by Paige Toon
I see Kitty occasionally while Johnny is at work, although I’m yet to go out with her over an evening. She asks me to at our next lunch date.
‘It’s a film premiere,’ she tells me. ‘Should be really good fun. The after party is at Chateau Marmont.’ The notorious rock star hang-out.
‘When is it?’
‘Tomorrow night.’ Which is a Thursday. ‘Johnny could come too?’
‘I’ll ask him. Barney, stop wriggling.’
It’s a warm, sunny day, and we’re in a little café on Melrose Avenue – one of our haunts from the past. This time, though, I have two children, and Samuel is waiting outside the door. It still freaks me out to have a bodyguard. I accept that the added security is necessary when I have the kids with me, but sometimes I insist on going out alone if it’s just me. It’s a shame we can’t sit outside today, but if there’s one thing I hate more than the paps getting pictures of me, it’s the paps getting pictures of the kids.
Kitty bounces Phoenix on her lap and makes him giggle. I watch on, half with amusement and half with dread because he’s just had some milk and could throw up at any minute on her very beautiful and very pink Amber Sakai dress.
‘I’m full,’ Barney moans from beside me.
‘Two more mouthfuls,’ I insist.
‘But I’m full,’ he complains again, flopping back in his seat.
‘Fine.’ I give up. So much for being consistent. ‘Do you want me to take him?’ I ask Kitty, hopefully, nodding at Phoenix. Give me the baby before he barfs…
‘No, no, he’s fine!’ she says breezily. ‘So what do you think about the premiere?’
‘Can I have an ice-cream?’ Barney interjects.
‘I thought you were full,’ I say wryly.
‘I am, but I really, really want an ice-cream,’ he tells me seriously, his green eyes pleading with me.
I stare back at him, wavering. Kitty still can’t get over how much he looks like his dad.
‘Get him an ice-cream,’ she butts in good-naturedly.
‘Okay, but let me take Phoenix before he’s sick on you.’
She laughs, but all-too-willingly hands him over.
‘Can I?’ Barney interrupts.
‘Yes, okay,’ I say wearily.
‘Yay!’
‘But only if you promise to eat your dinner!’ I hastily add.
The baby hiccups, burps, and then vomits into the napkin I’m holding, ready and waiting. I really am too good at this.
Kitty grimaces.
‘Sorry,’ I apologise, then I smirk. ‘You know what? Yes, to the premiere.’
As much as I love my children, I could do with a night off.
Davey drives me to the film premiere on Hollywood Boulevard. I’m wearing a black Brochu Walker mini dress over black skinny jeans and ankle boots. I remember the first time I came to a premiere as Johnny’s PA, I got all dolled up, and ended up feeling like a bit of an idiot when Kitty turned up in jeans. Now, there’s every chance I’ll get recognised, but I’d still feel a bit silly going the whole hog with a long evening gown. Maybe if Johnny were with me I’d make a bit more of an effort, but he wasn’t interested in seeing the film or walking the red carpet. The movie is a romantic drama, which is totally not his scene, but he says he’ll come along later to the after party.
Davey’s voice sounds over the intercom. ‘Johnny asked me to tell you he put a little something in the minibar for you.’
‘Oh! Okay.’ I reach across and open the small fridge. I spy the champagne immediately: Perrier Jouët Rosé. Very expensive and very delicious. My heart sinks.
‘He told me to tell you not to worry,’ Davey adds in a kind voice. ‘He really was quite insistent that you go out and have a good time.’
Still, I hesitate. I would love a drink, but…
‘He’s a much stronger man these days, Mrs Jefferson.’
‘Did he tell you to say that, too?’ I ask wryly.
‘No. That came from me.’
‘And call me Meg, for crying out loud. How many times do I have to tell you?’
He laughs a deep laugh. ‘I haven’t heard a champagne cork popping.’
‘Oh, alright then, you bully,’ I joke.
I pull out the champagne and look down at the bottle with its pretty vintage flower climbing up the side. I suppose I’ve got to start trusting Johnny not to cave under pressure. I won’t drink too much. I unwrap the foil at the top, just as we arrive at Kitty’s house.
She comes out of the door – she’s obviously been waiting. She’s not working tonight. It’s Dex’s gig – the guy that she’s been having an in-work flirtation with. Nothing has happened between them – yet. Maybe tonight will be the night…
Kitty looks gorgeous in a floor-skimming, burnt-orange maxi dress. Her curly hair is down and falling well past her shoulders. I’m wearing my hair down, too, but I’ve tonged it to give it a tousled look. I’m wearing shimmering green eye-make-up and lip gloss.
‘Hi!’ she exclaims, climbing into the car and calling back her thanks to Davey. She spies the bottle. ‘I hope that’s not all for me.’
‘How about we share?’
‘Yay! I’m so pleased you’re drinking with me!’ she exclaims, clapping like an over-excited child.
I laugh and pop the cork, and she takes the two champagne glasses from between my knees and holds them out for me to pour in some of the fizzy pink bubbly.
‘Cheers!’ she says as Davey pulls smoothly away from the curb.
‘Cheers!’ We chink glasses and I take a sip. Yummy.
‘I love your dress,’ I say. ‘Making a bit more of an effort these days, hmm? Is that for the benefit of a certain someone?’
She laughs. ‘Might be. Trust me, I need all the help I can get.’ She takes a large gulp of her champagne.
‘I’m looking forward to meeting him,’ I say with delight.
Davey drives us right up to the red carpet. We climb out to the sound of deafening screams and the flashes of paparazzi cameras. This is the first premiere I’ve been to in years – since I was last in LA – and I still remember that buzz of excitement that comes from walking down the red carpet. The celebrities take their time, signing autographs and posing for pictures, but Kitty and I wander along towards the cinema entrance without pausing.
Then I hear my name being shouted. I look over my shoulder at the pool of photographers behind the ropes, and a few more of them call for ‘Meg’ to come and pose for a few pictures. Kitty smiles and guides me back towards them, standing on the side-lines while I pose for the cameras, feeling incredibly surreal about how I’m considered a somebody these days.
‘Meg Jefferson?’
I turn around to see a beautiful, blonde TV presenter with a microphone in her hand. A man holding a television camera stands to her right.
‘Hi.’ I try to appear relaxed.
‘No Johnny tonight?’ she asks with a friendly smile.
‘He’s coming along later,’ I tell her.
‘More of a party man, less of a film-goer?’ she teases.
‘Well, he’s not really into partying much these days, either,’ I reply with a wink. ‘At least, not like in the old days.’
‘Too busy being a husband and a father?’
I grin. ‘You could say that.’
‘Enjoy the film,’ she says amiably, turning away to grab the next celebrity on the red carpet.
I walk over to Kitty, trying not to look too much like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
She giggles. ‘You’re a celebrity now, get used to it.’
‘Never,’ I mutter under my breath.
The film is brilliant. Romantic and sexy with a dark, sinister side, and the edgy lead actor, Hugh Michael, is super-hot.
Davey collects us to drive us up the hill to Chateau Marmont.
‘Do you know if Johnny still intends to come?’ I ask him.
‘I believe so.’
He was still in the studio when I set off. Annie is looki
ng after the boys tonight. I send her a quick text to check that all is okay. She responds immediately to tell me that they’re fast asleep. Next, I text Johnny asking what time he’s planning to come. He doesn’t reply, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. Sometimes he doesn’t bother checking his phone for hours, and he certainly won’t if he’s having a late one at the studio.
I put my phone back into my bag and then Kitty and I pour ourselves another glass of Perrier Jouët.
Modelled loosely on a castle in the Loire Valley, Chateau Marmont is partly obscured by lush, green vegetation and is situated on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. Davey drops us out at the front and we head straight through the opulent interior to the garden, where champagne and cocktails are already flowing freely.
We nab a spot near the door where the canapés are emerging and giggle as we swipe a few, then we go and find ourselves somewhere to sit down.
‘Just like old times.’ I laugh as I chink Kitty’s glass of champagne and tuck into the few canapés I’ve collected on a paper napkin.
‘Well, whaddaya know, it’s Little Bo Peep.’
My stomach lurches at the sound of this voice and my eyes shoot upwards to take in Dana Reed, former Next Big Thing in Music and Johnny’s ex-girlfriend.
She’s wearing six-inch wedges, black hot pants and a see-through top. Her long, dark hair has been twisted into a messy topknot, her skin is as pale as ever, her eye make-up as dark and her lipstick as red. My instincts tell me that her appearance is not the only thing that has remained unchanged: she’s still a total bitch.
‘Wow, that’s so classy of you,’ she says sardonically, nodding down at the napkin of canapés in my hand. She’s still stick-thin, but her face looks more gaunt than it did a few years ago. Still taking drugs, at a guess. Rage rushes through me. I hate her. Hate, hate, hate her! ‘Meg Stiles,’ she says slowly. ‘I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.’
‘You mean Meg Jefferson.’ Kitty finds her voice before I find mine.
Dana laughs a horrid, tinkly laugh, but her gaze is trained on me. ‘Of course! I heard about your nuptials. Big congratulations. How’s it all going?’ Complete and utter sarcasm.
‘Very well, so kind of you to ask,’ I reply with no trace of a smile on my face.
‘Give it time,’ she warns with a devilish smile. ‘That bad boy won’t stay tamed for long.’
I literally want to kill her. It’s a serious effort to reign myself in.
‘Would you like a canapé?’ I ask sweetly, offering up my napkin. ‘You look like you’re about to collapse.’
Kitty sniggers beside me. Dana’s eyes narrow. ‘You might think you’ve won—’
‘It’s not a competition,’ I cut her off. ‘But you’ll always be a loser.’ Now fuck off and leave me in peace, you pathetic piece of shit.
I have no idea how I manage to stop this last sentence from coming out of my mouth.
Her expression wavers, but then she forces another laugh. ‘Give Johnny my love. I’m sure we’ll see each other around, now he’s back in LA.’
‘Oh, fuck off and leave me in peace, you pathetic piece of shit.’
Whoops. Couldn’t contain myself that time.
Kitty guffaws, Dana’s eyes widen with surprise, and I defiantly pop another canapé in my mouth, even though I’ve lost my appetite.
‘You heard the girl. Scat!’ Kitty says to Dana, then: ‘Hey, look, there’s Joseph Strike!’ She ignores a po-faced Dana, pointing straight past her to the tall, dark and utterly gorgeous film star that I once had a fling with.
Back then, Joseph proved to be a pretty good distraction from Johnny’s evil ex, and here he is rescuing me from my foe again – in a different way this time, obviously. ‘Let’s go and say hi.’
Before I can object, Kitty stands up and pulls me to my feet. I have a choice: stay here with Dana or follow her over to Joseph. I would prefer not to do either – Joseph is in my past, and I know Johnny would hate it if he saw me talking to him. But his druggy ex-girlfriend made my life miserable. And, right now, my priority is to get away from her.
‘He’s with Dex,’ Kitty says over her shoulder. No wonder she’s in such a hurry to go and talk to them.
I follow Kitty, but while doing so, dig into my bag and pull out my phone. I call Johnny.
‘Where the hell are you?’ I hiss into the receiver as his voicemail picks up. ‘Dana is here and I could really do with your support.’ To my dismay, I realise I’m fighting back tears. ‘I’m about to go and say hi to Joseph Strike, so get your arse here asap.’
I end the call, instantly despising myself for that pathetic attempt to make Johnny jealous. Dana makes me feel deeply insecure – she always has – but I should be over it by now, and I’m angry with myself that I’m not. I’ll call Johnny back in a minute, I decide, watching Kitty as she greets Dex and Joseph. He’s not answering his phone anyway – is he still in the studio? That’s weird: it’s so late.
‘Hey,’ I hear Joseph reply, shaking Kitty’s hand and flashing her an easy smile, ‘good to see you again.’
My heart is still racing with adrenalin after my encounter with Dana, but now it’s racing in a different way. I’m about to face Joseph again, and so much has changed since I last saw him. A memory of our last date comes back to me: him naked and making love to me in the bedroom of his small, messy student-like flat. Now he’s a full-on A-lister – Hollywood’s hottest.
He looks much how I remember him: tall with short, dark hair and brown eyes. He’s wearing a slim-fitting black suit with a white shirt covering up what I know is a perfect body.
This suddenly feels very wrong. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t want to be here. I want to be at home with Johnny, safe in his arms. Where is he? I want to turn and run, but then Joseph spots me and his eyes open wide and his face breaks into the biggest grin.
‘Meg!’ he exclaims, reaching past Kitty to grab my arm. ‘How the hell are you?’
He seems so pleased to see me that some of my bad feelings dispel.
I force a smile. ‘I’m good, thanks.’
He pulls me in for a quick hug, kissing my cheek. I register that his aftershave smells familiar. He stares down at me with dark-brown eyes. ‘I heard you got married! Congratulations, that’s so cool!’
I can’t help blushing. ‘Thanks,’ I reply, wishing I could chill-out.
‘Wow.’ He shakes his head. ‘And you have two kids, now?’
‘That’s right.’ Finally, my smile is genuine. ‘Barney and Phoenix. Barney has just turned four, and Phoenix turns one next month.’
‘You’ve just moved back to LA, yeah?’
‘Yes. Johnny needed to be here for work.’ I shrug, finally pulling myself together. ‘Am I right in thinking that you’re with someone now?’ I ask him.
‘Yeah.’ His eyes light up. ‘Alice. My girl.’
‘Have you been together long?’
‘I knew her years ago, well before…’ He looks around him. ‘You know.’ Well before he was famous, I’m assuming he means. ‘We’re engaged.’
‘Oh, that is so lovely, congratulations!’ I say in a high-pitched voice.
‘Is that Dana Reed over there?’ Joseph suddenly asks.
My lips turn down, but I don’t follow the line of his sight. ‘Afraid so.’
‘Last time I saw her she was lit up like a Christmas tree.’ He grins. ‘Do you remember?’
I can’t help but laugh. It was at the Halloween party and she went dressed as an angel. ‘How could I forget. And you were rocking your Karate Kid look.’
That was the night we slept together. Argh! I don’t want to think about that now! I take a small step backwards to include Kitty and Dex in our conversation. I haven’t even said hello to Dex, yet. I rectify that now.
‘I’m Meg, by the way.’ I smile at him.
‘Sorry, I should have made the introductions,’ Joe apologises. ‘Dex works at the studio.’ I know this, of course.
‘Nice to meet yo
u,’ I say, shaking his hand.
‘Great to meet you, too. Kitty’s always talking about you.’
‘Likewise,’ I reply with a raised eyebrow.
‘I might grab another glass of champagne,’ Kitty says smoothly. ‘You want one, Meg?’ She gives me a pointed look, warning me not to give away anything about her feelings for the office hottie.
‘Okay.’
‘You boys want anything?’
‘Sure,’ Dex says, affectionately touching her wrist. I can sense their chemistry from here.
‘Nah, I’m good,’ Joseph replies. ‘I’m going to shoot off in a bit.’
I’m disappointed to hear this. Talking to him again has reminded me how much I liked him in the first place – and he doesn’t seem to have changed much. It would be nice if we could be friends, but that will never happen if Johnny has anything to do with it. I don’t imagine Alice would be too thrilled by the idea, either.
‘Well, if I don’t see you again…’ I say regretfully.
‘We’ll bump into each other,’ he brushes me off, his dark eyes full of warmth. ‘LA is a small town.’
‘It’s good to see you, anyway,’ I say sincerely. ‘And I’m so happy to see you doing so well.’ I feel compelled to tell him this, just in case I don’t get another chance. ‘I always knew that you would.’
‘It’s good to see you too, Mystic Meg,’ he jokes.
I turn away before he can see me blushing. I love and fancy Johnny like mad, but Joseph Strike will always have something about him. Alice is a lucky girl, whoever she is.
Just as I think that thought, I see Johnny staring straight at me from across the terrace. And he does not look happy.
‘Johnny’s here,’ I say as an aside to Kitty.
‘I’ll get the drinks. See you in a bit,’ she replies.
He’s not smiling as we make our way through the crowd towards each other. I cover more ground, because he keeps getting stopped by people wanting to say hi. He greets them distractedly then continues on his way, his green eyes locked with mine.