an actual nice guy. Then you can fall in love and get married and name one of your babies after me.”
Marriage? Babies? Yeah, right. I was only seventeen. Of course, I wanted to get married one day and have a family, but not any time soon.
“How about I go to college, get a job, become a successful doctor, and find inner fulfillment first?”
She waved that comment away. “Don’t worry. We can squeeze all that in later. But, in the meantime, let’s focus on step number one. Getting you off my couch and finding you your first date of senior year.”
“How about we both find our first dates of senior year. Deal?”
“Deal.”
She gave me a low high five and walked in front of me to our first period English class.
There were about twenty kids inside the classroom, along with the teacher, Mrs. Beato.
She was thin like me, with blond hair, dark roots, and a serious expression. Her smart pants suit and heels cemented the fact she meant business.
The bell rang, and Calla and I hurried to find our seats. The only ones available were in the third row, dead center.
Great. I hated sitting in the front row. There was too much pressure to participate there, and I was not big on class participation. I hated having everyone’s eyes on me.
A dark-haired boy I didn’t recognize sat to my right, while Calla sat next to a tall redhead I’d seen around school before.
“Center seats suck,” Calla whispered, dropping into her chair. “It’s like having a bull’s-eye on our foreheads.”
I slid my notebook onto the table. “Maybe we can bribe someone in the back to switch with us after class.”
She chuckled. “Maybe you can trade one of your lonely Saturday nights for two back seats,” she said.
I gave her a look. “Please. I’m not that hard up yet.”
“Good morning, everyone,” the teacher said, cutting off all our conversations with a curt nod. “My name is Mrs. Beato. I’ll be your AP English teacher.”
Mrs. Beato launched into her new school year spiel. Most of it was about the books we’d be reading and what she expected of us. Then, she actually said something interesting.
“Throughout the school year, you’ll be in a total of ten rotating groups to work on various projects. Our first project will be a written report and poster based on Lord of the Flies.” She picked up a stack of papers and held them out to Charlotte McKenzie in the front row. “Take one and pass it back, please. The groups will be as follows. When I call your name, please sit next to your partners.”
Calla and I frowned at each other. We were being split up already? It was only the first day. What kind of monster assigned group projects on the first day of school?
I prayed for a miracle as I waited for my name to be called. I didn’t want to be with anyone else for the first English project of the year. I wanted to be with Calla.
“Our first team will be Anthony Beyers and Beckett Hayes.”
My heart stopped.
Beckett Hayes?
No. It couldn’t be.
I searched the room, looking for the familiar, short dark brown hair and intense green eyes, but I didn’t see anyone. Maybe it was a different Beckett Hayes?
My mind launched back to Kim’s words at my aunt’s wedding. She said Beckett had been seen moving back into his parents’ house back in June. I’d assumed she’d been misinformed since I’d been running up and down my block all summer and he never appeared.
Could Kim have been telling the truth? Was Beckett really back in Bloom?
Anthony Beyers stood in front of my desk.
“Guess you’re moving to the cheap seats,” he said, jerking his head toward where he’d been sitting in the back row.
Wait. If Anthony Beyers was taking my seat, that meant Beckett had to be…
I looked to my right at the boy sitting there.
His hair was darker and longer now, nearly reaching his shoulders. His once round face had matured into the hard lines and strong jaw of a man. His rounder body was gone too, replaced with thick biceps and a wide chest that stretched his short-sleeved black shirt. There was some scaring along his arms I hadn’t seen before, and he wore a watch on his right hand that seemed strangely out of place with his casual T-shirt and jeans look.
But his eyes told the truth. Those were Beckett’s eyes, just as green as I’d remembered.
My entire body filled with surprise, then burst with joy.
“Beckett?” I asked.
Beckett, my Beckett was here. My childhood best friend who’d been so brutally torn from my life was back. I wanted to throw myself into his arms. To tell him how much I’d missed him. To ask him what had happened all those years ago.
“Becks,” he replied shortly, more to Mrs. Beato than to me. This was not the child-like voice I’d remembered. This voice was deep and gravely. “It’s Becks now.”
“Beckett… uh… Becks, it’s me. Lily McAlister. Remember?”
My gut clenched, and my heart began to sink. I expected him to be as happy as I was. But his face remained tight and aggravated. There was no evidence of any of the pleasant memories we’d created with each other. Not even a smile. Just a hard stare that was so cold it froze my heart.
“I know who you are.”
I sucked in a breath.
He knew who I was? So why was he acting like this? Why wasn’t he as happy to see me as I was happy to see him? Why did he look like I’d just run over his dog?
Anthony bounced in his spot in some weird imitation of the pee-pee dance. “Come on, Lily, I’m not getting any younger.”
Right.
I took one last look at Beckett—Becks—expecting him to thaw out. To remember me. To want to pick up where we’d left off. Instead, his callous expression remained the same, leaving me with one option left. To gather my disappointment, confusion, and sadness, and make my way to the back of the room.
Leaving my two best friends behind.
A dark cloud hung over me, even after Mrs. Beato paired me with Calla for the project. I should’ve been ecstatic to kick off the year with my best friend. Instead, I was stuck in a vortex of hurt and anger.
What was up with Beckett or Becks or whatever he called himself now?
Why did he look at me with such cruelty?
Had I done something to him? Said something?
Embarrassment mixed in with my churning emotions. I wanted to hide in a corner. I wanted to never see Becks again. I wanted to avoid him at all cost.
But those were all the things Old Lily would’ve done. Old Lily was a master at evasive maneuvers. Old Lily ran. Old Lily hid.
But New Lily couldn’t do that.
New Lily had questions she needed answered, and New Lily was going to get those answers.
Today.
The bell rang, and I marched straight up to Becks before he could slip out the door.
When he turned h
is cool gaze at me, I froze with it. I wanted to scurry back into my corner. I wanted to hide. But this was New Lily now.
New Lily didn’t hide.
“Hey,” I said, clutching my notebook to my chest.
“Hey.”
Okay. I was here. What was I supposed to say to him? I cursed myself for not thinking this through more.
What would Old Lily have done? She would’ve stammered something incoherent and run off. So, as New Lily, I had to do the opposite of that.
“It’s been a long time.”
“Yeah, a summer is a long time around here, isn’t it?”
My brows pressed in confusion. “Summer?”
“Yeah. Remember? Gina McAlister’s wedding.”
Gina McAlister? As in my aunt Gina?
“You were at my aunt Gina’s wedding?”
“Well, she married my cousin, so technically I had to show up, right?”
I shook my head. This made no sense.
“I heard you were back in town, but I don’t remember seeing you there.”
He scoffed, a sound full of mocking. “Funny. I saw you. We even spoke for like a half hour. But you wouldn’t remember that, would you?”
He scowled at me, then looked at his watch.
“I got to go. I don’t want to be late for class. See you around, Lily.”
Then, he was gone, leaving me with my confusion.
What was he talking about?
When did I see him at my aunt Gina’s wedding?
When did I…
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I had seen Becks. He must’ve been the boy I was talking to by the fire. The one I was rushing back to when… when he started flirting with my sister!
My cheeks filled with hot rage.
Becks Hayes was the boy who’d chosen my sister over me last summer. The one who drove me to do this entire makeover because I’d felt less than worthy. The one who’d made me cry on the night of my aunt’s wedding.
And now he was here, with a new name and a new face.
I ground my teeth together.
How could this be happening? How could the boy I’d missed all these years ago turn into the boy I wanted to punch in the face right now? Well, one thing was clear. Becks was no friend of mine. And if he thought he was going to have a shot with my sister, he had another thing coming. Rose deserved better than some player like Becks Hayes. I would never let him near her again.
I’d make sure of that.
A hand wrapped around my wrist, and I whipped around to see Calla standing there, staring at me in confusion.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Fine,” I said shortly. “I’m absolutely, one hundred percent fine.”
“What was that about? Who was that guy?”
My former best friend, I wanted to say. The boy who’d broken my heart when he left and shattered it again when he came back.
“Just somebody I used to know,” I said, making my way toward the door.
“As your best friend and confidant, you have to tell me about all former boyfriends. You know that, right?”
We stepped out into the crowded hallway.
“He wasn’t my boyfriend.”
“Boy with kissing benefits?”
“Ugh. Definitely not.”
“Long lost stepbrother? Long lost stepbrother’s best friend? Billionaire playboy who wants you to be his live-in nanny?”
I cracked a small smile.
“No. And you read too many romance novels. Even more than me, and that’s not a compliment.”
“So, tell me. Who was Mr. Tall, dark, and broody?”
I sighed. “Fine. I’ll tell you.”
And I did.
For the rest of the morning, between classes and during classes, I told Calla everything there was to know about Becks and me. How we’d grown up together. Our friendship.
By the time lunch rolled around, Calla was just as angry as I was about the whole Becks coming back to town and flirting with Rose thing.
“I can’t believe he would sweet talk you and then ask your sister out! That’s way beyond rude. It’s sleezy.”
We carried our blue trays of food away from the lunch counter and began our search for a place to sit.
“It’s such a jerk move,” she continued. “We should tell him off. That’ll teach him.”
I shrugged. “I don’t want to tell him anything. I just want to get on with my life.”
“Oh, you’ll get on with your life as soon as you tell him how not cool it is to play games with girls’ hearts.”
“Well, it is Rose, after all. What guy doesn’t want to date Rose?” The words slipped out like an involuntary reflex. All day I’d put on this veneer of confidence, and now, Old Lily was rearing her head. I should’ve known she wouldn’t die so easily. I wanted to call my words back. To tell Calla I really didn’t believe them.
But that was the problem.
Deep down, I did believe them. I believed that under no circumstances would a guy choose me over my sister. I believed I wasn’t good enough to be wanted. And, no matter how much of a wall I put up against those feelings, the dark thoughts ate through them like acid.
Shame poured through me, and I took in a big gulp of air.
Calla grabbed my arm, turning me to her.
Her eyes burned hot with anger.
“Listen to me, Lily. Your sister is nice and pretty, but she’s not the end all be all. You are just as good as her. Got it?”
I nodded slowly. I heard what she said, but something inside of me still doubted. I just couldn’t fathom a world where Calla’s words were true. Why did I feel this way all the time? Why wouldn’t Old Lily just die already? I’d tried all day to be confident and to believe in myself. Now, all my efforts felt like a cheap façade, slowly crumbling away.
Calla pointed across the lunch room. “Ooh, there’s a seat.”
I followed Calla to an empty table.
Well, almost empty.
Only one other person sat there.
The last person I wanted to see right now.
Becks Hayes.
Crap.
I did not want to spend lunch next to the guy who’d asked my sister out instead of me.
What would I say to him? How should I act? Should I say something mean? Tell him how much he’d hurt me? Should I run away and go eat in the library? What would Old Lily have done?
I knew the answer to that immediately.
Old Lily would’ve taken the library option.
But, at the same time, I wasn’t sure that New Lily was a tell people off kind of girl. Sure, I’d quipped at Joe Ware earlier, but that didn’t mean I wanted to get into a verbal sparring match with Becks.
And, though it seemed stupid now, I still remembered Becks as my best friend. At one point in my life, he was my favorite person. And now he was completely different, and that baffled me. What happened between fifth grade and today? My curiosity warred with my anger and disappointment until I wasn’t sure what to feel.
Calla and I slid into the bench seats of the table and ate our lunches while, at the other end of the table, Becks played a game on his phone.
“You should say something,” Calla whispered.
My eyes widened, and I put my finger to my lips to shush her.
“Keep it down or he’ll hear you.”
“What’s the problem? I thought we agreed you’d tell him off.”
“No. I didn’t agree to that. You said we should tell him off and I didn’t respond.”
“Silence is consent. Everyone knows that.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Well, now you do. Go say something to him. Don’t let him play you like that.”
“Calla, just… just let it go. I’m not ready to say anything just yet.”
“Then let me say something to him.”
Oh no. I knew where that would lead. Right to Calla dumping her milk on his head. She was impulsive like that.
&
nbsp; “No. It’s fine. Just be cool.”
“Fine. But tonight, we’ll come up with a plan. Maybe key his car or toilet paper his house. That’ll show him.”
I had to admit I had thought of both options during the summer. But that was before I knew it was Becks.
Before I had a history with this guy.
Calla and I conspired against Becks over lunch and, though I tried to keep the pranks tame, Calla kept pulling me into a different direction. By the time the bell rang, she was dead set on filling his locker with glitter.
“Because glitter doesn’t come out, no matter how many times you wash it. Maybe if he looks like a Pinterest project gone wrong for the rest of his life, it’ll remind him not to mess with a McAlister.”
I chuckled. Calla was creative. I’d give her that.
“Where would we even find that much glitter?”
She winked. “I know a guy.”
Then we both broke out into full-blown, belly busting laughs. But by the time we looked up, Becks was gone, and the lunch room was starting to clear out.
I kind of felt bad for thinking about pulling a prank on Becks… but only kind of. I wondered if he felt bad for asking out my sister in front of my face. As I dumped the contents of my tray into the trash bin, my musings deepened.
Who was this new Becks? Was he even worth pranking? How would he react? And, most importantly, what had happened to the boy I used to know?
4
I’d started off today with my mask of confidence firmly in place. But, as the clock slipped closer to the end of school, my mask slipped, fell off, and rolled into a ditch. My clothes felt too tight, my hair seemed too flat, and my contacts burned. If Calla hadn’t been there to keep me sane, I would’ve put on my gym clothes, thrown my hair into a messy bun, slapped on my glasses, and hid in the library with a good romance novel just to retain some feeling of normalcy.
By the time I climbed into the car to drive home with Rose and Calla, I was mentally and emotionally drained. Trying to appear confident and put together, especially when you felt like the exact opposite, was hard work. How did girls do this every day?
Five minutes into the drive home, Calla tuned off the radio and turned to me.
“What is up with you?” Calla asked.
Did she mean besides the fact I wanted to crawl under a rock?