Kyle tried to discourage her. “If you name the baby, you’ll get too attached to her.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“It’ll make it much harder to give her up when the real mother is found.”
“She doesn’t want to be found. She asked that we not search for her.”
“She’s only a teen. One who’s been through a scary emotional experience. She most likely was confused and not thinking clearly.”
Leah smoothed the note that lay on her lap. “She doesn’t sound at all confused here.”
Kyle didn’t argue. He pulled into the parking lot and helped Leah unload.
Joel’s eyes widened as they walked through the door. “A baby?”
Leah smiled her heart-stopping smile as she looked down at the little one in her arms. The picture so mesmerized Kyle that Leah’s explanation to Joel didn’t register. In that moment, he made a vow. Whatever it took, he’d make sure she could keep that baby permanently.
* * *
After they got over their initial shock, her parents went out of their way to care for the little girl Leah named Ruby. Having a baby in the house was good for the whole family. Mamm had more good days than she’d had in a long time, so she was able to spend some time caring for Ruby. Even Joel begged to have Ruby in the store from time to time. He claimed she was good for business.
Esther had given Leah several weeks off to care for the baby, so she spent her days and nights feeding, changing, and cuddling Ruby. She loved her baby time, but she missed Kyle. She daydreamed of their meal in Esther’s kitchen, working together in the office, driving together to the doctor, and caring for the baby, so she was overjoyed when he stopped by one evening after work. Until she discovered the reason for his visit.
“I’ve found some clues to Mary’s whereabouts, I think.”
Leah’s heart sank. She assumed they’d settled this. Why had he continued searching?
“Grace Fisher and her husband took in a pregnant niece about six months ago. I understand they’re rather reclusive. Often don’t go to church and pretty much kept the girl hidden. A neighbor mentioned he’d seen a young teen living with them. He’s Amish, so I couldn’t really question him about her pregnancy.”
Leah clamped her teeth on her bottom lip to hold back a cry. Maybe the neighbor had made a mistake. The timing and a visiting teen matched, but those could be coincidences. Grace had been in their buddy bunch, but after she married a much older man, she stopped attending events and even church.
“I’m going out to visit them tomorrow. Do you want to come along?”
She’d love to spend the day with him. “What about Ruby?” At his puzzled look, she explained, “I named the baby.”
“I see.” He tapped a knuckle against his lip and appeared deep in thought. “I’d love to have her along, but if Mary is there…”
Ach, that would never do. She might snatch the baby away. By now she’d have had time to think it over and regret her decision.
“I can watch Ruby if you won’t be gone long,” Joel volunteered.
“Maybe an hour or so,” Kyle told him.
“No problem,” her brother answered.
Maybe not for him, but it definitely was for Leah.
The next morning Leah’s heart skipped a beat when Kyle entered the store. She restrained herself from running over and forced herself to bend and check on Ruby.
Kyle came over and knelt beside her. So much for calming herself.
He reached out and placed a hand on Ruby’s head. “Looks like she’s grown already. I hope you’ll bring her to the office for her well-baby checkups.”
“I wouldn’t take her anywhere else.”
Kyle’s face lit up. “Good. Wish I could hold her, but we should leave now while she’s peaceful.”
He stood and offered Leah a hand. After he helped her to her feet, he didn’t let go. “It’s slippery in some spots.”
That sounded like a lame excuse, especially as Joel had scraped the sidewalks clean that morning and sprinkled salt for extra safety. But Leah didn’t care.
Once he started driving, though, knots formed in her stomach and pulled taut. The closer they got, the more her insides hurt. She couldn’t lose Ruby. She just couldn’t.
Kyle took her hand again as they walked up to the unkempt house. This time drifted snow covered the walkway, and ice patches dotted the porch. He knocked, and Leah prayed they wouldn’t come face-to-face with Mary.
The door opened only crack. A woman’s eye peered out at them. “Yes?”
“Grace?” Kyle asked. “May we come in? It’s cold out here. We won’t take much of your time.”
“I don’t think—”
“Who’s there, Grace?” a man barked from the other room.
Before Grace could answer, Leah said, “I’m from Stoltzfus Natural Products.” If she claimed to be a buddy bunch friend, she suspected her husband wouldn’t let them in.
“You must want a lot of jams to come out in weather like this.” He snickered.
Leah glanced at Kyle. She hadn’t brought any money with her. When Kyle nodded, she called out that they intended to purchase as much as they could afford.
Grace led them to the kitchen, where Kyle bought a dozen jars of jam.
“You’ll need to pay my husband,” she said, and swept a hand toward the living room.
A small girl toddled into the room and clutched Grace’s skirt. Her older brother peered out from behind the pantry door.
A frown creasing his brow, Kyle returned to the kitchen. He accepted his bag and then asked, “Did you have a teen girl staying with you recently?”
“Wh-who told you that?” She waved them toward the front door. “You’d better go.”
As they headed out the door, Grace caught Leah’s arm and whispered, “Could you ask Sharon to stop by? I think…”
“Grace,” her husband groused from the other room, “we can’t afford to heat the outside.”
“I’m sorry,” she called to him. Please, she mouthed to Leah.
“Of course,” Leah said.
When Sharon stopped by to tell her that Emily’s prognosis was good, Leah relayed Grace’s message.
Sharon looked troubled. “I hope it’s a false alarm. Poor Grace has enough troubles.”
Leah suspected one of them might be her husband, but she asked, “What do you mean?”
“They’re in bad financial straits, and her husband won’t let anyone know. He’s out of work, depressed, and refuses to see a doctor for his health issues. Grace supports her family by canning jams and jellies for farmers markets and local stores.”
“I see.” Leah already knew about the canning. Perhaps buying her jams had helped the family a little. Leah hoped so.
“It’s not easy for her now,” Sharon said, “with working full-time and caring for children.”
Was that a subtle hint Leah shouldn’t consider keeping Ruby if she also wanted to be a midwife?
* * *
Kyle went home thoughtful. He’d stayed at the store when he dropped Leah off, and enjoyed holding Ruby and giving her a bottle. And spending time with Leah was always a delight, but he needed to focus on getting information from Grace, something he couldn’t do with her husband around.
As they drove in earlier, he’d noticed cows in the barn. Someone needed to do the milking, and he bet that someone would be Grace. Her husband, weighing in at more than three hundred pounds and with his red, swollen ankles propped up on a cushioned stool, didn’t appear capable of handling many tasks.
After withdrawing several hundred dollars from the bank, he headed back out to her house in the late afternoon. Many farmers milked around then, and Grace would need to finish that chore before cooking dinner and putting the children to bed. He parked the car down the road from their farm and walked toward the barn, trying to stay out of view of the room her husband occupied. He doubted the man could move from room to room. Then he sat on a hay bale to wait.
; When Grace came to the barn with her two children dragging on her apron, Kyle stood and called her name softly, hoping he wouldn’t spook her.
With large, frightened eyes, she backed away. “Wh-what are you doing here?”
“I won’t hurt you. I only wanted to ask you a question. Can you give me the name and address of the teenage girl who just had the baby?”
“I can’t give you the address. They paid us money to care for her and keep it a secret, but if anyone finds out she had a baby, we’ll have to pay it back. She was supposed to drop the baby at one of the local hospitals. All the hospitals around here have a bassinet inside the door for mothers who can’t care for their babies.”
Kyle wanted to ask why Mary couldn’t take her baby home to her family, but it was none of his business. He was glad Mary chose a better future for her child by picking parents she thought would take good care of her baby. Perhaps she hadn’t been as indifferent as she’d seemed. You couldn’t ask for a better mother than Leah.
Kyle reached into his pocket. He’d guessed right about the bribe. He hadn’t thought the Amish would stoop to that. “Would this be enough to pay them back if you disclose where to find your niece?”
Her eyes widened. “More than enough.”
He pressed the roll of bills into her hands. “Keep the extra in a safe place.” He hoped she understood he meant to keep it out of her husband’s hands.
“I will. Danke.”
Kyle had one more concern. “Does your husband hurt you?”
“N-no. He’s a bit short-tempered, but he only yells when he’s upset.”
“He needs to see a doctor as soon as possible.” Kyle had seen several worrisome symptoms along with his weight, and he suspected depression might cause the anger.
“I’ll try, but I don’t know if he’ll listen to me.”
Kyle could only hope the man would listen to his wife. He left with uneasiness and the address of Miriam Ebersol.
Twenty minutes later, he pulled up to a house with a large garden, bordering a cornfield. To his surprise, Mary—or Miriam?—opened the door. Her eyes bugged out. She started to slam the door, but Kyle stuck his foot over the threshold to keep the door from closing.
“What do you want?” Her voice shook.
“All I want is—”
“Wait!” She reached toward a nearby set of hooks and pulled down a black cape. After she’d wrapped it around herself, she stepped outside and closed the door. “Mamm and Daed don’t know about the baby. You’re not going to tell them, are you?”
“I have no intention of telling anyone. But if your parents don’t know, who paid Grace?”
“You know about that? I can’t believe Grace told anyone. I had to promise not to tell anyone about the pregnancy and not to keep the baby. I couldn’t look at her. If I did…”
Kyle ached for her. All along they’d assumed she’d been stubborn and uncooperative. He would have been gentler with her if he’d known she was just trying to not form an attachment to the baby. “I’m sorry.”
Miriam drew circles with the toe of her shoe on the slushy porch. “I’m glad she’ll have a good home.” Then she looked up in alarm. “You are going to keep her, aren’t you?”
“That’s what I came for. Will you go to the courthouse to sign an official document giving the baby to Leah?”
“No.”
“She can’t adopt without the paperwork.”
The mutinous look she’d had the night of the delivery had returned. “I want my baby to have a mamm and a daed. I’ll sign if both of you adopt her.”
Kyle didn’t see any way to do that. He never wanted to be an absentee dad. As much as he wanted to spend his life with Leah, that was impossible. “Let me think about it.” He already knew he couldn’t do that to a child, but he needed to have his argument ready. Perhaps if he brought Leah along, Miriam would change her mind.
That night Kyle wrestled with his answer.
If Leah weren’t Amish, he’d marry her in a heartbeat. But after he’d seen how much her faith meant to her, he could never ask her to give up her beliefs, her family, her community. And he could never become Amish.
But if he refused Miriam’s request, what would happen to the baby? Ruby would be sent to child protective services and eventually be adopted. Adoptions often turned out well. His had. But what if Ruby’s didn’t? What if her adoptive parents didn’t love her the way Leah did?
And what about Leah? She’d lose the little girl she loved. How could he hurt Leah—and Ruby—that way? Leah was a wonderful mother. He’d searched for Miriam so Leah could adopt Ruby; he couldn’t back out now.
Was he being given another chance? A chance to take responsibility for a child’s life?
Except he didn’t deserve to parent a child. Not after what he’d done.
He fell to his knees beside the bed. Oh, God…forgive me. For everything…
All the pain of the past welled up—his anger at God, his failures, his shame, his guilt. He poured it all out to the God of the universe.
When he finished, a huge burden lifted from his heart. For the first time since his parents’ deaths, since Emma’s accident, he felt clean, whole…and forgiven. And in the early morning stillness, Kyle made one more request.
Please, God, show me what to do. Help me to make the right decision.
After having spent the night on his knees, he rose, his mind and spirit clean and clear. He’d not only gotten his life right with God, but he’d also made his decisions for the future.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Leah had just run down to the kitchen for Ruby’s bottle when Joel called from the shop to say she had a visitor. She hoped it might be Ada. She hadn’t had a chance to tell her friend the good news yet. She rushed out and stopped short.
Kyle! Why now? When I’m such a mess?
He smiled at her as if nothing were amiss. “I have a surprise for you. I hate to ask you to leave Ruby again, but I think it would be best to go without her.”
Once again, Joel came to her rescue. “Oh, good. Another chance to watch Ruby.”
“I’ll let Mamm know.” Leah rushed into the house to smooth back her hair, wash her face and hands, dab at several spots on her dress, and take off her soiled work apron to pin on a fresh one.
As she hurried back downstairs, she called to Mamm, “Dr. Miller needs to show me something.”
“He couldn’t do this when you’re back at the office?”
“It sounded urgent.” She stopped running right before she reached the store entrance. Taking a few deep breaths to compose herself, she grabbed her cloak, straightened her back, and walked out into the shop with dignity, hoping the effect wasn’t spoiled by bloodshot eyes, dark under-eye circles, or stains on her dress.
“You look great for a new mother.” The appreciation shining in Kyle’s eyes made it clear he meant the compliment.
“Danke.” Leah ducked her head so he wouldn’t see the heat flushing her cheeks. She could return the flattery but held her tongue to avoid gushing about his handsomeness.
While he drove, Kyle questioned her about how she was healing after her operation and asked how Ruby was doing. He also expressed worry over Leah’s lack of sleep. His attentiveness made her feel cared for, almost cherished. She had to keep reminding herself his interest stemmed from his medical concerns.
They pulled into the parking lot of a small pretzel shop, and Kyle turned to her. “Hungry?”
Leah struggled to remember when she’d last eaten. “For sure and certain.” Then she backtracked. “Never mind. I didn’t bring money.”
“This is my treat.”
He took her arm to support her over slushy puddles on the heavily salted sidewalk. “Miriam asked to meet us here, so we’ll act like regular customers.”
“Miriam?” Leah ran through everyone named Miriam from their church district but racked her brain for a reason they’d drive all the way out here to meet anyone.
“Ebersol,” Kyle said
as he opened the door and reached out to help her over the threshold.
Leah inhaled the warm, yeasty air fragrant with melting sugary icing. She searched the menu board. Oh good, they have my favorite. Cinnamon raisin. Leah noted many of the young bakers in the back room had no kapp strings. Rebellion or safety? Or perhaps both.
“May I help you?” one of the girls behind the counter asked.
Leah had been so busy staring at people in the back room twisting the pretzel dough she hadn’t realized it was their turn. With a smile, she turned to order, then clapped a hand to her mouth. What was Mary Esh doing here?
Kyle stood close beside her, and Leah turned to him in horror, only to find him smiling at Mary.
He knew! He set this up. Had he been grilling her about Ruby for Mary’s sake, because he planned to return the baby to her mother?
Heartsick, she whirled around. “You set this up after I told you—?” Brushing past him, she wove through the crowd and pushed through the door. She stood under the small awning, hyperventilating, tears frozen solid in her chest, too numb to cry.
“Leah, wait,” he said as he followed her outside. “You don’t understand.” Kyle set his hands on her shoulders.
Gulping in a breath, she twisted away. “I understand you had to follow your conscience, but Ruby belongs with me.”
* * *
Kyle pulled her into his arms, and she collapsed, boneless, against his chest. He’d been foolish to do this. He should have prepared her better for the shock.
“Leah,” he whispered against her hair, “I wrestled with this for hours last night. Ever since I learned I was adopted, a hole opened in my life. I strongly believed children shouldn’t ever be separated from their birth mothers. I never got to know mine.”
Indignant protests rumbled from Leah’s lips, but Kyle touched a finger to her mouth to halt the flow of words.
“I also wondered if adoptive parents could ever love a child the same way birth parents could, but after you delivered Ruby, I learned that some birth parents don’t want their children, and adoptive parents can love wholeheartedly.”
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