“You would be correct.” He went inside.
I closed my eyes again, glad to be left in peace, and exhaled heavily when I heard his footsteps approach once more. I opened my eyes just as he sank down in the open seat beside me, rocking the swing back with the force of his weight.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“You think you’re the only one having a bad day, princess?”
I scowled. “What’s so bad about your day?”
“Hm. Let’s see.” He took a sip of the whiskey in his glass. “My girlfriend broke up with me last night because I wasn’t willing to take things to the next level.”
“You have a girlfriend?”
“Had.” He shot me a sideways glance. “Are you not listening?”
“What’s the next level according to her?”
“Probably give her a key to my place.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Move in together. Get engaged. Who the hell knows?”
“You didn’t ask what she considered the next step to be?”
“In order to ask, you have to care, and I simply don’t.”
“How long were you together?”
He tilted his head. “How long ago was your wedding?”
“That long?”
“On and off.”
“And you wouldn’t give her a key to your place?” For some reason, I found that funny.
“Well, that would mean I didn’t anticipate ever being off. I would’ve had to go through the trouble of asking for my key back, changing the locks . . .” He shrugged. “I don’t have time for that shit.”
“Wow.” I felt my brows rise as I took a long sip of my whiskey. This was the man who just a few days ago had told me you make time for the things you care about.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged. “I guess it feels good to know you’re an all-around asshole and it’s not just something you reserve for me.”
He winked and shot me a smile that made something in my stomach flutter. I pulled back slightly, suddenly needing to put some distance between us, because my reaction wasn’t something I could handle right now. He sipped on his drink, but kept his eyes on mine, as if he knew what I was feeling and thinking. As if he was okay with that, but that was bullshit. I knew Nathaniel and hearing his admission of his breakup because he wouldn’t commit to something more was all the more reason I needed to chill out. I tore my gaze away from his and looked up at the tealights, which were off.
“They’re solar powered,” he said, as if reading my mind. “And they’re white.”
“Oh. Wow.” I smiled. “You installed them.”
“I told you I would.”
I met his gaze again. “People say a lot of things and don’t make good on them.”
“Only liars do that and I’m not a liar.”
“Well, thank you. I do appreciate you doing this.” I took another sip, leaning back in my pillow and closed my eyes as his foot kicked the swing into a steady, slow motion.
“I like this swing,” he said.
“Me too.” I didn’t open my eyes. “It’s so soothing. I could seriously sleep in here.”
“So could I. It’s bigger than the bed I had growing up.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“What was it like? Your life growing up?” I turned my face toward him and opened my eyes again. He was looking straight ahead.
“Pretty normal. My dad died when I was eighteen, so my mom put up with a lot of shit from me. Mom’s a nurse and worked day shifts, so she was gone a lot and we were very frugal, but a lot better off than the kids I went to school with.” He glanced back at me. “Your dad gave me a job, offered me guidance. Sometimes, I think of how different my life would’ve turned out without Winston giving me something to do all those afternoons.” He looked away again, taking another sip of his drink. “I sure as hell wouldn’t be sitting here. That’s for sure.”
“That’s why you want to donate to the foundation,” I whispered. “Because you could’ve easily been one of those kids growing up in the streets.”
He looked at me briefly and nodded sharply.
I swallowed. “I gave it to Adam.”
“What?” His attention whipped toward me.
“The foundation. I let Adam have it.”
“I thought you built it.” His frown looked more like disappointment than disbelief. I didn’t like the way my chest squeezed at the sight of it. When had I started caring what Nathaniel thought of me?
“I did.” I finished off my drink and set the glass on the floor beside me. “But I wasn’t ready to fight as dirty as his lawyer was for it. The foundation was never about who did what. It was about doing something with our money that went further than first-class seats and our images that had nothing to do with politics, though, let’s be honest.” I shot Nathaniel a look that I hoped would help him read between the lines.
He stared at me for a long moment. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. His expression said it all—he was disappointed in me, and that pissed me off. I sat up straight and turned toward him.
“You know, this entire year has fucking sucked for me, so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t get all judgy with me right now. Yes, I gave him an organization I built from the ground up. Yes, it hurt, but you know what? I have my freedom, and there’s no price for that.”
“You know what you’re problem is, princess?” He set his glass on the floor and leaned closer to me. “Everything has been placed on your lap. You don’t know what it is to fight for something. That’s why you let things go so easily.”
To hell with him. He has no clue what means what to me. I hadn’t realized I was gripping the front of the swing until I pushed myself up. It takes me a second to gather my bearings, the alcohol I just drank swishing in my head making my feet sway slightly. He looked perfectly content sitting there, his long leg still rocking the swing lightly, as if he hadn’t just insulted me. His expression was expectant, like he couldn’t figure out why I hadn’t said anything the minute I stood. I continued to glare at him.
“I let him keep it because I wanted to move on. I don’t expect you to understand. You can’t even give a woman the key to your damn apartment, so I don’t expect you to know or comprehend what it’s like to be in a marriage. A loveless marriage, at that. I don’t expect you to know what it’s like to be unwanted or . . . or . . .”
I paused to swallow back the inevitable tears, but it was no use. I felt them right there. I knew if I spoke another word I’d crack, and I couldn’t crack. Not now. Not like this. I ended my marriage today. Five years of my life gone with nothing to show for it. I felt utterly alone. Desperately lonely. Unlovable. I turned to walk away, when he grabbed my hand. No. Just let me leave.
“Stay.”
“I’m done with this conversation.” I shook my head, blinking rapidly. “I’m tired of men trying to make me feel small.”
“I’m sorry.” He tugged my hand, still in his. This time, I turned around and faced him.
“I hate you,” I whispered.
“No, you don’t.” His lips twitched ever so slightly before he got serious again. “You should never feel unwanted.”
“That’s rich coming from you.” I scoffed, taking my hand from his.
“What does that mean, coming from me?”
“Surely I don’t have to say the words aloud.” I glanced away, wondering when it started getting dark out.
The tealights flickered on and off once, twice, three times before they stayed on. At least that was functioning, unlike everything else in my life. It was the self-depreciating part of me that smiled at the thought. The swing creaked as Nathaniel stood up. I didn’t look back, but I felt his presence loom behind me. He walked around and stood before me.
“Say the words.”
“Where should I start?” I looked up at him. “Back in college when I asked you to kiss me on like three different occasions and you turned me away, or when you showed
up at my wedding and finally did it knowing nothing could come of it? Why’d you do it anyway? Why’d you show up there and do that? I never made sense of it. Or was that your point? To make me think about it for years to come?”
“Did you?” He inched closer and licked his lips. I fought to keep my attention on his eyes. “Did you think about my lips on yours all those years?”
“No.”
“Liar.” He moved closer, bringing his hand up to cup my neck, his thumb grazing my chin. My pulse jumped. “Tell me again, with more confidence this time.”
“Why are you doing this?” I whispered. “Just kiss me if you’re going to kiss me or leave me alone if you’re not. I’m so done with this.”
The folds that cased his eyes crinkled as he leaned closer yet, the tip of his nose brushing mine, his soft lips rubbing against mine. Mine parted on their own accord, expectant, but he pulled away again, his eyes on mine. My heart was pounding so hard I thought if he didn’t kiss me right this second I might pass out, but I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be the one to do it. Not this time.
“Do you think about my lips on yours, princess?” he asked, his voice a low gravel that intensified the yearning inside me. I shook my head, fighting it. He brushed his nose against mine and pulled back again. “Do you wish I’d stop talking and kiss you now?”
“I wish you’d stop calling me princess.” I tried to narrow my eyes, but it was no use with my breath coming in short spurts and my heart beating like a rapid staccato
“Do you really?” His lips pulled up to a lazy smile, his thumb caressing my jaw. “I think you like when I call you that.”
“You think wrong.”
“Hm.” He moved his hand, his thumb brushing against my neck. “I think you’re lying about that too.”
“You’re so annoying, Nathaniel. Either kiss me or don’t.” I tilted my face a little more, begging without words. “I’m not going to beg for you to do it. I’m not that girl anymore.”
His eyes flashed with an array of emotions—alarm, regret, lust—as he brought his other hand to cradle the other side of my face. The possessive motion matched the look in his eyes as he finally brought his mouth down to mine. His lips were warm and soft, a complete contradiction to who he was. He took his time exploring my mouth, his thumbs caressing my jaw ever so slightly as if to ask for it to part farther, to move with him. I felt myself sway with him, my lips parting to allow the intrusion of his tongue.
When it met mine, I felt the air whoosh out of me. My heart took a leap, and I felt myself leap with it, pushing body flush against his, bringing my hands up to tug the back of his hair, pulling his face to mine, unwilling to part from his lips. My life seemed to balance on that kiss. He groaned into my mouth, his teeth nipping mine, sucking, his fingers burying in my hair and pulling to the point of pain, my eyes watering with the bite. I pushed on, wrapping a leg around his waist, and then another as he lifted me up, his hands gripping the backs of my thighs and pushing their way to my ass, bare in the thong I wore. He tore his lips from mine, pulling back, his expression cloudy.
“Are you trying to fucking kill me?”
“You act like I planned for this to happen.”
He let out a little growl as he took my mouth again, his fingers gripping me tighter. My back arched. I rocked against his stomach, wishing I was a little lower. As if reading my mind, he lowered me slightly, pressing me to his hard erection. Even through his jeans it felt thick, hard, and long. The thought alone made me grind again. He hissed out a breath, letting go of my mouth, dragging his lips down my jaw, my neck.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you,” he said, a murmur against my neck.
“Now who’s the liar?”
“I’m not lying.”
I wanted to roll my eyes and call him out on it. Instead, I pulled his hair hard enough that his face aligned with mine and when it did, I kissed him harder. I’d heard stories, watched movies, read books about people being consumed by a kiss. I thought I’d experienced it before, but this teeth-clinking, tongues-clashing, hair-tugging kiss that left me gasping for air was incomparable. He broke the kiss first. His grip loosened on my ass, just a touch, but he still had a wild look in his eyes.
“Come home with me.”
“Yes.”
It was a split-second decision. One I’d probably regret tomorrow, but right now? I wanted to be consumed.
Twenty
We stumbled into his apartment like two drunkards, even though by the time we made it there we were completely sober. This would be a rebound hookup, but not one I’d blame on the alcohol. I told myself that I had to keep kissing him because if I stopped he’d say something to piss me off and ruin the moment, but in reality his mouth felt so good on mine I couldn’t bear to come up for air. When he dragged his mouth from mine it was to push me back on his bed. I fell upon it with a whoosh and took in the scent of him on the comforter beneath me. As I inhaled, he was all I smelled.
“Take that dress off for me, sweetheart.” The way he said that, all low and gravelly, made my stomach flip. I sat up in the bed and obeyed his wish, pulling it over my head, revealing my bare chest and thin thong. He closed his eyes, breathing out through his mouth as if I was testing his patience.
“Are you going to undress or stand there fantasizing about fucking me?”
His eyes snapped open. The heat in them was palpable. I felt every inch of me burn with it, yearn for it. He started undressing, his eyes on mine the entire time, as if he was afraid I’d go anywhere. I was sure my legs wouldn’t abide my wishes even if I wanted to get away, which I didn’t. When I saw the first sliver of his toned torso, I licked my lips, savoring what was to come. My heart pounded as he drew near, placing his hands on either side of my head and dropping his head to kiss me slowly, deeply, with a gentleness I hadn’t imagined could ever come from him. He broke the kiss, dragging his lips down, kissing and sucking as made his way down my neck, my chest, stopping to explore my breasts. My hand went to his hair, tugging, begging for more as I moved against his mouth.
“I’ve dreamed about this moment more times than I can remember.” He kissed his way down my stomach, biting the top of my thong and tugging it down my thighs and calves with his teeth. He brushed his nose against my leg until he reached my inner thighs. He blew out a breath over me. “I have to say, the reality beats out every single one of my fantasies.”
“You fantasized about me?” I arched and threw my head back when he ran his tongue through my slits.
“All the time.”
The grip I had on his hair tightened. “Liar.”
“Hm.” It was a sound he made as he sucked me into his mouth.
“Holy shit, you’re actually really good at this,” I gasped. His rumbled laugh vibrated through me. I gasped again. He seemed to want to consume me completely yet still keep me on the edge. I’d lost track of the amount of times he’d brought me to the brink and then toned it down once more.
“I need to come,” I said, fisting his hair tighter in my hand. “You need to make me come.”
“Hm.”
That was all he’d give me. Hm as his tongue slid across my sensitive flesh once more, swirling right where I ached. I felt like I was on fire, the blaze lit from inside of me seeping into each of my pores. I couldn’t do this. I wouldn’t survive this kind of pleasure. Adam never did this—took his time with me. I’d never been with anyone who had before him either. Everyone had always chased their own pleasure. They hadn’t made time to let the other person enjoy it. I arched my hips, rocking against him. It felt like a bold move, daring, something I’d managed to control up until this point. He groaned loudly, as if the move pleased him, as if one of his fantasies was coming to fruition, though I couldn’t imagine this being one—me grinding against his mouth, charging after the orgasm I felt building inside me. When I came, it felt like fireworks had gone off inside me, blinding me, deafening me, completely exploding all my senses. I thrashed and yelled embarrassing
things. I must have said every single name in the bible as that orgasm hit me—Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Holy Moses . . .
Nathaniel had managed to position himself between my legs, teasing my entrance with his cock, which was huge and thick and standing at attention in a scary way. I bit my lip, arching my hips as I reached between us to stroke him. His nose flared with each touch. After a couple of beats, he pulled away so he was out of reach. I pouted, but soon after, he reached for a condom and started unwrapping it slowly onto his shaft, and every single one of my complaints left me.
“I want to memorize this moment forever.” He shook his head, lids heavy, as he moved forward again, his cock teasing my entrance. “I want to replay it every morning and every night.”
He continued to glide along me, but not inside, and I rocked against him, pleading for more. It wasn’t long before I said, “Please. Just please.”
“Tell me.” He rocked against me again. “Say it, princess.”
“I need you. I want you.” I rocked. “Please.”
He closed his eyes as if savoring the words, and opened them once more as he slid inside me, achingly slowly, little by little, inch by inch, stretching me until I felt almost painfully full. I bit down on my lip hard. It’d been a while, and even so, he was bigger than I was used to.
“God damn, sweetheart.”
I bit down harder as he growled out the words, and harder as he grabbed my hips and started to move, rocking against me just so. His gaze met mine, wide, echoing the same surprise I felt. It was terrifying. Rebounds were supposed to help you forget – they weren’t supposed to make you feel. As he held my gaze, I felt beholden to him. This no longer felt like comfort, it felt big and whole and all-consuming. He continued to move inside of me as he brought his face down to mine, his lips capturing mine in a deep, thorough kiss, his tongue as deep in my mouth as he was inside me.
I felt him everywhere, I couldn’t escape him, and when he brought his hand between our chests and tweaked my nipple, making me moan loudly into his mouth, I knew I didn’t want to. I wanted to live this moment forever, and whether or not he was lying about memorizing it, I knew I’d never forget it. I felt myself clench around him, felt my orgasm build so tightly until it exploded inside me, making stars rain down in its wake. I gasped, eyes wide, as I watched his own orgasm climb and felt him spasm against me. He bit down on his lip and closed his eyes as if he was savoring the moment, and I finally closed mine and let out a breath, emotionally and physically sated.
The Consequence of Falling: (An enemies-to-lovers office romance) Page 10