“That’s bullshit.” I wiped my tears. “If you’re proud of her, you should tell her. You should show her.”
“I’m trying.” He smiled sadly. “And your father was trying with you. I know because we spoke about it often. You taking it out on Nate isn’t going to do anything but make you angrier, and you don’t deserve to live with all that anger.”
“So what do you suggest I do?”
“Let it go.”
I blinked. “Let it go?”
“You can’t control how things make you feel, but you can control what you do with those emotions. You can choose to let it go or stay angry. I learned the hard way that it’s best not to harness negative emotions.” He shrugged. “Let it go.”
He stood up without saying another word. Not that he needed to say any more than he’d already said. When he left the office and shut the door, I let myself openly cry. A few hours later, I took a cab to the game. I rarely did so, but I didn’t feel like dealing with too many people right now, and I needed time to reapply my makeup and fix my hair, so a cab was the easiest way. On the way there, I kept thinking about my conversation with Ezra and wondered if he was right about the manager thing. I wasn’t going to ask Nathaniel.
Me: Should I hire a manager?
Morgan: What exactly is your position right now?
Jamie: ^^
Me: Idk. Owner I guess? Manager? Managing owner?
Morgan: I don’t think you need one yet. When you feel like you may be getting overwhelmed or don’t want to deal with certain things – hire
Jamie: I think you should hire one now. Make life easier.
Morgan: Another salary though
Jamie: True. Can you squeeze one into your budget?
Me: Idk.
Fuck. I really didn’t know. I put my phone away and got my ticket and credit card out as the car slowed in front of the stadium. As I walked toward it, I was engulfed by the excitement of everyone walking along with me and I forgot about the brewery, forgot about my dad and Nathaniel, and stepped in with the same pumped-up feeling as everyone else did. Inside, I went to my usual vendor, grabbed a beer and a pretzel and walked down to my seat in the third row behind home plate. I stood up for the anthem and when I sat back down, instead of taking out my phone and using it, I set it on airplane mode and sat back to watch the game. Actually watch the game. When Dad’s favorite player got hit with the ball, I gasped. And when the next player on the lineup was purposely walked, I shook my head and shouted, “Come on, Ump!”
I blinked and sank down into my seat. Had I said that aloud? Oh my God. During the fourth inning, I brought my legs in to let someone pass, but when I inhaled the familiar scent, I froze and gaped to see Nathaniel take the seat beside me. The empty seat. Dad’s empty seat. I blinked over at him.
“What are you doing?”
“I was in your dad’s office looking for something and saw the envelope.” He shrugged, then reached for my beer. My mouth dropped even more. Was he kidding me right now? “I figured Winston wouldn’t like the thought of the ticket going unused.”
I snatched my beer from his hand. “First of all, he would be highly offended by you just coming over here and taking my beer.”
“Would he?” Nathaniel smiled.
“Yes. That’s like the rudest of rude.” I took a sip. “And I’m sure he’d be totally okay with me saving the seat for his ghost.”
“For his ghost?” His smile widened. “Is that what you’re doing?”
“I was.” I shot him a death glare. “Now you’re sitting on him.”
He chuckled, a loud, vivid laugh that made me look away because I wanted to kiss him and slap him at the same time. I felt myself smile though.
“He would’ve enjoyed this game,” he said after a long silent moment.
“Yeah, it’s been crazy so far.”
“Oh, you’ve been watching?” He had a twinkle in his eyes that made my heart skip a beat.
“Yes.”
“And you understand what’s happening?”
“Yes.” I rolled my eyes. He always ruined it. I fought a smile, and then I paid attention to the field again and lifted my arm in protest. “This is the same stupid umpire that made us lose the last series we played at home against them and he’s still making stupid calls.”
“He’s probably a Boston fan.”
“Definitely a Boston fan,” I scoffed. The beer guy came around. Nathaniel bought two bottles and set them on the floor between his legs. My eyebrows shot up. “Double fisting? Seriously?”
“One is for you.” He lifted one and handed it to me. “But you have to finish yours first.”
“Thanks.” I set the bottle down on the floor between my legs and picked up the cup I’d been drinking. “I’m so disappointed in you for getting bottles, by the way. They have taps inside.”
“Not our taps.” He lifted his bottle. “I’m supporting our company.”
Our company. I took a deep breath and let it out, focusing on the game again. Our company. I’d expected to feel anger at those words, so the content feeling that formed in my belly was jarring.
“You still haven’t given me your phone number,” he said after a moment.
“Yet you keep asking.”
He huffed out a breath and took a sip of his beer. We ignored each other the rest of the game. When it was time to leave, we kind of waited around outside.
“Do you want to—”
“No,” I rushed out. “I just want to go home.” Alone.
I didn’t add that word, but it was implied. I wasn’t even looking at him as I said it. And so, he hailed me a cab and shut the door behind me. I cried the entire ride home. I didn’t know why. I hadn’t wanted him to join me. I hadn’t wanted him to join me at the game either, yet the longer he sat there, the more grateful I became for his presence. I couldn’t figure anything out with him, least of all my feelings. On one hand, I felt like I could breathe, and on the other everything felt stifling, like his very presence took up too much of the air around us. Yet, I wanted him there. I wanted to feel like I was gasping for breath every time he made me laugh or shot me a sexy grin. What the hell was wrong with me?
I walked to my apartment feeling like a moping teenager as I got ready for bed. I switched on the television as I got under my comforter. There was nothing I particularly wanted to watch, but having it on would help drown out my thoughts. It didn’t work. I replayed tonight over and over. I replayed all the days I’d had breakfast with him. He hadn’t tried to kiss me or hold my hand. He’d asked for my phone number, big freaking deal. If he hadn’t been inside me countless times I would’ve thought more of it. All roads led to his disinterest in me and for some reason that hurt more than I wanted to allow. I’d wanted casual dating. I’d wanted sex but not attachments. With him, I felt like I’d gotten more than what I bargained for, and everything I never knew I wanted. And now I’d lost it. No, I’d purposely pushed it away, and for some reason I wanted him to fight for me anyway. Maybe it was better this way. The ringing of my phone interrupted my thoughts. I shot up in bed, heart racing as I reached for it. Please dear God, don’t give me any more bad news. When I looked at the screen and saw Nathaniel’s name, I frowned as I answered.
“How’d you get my number?”
“Finally wore someone down,” he said, then added, “Rosa gave it to me.”
“Oh.”
“I had to bribe her.”
“Oh.” My frown deepened. I’d literally just seen him, why was he calling? “What’s up?”
“Do you want to have a threesome with me?”
I blinked. “What?”
“Do you want to have a threesome with me?” he repeated.
The question felt like a knife to my heart. Was he having sex with other women? Already? Had he ever stopped? I licked my lips. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not into that sort of thing,” I said. “Because I thought . . . I thought I was the only one you were
having sex with to begin with, not that we’re having much of anything right now. Because I let you come inside me without second thought because I thought I could trust you. Because—”
There was a loud bang on my door. My head snapped up in that direction. I stood up and walked over, the phone still in my ear, but I was no longer talking. He stood on the other side, looking like he’d walked all the way here from the stadium, though I knew that couldn’t have been the case. He was in shape, but he wasn’t The Flash. I hung up the phone and opened it, peering into the hallway, wondering if he’d brought whatever bitch he was fucking with him. Maybe he looked winded because he’d just come from her place. Who knows? He smiled. I didn’t.
“What do you want?” I crossed my arms. “Did you come here to tell me that you’ve already moved on? Because that’s totally fine. I’m totally over you anyway.”
He grinned. “I wasn’t aware you were ever into me. You never told me.”
“Well, I was. Fleeting moment. Totally short-lived.”
“Tell me more about this fleeting moment.” He stepped inside, closing the door behind him with the side of his boot. “When did you realize things weren’t working the way you wanted them to?”
“When you tried to steal my beer earlier tonight.” I licked my lips as I stepped back. “But you asking me about a threesome definitely solidified the notion.”
“Hm.” He stepped forward, closer to me. I had to crane my neck to look at his face. “How’d you feel when I asked that?”
“Like I wanted to murder you and the bitch you’re fucking.”
He threw his head back and howled out a laugh. I held my arms tighter, my fingers digging into my biceps.
“This isn’t funny, Nathaniel.”
“I think it’s hilarious.”
“You’re a jerk.” My eyes narrowed. “Of course you think it’s hilarious.”
“So you were exclusively fucking me during your whole little ‘I’m only going to casually date people and casually sleep with people’ phase?” he asked. “That’s what you’re telling me?”
“Obviously, dipshit. Get out.”
“You know what I’ve always enjoyed?” he asked, stepping closer still, his chest almost touching mine. “When you get angry, really angry, you start name-calling. I don’t even think you notice it.”
“I . . . why would you enjoy that?”
“I don’t know.” He let out a huffed laugh. “It turns me on like nothing else though, to see your eyes flashing like that, the way those cute little claws of yours come out.”
“Is that what you came here for? To get your fix before you go back to whoever . . . Lisa or Larissa or whoever you choose to get back together with?”
“There was never anyone else, baby.” He brought a hand to my cheek, his lips down to brush lightly against my mouth. “I think you’re smart enough to know that.”
“Did you forget why I got a divorce?” I leaned into his touch. “The last man I was slept with other women like it was his job.”
His eyes flashed. “Don’t compare me to him.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s not fair, but the fact still remains.” I brought my hand up to his, pulling it away from my face. He threaded his fingers through mine. “I have no reason to believe you’re here for anything else but a lay.”
“Well, you’re wrong, princess.” He pressed his lips against mine. “You’re so wrong.”
It was a gentle kiss. He grabbed my other hand and threaded his fingers through it so that both of our hands were linked as he slid his tongue into my mouth, slowly, cautiously, taking his time with the kiss. I felt out of breath, my chest rising and falling with each movement. What the hell was he doing to me? I pulled back, panting.
“Tell me,” I said. “Tell me how I’m wrong.”
“I once told your father that I thought I was falling for you,” he said. “That was a lie. I fell for you the day I picked you up outside of your snotty private school. I fell for you as you kicked and screamed and gave your dad a piece of your mind.”
I licked my lips. “No, you didn’t.”
“I fell for you when you asked me to kiss you in college.” He grinned. “Every time you asked me to kiss you in college.”
“You’re such a liar,” I whispered, but I wasn’t so sure he was. He looked like he was telling the truth. He let go of one of my hands and brought it to my face.
“I wouldn’t lie to you, Presley. I mean, yeah, maybe I could’ve reworded the way I said some things to you in the past, but everything I’ve ever said and done has been with the best intentions. I loved you, but I didn’t deserve you. I wanted you, but I wasn’t your type. I wasn’t rich or preppy. I didn’t have political inclinations. I didn’t want to be a lawyer. I wasn’t an heir to anything but my dad’s debts.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “But I loved you.”
I blinked. Maybe it was because I was emotional from everything else happening in my life, but his admission crawled into my throat and stayed there. All those years I thought he was keeping me at arm’s distance because he didn’t like me . . . all the times he told me I wasn’t his type . . . he’d been lying?
“So what you’re saying is, you’re a liar,” I whispered, finally.
He rolled his eyes. “Sometimes I lie.”
“You know I wanted you with or without money, right? You know I didn’t care about that.”
“You say that now that you’ve lived and lost and experienced a bad relationship, but back then? I think you would’ve accepted me, married me even, and then wished you would’ve married someone else. Someone richer.” He shrugged.
“You’re so dumb sometimes, Nathaniel.” I shook my head. “I would’ve accepted anything you had to offer.”
“You slapped me when I finally kissed you.”
“Because you kissed me the day I was marrying someone else,” I argued. “What would you do if we were about to get married and Adam showed up and kissed me?”
“I’d probably kill him and throw him into the Hudson,” he said, totally nonchalantly.
I laughed. “I almost believe you would.”
“I really think I actually would.” His brows pulled together slightly as if he was picturing it in his head. “Yeah, I would.”
“So, I have questions.”
“I hope I have answers.” He kissed me lightly.
I sat down, pulling him onto the couch with me. “Are you just saying all of this because you’re emotional right now with my father’s passing and all that?”
“I’m saying it because I should’ve said it months ago. Years ago. And I don’t want to let more time pass by without putting it out there. I know that trusting me is hard, that secrets slay you. But I’m fighting now, princess. And I won’t stop, just like I won’t ever stop loving you.”
“You haven’t kissed me in weeks.”
“I was letting you mourn.” He let out a laugh. “Hell, I was letting myself mourn.”
“When did you tell my dad how you felt about me?”
“In Boston.”
“Wow. Sneaky.” I raised an eyebrow. “He didn’t even mention it to me.”
“I knew he wouldn’t. He was a good confidant, you know.”
I smiled. “I know.”
“Any more questions?” He looked like he was ready to pounce me.
“Why now?”
“If not now, when?”
The answer was good as any, and when he came toward me again, I let him pounce.
Forty-One
“You need to think about what you want to do with the apartment,” Victor said.
“Victor,” Nicole warned. “No talking business over brunch.”
“It’s okay. I mean, I do have to think about it.” I shrugged.
“Man, it feels good to have a childless-date,” Jensen said across the table.
Mia did a little raise-the-roof motion. “With alcohol.”
“You’re going to regret that the minute you get home and you’re st
ill drunk and your kids expect you to actually parent,” Nicole said, raising an eyebrow. “Trust me, I’ve been there.”
“You always ruin everything,” Mia sighed. “Damn it, how long is Krista going to watch them for?”
“She said the whole day.” Jensen shrugged.
“Is Krista the babysitter?” I asked. “You should pay her double and tell her to stay longer. My mom used to do it all the time when I was a kid. I never minded.”
“Krista’s his ex-wife,” Mia answered, laughing at the expression I surely made. “I know. Trust me, I know.”
“Ex-wife?” My brows rose. “She’s watching your kids?”
“Yep. She’s amazing,” Mia said.
I scoffed. “I can’t even get past the fact that my boyfriend sometimes talks to his ex-girlfriend and you guys have this whole modern family down to a science.” I took a sip of my mimosa. “That’s impressive.”
“Trust me, it took a while.” Mia shrugged. “But it’s worked out wonderfully.”
“How’s Estelle doing?” I looked at Victor. “Is she still making those hearts I’ve been asking for years?”
“Oh my God,” Mia said. “You want one? The last person on earth to place that task upon should be Victor. I’ll get you one.”
“She’s making ornaments of them now,” Nicole said. “She’s slowed down though. It’s hard to work with shattered glass when you have a baby crawling around.”
“I saw pictures of him the other day. He looks like a Gerber baby.” I smiled. “I bet it’s easy for them since Oliver’s a pediatrician.”
All of them looked amongst each other and lost it laughing.
“That man won’t do anything medical to that kid,” Jensen said.
“He’s so fucking scared he’s going to break him,” Victor added, laughing.
“It’s the cutest thing to witness,” Mia said.
“It’s hilarious,” Nicole added.
I found myself laughing along with them. “We need to hang out more often. I know we only hang out when Victor’s in town, but seriously.”
“You can call us anytime,” Mia said. “But you know we’re homebodies. It’s either the house or the park or whatever else we can take the kids to.”
The Consequence of Falling: (An enemies-to-lovers office romance) Page 22