As they turned into the snow-covered driveway, the car fishtailed. Leah sucked in a breath and held it until Kyle regained control. Then she blew out the air to release the pent-up anxiety she’d held since they’d started this journey. It had been a long day, but this delivery would soon begin.
“We’re here,” Kyle announced. “I’ll try to get as close to the door as possible, but the drifts by the house may make that difficult.”
“Thank you, Lord,” Leah whispered. He’d answered her prayers. Now she had one more. A safe delivery for the teen in the backseat.
Kyle hopped out of the car and opened the girl’s door. “I don’t want you to fall. We also need to take good care of that baby.” Then he wrapped an arm around the girl and supported her to the door. Over his shoulder, he called to Leah. “I’ll come back for you as soon as I get her inside so she can warm up.”
Leah wasn’t about to wait for him to return. That girl needed help, and she needed it now. Leah opened the car door and stepped one foot outside. Snow closed over her shoe and ankle and reached the hem of her dress. Thankful Kyle had his back turned, she lifted her skirt and apron slightly to keep them from dragging in the drifts. Then she stepped from one of Kyle’s footprints to the next to keep icy, white crystals from sliding into her shoes.
The snow that had already crusted on her shoe melted from her body heat and slid in freezing rivulets inside her shoe to puddle under the arch of her foot. Inside, her shoes squelched, while outside, they crunched. She squelched and crunched her way to the door, which had slammed shut behind Kyle.
She quickly grabbed the handle and made her way inside. She had a baby to deliver.
The teen stood in the hallway, her mouth set in mutinous lines. Leah puzzled over her attitude. It almost seemed she didn’t want their help. She certainly didn’t plan to have her baby alone. Did she?
“Let me take your cape and bonnet,” Leah said. If they didn’t hurry, the poor girl might deliver her baby standing here in the hallway.
The teen appeared reluctant to part with either, but Leah coaxed them from her. Under her black bonnet, the girl wore a kapp without strings. Either she worked in a shop where kapp strings might be hazardous, or she was signaling her rebellion from the Amish faith. Judging by the girl’s condition, Leah suspected her second guess was probably correct.
“Please don’t worry,” Leah said as she escorted the girl into an exam room. “We should have introduced ourselves sooner, but with the harrowing conditions out there on the road, things were a bit nerve-racking. I’m Leah Stoltzfus. I’m studying to be a midwife.”
The girl’s eyes rounded more in fear than surprise. Was she afraid of having an unskilled midwife attending her?
As if sensing that might be the case, Kyle introduced himself. “I’m Dr. Hess’s new assistant, Dr. Miller, and I’ve attended several of Leah’s deliveries. She’s quite competent. You have nothing to fear.” Then he turned to Leah. “I’ll get your bag out of the trunk.”
The girl doubled over again. Leah waited until the contraction had passed before asking, “What’s your name?”
The teen stood there stone-faced.
She didn’t want to give them her name? What was she running from? “We won’t hurt you. I promise. Or tell anyone you’ve been here if you don’t want us to.”
Still no answer.
“We’ll need a name for the birth certificate.”
The girl looked off into the distance. “I’m…Mary. Umm, Mary Esh.”
Leah had a sneaking suspicion that she hadn’t given her real name. Perhaps after the baby was born, they’d convince her to be honest.
“I’m going to wash up,” Leah told her.
“Hang on a minute.” Kyle lugged in her bag. “I need to get something from the storage closet. I’d like you to check it.” He returned in a few seconds. “See if these are all right.” He stood in the doorway with an arm full of rubber sheets.
Why wouldn’t they be all right? “They look fine to me.” She headed to the door.
As she passed, he leaned close to whisper, “I think she wants to escape.”
Leah nodded. That fit with the girl’s refusal to give her name. Where did she think she could go in this storm that would be better for a delivery than here?
Leah scrubbed up and put on latex gloves. Then she entered the room and, as Kyle had just done, guarded the door as he went to wash up.
Mary moved closer to the exit but then doubled over.
“Panting sometimes helps,” Leah suggested. She waited until the contraction had passed. “Now, let’s get you on the examining table so we can check how far along you are.”
While she’d been gone, Kyle had draped the rubber sheeting over the usual paper covering on the examining table and spread the other sheeting on the floor around the table.
But Mary balked at climbing onto the table.
“Would you prefer the floor?” Leah asked.
When Mary nodded, Leah assisted her to sit on the nearest sheet. Kyle returned to the room, allowing Leah to relax her vigil. Soon neither of them would need to block the door. By the time Leah convinced Mary to let her do an examination, the baby’s head had almost crowned.
They’d barely made it here in time. Leah whispered a prayer of thanks for God’s protection. If she and Kyle had passed by that spot in the woods a few minutes later, this child might have been born outside in the blizzard. Leah forced that dire thought from her mind and concentrated on the delivery.
“Could you give me the massage oil from the bag?” Leah asked Kyle.
Kyle rummaged through the bag to find it. “What for?” he asked.
“This is her first baby. If we’re patient, I can stretch her skin to avoid tearing.”
“That’s what episiotomies are for.”
Leah sighed. “Those are rarely necessary if we’re careful. Most doctors don’t want to take the time to do things the natural way.” She took the oil and applied it while Mary panted between contractions. When the next contraction began, she said, “Now push, Mary. The baby’s almost here.”
Her face red and eyes bulging, Mary shook her head. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” Leah encouraged. “Wait for the next contraction and bear down.”
Mary’s no turned into a whimper, then a howl. With gritted teeth, though, she cooperated with her body’s urges and pushed.
“Again,” Leah said. She murmured encouraging words until the baby’s head and shoulders appeared. “Now, one final push.” The baby slipped out into her hands.
“You have a lovely little girl,” Leah announced.
Kyle added his congratulations to the new mother.
With sweat rolling down her forehead, Mary collapsed back on the floor, shivering, and tears rolled down her cheeks. While Kyle covered her with several blankets, he kept a close eye on the baby and Leah’s procedures. Then he took the baby from her.
Seeing him with a baby in his arms did strange things to Leah’s insides. Then her spirits plunged. She’d never have a child of her own. Any fantasies of Kyle with a child made her heart ache. She shook herself. If he had children, it would be with someone else, not her. She had no business entertaining thoughts like that. None at all.
First of all, he was Englisch. Besides, she made her choice to remain single and be a midwife. She’d get to hold babies, rock them, feed them sometimes. What difference did it make if they weren’t hers? She could love them the same as if they were.
Once Mary had stopped shivering, Leah helped her into the house to get cleaned up. When they returned, she seemed more docile, relieved almost. Perhaps her earlier desire to flee had been connected to the pain of childbirth. Maybe she’d been confused and upset when her labor started.
While they were gone, Kyle had fixed the small table with low sides they used for examining babies into a makeshift bassinet, and he’d dressed the baby in an adult-sized T-shirt and tucked a small knitted blanket around her.
At he
r raised eyebrows, he defended himself. “The doctor has formula samples and disposable diapers in case of accidents, but they don’t keep baby clothing here. This was the softest thing I could think of to cover her.” He lifted the blanket so she could see he’d knotted the shirt at the bottom to form a sleep sack. The extra-large neck and one sleeve had also been knotted to keep the soft cotton close to the baby’s chin.
Leah hadn’t thought about clothes. They’d only wrapped the newborn in a blanket at first. “That was a good idea.”
Kyle had his knuckle in the baby’s mouth, and she was sucking hard. “This little one is ready to eat,” he said to Mary.
She backed away, her hands crossed in front of her, a look of horror on her face.
Leah had hoped she’d been coming to accept her role as the baby’s mother, but maybe her youth and inexperience caused her to feel inadequate. “I’ve helped plenty of first-time mothers,” she assured her.
Mary shook her head and refused to look at the baby.
Kyle sighed and turned to Leah. “When I got the diapers from the supply room, I noticed a few new-mother kits on the shelf. From the advertising photo on their covers, they seem to include a bottle, a pacifier, a box of baby cereal, and a few other infant supplies inside.”
“I’ll go see.” If they didn’t have a bottle, she’d have to find a way to make do. During an emergency when she was young, she’d helped her neighbors feed baby goats by poking a hole in a latex glove. They had plenty of gloves here, but it seemed a shame to feed a newborn human that way.
To her relief, the kits contained bottles. She felt guilty raiding them and taking the supplies the doctor kept for needy patients. They had to care for this infant, though, if the mother refused.
How could any mother reject her sweet newborn? Leah’s eyes filled with tears as she reached for a sample can of formula. Why, God? Why can’t I have children, but this young girl turns her back on her child?
She leaned her head against the shelf edge and tried to compose herself. The baby’s wail in the background urged her to hurry back, but Leah needed a few moments alone to deal with her grief.
“Leah?”
Kyle’s voice behind her made her jump. She hadn’t heard him come into the room. Perhaps because she’d been so lost in her own world, so full of self-pity.
“Are you all right?” His gentle tone opened the floodgates.
Leah tried to bite back her sobs. “It feels so unfair. I wanted children more than anything in the world. Yet Mary has an adorable baby and turns her back on her newborn.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ignoring all his internal warnings and clamoring alarm bells, Kyle reached for Leah and drew her into his arms. She needed comfort, and he couldn’t walk away, leaving her alone at a time like this. “I’m so sorry. If anyone deserves to have children, it’s you.” She’d be a wonderful mother.
She leaned her head against his chest, and he feared she’d detect the rapid hammering of his heart. He cradled her face, wishing for a way to ease her heartache.
The door to the room banged open, and they jumped apart. Pale and wan, Mary leaned against the doorjamb. “The baby’s screaming,” she said as if caring for the infant was their responsibility.
“You could feed her,” Kyle pointed out, trying not to let exasperation creep into his tone. He shouldn’t be taking his annoyance out on her because she’d interrupted his time with Leah. He should be berating himself for holding Leah in the first place.
A series of expressions crossed Mary’s face. Uncertainty, fear, and then defiance. Right before she turned away, Kyle glimpsed grief in her eyes.
Leah grabbed one of the bottles. “I’ll go sterilize this. Be right back.”
Kyle clenched his fists to keep from reaching out to wipe the traces of tears from Leah’s cheeks. Those moments he’d held her in his arms had erased years of loneliness. If only he could ease some of her sorrow the way she’d alleviated his.
After grabbing a small stack of diapers, Kyle closed the storeroom door and locked it. He offered Mary an arm in case she needed support and escorted her back to the room, but now that the baby had arrived, she didn’t seem ready to flee. Perhaps she was too drained after the delivery, but the fight seemed to have gone out of her.
She sank onto a chair and winced. Wriggling around, she made herself more comfortable. He needed to get her upstairs and into bed. First, though, the baby needed to be changed and fed. He put the diapers near the makeshift bassinet and changing table, then turned to find Mary staring off into the distance.
“Look over here,” Kyle said in the authoritarian tone he sometimes needed to use as a doctor. “You need to learn how to hold your baby properly.”
Mary’s eyes widened, and she shook her head.
“Now.” His command left no room for argument. If she was afraid, knowing some basics would help her overcome some of her fears. “This is important.”
As soon as he had her attention, he changed his voice to soothing as he described the baby’s soft spot and the importance of supporting a newborn’s neck. Then he lifted the baby to demonstrate, but when he walked over and tried to place her daughter in her arms, Mary fixed her eyes on the floor and shrank back.
Leah entered with the bottle, and after one look at Mary, she said in an upbeat voice, “Let’s feed this beautiful little girl.”
She must have dried her tears while she prepared the bottle. Maybe she’d also prayed, because her face was serene. He admired her inner strength and courage.
Despite her own heartbreak, she reached out to Mary, trying to encourage the young mother to participate in the process. With a blank face, Mary barely registered Leah’s gentle explanations about feeding and burping, and whenever Leah attempted to hand over the baby, Mary balked.
It seemed Mary was doing everything possible to avoid bonding with her baby. That didn’t bode well for the child’s future. He hoped she had caring relatives who would step in to care for the little girl.
Once the baby had been fed and diapered, Kyle suggested an early bedtime. Most new mothers barely got out of bed the first few days, but Mary hadn’t had stitches. And some of the teen mothers he’d seen at various hospitals seemed to bounce back pretty quickly. She had to be exhausted, though.
“Let’s get Mary up to bed and make sure all three of you settle in for the night. Then I’ll sleep down here in the office.” To forestall Leah’s protest, he pointed out, “I can’t very well sleep upstairs. What would Esther think?”
Kyle had no idea how he’d explain these arrangements to Esther and Martin when they returned, but at least he and Leah could say they’d kept their agreement. And now they had two chaperones.
Upstairs, they made a makeshift bassinet from one of Kyle’s dresser drawers and layers of blankets. Kyle carried it into the room where Mary would sleep and set it on the hope chest at the foot of the bed. “If you get tired of caring for her in the night and need a break, just call me. I can take her downstairs and use the makeshift bassinet.”
“I’ll be right next door,” Leah assured her. “I’m happy to help with anything. I can run downstairs to heat her bottles.”
After they left Mary’s room, Kyle whispered, “I’m concerned because she seems to have no interest in caring for her daughter.”
“I noticed that. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of the baby if she doesn’t.” She flashed him a tired smile. “Thank you for everything today.”
Kyle held up a hand to stop her. “You’re the one who was a hero today. You brought two babies into the world and saved both of their lives.” He swallowed hard. “You’re an amazing woman.”
Leah ducked her head, but the pink suffusing her cheeks revealed she appreciated the compliment.
“Do you need anything else before I go?”
She glanced up at him with shining eyes. “I think we’ll be all right.”
“I’d better go downstairs,” he said abruptly, fighting the urge to take her into his
arms. If he didn’t leave now, he’d forget Esther’s rules entirely.
* * *
The next few days flew by in a blur. Outside the snow piled up, trapping them inside. Leah called Joel to let him know she’d be staying with a new mother for a while and would call him when she was ready to go home. Her brother didn’t subject her to the inquisition her parents would have. She also explained about Matthew having her phone so they wouldn’t try to call her.
Mary stayed in bed and refused to hold or help with the baby. Leah took the night shift, and Kyle cared for the newborn during the day. But with Leah making meals and cleaning during the day, and Kyle making dinner in the evenings and sleeping restlessly on the sofa, they sleepwalked past each other and shared weary smiles.
The snowplows came through late Thursday night, scraping the roads clear. When Friday dawned sunny, Kyle knocked at the door to the house. Despite being drained, seeing him sent her pulse pitter-pattering.
“Would you be able to watch the baby for a few hours this morning?” he asked. “That way I can go to the store for groceries and baby supplies. I want to replace everything we used and get a few things for the baby to wear.”
Leah had been counting on a morning nap, but they’d run low on everything. “That’s fine. I’ll work on cleaning the house before the Hesses get back. Tomorrow, right?”
Kyle nodded.
“I don’t know what to do about Mary,” Leah said. “She refuses to name the baby. Now that the snow is cleared, I’ll need to mail the birth certificate forms.”
“I’ll see if I can get her to cooperate.” Kyle had observed her closely for postpartum depression, but other than avoiding the baby, she showed no signs of the baby blues. “With Esther and Martin returning, we need to take her home today.”
“If you can get Mary to tell you where she lives. I haven’t gotten that information from her.” Leah rubbed her eyes, which were gritty from lack of sleep. Kyle tried to speak with Mary before he left, but he got no further with her than Leah had.
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