A pleasant smile spread over Darric’s face. “I know where we can go tonight, but it’ll involve some climbing.”
I rejected the idea at first, my nose wrinkling. “Only if you promise not to let me fall to my death.”
He squeezed my hand and pulled me deeper into the woods. “Only if you promise not to dig those damn nails into me again.”
Darric led the way to the layered crag. He tucked me to his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck. “This will be easier if you hold on to me.” He took a firm hold of the rock and lifted us up the cliff face, placing his hands in near invisible ledges I never would have found on my own.
We passed the tree canopy and ascended high into the mountains, leaving the darkened colors of wisteria stretched far below us. The cat comfortably perched on the lower levels of rock and closed her amber eyes, allowing Darric to take me away from her.
He held on to my lower back to ease me onto a flat mossy stone platform. Soft, spongy lichen squished under my fingers, and the scent of nearby flowers drifted on the air. He tugged us to the center of the ledge and spread his cloak over the moss before lying down upon it and patting the fabric beside him. I crawled onto the wool and leaned back, losing myself in the awe-inspiring dome of solstice sky. With no mountains or trees to obstruct the view, I became mesmerized by the beauty.
Darric tucked his arm behind his head. “This is the best view anywhere in the valley.”
“Incredible,” I muttered, focusing on a cluster of stars twinkling more vividly than the others. “Do you do this every night?”
“Not every night. Usually only when I need a place to think without disruption.”
“Darric Ursygh’s meditation precipice,” I mused. “I think you’ve been up here a lot recently.”
“Recently complications have been more present in my life,” he admitted.
A fidgety exhale left my chest. I had the feeling this ledge was another of the hiding places he concealed from his brothers.
“It looks like Fae dust,” I observed, gazing into the endless cosmos.
“I never thought of it that way.” The side of his mouth twitched into a reluctant smile. “In Vegathyad, you can’t see the sky. The country is cloaked by the volcanic clouds, so most Podarians have never seen the stars. I remember crossing the border the first night I set foot in Brisleia. The haze vanished in an instant. It was . . . overwhelming, and the first time I experienced the drastic seamed change from one country to another. It made me feel a little . . . less dead.”
I stayed quiet a moment, formulating a response. “You really don’t know your nationality? Where you’re from or your birthday?”
He shook his head. “I know I wasn’t born in Vegathyad, though my family lived there for a time. I guess I could be Podarian. I know I’m not Brisleian, and obviously my lack of an accent eliminates Duval.”
“Do you want to know?” I asked, astounded by his indifference.
“Of course,” he confessed. “But even when the Onyx Guard took me all over the world hunting the Fae, I never found another family with the name Ursygh. My parents said if anything ever happened to them, it would be critical I seek a man named Roweley. He seemed to be some sort of elusive relative who opposed us traveling, but I never found him either. It was defeating, though my parents probably didn’t expect to die when I was too young to understand their instructions.
“There are many gaps in my memory from those days. The images are dim, seen through innocent eyes. I was too young to realize any of it was important. My birthday. My nationality. All mysteries I’ve never been able to solve.”
My heart ached. I inched closer and pressed my body into his side to lay my head on his shoulder. He inhaled a sharp breath.
“Do you miss them?”
“They are difficult to remember.” His eyes darted from the sky to my small frame curled beside him. “Do you miss your family?”
I placed my palm on his chest. His heartbeat knocked in fast jerks against my fingertips. “I miss my brother more than anything.” I buried my face in his shoulder and rubbed my nose over his shirt. The intoxicating smell coming off his clothes made my head spin. “He was my best friend, and he is never going to forgive me for running away.”
The tension coursing through Darric’s body lessened until he felt pliable.
“Sometimes you remind me of him, but he never threatened to kill me or took joy in pretending to.”
He released a throaty chuckle, then pulled his arm from under his head and wrapped it around my back. “I don’t want to kill you. I never did. I wish I had been able to. It would have made everything so much simpler.”
I smiled, looking up at his face. “You’re not used to physical comfort, are you?”
“No.” I barely heard his answer. “But I could get used to it.” He tucked me tighter into his side, and the underside of his chin brushed my hair.
“Darric?” I held the words on my tongue, unsure if I should pose the question.
He twisted his fingers into my dress and pulled me further into his embrace. “It’s okay. You can ask.”
“What happened . . . to them?”
“They were killed by Caldera soldiers. I remember I was sitting on the floor in the hallway of our manor, listening to my mother sing a lullaby to my sister, the night they broke down the front door. We had a small collection of guards who serviced us, and my father was a talented swordsman, but it didn’t matter. They ambushed us while our guard was down. My mother was hysterical, and I witnessed most of my father’s death. I saw his hands and feet bound. The struggle. The gutting they performed to pacify him. Podarians have an uncanny ability to be savage.”
I swallow thickly, ashamed I’d made him relive the memory, and fumbled with a handful of his shirt.
“The corruption taking place in Podar back then was inconceivable,” he continued. “It wasn’t enough to take my father’s life. They had come for my entire family. My mother used the distraction of our failing guards fighting off the soldiers to flee with my sister and me, but the soldiers set fire to the manor and chased us down. She tried to run with both of us, but it was too much for her, and I couldn’t keep up. So she shoved me into a thorn bush for safety. The soldiers caught her and killed her in cold blood in the middle of the night. And then they killed my sister.” He looked down at me and squeezed my frozen side. “Are you okay?”
I shuddered. “I want to say I’m sorry, but it’s not enough.”
“It was a long time ago, but it’s still vivid. Nothing about that night fades. I doubt it ever will.” He sighed. “I dream of it often.”
I looked up from his shirt. The stars were reflected across his eyes. No matter how much comfort I offered, nothing was going to heal a wound this deep. “You had a sister?”
“She was an infant when she died. I don’t remember much about her. I have vague memories of an older brother as well, but he disappears around the time my sister was born.”
“And you were six?”
He nodded. “The soldiers searched for me and concluded I’d died in the fire. When they left to inspect the wreckage, I ran to my mother. She was still alive, but barely. That’s when she told me to find Roweley and that my future was with him, but she died before telling me where to go—or anything else for that matter. So I started walking, one foot in front of the other, until the sky opened and I saw the stars for the first time. It was easier to survive in Brisleia. I slept in trees and barns, living off what I found in the woods. Thieving isn’t difficult when you are small and nimble.”
My chest tightened as I realized the true depth of my naivety. “I always wanted to wander. To have the liberty of going anywhere I wanted, any moment I willed it. All this time, I’ve craved your freedom and the careless ease you possess, yet I had no idea it stemmed from something so execrable.”
“Detachment became a part of me because I didn’t want to rely on anything. I’ve tried to prevent growing attached to anyone, since most peop
le I’ve cared about have been ripped from me. ”
“What about Bromly and Flint? Aren’t they your family?”
“The Keenes gave me a home. I promised Bromly’s mother I wouldn’t leave her sons to fend for themselves. But soon, Bromly will marry Hazel Prague, and they will start a life together. He is an absolute fool for this girl, and they are going to have a quiver full of kids. Once a year they help us sell wears, so naturally I give them a percentage of our revenue. Bromly will be happy. It will be a fine life for him and a perfect location for him to settle. But once he stays in Burge permanently, I’m not sure where that will leave me.”
“You aren’t going to continue living at the Hovel?” A tiny hole bored into my heart at the thought—I didn’t want the valley to become a memory.
“I don’t want to profit by hunting mountain game forever, though it is tempting to stay here.”
“Would you consider moving to Burge? You are not short on talent. There must be plenty of opportunities for work in town.”
“There are, and perhaps I could. But having a history in the Onyx Guard makes it difficult to stay in one place. I’ve got the same target on my back as the Fae.”
“And Flint?”
“Flint is going to stay wherever Bromly resides. He’ll do well with roots.”
Tears welled in the corners of my eyes. “I feel like the most selfish person in existence. I’ve taken so much for granted. I never truly knew everything I had.”
“Don’t be so despondent, Aya. It won’t change anything that’s transpired. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be married off to someone I despised either. Come to think of it, if my parents were alive and things were the way they should have been, I probably would have fallen into an arranged marriage myself. So, in that regard, we aren’t different. I’d have run too.”
I sniffed. “Leaving my home was a spontaneous decision, not solely based upon marriage. I abruptly found myself in a world so unfamiliar that everything I knew was turned upside down. I had spent my entire life looking out over the mountains imagining how different my life would be if I left. I could see the world. Be someone else. But that was naive. The reality is so different.”
“Seeing the world changes you,” Darric said softly. “Experiencing different perspectives starts to alter the way you think. It breaks the foundation of ideals you’ve accepted. Sometimes not knowing is better. I can’t extirpate the corruption I’ve seen. Or the suffering I’ve caused. The lives I’ve taken. I have memories of pure evil and malevolence burned into my brain. Those images will never disappear or fade. I will carry my past with me forever, silently letting it rip me apart for the rest of my life, however long that may be.”
I drifted under the spell of his horrifying words. Darric had braved more suffering in one lifetime than any person should ever witness. He had a right to be bitter, yet somehow, beneath his callous attributes, a remaining faith in kindness endured.
“How do you even know how to form a smile?” My voice cracked as I swallowed tears.
“Well, you’ve helped.” He readjusted his back against the woolen fabric, and his thumb grazed my ribs, sending a spark down my leg. “Training a Fae is more enjoyable than kidnapping them,” he added with a smirk.
I released a heavy, disbelieving breath. How could he find humor in any of this? “Why aren’t you still in the Onyx Guard? You said you swore an oath of lifetime servitude.”
“I did, but when Bromly’s mother died, I lost my sanity for a while. She had taken me in when I had nothing, and after she died, I had nothing all over again. She was the final event that broke me. I didn’t return to Medial Alexandria with my brigades. I abandoned my horse, stripped off the uniform, and burned it. Nothing could force me to continue the spiral of death I’d created when I joined the Onyx Guard. I was filled to capacity with blood and carnage and sought to bring it to an end.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “But leaving it behind completely is impossible. No matter how hard I try to forget, the scar is permanent. No matter where I go or who I become, I’ll always have the Onyx Guard etched into my skin.”
Darric shifted onto his side and pried my grip away from his shirt. He took my hand and massaged his thumb into the new reddened callouses forming at the base of my fingers.
“The Onyx Guard makes it seem like a choice to join their ranks, but it’s not optional,” he said. “The Senate relies on Sights to find the Fae, so they make sure their soldiers understand the contract is irrevocable.”
Still holding me in his embrace, he untied the white linen bandage he kept wrapped around his arm and let the fabric fall from his skin. It landed on my chest, revealing a healed burn on the inside of his forearm under the curve of his elbow. The unmistakable crest of Medial Alexandria was seared into his flesh—the same circular geometric pattern of the four Mandalas merging together that decorated the hilt of Luken’s dagger.
I shuddered when I saw it.
“A burn lingers, aches, and pulses with each beat of the heart,” he began. “Your skin screams for relief that doesn’t come for weeks. That’s why the senators brand their soldiers. To remind them of their commitment to the Onyx Guard. To make the memory painful and the allegiance permanent.
“In addition, the location of a Medial brand means everything in reputation and pay. A mark on the back will label you a coward. It means you ran from the senators during your branding oath. Not everyone is so keen to give their entire life to forced servitude. Few soldiers who are marked on the back survive through their first months, if they make it past basic training at all. The chest or stomach means the senators had to restrain you. It signifies you couldn’t control yourself enough to endure the pain, but at least you aren’t classified a coward. I knew a lunatic who willingly took the branding to his face. He was the highest paid soldier in the entire regiment, save the Alpha.”
I wrapped my fingers around his forearm and brushed my thumb over the scar. The slightly raised flesh felt soft and smooth and was a distinctly different color from the rest of his skin. “And this?”
“Offered willingly. Pain endured without reaction. High pay and”—he gave a fiery smirk—“something of a reputation for audacity.”
“Darric . . .” I groaned, covering the emblem. I didn’t want to see it anymore. I had tried to convince myself his history in the Onyx Guard was a lie, but staring into the Medial brand forever burned into his skin pulled his dark history out of abstraction. He truly had kidnapped young Fae, murdered their families, and dragged children to the senators.
I found the fallen strip of linen and redressed the brand, concealing a piece of him that vitally needed to stay hidden. “You have more scars, don’t you?” I gripped his arm, touching the traces of his past carved into the lean muscle.
He nodded, his fingers trickling across my stomach.
“A lot?”
He nodded a second time. “There are consequences to wielding a sword. I hope you never find that out for yourself.”
I tried to push away, but he was reluctant to release me from the comforting embrace. I sat up, forcing him to drop his arms. I couldn’t hold back the sobbing another moment. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I hiccupped, and my chest bounced with each sniffle.
He eased up behind me and gently pulled my hair back from my face. “Why are you crying?”
“I can’t relate. I don’t know how to fathom any part of what you’ve been through,” I whimpered, hiding my face, but he absolutely refused to distance himself.
He lifted my chin so I had to meet his eyes and worked his fingers into the curls stuck to my neck.
“It’s June.” I gulped back a sob. “We’re leaving for Burge in a month. The Hovel, living here with the three of you, is the only other home I’ve ever known. ” I could see my reflection in his irises, the beautiful steel blue tinting the mirror image of me breaking.
“You’re coming with us.”
“I know.” I wiped away a tear. “So I can start a new life. It’s just,
I’m terrified to continue on my own after we reach Burge. I don’t want to fade into Medial Alexandria or face the Onyx Guard alone. Able to defend myself or not, I don’t think I can do it on my own. I don’t want any of this to come to an end and—”
“No,” he forcefully interrupted.
“No?”
“I couldn’t live with myself if I abandoned you in Burge. You’ll have a home with us anywhere we go. No matter what happens.”
“Why?” Confusion fueled another wave of silent tears. “I thought this training was so I could leave this valley. Aren’t you worried about me traveling with you? Staying with you? I’ll bring nothing but chaos.”
He chuckled, grazing his lips over my ear. “Aya, you already bring nothing but chaos. Eventually, I have to face the truth. I brought you here, and I can’t make you pay for something that’s entirely my doing.”
“But I thought—” I hiccupped. “I thought I just kept up with you unusually well and followed you against your will.”
He pressed his forehead to mine. “We both know that isn’t true.”
Relief crashed through my core at hearing him finally admit it. My heart swelled, and the rush of air leaving my lungs shook my ribcage. I wrapped my arms around him and fused myself to his hard chest, tucking my nose into the curve of his neck and purposefully flooding my throat with his heady scent.
“I promise I will never let Medial Alexandria or the Onyx Guard hurt you,” he murmured against my hair, kneading the strands between his fingers. “I’m not mediocre with a sword. I can handle them. I can’t handle losing you. I’ll give my life before they touch you. I’ll die protecting you. I swear it.”
“Why would you do that?” I sniffled, pulling back to see his face.
“Because you give me strength, Aya. A reason to be inspired—to believe there are still mysteries yet to be discovered. You let me know that Medial Alexandria and the Divine royals don’t have everything figured out. That beneath the genocide of the Fae and oppression from the Senate and the Kings, there is still beauty and grace left in the world.”
Dreams of the Fae: Transcendence Page 36