“Bella, there are some things you don’t understand about me.” He passed a hand over his face, looking weary. “I cannot blame you as I haven’t been entirely forthcoming. When I was very young, I met a woman I believed myself in love with.”
There it was, finally spoken aloud, his reason for leaving. The other woman he’d loved. Bella’s stomach churned at the mere thought. She hated that he had known and loved others before her. Was that wrong? Was it childish of her to feel jealousy toward a faceless, nameless creature long in his past? She didn’t honestly know. But it was also a fact that if the woman held enough power over him to make him leave Bella, she could not truly be long in his past.
“Is she the woman you’ve brought to Marleigh Manor?” she asked, silently praying that it wasn’t so. She couldn’t bear it if the woman were his wife.
“No she is not,” he continued. “She wrote me, and told me we’d had a child together whose existence I’d never known of. She’d raised her as her husband’s child for the last fifteen years. Bella, the girl I brought with me here to Marleigh Manor is my daughter.”
The revelation stunned her. He already had a daughter, one old enough to nearly be of an age to have her comeout. Suddenly, the connection she’d had with him seemed paltry by comparison. How could she compete with a woman who had borne his child, who had raised her into near adulthood?
“Are you still in love with her?” Bella had to ask, even if she didn’t want to know the answer. She couldn’t bear to hear him confirm her worst fears.
“Of course not. I would never have become romantically involved with you had I still loved another.”
“I wish I could believe you.”
His gaze was impenetrable. “I’ve never been dishonest. I swear it.”
“Why would she tell you now?” she wondered. “What could she possibly stand to gain?”
“Her husband is dead and she was dying. She needed a guardian for the girl.”
Perhaps she’d grown jaded, but she found the woman’s claim too convenient. “How nice for her to belatedly find her conscience. Have you proof the child is yours?”
“She looks very much like me.” His tone grew soft and affectionate. “I have reason to believe Lavinia wasn’t lying.”
Lavinia.
The specter of his past had a name. Ugly name for an ugly woman, Bella thought unkindly. She hated that Lavinia had chosen to reemerge in his life, that she had such a claim upon him to have taken him from Bella’s side as if she were of no more importance to him than an old boot. “Is she still alive?” She had to know.
“No.” His voice was once again devoid of emotion.
“Is that why you’ve returned, then?”
“I returned for you,” he said.
She shook her head. “You returned far too late. Why have you come now with this daughter of yours, invading my life once more as you’ve invaded my chamber? You don’t belong here, Mr. Whitney, and you never did.”
“I would like for you to meet Clara. I’ve come for you as I promised, as quickly as I was able. I’m sorry I had to remain in America so long. Had I known of what you were enduring here, I would have been back at your side in a heartbeat.”
She had no intention of meeting his daughter or of ever seeing him again after this dreadfully uncomfortable interview. She hadn’t the strength. The fight in her had long since fled.
“What promise?” She didn’t bother to conceal her bitterness. “You made me no promise.” At least, not any that he’d intended to keep.
“Of course I did. But I was also obliged to see to the welfare of my daughter. I was torn in two very different directions, Bella, and if I’d known then what I know now, I would have done everything differently.”
“I see. You abandoned one child for another.” If her statement was harsh, that didn’t render it any less true. It was all beginning to make sad sense. He’d been so swept up in finding his child that he’d forgotten about her. It was her fault for being reckless and losing the babe, but nevertheless, his absence had been abrupt and unfair.
“Bella, I didn’t know you were with child,” he said flatly. “You chose not to confide in me.”
“How dare you try to put all the blame upon me? You disappeared without so much as a goodbye. How was I supposed to have confided in you when you weren’t anywhere to be found?”
He raked a hand through his hair, leaving it standing on end. “I apologize for the hasty manner in which I left.”
Bella stared at him. “You act as if you left for a picnic lunch. Jesse, you disappeared from the country.”
“I cannot explain myself other than to say I never intended to hurt you.” Jesse closed the distance between them. “All I can do now is beg for your forgiveness.”
She wasn’t about to give it to him. “Regardless of your intentions, you did hurt me. How do you think it feels to know you went running back to your mistress the moment she asked it of you? To know that you think so little of me that you haven’t written once, not in all these months? For all I knew, you were dead.”
“I’ve written you dozens of letters.”
Did his daring know no bounds? Did he think her a complete imbecile? She hadn’t heard a word from him in months. It had been the most crushing part of his betrayal. “I received no letters from you. Not a single one. How dare you stand before me, after all you’ve done, and lie?”
His brow furrowed. “It’s no lie, Bella. I wrote you an abbreviated explanation before I left and gave it to my manservant. I would have gone to you, but it was late and I’d run into your mother in the corridor. I didn’t want to risk your reputation any more than I already had.”
She didn’t believe him. She had no reason to do so. “Why do you insist upon prevarication? It won’t do you a bit of good.”
“Christ.” He pressed a hand to his temple as if it throbbed. “What of the other letters I wrote you?”
She couldn’t contain the bitter laugh that escaped her at his posturing. “If you expect me to believe that you wrote me a gaggle of lovesick letters and they were somehow all lost in the post, you’re more foolish than I thought.”
Jesse shook his head, his expression one of consternation. “I wrote you letters, damn you. Three dozen, perhaps. I wrote you explaining that I was clearing up matters with as much haste as I could manage, that I hoped you would do me the honor of waiting until I could return for you and ask your brother for your hand.”
She searched his gaze, looking for any hint of deception. She found none. But he had already proven himself most untrustworthy. She didn’t think she could bear to believe in him again. “It is cruel indeed of you to pretend now as if you cared for me. You can see how much I’ve suffered already.”
He grimaced. “I deserve all you’ve said and more. I’ve been the worst sort of scoundrel to you. But you must know I wouldn’t lie to you, and I would never willingly hurt you.”
“Yes, you have and you would. I’m sorry, Jesse, but no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I can believe you or forgive you. I certainly cannot forget what you’ve done. To me, you have committed an unpardonable sin.”
“It wouldn’t be the first, likely not the last,” he said, his tone bitter. “I warned you a long time ago that you were far too good for the likes of me.”
Bella felt as if she’d been dragged beneath a runaway carriage. Her emotions were overwhelmed, her mind tired of attempting to process all the information he’d laid upon her. More than anything, she wanted to be alone. To have time to muddle through her thoughts without his haunting face before her.
She sighed, overwhelmingly weary. “I think it best if you leave now.”
“Perhaps before I go, it would be wise to discuss my real reason for coming here to Marleigh Manor.”
She raised a brow, her suspicions heightened, hackles raised. “Real reason?”
His expression hardened. “I would like to finally speak with your brother regarding the truth of what has come to pass b
etween us. I thought you should be made aware of it so that you may prepare yourself.”
Prepare herself for her brother’s wrath and scorn. Dear God. He couldn’t possibly be serious. Too much time and distance had intervened, and now it seemed altogether irrelevant. She had no wish to face Thornton should he learn the truth. Very likely, he would kill them both. Or lock her in her chamber for the rest of her life and attempt to beat Jesse to a bloody carcass. She felt suddenly dizzied.
Bella pressed a hand to her throbbing temple. “You cannot mean to do something so utterly foolish and senseless. Not now. What good could it possibly serve?”
“As we discussed before I left, I find my honor requires it,” he returned. “I cannot in good faith be a friend to him while knowing I have dishonored his sister. Before we go any further, the truth ought to be made known, at least to him.”
His dratted honor confounded her. It made no sense. “You astound me, sir. Is this the same honor that led you to abandon me while I suffered a miscarriage on my own? Do you not think it the least you can do to keep your silence?”
“I need to rectify my own scruples. I understand from Lady Thornton that he was aware you carried a child, but not that I sired it. I have not been a friend to either you or your brother in quite some time, and for that I must pay the price.”
“But in doing so, I will pay the greatest price of all. I’m nearly engaged, Jesse. If word of our relationship is spread, my chances will be ruined.”
“Nearly engaged?” Surprise was evident in his voice. “Who is he?”
The part of her that was still aching from his leaving hoped he was hurt by the prospect of her marrying another man. “The Duke of Devonshire.”
“The damn Duke of Dullness? Christ, Bella, you cannot be seriously considering marrying him.”
“He’s not the slightest bit dull,” she defended, even though she had once shared Jesse’s opinion of her suitor. “He has a wonderful sense of humor, and he knows all there is to be known about nearly all matters.”
Which was a beastly lie, but she didn’t care. She wanted him to think she was completely content without him. More than anything, she wanted it to be true. Still, if she were brutally honest with herself, she had to admit she didn’t know if there would ever come a day when she didn’t long for Jesse.
“Strange,” Jesse said, his tone gone icy, “I only recall listening to him drone on about his crumbling country seat and the merits of sheep farming.”
Bella sniffed, doing her best dowager impression. “I’m sure he’s never spoken of sheep farming. He is a gentleman from an old and well-respected lineage. He doesn’t dabble in farming at all.”
“You want to be buried in some tumbledown country house for the rest of your life with a man who’s about as interesting as treacle?” He all but sneered.
“As long as he loves me, I do,” Bella snapped.
“And does he love you?”
“Of course.” It didn’t matter that he’d never spoken the words. She wanted Jesse to think it more than she even wanted to hear them herself. “He and I have grown quite smitten with one another over the last few months.” Another beastly lie, but she was feeling rather beastly.
“Indeed? Do you think he would like to know that I took your innocence?”
She gasped, the blood draining from her face. “You wouldn’t do something so dastardly.”
“Try me.” He smiled, but it was an ugly smile without mirth.
How she wanted to make him hurt as she had. That he would return to her life now, after so long, and just when she had come to accept her fate, was nearly unthinkable. “Do you not think you’ve already brought enough torment to my life?”
“I’ll do what I must,” he said tightly. “You are mine, Bella, not the duke’s or any other man’s.”
“Then you should not have left me,” she cried out, unable to contain the hurt a moment longer. “If you had been here, I never would have gone riding in the storm that day. I never would have lost the babe. Don’t you dare ruin what small chance I have for happiness. Don’t you dare!”
The tears she’d been restraining streamed down her face in earnest, and she was too proud to dash them away. Let him see what he’d done to her. She had only ever loved him, and he’d led her straight to ruin.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Bella,” he said slowly, “but I’ll not allow you to become another man’s wife.”
“You don’t have the right to keep me from him.” She took a deep breath. “Now leave me, if you please. Take your daughter and leave Marleigh Manor forever. I never want to see you again.”
He bowed, his jaw clenched with obvious anger. “I’ll go now, but I’m not leaving Marleigh Manor unless it’s with you as my wife. Consider yourself warned, Bella.”
With that parting shot, he stalked away, slamming her chamber door at his back.
Chapter Thirteen
Jesse didn’t want to do what he was about to do. It would change everything, perhaps ruin all that he’d worked so hard to build. At the very least, Thornton would beat the hell out of him. Worse, Jesse knew he deserved it. He had betrayed his friend’s trust and brought dishonor and suffering upon an innocent lady. He hated that she’d been alone when she’d needed him most. He didn’t deserve Bella, of that he was more than certain.
If he had a shred of honor left in him, he’d leave her to her staid existence as a duchess. She’d never want for anything, financially or socially. But he was a selfish bastard through and through, and he wanted her for himself. There was fight in him yet.
Even so, it didn’t stop his conscience from launching a final charge on him as he waited for the butler’s announcement. He could walk out the door and never return. He could take his daughter back to America as Bella had asked, spend the rest of his life trying to forget her. Instead, he entered Thornton’s study.
His friend stood with a welcoming smile. “Jesse, it’s good to see you. I trust America treated you well?”
If he’d felt like a bastard before, it was nothing compared to now. “Not as well as I may have hoped.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Is something amiss? You look as if you’ve just seen the ghost of your grandmother.”
“I’m afraid my visit here is not a mere social one.” He hesitated, wondering how to proceed. “I need to discuss a rather grave matter.”
Thornton’s smile faded. “Well, what the devil is it, Jesse? Has our hotel in New York burned down?”
“The hotel is safe,” he assured him. “But I fear our friendship may not be.”
Thornton’s expression hardened. “Indeed? Why?”
Jesse took a breath before plunging headlong into the hurricane. “I’m in love with your sister.”
“The deuce. Bella? You’re in love with Bella?”
He nodded. “I have been for some time.”
“Hell.” Thornton raked a hand through his black hair, leaving it standing on end. “I don’t know what to think about that particular pronouncement.”
“That isn’t the worst of it.”
The marquis stiffened, and Jesse had the distinct impression that the severity of the meeting was becoming apparent to him. His voice was grave when he spoke again. “Jesse, tell me you aren’t the son-of-a-bitch who compromised Bella and got her with child.”
Jesse met his gaze, knowing he needed to put himself at Thornton’s mercy. “I cannot.”
“You bastard,” Thornton growled. With lightning quickness, he grabbed Jesse’s coat, shaking him. “Do you have any inkling as to the suffering you’ve brought upon her in the last few months? I should kill you for what you’ve done to her.”
That he had caused her any pain at all would always haunt him. He’d never wanted to hurt her. If he could rewrite their history, he would. Leaving her in the night as he’d done had been selfish and thoughtless and no one knew it better than he. He should have married her and carried her away with him. If he had done so, maybe their babe would not now be a
mere memory. He had to face the consequences of his actions. He owed Bella and the babe they’d lost that much at least.
Jesse braced himself for the bout of fisticuffs that was surely to come. “While I realize this is hardly a defense, I was not aware she was with child at the time I left. Had it been made known to me, I would have married her immediately.”
“How generous of you.” Thornton’s jaw clenched. “What makes you think I would have allowed you to wed my sister?”
“Not a blessed thing. I acknowledge she is my better in every way.” He meant what he was saying, had never meant anything more in his life. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had denied me.”
“Damn right she’s your better. You miserable prick. I counted you a friend.”
“I’m deeply sorry for betraying your trust in me,” he said, knowing it was little consolation, offered too late. “I accept whatever punishment you would give me.”
“I don’t need your approval to beat you to a bloody pulp, Whitney.” Thornton gave him another shake.
“Hit me then,” he said simply. It was what he deserved and more. He waited for the coming blow.
And waited.
“You’re not worth the damage to my fist,” Thornton sneered, every inch the marquis.
“Likely not,” he agreed.
“Have you nothing to say for yourself?”
“An apologia wouldn’t be enough to explain the depths to which I’ve sunk.”
“I don’t want an apologia, damn you. I want a reason why. Why would you trifle with my sister? She was an innocent.”
He remained unflinching in the face of his friend’s wrath. If nothing else, he was a man who stood his ground. “I have no reason, other than to say I allowed my heart to rule my head. I should never have done so, and I know it well. But the die has been cast. I found no recourse other than to unburden myself to you.”
“Tell me something.” Thornton’s eyes narrowed. “Why have you chosen to reveal this to me now when Bella is on the brink of making a match with the duke? I might never have known.”
“Conscience,” he lied. “I needed to for the sake of our friendship.”
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