by John McElroy
CHAPTER VI. SI KLEGG PUTS HIS AWKWARD SQUAD THROUGH ITS FIRST DRILL
"I GUESS," thought Si, as he left the Orderly-Sergeant, and walked downthe company street to the left, "that the best way to begin is to getthem little whelps into an awkward squad, and give 'em an hour or two o'sharp drillin'. That'll introduce 'em to the realities o' soljerin'."
It was a warm, bright March day, with the North Georgia mountainsrapidly robing themselves in fresh green, to welcome the coming Spring.The effervescent boys had entirely forgotten the worries of the previousnight, and were frolicking in the bright sunshine as if "out-at-recess"from school.
Mackall, Joslyn, Humphreys and Baker had gotten hold of a ball, andwere having a game of "two-cornered cat," with noise enough for a wholeschool play-ground. Russell and Scruggs were running a foot-race, forthe entertainment of a squad of cooks and teamsters, and little PeteSkidmore was giving an exhibition before the same audience of hisability to stand on his head, and turn somersaults.
"Little thought they have of the seriousness of war," thought Si, with ashrug of his shoulders, as he yelled out:
"Come, boys, fall in here."
When the boys had first come under Si's command they regarded him as oneof the greatest men in the army. In their shadowy notions of militarymatters they rather thought that he stood next to the great Generalswhose names filled all mouths. These ideas had been toppled into dustby their arrival in camp, and seeing so many different men order himaround. They felt ashamed of themselves that they had ever mistakenhim for a great man, and put him up on a pedestal. That is the way withboys. They resent nothing more sharply than the thought of their havingbeen deceived into honoring somebody or something unworthy of honor.They can stand anything better than a reflection upon their shrewdnessand judgment.
"Hear Klegg a-calling?" said Joslyn, pausing for an instant, with theball in his hand.
"Let him call," said Mackall, indifferently, finishing his run tobase. "He ain't big boss no more. He's only the lowest Sergeant in thecompany. Throw the ball, Harry. You must do better'n you've been doing.We're getting away with you."
"Fall in here, boys, I tell you," said Si so sternly that Pete Skidmorestopped in his handspring, but seeing the bigger boys making no moveto obey, decided that it would be improper for him to show any signs ofweakness, and he executed his flip-flap.
"Here, you're out, Gid. Gi' me the bat," shouted Harry Joslyn, as hecaught the ball which Mackall had vainly struck at.
Si strode over to the group, snatched the bat from Harry's hand, spankedhim with it, and started for the others of the group.
"Say, you musn't hit that boy," exclaimed Gid, jumping on Si's back. Gidwas as ready to fight for Harry as to fight with him. The others rushedup, school boy like, to defend their companion against "the man," andlittle Pete Skidmore picked up a stone and adjusted it for throwing.
"Why, you little scamps you," gasped Si in amazement. "What'd you mean?Ain't you goin' to obey my orders?"
"You haint no right to give us orders no more," asserted Humphreys,flourishing his bat defiantly. "You're only an enlisted man, same asthe rest o' us. They told us so, last night, and that we mustn't letyou impose on us, as you'd bin doin'. Only the Captain and the Colonelcommand us. We've bin posted. And if you dare hit any o' us we'll alljump on you and maul your head offen you."
The rest looked approval of Jim's brave words.
"We're goin' to strike for our altars and our fires. Strike for thegreen graves of our sires. God and our native land," declaimed MontyScruggs.
The waspish little mutiny was so amusing that Si had to smile in spiteof himself. With a quick, unexpected movement he snatched the bat fromJim Humphreys' hand, and said good-humoredly:
"Now, boys, you mustn't make fools of yourselves agin'. Stop thisnonsense at once, I tell you. I'm just as much your commandin' officeras I ever was."
"How can you be a commanding officer, when everybody else bosses youabout?" persisted the argumentative Monty Scruggs. "Everybody that comesnear you orders you around, just the same as you used to us, and youmind 'em. That ain't no way for a commanding officer. We don't wantanybody bossing us that everybody else bosses."
"Well, that's the way o' the army," Si explained patiently, "andyou've got to git used to it. 'Most everybody bosses somebody else. ThePresident tells Gen. Grant what he wants done. Gen. Grant orders Gen,Thomas to do it. Gen. Thomas orders a Major-General. The Major-Generalorders a Brigadier-General. The Brigadier-General orders our Colonel.Our Colonel orders Cap McGillicuddy. Cap McGillicuddy orders theOrderly-Sarjint, the Orderly-Sarjint orders me, and I command you."
"Why, it's worse'n 'The-House-That-Jack-Built,'" said Monty Scruggs.
"Well, you needn't learn all of it," said Si. "It's enough for you toknow that I command you. That's the A B C of the business, and all youneed know. A man in the army gits into trouble offen by knowin' toomuch. You git it well into your craws that I command you, and thatyou've got to do just as I say, and I'll do the rest o' the knowin' thatyou need.--"
"But how're we to know that you're right every time," argued MontyScruggs.
"Well," explained the patient Si, "if you've any doubts, go to theOrderly-Sarjint. If he don't satisfy you, go to the Captain. If you havedoubts about him, carry it to the Colonel. If you're still in doubt,refer it to the Brigadier-General, then to the Major-General, to Gen.Thomas, Gen. Grant, and lastly to the President of the United States."
"Great goodness!" they gasped.
"But the less you bother your heads with Captains and Curnels andGenerals the better you'll git along. The feller that's right overyou--in arm's length o' you all the time--is the feller that you've gotto look out for sharply. I'm him. Now I want you to form in two ranksquicker'n scat, and 'tend to business. I'm goin' to drill you. GidMackall, take your place there. Harry Joslyn, stand behind him."
The old squabbles as to precedence immediately broke out between Gid andHarry, which Si impatiently ended by snatching Harry by the collarand yanking him behind Gid, with the wrathful Harry protesting that heintended carrying the matter up through the whole military hierarchy,even to the President of the United States, if necessary. He did notcome into the army to be run over.
"You came into the army to do just as I tell you, and you'll do it.Silence in the ranks," commanded Si. "Humphreys, stand next to Mackall.Scruggs, stand behind Humphreys."
"Why do you put one man behind another?" queried Monty Scruggs. "I don'tthink that's right.--Jim's big head'll be forever in my way, so's Ican't see anything. Why don't you put us out in one line, like a classin school? Then everybody's got the same show."
"I didn't make the tactics. Git into your places," snapped Si.
"Well, I don't think much of a teacher that can't explain what he'steaching," mumbled Monty, as he reluctantly obeyed.
"Now, Russell, stand next to Humphreys; Baker, stand behind Russell;Skidmore, stand next to Russell."
"Goody, I'm in the front rank," giggled little Pete, and Harry Joslynlooked as if here was another case of favoritism that he would have tocall the President's attention to.
"Now," commanded Si, "put your heels together, turn your toes out, standerect, draw your stomachs in--"
"DRAW YOUR STOMACHS IN. 73]
"Look here, Jim Humphreys," grumbled Monty Scruggs, "when he told you todraw your stomach in he didn't mean for you to stick your hips out tillyou bumped me over into the next Township. I've got to have room tostand here, as well as you."
"Silence in the ranks," commanded Si. "Draw your stomachs in, put yourlittle fingers down to the seams of your pantaloons--"
"You mean the middle finger, don't you?" queried Monty Scruggs. "That'smore natural way of standing."
"No, I mean the little finger," asserted Si.
"But the middle finger is more natural," persisted Monty. "You can'tstand straight with your little finger at the seam. See here."
"Scruggs, do as I say, without no words," said Si, and then Monty's facetook
on an expression of determination to carry the matter to a highercourt.
"Now, keep your faces straight to the front, and at the command 'Rightdress!' turn your eyes, without moving your heads, until you kin see thebuttons on the breast of the second man to the right. 'Right dress!'"
"There's no man on my right for me to look toward. What 'm I to do?"complained Gid Mackall.
"There, you see what come o' putting him in front," exulted HarryJoslyn. "Now, if I'd bin--"
"Say, I can't see up to Jim Humphreys' big breast without twistin' myneck nearly off," murmured little Pete Skidmore. "Can't you make himscrooch a little? Jest see him swell up."
"What's the use o' linin' on a feller that can't stand still a second?"complained the others.
"Great Scott, what a line," groaned Si, walking along, shoving the boysback, and twisting them around, to get them straight. "Crooked as apumpkin vine in a cornfield. Here, I told you not to turn your heads,but only your eyes. If you snipes wouldn't gab so much, but listen towhat I say, you'd git along better. Silence in ranks. Now, try it overagain. Faces straight to the front. Eyes cast to the right, until theycatch the buttons on the breast of the second man. Right dress!"
"Great grief," sighed he, looking at the result. "You wriggle about likeso many eels. Might as well try to line up so many kittens. Won't youstraighten Up and keep straight?" Then came a renewal of the noisydiscussion, with mutual blaming of one another.
Si picked up a stick and drew a line in the ground. "Now bring your toesto that line, and keep 'em there."
"Shall we take that scratch along with us as we march, or will you drawanother one for us as we need it?" Monty Scruggs asked, at which theother boys laughed, which did not improve Si's temper. It was long, hardwork before he got the restless, talkative young fellows so that theywould form a fairly straight line, and maintain it for a minute or two.
He looked at them, wiped his perspiring brow, and remarked internally:
"Well, I thought them was bright boys, that it'd be no trouble to drill.I'd ruther break in the stoonidest lot o' hayseeds that ever breathed,rather than boys that think they know more'n I do. Now I'm goin' to havethe time o' my life learnin' 'em the right face."
He began the explanation of that complicated manuver:
"Now, I want every one o' you to stop talkin', gether up themscatter-fire brains o' your'n, and pay strict 'tention to every word Isay--"
"Harry Joslyn," broke in Gid, "if you tramp on my heels just one moretime, I'll knock your head off. I've told you often enough."
"Well, you just keep off en my toes with them rockgrinders o' your'n,"Harry retorted.
"Silence in ranks," commanded Si. "Each rank will count twos."
"What are twos? Where are they, and how many of 'em do you want us tocount?" asked Monty Scruggs, at which the other boys snickered. Theywere getting very tired of the drill, and in the humor to nag and balkthe drillmaster. Si lost a trifle of his temper, and said:
"You're too all-fired smart with your tongue, Scruggs. If you were onlyhalf as smart learnin' your business--"
"Sergeant," said one of the Lieutenants who happened to be passing,"keep your temper. You'll get along better. Don't squabble with yourmen."
This made the boys much worse.
"What I mean by countin' twos," explained Si, "is that the man on theright in each rank shall count one, the next one, two; the next one, oneand so on. Count twos!"
They made such an exasperating muddle of it, that Si almost had a fit.The cooks, teamsters and other hangers-on saw the trouble and cameflocking around with all manner of jesting remarks and laughter, whichstrained Si's temper to the utmost, and encouraged the boys in theirperversity. Si curbed himself down, and laboriously exemplified themanner of counting until the boys had no excuse for not understandingit.
"Now, said he, at the command 'Right face,' the No. 1 man in the frontrank faces to the right and stand fast--"
"What do the rest of us do?" they chorused.
"The rest o' you chase yourselves around him," said a humorist among thecooks, while the others laughed uproariously.
"Shut up, you pot-wrastlers," said Si wrathfully. "If I hear anotherword from you, I'll light into you with a club. Now you brats--"
"Sergeant," admonished the Lieutenant, "you mustn't use such language toyour men."
This made Si angrier, and the boys more cantankerous. Si controlledhimself to go on with his explanations in a calm tone:
"No 1 in the front rank will face to the right, and stand fast, and takea side step to the right. Each No. 2 will face to the right, and take onoblique side step to the right to place himself on the right hand of hisNo. 1 man."
"Say that all again, Sergeant," asked Monty Scruggs.
Si patiently repeated the explanation.
"Now sing it to the tune of 'When this Cruel War is Over,' called outthe cook-humorist.
"Right face," commanded Si.
A roar went up from the camp-follower audience at the hopeless tanglewhich ensued. No two of the boys seemed to have done the same thing.Several had turned to the left, and all were sprinting around invarious ways in a more or less genuine pretense of executing the order.Meanwhile the news that Si's squad of recruits were having fun with himspread through the camp, and a crowd gathered to watch the performanceand give their jeering advice in that characteristic soldierly way whenthey see a comrade wrestling with a perplexing job.
"Git a bushel basket, and gather 'em up in it."
"Tie straw around their left feet, and hay around their right ones, so'sthey'll know 'em."
"Back 'em up agin' a rail fence and git 'em into line;" were among thefreely offered suggestions. Si was sweating all over, and so angrythat he had to stolidly bite his words off, one at a time, to keep fromshowing his temper. To add to his troubles, he saw the Colonel, of whomhe stood in proper awe, become interested in the crowd and the shouting,and stroll down from his tent to see what the excitement was.
"As you were," Si commanded, steadying his voice with a great effort."Every one of you git back as I placed you. Right dress!"
To his wonderment they formed as good a line as veterans could havedone. They heard a whisper that the Colonel was coming, and it soberedthem.
"Right face!" commanded Si.
They all faced to the right and stepped into their places without anerror.
"Front!" commanded Si, and they returned to two ranks.
"Ah, Sergeant," said the Colonel, kindly, as he made his way through therespectfully opened, saluting crowd. "Giving your men their first drill,are you? Well, you are getting along remarkably well for recruits. I sawthat last movement, and it was very well done, indeed. You've got somevery nice-looking boys there, and I think they'll be a credit to theregiment."
"Saved by the skin o' my teeth," gasped Si to himself, as the Colonelstrolled on. "Now, you young roosters, I see that you kin do it wheneveryou want to, and you've got to want to after this. A boy that don't wantto I'll take down to the branch there, and hold his head under watertill he does want to. I'm goin' to stay with you until you learn thedrill dead letter perfect. You can't git rid of me. You'll savetrouble by rememberin' that. Now we'll go back for supper. Rightface--forward--file left--March!"