by Jenna Jacob
“Right here, sweetheart,” I murmured, stroking her satiny tresses.
“I don’t understand. You’re dead. This must be a dream, but…you feel so real.”
“Shhh.” I brushed away the tears that began sliding from her eyes. “You’re not dreaming. I’m right here.”
“I-I don’t understand…” She lifted her hand from my cheek, taking her warmth with her. “We had a funeral for you and—”
“I know. Victor told me. He said you took it hard.”
“Hard? Hard?” she screeched, batting my hand away and launching upright. “I was devastated. Crushed. This whole time… I’ve been crying myself to sleep, and you’ve been here, playing mountain man?”
I wasn’t playing at anything. My life was over. I’d sealed my own fate. But Katiana didn’t understand. And I didn’t want to vomit up my ugly truths.
She’d never look at me the same again.
“I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry.”
She reared back as if I’d slapped her. Though I’d never raise a hand to her, or any woman, the pain etching Katiana’s face told me I’d landed a killing blow. That she’d never forgive me. And why should she?
I’d done the unforgiveable.
Chapter Four
Katiana
That was all he had to say for himself? I’m sorry?
Oh, hell no.
“You’d better start talking Rage…err, Ryder, or whatever the fuck your name is. I need a damn explanation.”
He sent me a lopsided smirk. “You’re still adorable when you get all pissy, Katiana.”
“My name is Kat, asshole.” I glared.
His smile fell. He narrowed his eyes in warning. “Stop cursing. I don’t like it.”
“So fucking what? You’re not my father. I don’t give two shits whether you like my language. Why don’t we talk about what I’d like? Starting with…oh, I don’t know…the truth! And it better be good, because your piddly-assed ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t going to cut it. I spent the last four years mourning your sorry, lying ass.”
“You’ve been grieving this whole time?”
“How could that possibly shock you? Jesus, Ryder… I did everything but strip my clothes off and lie spread eagle on the practice mat for you.”
He scrubbed a hand through his freshly cut hair. It was now the same spiked style he’d worn before. The man still looked as hot as I remembered. But I couldn’t afford to let old cravings and memories distract me.
“Christ, Katiana, you were a kid. I was a grown man. I wasn’t about to risk jail time or betray your father.”
“I might have fantasized about you, but I knew you’d never fuck me,” I growled. “But I never expected you to keep telling me to go find a nice boy, either.”
“That’s what you should have been doing instead of hanging out in a gym with a bunch of sweaty, horny men.”
“You’re missing the point. I didn’t want anyone except—” I snapped my mouth shut and closed my eyes.
Around Ryder, I’d always felt pathetic and foolish. Even though he’d just kissed me, I felt the same way all over again. Sure, the seconds in his arms sat at the top of my best-moments-ever list and were permanently etched in my buzz bank. They had meant everything to me.
To him? Not much. He’d probably just been happy to see a living breathing female again. Obviously, I still didn’t mean anything to him, or likely ever would.
“Never mind,” I mumbled, dismissively waving my hand. My day had literally been a wreck. I couldn’t take the chance of him rejecting me now or I’d totally crumble.
“Katiana,” he whispered, eyes brimming with sympathy. “You do deserve a good man. One who’ll—”
“Drop it,” I barked. “So whose ashes are in the urn on my mantel back home?”
“You kept the ashes?” He blinked in surprise.
“You didn’t think we’d just throw them away, did you? Yes. I kept your ashes. Well, I kept someone’s ashes. Clearly, they’re not yours since I’m talking to you. So who’s in the urn at home?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I imagine it is, but since my Jeep is stuck in the rock face… Well, I assume it’s still there.” When Ryder nodded, I couldn’t miss the mirth dancing in his eyes. Bastard. “And the snow is coming down hard enough to snuff out the fires of hell, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be here a while. So start talking.”
“You’re right; we do need to talk. But like you said, the snow might not stop for days. It will take a week or two before a tow truck can make it up the mountain. We have lots of time to sort this out.”
“Don’t patronize me.”
“I’m not. I’m simply worried about you. You were in a wreck, sweetheart. I’m fairly sure you’ve got a concussion. We’ve both spent enough time at the gym to know you need rest and quiet so your brain can heal. I’m simply suggesting that we wait and talk about this. When you’re better. I’ll explain everything. I promise.”
I hated that he was right, but my head was killing me, and my body felt as if I’d been tossed into a blender. Still, I wasn’t about to roll over and play dead. Placing my palm on his chest, I shoved him back on his heels.
Ryder’s eyes grew wide, and he had to catch himself to keep from landing on his ass.
Yeah, I was small, but I was strong. Thanks to Papa.
“Don’t flatter yourself, asshole. I wouldn’t trust your promises if my life depended on it.” Without giving him another glance, I swung my legs off the couch and stood without wincing.
As I made my way toward the door to collect my things, Ryder followed. I felt his body heat. When I reached for the handle on my suitcase, he wrapped his hand over mine, sending a shiver of need up my spine. Dammit. I had no idea how to sever the insidious hold he had over me. But I had to figure a way—and quickly. I wasn’t going to last two days, let alone a solid week, in this tiny cabin with him. I certainly couldn’t let him think I still craved his kiss, his touch, and his cock…even though I did.
“I’m going to make it my mission to prove you can trust me, sweetheart.” A slow, sensual smile kicked up his lips. “What do you think you’re doing with the suitcase?”
“Taking it to my room.”
“So you plan to sleep in my bed, huh?” His raspy voice spilled over me like warm syrup.
The puddle in my panties was instantaneous, but I’d be damned if I’d let him see me melt. I swallowed tightly and summoned my anger again.
“You can sleep on the couch. It folds out into a bed. Papa used to sleep there. I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
“For tonight.” His confident wink both dug under my skin and stroked my libido.
Don’t be a twit. He lied to you. Remember?
But had he? I’d no reason to doubt my father when he’d told me Rage had committed suicide. And since he’d clearly allowed Ryder to stay here, he must have known the truth…and kept it from me.
Why all the subterfuge? Why was the man hiding in the woods?
Too many questions I couldn’t answer made my head throb even more.
Taking the suitcase from my hand, Ryder smiled. “Let me carry this for you. While we’re there, I’ll change the sheets. I’m sure you wouldn’t want my scent all over you.”
Yes, I would. Oh…I really, really would.
Especially if they smelled the way he did now, like clean soap and that spicy fragrance that was uniquely Ryder.
Living under the same roof with the man who played the starring role in every orgasmic fantasy I’d ever had was going to be torture. I needed to stop letting the memory of his kiss turn me inside out, get my head screwed on straight, and deal.
But…what would we be doing now if I hadn’t opened my big mouth and started asking him questions?
I was better off not knowing.
Unfortunately, truth or lies wasn’t stopping my body from humming with insistent need as I followed him into the bedroom.
Ryder
I had no idea fl
irting with Katiana would be such fun.
While she seemed more headstrong, sassy, and sarcastic than she’d been at fifteen, her pretty brown eyes still broadcast her every emotion. She tried hard to make me think she was furious, and she was…a little. I couldn’t blame her. After all, even if it hadn’t been intentional, I’d hurt her.
Her real struggle wasn’t with me or my decisions…at least it wouldn’t be until I confessed why I’d abandoned the human race to seek solace for my sins. Katiana wouldn’t press me for answers today…but I wouldn’t be able to hold her off for long.
Eventually, I’d have to lay everything on the line, including my heart. Because I wasn’t going to let Katiana slip through my fingers ever again.
When we entered the room, her gaze flew straight to the sheets tangled in a heap on the bed. I watched the pulse point at the base of her neck pulse fiercely as she swallowed tightly. Her pert little nipples poked through the thermal shirt hugging her enticing body, making my mouth water and my cock jerk. Reminding myself she was hurt, I banked my gnawing need, and placed her suitcase on the dresser.
After I got Katiana settled in, I’d toss on my buckskins and brave the blizzard. If chopping a couple cords of wood didn’t put my anxious dick to sleep, I’d go into the bathroom and take matters in hand.
I began stripping off the sheets while she turned in a slow circle and scanned the room.
“I haven’t changed much around here. Your dad…” I didn’t finish my sentence. The memories of Victor rescuing me and bringing me here that fateful night crowded my head instead.
“It looks the same. But being here is…”
“Overwhelming?”
“Bittersweet.” She stroked her fingers over the faded curtains.
“I assume Victor wanted you to spread his ashes here.” It would explain why she’d even attempted this perilous drive in winter.
“He did.”
Stepping toward the photo on the wall, Katiana wrapped her arms around herself as she studied the image of her and Victor each holding up a massive rainbow trout and grinning at the camera. She traced the tip of her finger over her father’s face.
“I always smile when I look at the picture,” I said, trying to comfort her. “You two must have had fun landing those big bastards.”
She issued a watery laugh as she wiped away fresh tears. “We did. When I was reeling my fish in, Papa saw how big it was and got so excited that he waded out with the net to scoop it up. But before I got it close to the shore, he slipped on a mossy rock and came up sputtering and cursing a Russian blue streak. I laughed so hard I almost dropped my pole.”
When she tossed a grin over her shoulder, Katiana’s face was glowing. Happiness danced in her eyes. My heart nearly stopped. That same expression used to light up her face every time I walked into the gym.
“You two shared some amazing times.” I managed a tight smile as I balled up the sheets in my fist.
She was in no condition for me to even kiss her again, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to. I had to get out of here before I did something stupid.
I hoped would could enjoy melting against each other and more, later…like maybe the rest of our lives.
“We did,” she whispered as she turned to the photo once more.
I darted out of the room and tossed the sheets down the hall before grabbing a set of clean ones from the linen closet. While she unpacked her suitcase, I quickly made the bed.
“Do you need something stronger for your head?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“Okay. Get some rest,” I instructed from the doorway. “I’ll wake you when dinner is ready.”
“You don’t need to do that. I can help cook.”
“Not today. We’ll see how you feel tomorrow.”
She nibbled on her bottom lip, looking as if she wanted to say something more. Instead, she simply nodded. “Thank you.”
You won’t be thanking me later, sweetheart.
Chapter Five
Ryder
Katiana and I spent the next three days dancing around each other, trying to ignore the sexual tension swirling in the air. It didn’t take long for her to realize I was tossing her the same sort of heated stares and uttering innuendos like she’d sent me years ago. Yesterday morning, she started zinging them back. The carnal tension was choking now. Anticipation filled the air and made it heavy, like a living, breathing premonition of some life-altering event was on the horizon. Or maybe that was simply my own wishful thinking.
In order to cope with the sexual tension and my perpetual hard-on, I spent time outside cutting wood, and braving the blizzard that refused to end. I tried jacking off in the shower regularly, but it was hopeless. The minute I saw or smelled Katiana, I was hard enough to chop wood without an ax, like now. I’d just come back from retrieving her cell phone, and was sporting another relentless erection.
Peering over the top of the suspense novel I’d plucked off the shelf, I watched Katiana flutter from window to window, trying to find a cell signal. She’d always been a bit of a tomboy, but she moved with the grace and style of a ballerina.
With a scowl, she grabbed the blanket off the couch, wrapped it around her, and stepped onto the porch. I went back to reading. A few seconds later, she slammed the heavy door, shook the snow from the blanket, and rushed to the fireplace to warm up.
“Thank you for going to all the trouble of bringing me my phone, but there must not be a cell tower anywhere on the mountain.”
There was, but reception was always iffy, even without a blizzard.
“Sweetheart, there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for you.”
She bit her lip. “Do you really mean that?”
Marking the page I was reading, I closed the book and set it aside. “I do. Why? What’s going on in that beautiful mind?”
“I thought maybe we could talk.”
My gut clenched. I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid this much longer, but I’d hoped to have a few more days to steel myself. “Haven’t we been?”
“About surface stuff, like the weather, my stupid cell phone, and what wild animal we were going to cook for dinner, but…”
“What do you want to know?”
I didn’t miss the sudden shaking of her hands or the apprehension clouding her eyes. Finally, she licked her lips and drew in a deep breath. “You came up here the night Oscar died, didn’t you?”
That was my girl. No beating around the bush, but going straight for the jugular. I tamped down my rising angst and swallowed tightly. “You mean the night I killed him? Yes.”
“The commission and the police ruled it an accident. Papa told you that, right?”
“He did.” I nodded.
“Then why did you stay here?”
“To atone.”
“You didn’t need to. You signed your winnings over to Oscar’s wife and kids. They don’t blame you. They never did. You’re not responsible for—”
“Stop,” I barked. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right. I don’t. Look, I’m not trying to make you relive that horrible night, I’m simply trying to figure out why you faked your own death and have been hiding up here all these years. Why didn’t you…” Her chin quivered as she leveled me a heartbreaking stare. “Why didn’t you come back for me?”
I had a million excuses, but Katiana deserved the truth—the good, the bad, and the unforgivable.
“Because I had to protect you.”
“Protect me? From what?”
“Me!” Bolting from my chair, I scrubbed a hand through my hair and paced. “What I wanted to do to you was so dirty…so wrong—on every fucking level. I couldn’t handle it anymore. God, I wanted you. Ached for you. Craved you like air, like water. I fucking killed that cocksucker to protect you. But the things that twisted prick wanted to do to you were nothing compared to my fantasies.
“But I could feel myself beginning to cave. I wasn’t satisfied with imagining you
in my bed anymore. The temptation to unleash my lust on you was fucking relentless. But I couldn’t steal your sweet innocence like that. Couldn’t drag you into my twisted desires. I would have ruined you. Christ, you were like sunshine, so full of life, love, and laughter. You were so pure and open and honest. And your heart…it’s bigger than the whole damn universe. I couldn’t destroy everything that made you special. I was too bro—”
“Wait.” She held up her hand and scowled. “What are you saying?”
I met her searching stare. This was the moment of truth. I just had to find the courage to tell her the rest. “I fell in love with you, Katiana. I fucking fell in love with a child.”
Mouth agape, eyes wide, she sucked in a startled gasp and gripped the mantle. Then suddenly, she raced across the room, launched herself into my arms, and wrapped her legs around my hips. She clung to me as sobs tore from her throat.
I clutched her tightly and buried my face against her slender neck.
I’d confessed some of my ugly secrets, but there was more. I didn’t know if she’d ever forgive me when she heard the rest. Swallowing down my dread, I breathed in her sweet innocence, praying this wouldn’t be the last time she’d let me hold her.
“Shhh. Don’t cry. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.” I pressed a tender kiss to her warm flesh. “It’s okay.”
She eased back and wiped her eyes. “You said you killed to protect me. Were you talking about Oscar?”
“Yes.” I struggled to shove down the guilt sluicing through me.
“So it wasn’t an accident?”
“No.” I carried her across the room and settled in the recliner. Katiana straddled me, tucking her knees between the leather and the outside of my hips. “Do you remember when Oscar and I had the weigh-in before the fight? When we had to do all those promotional videos?”
“Yes. That’s when Papa introduced me to him.”
“Oscar demanded your dad introduce you,” I corrected, bite in my voice.