“There’s only one person wielding a paddle here. And that’s me, my little subbie sweetheart.”
“Oh, subbie sweetheart, I like that one.” She gave him a sassy grin.
He studied her for a long moment. “You need this, don’t you?”
She knew he wasn’t just talking about the spanking. He was talking about this dynamic between them. Him taking charge. They’d had sex maybe a handful of times since they’d escaped Vincento. And every time it had been very vanilla, with him handling her like glass. And perhaps they’d both needed that at the time. But now she needed something more. She needed her man back, her Dom. And perhaps this would give him back the sense of control he required.
“Yes, I do.”
“What’s your safeword, kitten,” he drawled.
“Red, Sir.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. Fuck. Had she said the wrong thing? Was she wrong? Was he not ready?
“Julian, are you all right?”
“Yeah, baby, I just . . . it sounded really good to hear you call me that. I promise I’m going to look after the trust you’ve given me. I’d never betray that.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” she replied.
He leaned in and kissed her lips gently. “Right, kitten, go get ready for bed. Do whatever you need to do then wait for me in the bedroom. I want you naked on the bed, on your knees with your chest against the mattress, and your arms straight out in front of you. Understand me?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“That’s my good girl.” He stared into her eyes. “I also want you to promise, if you feel a hint of panic or uncertainty or fear that you will immediately say your safeword.”
She nodded because she knew he needed to be certain she would do that.
“Words, kitten,” he warned.
“I will, Sir. I promise.”
“Good. Now, go. I’m going to check the door and windows.”
She sucked on her bottom lip as he helped her down, his large hands nearly circling her tiny waist.
Being held prisoner and terrorized was a great weight loss solution.
She winced. Even she knew that sounded terrible. And she’d happily gain all the weight back tomorrow if Julian would have been spared being held by Vincento.
But there was no going back and changing things. No making it so Cole never left them. So that they’d never put their trust in the wrong person. They could only move forward and make certain it never happened again.
Which is why they struggled with trusting others. Jardin was a good man. She’d met him several times. He was a lawyer. He was smart and kind and gorgeous. He had a crazy-ass family, his cousins were insane. But she wasn’t certain she could fully trust him.
So, she wasn’t quite sure how Joel’s plan would work. Without trusting Jardin how could he help them? She pushed those thoughts aside as she got ready for bed. She was blushing as she got into position, knowing what Julian would see as he walked in the door. But she wasn’t going to let that put her off. This is what she’d been waiting for.
She concentrated on taking long, slow breaths to keep herself calm as she waited. She heard a shuffling sound behind her then a sharp intake of breath.
“Damn, that’s a pretty sight, kitten.” Julian brushed his hand over her ass, and she shuddered.
Please touch me. Please.
“You have always had the most magnificent ass.”
Wasn’t much left of it now, she knew. But still she basked in his compliment.
“But it always looks best when its pink.” He ran a finger down the seam of her ass. “And plugged. I don’t have the necessary equipment for that, though. An oversight on my part that we’re going to have to remedy. Seems we’ll need to go do some toy shopping.”
Oh. Now that sounded like fun.
But . . . could they afford it? She wasn’t great with money, so she left that part up to Julian. But even she knew they had to be up shit creek without a paddle. Sure, Joel had been amazing and without him they’d have nowhere to live.
He wouldn’t let them pay rent or for the utilities, and, somehow, magically, food kept appearing in their refrigerator. She knew Julian didn’t like it much. That they were living on charity. It’s partly why she took the job at the restaurant. She’d told Joel she didn’t want to be paid, which wouldn’t have worked anyway since they were trying not to leave a paper trail of any sort. They didn’t know if Vincento was looking for them, but both Joel and Julian were being paranoid. She knew Joel had sent someone to try and find him and they’d failed. She didn’t like what that meant.
She swallowed, trying to push past the fear. He wasn’t in Haven and he couldn’t hurt them.
She wasn’t working often in the restaurant. She still tired easily, and she couldn’t stand for a long time on her leg. So where would the money for toys come from? They hadn’t accessed their bank accounts since they’d returned. Again, part of Julian’s paranoia. Not that there was much of anything in there anyway.
Relocating after Cole had pushed them away had been expensive, and they hadn’t had much to begin with.
How were they ever going to dig their way out of this hole? They’d been in bad spots before, but this felt like a weight she just couldn’t move from her chest. It was suffocating her.
“Kitten, you’re thinking too much.”
His words penetrated the dark fog but did nothing to lift her out of it. She needed to find another job, but how when she could barely manage the part-time one she already had? When she had no ID? When—
Smack!
The slap to her ass caught her completely by surprise and she took in a sharp gasp. “Ouch!”
“Oh, got your attention, did I?” Julian drawled in a dark voice.
Uh-oh. That did not sound like a happy Dom. That sounded like a Dom who was about to lay the law down on her ass. Which did not bode well for her ability to sit in the near future.
“Naughty kitten, letting your mind wander.” Slap! Slap!
Holy fuck. If she’d thought he might go easy on her since it had been a while, it seemed she was sadly mistaken.
“Your job, kitten, is to listen and to obey. Your mind was a hundred miles away when it should be on your Dom. On his orders.” Smack! Smack! “Focused on his pleasure.” Christ, when had his hand become so hard? It was like a paddle.
She wiggled her ass from side to side. Ouch. Fuck. Crap.
“Uh-uh, stay still and take your punishment like a good little subbie.”
“Hurts! Ouch! Noooo!” she yelled out as he moved his hand lower to her thighs.
He paused. She took a shuddering breath as her ass throbbed, the skin of her butt so hot and sore she was certain it had to be bright red by now.
“Do you need to use your safeword, kitten?”
Oh, that’s why he’d stopped. Because he was worried about her state of mind. But not once, even with that first surprisingly hard smack of his hand, had she thought about Vincento. This was Julian. Her Dom. Her husband. Her entire world.
“No, Sir.”
Even though it was kind of tempting to use it, because, fuck this felt like the worst spanking she’d ever had, logically, she knew it wasn’t. It had just been a long time since she’d been spanked.
She gasped as she felt a hand slip between her legs and cup her mound. She moaned. Her sex drive was starting to return. It had been absent for so long, due to both her physical and mental deterioration, not because she didn’t think Julian was sexy as hell.
But, right now, she was sopping wet and she knew he could feel that.
“If you’re a good girl and stay nice and still for the rest of your spanking, I’ll reward you by eating your pussy until you scream,” Julian promised her.
Oh, fuck. Oh, hell, yes.
“I will, Sir. I will.”
“Such an eager little kitten. Maybe we should get you an anal plug with a tail and a little kitty outfit. Yes, I think I’d like seeing you all dressed up.”
Oh, ye
ah. Her clit throbbed in reaction.
“Yeah, my kitten likes that idea. My kitten is such a good little girl. So pretty and loving. I know she’s been doing her best to keep us both together. She’s been pushing her own needs back in order to take care of me. But that’s going to stop now. I’m sorry I’ve been so blind. I’m not saying I’m going to be perfect from now on. I still have issues to work through. I feel so fucked up, I’m not even sure who I am anymore.”
“Oh, Julian.” She tried to turn, but he gently moved her back around then he sat and pulled her onto his lap, stomach down. He started smacking her ass again. Hard. Fast. The pain built and built.
“I’m not finished with you, kitten. And if you hug me right now, I’ll be doing what I just said I wouldn’t, letting you put my needs first. That ends now.”
But his needs were important.
“You’re important too, kitten. Your needs. Your desires. Your demons.”
Oh, fuck. Shit. The pain was almost too much. She needed it to stop. But as she thought that, endorphins started to flood her body, and she let go of the thoughts plaguing her. Her body felt weightless. She was aware of the tears dripping down her face. Part of the barrier she’d built to protect herself came down and she let go.
Just a little.
The sob sounded like it was coming from a distance. The sound of it almost muffled. Another one followed. And then she was crying in earnest.
“That’s it. That’s my good baby girl. Come on, let it out. I’m here. I’m here, kitten.”
She didn’t know how long she cried for, but when she came back around, she found Julian had moved them up the bed so he was lying on his back and she was curled up on his chest like a, well, a kitten.
He might have lost some weight while being held prisoner, but he’d spent a lot of time at the gym since, and he didn’t seem to have any problem eating as she did so he seemed even broader and more muscular than before.
“Way to ruin the mood, huh?” she attempted to joke.
His hand paused in the middle of running it down her back then he moved it lower and squeezed her ass.
“You didn’t ruin anything,” he growled. He rolled them over until they were both on their sides, facing each other. “You needed that.”
“Yeah,” she admitted. “I think I did.”
“You never said anything before now.”
She shrugged. “I guess I wasn’t really sure if-if it was a good thing to need, you know? BDSM kind of got us into trouble in the first place.”
“No, Vincento was the cause of all our problems,” he told her. “He just used the guise of being a Dominant to lure us into his trap.”
“Like an ugly, nasty spider.”
Physically, Vincento was gorgeous, but on the inside, he was pure poison.
“How do you feel?”
She thought about it. How did she feel? Drained. Tired. But also . . .
“Empty,” she told him.
He frowned.
“No, it’s a good thing. Really,” she reassured him. “I’ve felt like a ball of emotion. And I couldn’t let any of it out. I buried it deeply. But now, it’s like it was given an outlet. I feel unburdened.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling better, kitten.”
She knew everything wasn’t magically better. But already, she felt like they were growing closer. Maybe they didn’t even need Jardin or another Dom. If they kept talking to each other, healing each other . . . except she still worried about Julian. He took far too much on his shoulders. He could use someone to share the load.
“Talking about feeling better . . .” She ran her hand down his chest and over his tight stomach. He was wearing a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. She undid the button and zipper, pushing his pants down to reveal his semi-erect dick. She ran a finger up the length. He let out a low groan.
“We don’t have to, kitten,” he told her. “If you’re not feeling up to it.”
“You promised,” she reminded him. “You said that if I was a good girl and lay still for my spanking, you’d eat me out. But maybe I’d rather have my reward a different way.” She scooted down the bed to show him exactly what she meant. She took him into her mouth, running her tongue over the head. Then she took him to the back of her throat.
His groan was deeper this time. He tangled his fingers in her hair but didn’t try to guide her movements as she sucked him inside her then slid her mouth back up his thick length.
“Your mouth feels so damn good.”
She drew back and pushed gently at his chest until he lay on his back. Then she grabbed his pants, pulling them down his legs. He helped by whipping off his shirt. She attempted to move between his legs, but he grabbed hold of her hips.
“No, sit on my chest.”
She frowned at him.
“Facing away from me,” he added.
Oh. She blushed slightly. But she straddled his chest then leaned down to wrap her hand around the base of his cock. And licked her way down his shaft. She was all too aware of her ass and pussy being on complete display to him.
But, hey, it wasn’t the first time, right?
She sucked on him, played with him for long moments before he wrapped his arms around her thighs and dragged her pussy down to his mouth. At the first touch of his mouth against her clit, she nearly came. She let out a quiet whimper, pausing to take in the feel of his tongue stabbing at the tight bundle of nerves.
Then he let go of her. “You stop, I stop, kitten,” he warned.
Oh, fuck. Can’t have that.
It was kind of hard to concentrate, but she had plenty of motivation. He pressed his tongue deep inside her pussy just as she took his cock as far as she could. She knew he had to be close, could feel how tense he’d grown by the hard, sharp gasps of his breath. He pulled his mouth free.
“I’m gonna come, kitten. Make sure you get every drop.”
Oh, he didn’t need to tell her that. She loved the taste of him. Loved the feel of him in her mouth. Thoroughly enjoyed doing this to him.
He came with a yell, driving his hips up as she pumped at the base of his shaft and swallowed him down, delighting in the fact she’d given him pleasure. She continued to lick at him as he recovered.
“Enough, kitten. Enough.” He slapped her ass as she refused to let him go. Then he flipped her around and rolled her over onto her back then lay on his stomach between her legs.
“Hold your legs up, kitten.” He pushed them up and she grabbed hold of her thighs behind her knees, putting her pussy and ass totally on display, and he immediately parted her lower lips so he could resume eating her.
The man knew what he was doing.
He flicked at her clit slowly, then fast, driving her up then pulling back to thrust his tongue inside her passage. He moved a finger inside her with his tongue, drawing them in and out at the same time. Did he know what he was doing to her?
Then he drew his finger out and moved it lower, between her ass cheeks. He pressed the tip inside her. They didn’t have any lube to ease his way. Darn it.
But then her attention was taken back to her clit as he used his other hand to tease her. His tongue its assault in her passage. It was too much. So much.
Fuck! Fuck!
She screamed as she came, her hold on her legs slipping so they dropped to the mattress as wave after wave of release took hold of her. Julian pulled his tongue free, lapping gently at her pussy as though cleaning her up like the kitten he said she was.
Good. So good. Sleepiness overtook her and she yawned.
Then he moved off the bed and reaching down, picked her up. He drew the covers back as she leaned against him tiredly.
“In you go, baby. You need some sleep.”
“Will you sleep with me?” she asked.
“Of course.” He leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. “I’ll just go use the bathroom then I’ll be right back.”
“Promise?” She hated the needy note in her voice. The worry. But she couldn’t help
it. Every so often the worry that he would disappear hit her. That she’d be left on her own.
Crap. So maybe he wasn’t the only one having issues with letting the other one out of their sight.
Julian used the bathroom and then checked the guest house one last time. Yes, he knew he was slightly OCD about security. But Keira’s safety had become his focus. The thing that kept him going. Kept him functioning. It wasn’t really fair to her. But he knew she felt better when he was close by.
He climbed into bed and Keira immediately moved into his arms. He liked how demonstrative she was. She needed touch to be comforted, to feel happy and safe. It was partly due to the way she’d grown up, where any sort of touch had been rare, and partly just who she was. Vincento, the bastard, had picked up on that and had used it to punish her. So now he made certain she got as much skin-to-skin contact as she needed.
“How are you feeling, kitten?” he asked as she curled into him and he ran his hand up and down her back, petting her.
“Good. Tired. A little sore.” She drew back to glare up at him.
He just grinned. “You needed it.”
“Yeah. I did. I really did.” She licked her lips. “Do you think . . .”
“Do I think what?” He used a finger to raise her chin when she tried to glance down, away from him.
“Do you think we could do it more often? Now that we know I won’t freak out?”
“Actually, I was just going to talk to you about that. Thing is, as much as you needed it, I think I did as well. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I have a need to control things when it comes to you.”
“Yeah, I think you could say I noticed.” She winked at him to let him know she was teasing him.
“This was the most I’ve felt in command of myself, of anything since we . . . since we escaped Vincento.”
He hated saying his name. Almost as though he thought it might give him power over him once more. Ridiculous, but sometimes you couldn’t help the way you thought.
“That . . . that’s good, right?”
“I think so. In the past, I’ve only ever been dominant with you in the bedroom. But things have changed. The idea of you being in danger makes me feel ill. Do you think you could handle some rules outside of the bedroom?”
Cole's Mistake (Haven, Texas Book 8) Page 13